Annette

Annette, age 3

Bern, Switzerland (1980)

As a little kid, I was particularly fond of hats and dungarees. Though never a tomboy and a rather timid child, I nevertheless shunned the "girlie" stuff, and hated wearing dresses. In fact, I was often mistaken for a boy, and my feeling of self has always been one of a gay "in-between" in many ways.

I knew I was somehow different by the age of about 10, but I couldn't put my finger on it. But I found women more fascinating than men in every way.

At age 14, I became infatuated with Barbra Streisand, but still didn't understand that I was - and had in fact always been - a gay kid. That all came much much later, when I came out at age 23.

Looking back, I wonder how I could have missed all these signposts! Life would have been easier, had I understood and accepted my true identity earlier. Because I loved being that kid with the hat and the dungarees!

Once I got through the rough terrain of puberty, reconnecting to these early moments brought a lot of joy and self-realization.

And you can get to this point, too! And let me tell you: It does get better!

Tony

Tony, age 3

Milton Keynes, UK (1994)

I grew up for 9 years of my life with mainly just my mum. She was always there for me, and supported me through everything. Thinking back, we supported each other. She then met my step-dad, whom she is now married to, and he's also a big supportive character for me.

I remember being picked up from school, and my mum used to ask me "Is something wrong, spud? You can tell me anything you want. I will always love you." And I used to think, "Yes, there is."

But I never knew quite how to say it, even with knowing how supportive she would be of me. But she always knew, as mum's always know!

I remember wearing a thin sheet, and walking down our stairs pretending it was a dress. Funnily enough, the sheet had rainbow stripes.

Around 13, I remember feeling uncomfortable being in the boys' changing rooms at school. And I found myself looking at other guys.

It was hard and confusing as to why I was doing this. It used to make me angry, as I didn't have anyone to tell.

My best friend Hayley was the first I told, and she was so so supportive, and helped me a lot. I needed that, as I was bullied every day of my schooling period.

I eventually came out to my mum and step-dad around age 14, and I couldn't have asked for more support. I expected it from my mum, but wasn't sure about my step dad. They both love me, and that is all that matters.

I can't give advice to people who are gay who need to tell parents, as it depends on the parent. However, I do believe if you have a close friend, they are the easiest to tell. And doing that takes a HUGE weight off your shoulders, in order to help deal with it yourself.

My first famous crush had to be -- any man with his shirt off, I think!
My musings and other memoirs of a gay guy can be found here.

Sam

Sam, age 8

Laramie, WY (1963)

Here I am in my Cha Cha costume with my partner at a talent show. We won 1st Place! And this pose has seemed to follow me throughout my life in photos!

My mother started me in dance lessons, and I was the only boy in the class. I never thought anything about it, and I got along with all of the girls fabulously.

I knew around age 7 that I was different, and liked boys. Seeing them in the locker room after Phys Ed class confirmed it.

I enjoyed being in the swimming pool locker rooms, and watching all of the older boys and men change in and out of their swimsuits.



This photo still reminds me of how I was always posing crazy, wearing costumes, or dressing up for photos. I loved twirling around the living room in a long, ruffled hot-pink gown my mom had for dress up!

I enjoyed the "Mickey Mouse Club" on TV, and was attracted to muscle-bound, good looking boys and men of that era, like gladiators, Hercules, and Tarzan.

Later on in high school, I enjoyed the cute boys on "The Brady Bunch," "Flipper," "Batman," and "Leave It To Beaver."

To the young kids of today who are realizing they are 'different' or gay:
I say embrace it, and love yourself.

I was bullied in school since I wasn't a jock or didn't play sports. However, things turned out fine, and I'm living life as a happy gay adult. Actually, I think it's easier today to be a young gay person, as society is more aware and educated about what it is to be gay.

And as RuPaul puts it:
"If you can't love yourself, then how the hell you gonna love somebody else?
Can I get an AMEN?!"

Sam's first, famous-person same sex crush:

George Reeves (as TV's "Superman")
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Randino

Randino, age 5

Manila, Philippines (1970)

As you can see, I loved wearing all white. I still do. I look at this photo and see a very happy boy loving the camera. My mother wondered years later why it took me forever to get ready for school every morning. She used to say:

"You go to school to learn, not put on a fashion show!"

 

I got that joy of performing and being in the spotlight from my mother, who was an actress back in the Philippines. When I was 9-years old, I got up on stage at a festival my cousins were having in their town.

With gusto and full vigor, I did an acapella rendition of Marcie Blane's "Bobby's Girl".
My cousins were mortified as I belted out,
"I wannbe... Bobby's Girl. That's the most important thing to me!" I finished the song and bowed to a very confused audience.

High school was not as difficult, since I went to the Fashion Illustration & Design school in Manhattan. The kids in the arts tended to be a little more accepting with gay people. However, my home life wasn't as rosy.

I came out to my parents at 17, and in 1982, news of the AIDS epidemic was everywhere.
I was exiled to the basement, and only allowed to use the bathroom down there.

I had my own set of dishes and utensils, and couldn't even wash my clothes along with the rest of the family. I was basically an outcast in my own home, so I left at 19 and moved in with my 20-year old boyfriend.

It took years of therapy and soul searching, but my family and I are very close now. We all had to grow and accept each other for who we truly are. Now, we can fully love and care for one another.

My grandmother once said to me in 1983: "It doesn't matter that you have the heart of a woman, as long as you're happy and make something of yourself...

I mean, look at Boy George."

My advice to young kids who are having trouble with their family, is to give it time. Don't give up on each other. Learn from and teach one another, but always come from love and truth.

Randino's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Burt Ward (Robin on "Batman")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Joe

Joe, age 3

Kent, WA (1983)

I love that I had a fashion sense early on. I knew at this age that I would always looks good in red, and the matching rainbow boots were to die for. Also, check out that pose. I was hot and I knew it! The fabric was scraps left over from a dress that my mother had made herself, and I thought that it would be fun to imitate her and make a dress of my own.

I always knew that I was different, as I was more interested in playing with the girls in my neighborhood then the boys.

They were fascinated with football and playing army, and I wanted to play house, dress up, Barbie, and My Little Pony. And I had a whole herd of my own dolls.

I was also into shows like He-Man and She-Ra, the former because of the hot bod and the latter because she was a kick-ass type of gal.

I also loved Jem & The Holograms, Smurfs, Pound Puppies, and Rainbow Brite. Which I confess,
I still watch now in my 30's.

My parents were always good about letting me be me, and expressing myself the way I wanted to.

Some parents of friends, however, banned me from their house for playing with Barbies. 

Coming out was not difficult for me, and my relationship with my parents is wonderful. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I feel that I have been lucky, in that being gay has not been discouraged by those that I consider important in my life.

And I would like to say to all of the gay youth out there:
Being who you are is the greatest thing you can do.
Don’t let anyone discourage you.

Joe's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Joey McIntyre (New Kids on the Block)

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Mike

Mike, age 4

Brighton, IL (1987)

Here I am in the kitchen, helping my mother make a cake. From around this age, you would always find me wanting to help out in the kitchen, and using the microwave to cook something.

Growing up with a struggling single mother, I often helped around the house, and kept things nice & tidy!

I remember as a child that anything dirty gave me chills down my spine. While I did like to get a bit dirty myself, I just didn't like living in it.

I distinctly remember once when a toad hopped into our doorway, and I refused to pick it up and take it back outside.

My mother asked me "Are you scared of it? Don't be such a sissy.
Your little brother isn't scared to pick it up."

Now I can look back and laugh, and realize YES! I may have been a "sissy boy" but I sure knew I wasn't going to admit it then! Denying I was gay through my childhood took so much effort. Trying to hide how I felt from everyone was the hardest thing I had to do in life.

I am still overcoming some of the hateful remarks that I remember. Even now, someone could say to me, "Hey, what's up Gay Mike?" and I am able to see through it, and take it for what it is. So I just say "Hello" back to them, because I've lived through that most of my life.

It's a constant reminder of what I really am, want to be, and always have been.
I know that being gay isn't a choice, but being true to yourself is!

You can choose to deny the things you feel, and who you really are. But that doesn't change what you really feel! For me, being gay is who I am, and not just something I do. I was BORN THIS WAY!

Johnny

Johnny, age 3

Rockford, IL (1949)

That's me, wedged between my brother and my father at our favorite summer retreat: Clear Lake, Wisconsin. Even though I look reasonably happy, I probably wasn't, as I hated having my picture taken.

I can't remember a time when I didn't know I was somehow different than other boys.

The Christmas after this picture was taken, I was obsessed with getting a dollhouse from Santa. Amazingly, my parents got me one. That probably wasn't the first clue they had.

As I grew older, I began to pick up little hints and suggestions that the way I acted wasn't really acceptable.

I remember telling my mother about junior high crushes I had on other boys, until I figured out she didn't really want to hear it.

I had been having crushes on boys for a long time. I had a big crush on Bobby Driscoll, who played Jim Hawkins in the Disney version of "Treasure Island" - and I was only 4-years old. But my parents never said anything.

And they said nothing when I never once had a date in junior and senior high school. Or in college, for that matter. They never said anything when I never played baseball or didn't do other boyish things, preferring instead to read.

The problem, was there were no gay role models in our conservative town. There was no way for me to even put a label on the feelings I had. When my best friend and I fooled around at age 11, it didn't open a new world for me; it pushed me further back into the closet.

It took me a long time to accept myself for what I am, and I had to go through a lot of pain and sorrow to get there.

If I have any advice to give young gay kids, it is:
Don’t be afraid to be who you know you are. You can't live in denial all your life.

All the suffering I experienced did teach me a valuable lesson, however: that I'm not the only one who is suffering. I've been a Buddhist monk since 1993, and I now dedicate my life to helping others find true happiness. It's the least I can do.

Johnny's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Bobby Driscoll (in "Treasure Island")

Brandon DeWilde (in "Shane")
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Jose

Jose, age 3
Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic (1980)

"I feel like nothing else in the world would change me, even if I was born again"

This is a section in an autobiographic novel I'm writing. I don't know when I'm going to finish it, but if my mother was alive, I imagine she'd tell me:
"What are you waiting for? People would die to have that kind of creativity."

My mother died of cancer when I was 6-years old, and the way I remember her is like the rocket to my dreams.

She was a free spirited woman; always buying me aquarelles, crayons, puzzles, and creative stuff for her little Jochy, her loving nickname for me.

Since I was little, I felt a passion for colors. And as If I already knew their meaning for the gay community - I loved rainbows.


On TV, I adored Jem & The Holograms, Care Bears, My Little Pony, Sailor Moon, and Japanese anime'. I loved dancing to Sade, Madonna, and Cyndi Lauper in the rain, even if catching a cold got me in trouble with mom.

I remember taking down the kitchen curtains to use as a little skirt, to dance like the beautiful ballerina swirling on my grandma's music box. The compartment in the back was like a magic box of images and enchantments filling the air.

I loved playing with my cousins' Barbies, brushing their hair, and making dresses for them. That might sound like a cliché now, but that was part of my creative universe. Then on weekends, me and my cousins would turn grandma's little backyard into a battlefield for our toys.

That was me, an imaginative child that would make the world his playground, like writing tales in the sky. Those childhood dreams became a man's desire to build a better place, a world that gave the best from the inside to outside. I realize now this all became a passion for architecture, which is my major in college now.

Ultimately, discovering myself and learning to love the true me, is a journey that keeps inspiring transcendence in my heart. Living a life that is a lie only serves to wake you, or it breaks you.

Being human and a passenger for this short voyage called life is all that matters. So enjoy the view and paint the sky with more magic rainbows.

Carpe diem! And give yourself a big hug!

Jose's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Christopher Atkins (in "Blue Lagoon")

Greg

Greg, age 5

Paducah, Kentucky (1973)

My sister and I got into Grandma's hats, and of course, I picked the pink fluffy one. It WAS the most stylish. A year later, I sent my mother clamoring for the Valium when she asked who I wanted to be for Halloween in 1st grade.

I replied, "Batgirl." I was Batman. The next year I said, "Wonder Woman."
I was Spider-Man. The NEXT year I said, "Isis." I was Batman - again. Then in 4th grade, I said, "C-3PO"  and she breathed a sigh of relief. That is, until I put on the costume and said in a lisping English accent, "Oh, R2!" Amazingly, my mother never took up drinking...

I saw "Return from Witch Mountain" in 1978 and had my first crush on Ike Eisenmann, who played Tony.

Then I realized my friends were developing crushes on famous women or female classmates.

And I thought, "When does that happen to me?" I'm still waiting.

Everything was fine in my life, until late Middle School and High School. That's when the tormenting began, and I cringe to this day thinking about it all.

But as SOON as I was out of high school, things got much better.

Without the constant grip of fear, my grades shot up to honors level, and I grew much more confident in myself. It was a few more years before I finally came out, but when I did, I felt even better.

My advice to all going through it now is:

Find supportive friends. Be yourself. And LIVE your life to its fullest!
And rock your own pink, fluffy hats! _______________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Andrea

Andrea, age 10

Kitchener, Ontario, Canada (1996)

Growing up, I always felt a lot different than other girls. I dressed in what I wanted, which was by no means girly. When shopping for new clothes, I went straight to the boys section. My Mom or Dad never questioned me, they just let me wear what I wanted.

I loved jeans, sleeveless shirts, and hoodies. Dresses and pretty clothes had no room in my life, let alone my closet.

I tore apart bikes and tried to put them back together again, built forts, and played baseball and road hockey.

My first crush was on a girl I had never spoken to in my life. She lived in the same neighborhood as my grandparents, and I was attracted to her long wavy hair.

Every weekend we'd visit, I'd head right to the basketball courts. Not to play basketball, but to wait for that girl to come out of her house, just across the street.


I never questioned my feeling for girls, nor did I tell anyone. But I just did not think twice about them. I knew I liked girls, and that was it. It was who I was.

I got frustrated as a child being mistaken for a boy, or questioned about what I wore, or how I cut my hair. But, I lived for the moments when girls mistook me for a boy and told me I was cute, or had a crush on me.

I feel lucky that my mom and dad always let me wear what I wanted to wear, and be who I was. There were no questions asked. Because of this, I came out at an early age. I had enough support from my family to not hide who I was in school or with friends, and to be confident with my sexuality.

I hope all young children grow up being who they want to be, and that they can feel confident and secure about who they are. Because we are born this way!
And the only choice we make is to be true to ourselves - or to hide who we are.