February 23, 2011

Jon

Jon, age 10
Leawood, Kansas (1990)

I got my love of reading from my mother, pictured with me enjoying our mutual hobby. Here, I'm reading a Babysitter's Club book. Reading books "meant for girls" caused teasing by my sister and bullies at school, but I didn’t care.


I read all of those books, as well as Judy Blume's "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret." I found myself re-reading the sections in it where Margaret and her girl friends talked about their budding attractions to boys. In hind sight, I was drawn to those sections, because I was experiencing the same feelings as Margaret and her friends.

I knew what "gay" was by the time I was 11 or so, but since boys used it to insult one another, I refused to even consider that I might be that word.

I always felt different, because I hated sports and never understood why other boys were obsessed with them. My interests were indoor activities such as board games. I was fortunate that I was able to use this interest to socialize with other boys after school. 

My mother and I became close during my teenage years when my sister moved away for college, and it was just she and I at home. Regrettably, I never had the chance to come out to her. She passed away from cancer when I was 19. I spent the next year both grieving her loss and accepting that being gay was okay.

I often find myself imagining the conversation my mother and I never had, trying to imagine what her response would've been. My best guess is she would have had some sleepless nights thinking how this would affect my life, as well as hers. But, I am 100% sure that she would have loved and accepted me without hesitation! I can even envision her marching with PFLAG in a pride parade!

Today, I'm 31, happy, and have been with my partner for 7 years.
And I cannot imagine my life any other way!

Jon's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Burt Ward (Robin on "Batman")
Mark-Paul Gosselaar ("Saved By The Bell")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Morgan

Morgan, age 8
North Hollywood, California (1989)

This is me at the tender age of 8, with my brother on Halloween.

I was OBSESSED with Elvira (I still am), and wanted to be just like her.

My mother is an independent, thoughtful woman who always supported me in anything I wanted to do.

When we went trick or treating that night in 1989, she and I received the most intense looks.

One woman said to her, "I can't believe you let your son dress like that."

My Mom simply responded:
"My son will dress however he wants to dress!"

At the time I had no idea what I was doing wasn't "normal."

I was blessed with a amazing mother who reminded me that being "normal" was boring anyway. I was gay then, like I am now: I was born this way.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Emilio

Emilio, age 8
Dominican Republic, (1998)

This is me geared up in my "Little Mermaid" pool accessories, ready for the summer. My obsession with mermaids began way earlier, when I was about 3-years old. My mom and I watched "Splash," and after that, I was obsessed.

 When Disney released "The Little Mermaid,"
I met my first love - the handsome Prince Eric. To this day, he is still the only man I've ever loved.

It took me years to figure out why I loved mermaids, but hated Ariel so much.

Well, it was because she stole my man! :)


But I didn't realize what those feelings meant, because I didn’t know I was attracted to him. I didn't know I was gay until a bit later, at around age 13.
That's when I finally understood my feelings, and what it meant to be gay.

I always heard about the 'evil homosexuals' from my family, but I never associated that with people who loved others of their same sex. I just thought they were bad people whom I was supposed to stay away from.

I was always the odd kid in the back, who never played sports and never fit in.
I was never teased about being a little feminine though (which I was), but I was teased for being the shortest in my class. Which meant I didn't have a lot of friends or to want to be around my classmates.

I always loved drawing, and you'd usually find me under a table somewhere, drawing mermaids. But over time, mermaid tails became landscapes, and landscapes became buildings.

Today I cant help but smile when I look at that picture, as it reminds me that I've always been myself, and never wanted to hide it from anyone. Now, I'm close to graduating from architecture school, and I have a lot of great friends. And those friends came along right after I figured out who I was.

I'm very happy, though some things never change: I still draw the occasional mermaid, and still think that b*tch Ariel stole my man!

Emilio's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Prince Eric ("The Little Mermaid")
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Disney Little Mermaid Ariel Prince Eric, 4" Figure Doll Toy, Cake Topper The Little Mermaid (Fully Restored Special Edition) (Disney's Masterpiece) [VHS] Architect's Drawings: A selection of sketches by world famous architects through history Our Caribbean: A Gathering of Lesbian and Gay Writing from the Antilles 

February 22, 2011

Amber

Amber, age 7
Kissimmee, Florida (1994)

In my photo, I was on vacation with my parents. I insisted on dressing up for Halloween, even if I couldn't go trick or treating. I didn't think that it was odd that I wanted to be a pirate, or that my pirate was male.


I didn't think it was odd to have a crush on Mrs. Walsh, my 2nd grade teacher. And not odd that I wanted to be a construction worker when I grew up.

Nor did I think it was odd to do my best to dress like a football player. I'd even steal my dad's socks and pull them up over my pants.

When I played, it was with my GI Joe or He-Man action figures.


My prized possession was my Sword of Omens (from "Thundercats"). I once got chased home after defending my friend's honor. Her much older brother was picking on her, so I tried chopping his head off with my wooden sword. It seemed like the logical thing to do at the time.

Acting like a boy never seemed odd to me. Odd was what happened after puberty.

Sexually, I was a very late bloomer. I remember being in 7th grade and randomly choosing one of the boys to be the one I had a crush on. In high school, I should have figured something was up when my first crush was on a guy - who I mistook for a girl when I first saw him.

I didn't really start coming to terms with myself till college, and even then I went kicking and screaming. I had pictures of Fairuza Balk all over my dorm-room and was insanely jealous of the time my best friend spent with her boyfriend.

And, I still insisted on dating guys. I was 21 the first time I had sex with a girl,
and that was when everything started making sense again.

Amber's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark
Winona Ryder
Just watch the last few minutes of the "Mistress of the Dark" movie to see why...
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Kelly

Kelly, age 2
Lynchburg, VA (1972)

I knew I was different when most of my friends in school were girls. I also had a flare for fashion, as the kid in parachute pants and skinny black leather tie.
I could not go to a Prom in just a black tux, I had to have color. As a pre-teen,
I "experimented" as most boys do. But the summer before 9th grade, I spent the night over at a friend's house for a couple nights.

"Did my mom really think I wouldn't be gay?"

We found dirty magazines in his older brother's drawers, and we commented on the guys. A few hours later, he broached the subject of 'testing' the waters.

I said okay, with the stipulation that if I did not like it, I didn't have to return the favor. We fooled around, and from that point on, I definitely knew I was different.

Through the rest of high school, I had a few girlfriends. In my freshman year of college, I got a summer retail job and started getting hit on by guys there, but I just tried to avoid it. But, I met a guy around my age, and we ended up going out secretly. For over 13 years, we would sneak around. He was out, but I was not - and as I got into a high profile job, I could not come out.

Then, September 11, 2001 really woke me up. At that point I decided I needed to get out more, which meant visiting my "secret" friend in Washington, DC. We really clicked, and I decided that if anyone asked, I would tell them the truth. After 9 months, I quit my job and moved to DC to be with him. Eventually though, we both realized we were better off being friends and not lovers.

At age 32, and after burning through my 401k and too much alcohol and drugs, I broke down. I drove 5 hours to my mom's house in Southern, VA. I was a nervous wreck, but I spilled the beans to her. We cried, and though she said she did not approve, she made it clear she loved me. She also told me not to tell my father (they were divorced), so I didn't tell him.

I'm now in Richmond, VA and out and open. I met Jeff in 2002, and we've been together ever since. In 2010 we got married legally in Washington DC with my best friend as my best man. Our beautiful reception included friends, fraternity brothers, co-workers, and most importantly, my dad, step-mom, brother & niece.

Having to make this short, I just have to say to anyone:
I was fortunate to have very cool and open-minded friends. Though my mother still does not approve, she still visits, and gives Jeff a Christmas present every year. And just my dad just officially knowing within the last year has been awesome. My brother, who even lived with us for a while, has been a great bridge to my family and making it easier to cope.

I am out at work and somewhat active in the gay community here in Richmond. To say there have not been some rough spots professionally and personally would be a lie, but each rough patch has made me learn and made me stronger.

It is such a great feeling to have the weight of hiding who I am off my shoulders, and be able to live openly. I was born this way, and I love it!

Kelly's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Tom Cruise (in "Risky Business")

Zane

Zane, age 9
Redmond, Washington (1999)

The story behind this pic goes a little deeper than you'd expect. It's evidence of my mother's failed attempt to get me to act more feminine. Back then, I was a confused 9-year old little girl, who wanted to be a boy who liked boys.

I remember my first love. His name was Cornelious, the Prince from the animated kids film, "Thumbelina," and I knew it was love at first sight.

I also knew that he'd never love me back until I became a boy.

Oh, the logic of a 9-year old...

I wasn't your average trans kid.

Being a tomboy had its moments, but never really appealed to me. I wanted to be a boy, but I still wanted to be able to play with my Barbies and sing and dance.

Today, I'm a not-so-typical
 21-year old gay man, with his black belt in taekwondo, a love for Star Trek, and a passion for dance.

Looks like nothing much has changed.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Jeff

Jeff, age 4
Emmaus, Pennsylvania (1966)

Here we are in Trexlertown, PA when my grandparents came to visit, and brought my cousin Rhonda along. We lived 4 hours apart, but saw each other often enough to feel really close. We always knew we shared a special bond, but we wouldn't know why until much later. Yup, my cousin Rhonda is gay, too.


That day, we all got to pick a hat from the gift shop. I'm 2nd left, wearing the red felt cap with a white feather - a Swiss Yodeler style, I believe - and I'm holding a daffodil. Rhonda chose the rebel soldier hat with the cross-guns emblem on the front. She was a few months older than me and was always my protector, amid the rough and tumble moments when all the cousins got together.

Our family is ultra-conservative and has never accepted that we're both gay.
To their credit, they've accepted us within the context of their rules, although they judge us and look down on us. Those "rules" were never pleasant for us, and over time, I realized those rules primarily ended up hurting them. My partner of 11 years is not welcome in my family's home, and that's truly their loss.

Our family views our being gay through the caricature of their beliefs, so they don’t really know us: we're just "the queer cousins." But she and I have made the best of it, and we're lucky because we always had each other, and still do.

Jeff's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Tom Selleck
I clipped out the Salem cigarette ads he did, which was a bit hard to explain.
Rhonda crushed on Olivia Newton-John, setting the course for her life/loves.

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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February 21, 2011

Christie

Christie, age 6
Ft. Worth, TX (1968)

I was a tomboy from the start, and I always wanted to be a knight, a superhero, or the Lone Ranger.
I loathed dolls, homemaking, and dresses.

My dreams were different from other girls once I was in school, and they, too, sensed the difference. I failed to adore the boy hearthrob of the moment. And I was in love with Julie Andrews!

I think today we see a much better world for queers. There is much more acceptance, and I think that one day soon, I may get to marry my beloved lady. Today, I DO get to practice martial arts, I try to be the best White Knight that I can, and - I am still in love with Julie Andrews.


My best advice to young gays and lesbians is to trust in yourself and your feelings. Become aware of all the negative socialization that bombards you, and learn to separate that from yourself.

Love yourself, love others, and follow your heart.

Tony

Tony, age 8
Seattle, Washington (1970)

My photo shows me on a warm July day holding our neighbor’s cat. I'm oddly dressed in a green wool sweater, long pants, and my Buster Brown shoes. My bedroom inside the house is immaculate. I'm polite and helpful, just as my report card proves. And I have excellent handwriting.

34 years have since passed, and I ponder what I would tell my kid-self now, if I had the chance.

Do I warn him about what's to come in the next 25 years?

Or do I just embrace him, pull him close, and whisper gently in his ear, ‘Just hang in there!’

I might have to whisper in his ear other words, like gay and pride and therapy and even suicide.

Should I tell this gallant and courteous A-student with the Disney "Jungle Book" lunch-box what I now believe he should know?

Should I explain it all to him preemptively, before the "different" feelings start, even though he's already having them?

Not just yet, I guess.

What my picture shows is accurate to what I would eventually put myself through, and what other gay boys put themselves through:

Me at age 8, being such a good boy, and already pretending that I loved pussy.

Tony's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Edward Mulhare (in "The Ghost & Mrs. Muir")
Robert Redford (in "The Way We Were")
Talk about 'daddies!' When Redford's in bed with Streisand, his meadow of wheat-blond chest hair glowing in the moonlight, I got a stirring in the theater.
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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

February 19, 2011

Derek

Derek, age 7
Provo, Utah (1985)

Growing up, we spent every July 4th at my grandparents' house, where we'd watch BYU's Stadium Of Fire fireworks show on the front lawn. Sharlene Wells (a Utahan) had won the 1985 Miss America pageant and was a guest star at the show, and this was my tribute to her. I thought my family might get bored waiting for the show, so my solution was to bring Sharlene Wells to them. I can still remember watching her win the crown on TV, and wanting to be classy like her. I didn't know that someone so poised and perfect could be from Utah.

"Eat your heart out, Sharlene!"
I had the best Barbie collection on my street and was given a Cabbage Patch doll, named Richard, during the height of their popularity.

My Janet Jackson posters, karaoke machine, and Madonna tapes were my prized possessions growing up.

I was never ashamed for liking these things that other boys weren't playing with. To me, these things were perfectly normal.

I don't remember realizing that I was gay until much later, and I was never really taught what gay was.

Once I was older in the Mormon church, and due to my peers using "gay" as a derogatory term, I learned it was something that was different. Something that society didn't accept.

That was the first time I felt different.

I hid in the church as long as I could, before realizing that the self denial and suppression it expected from me was unfair, since this was who I was and this was how I was born. I didn't come out to myself until I was 20, and to my family a couple years after that.

I have the most amazing parents, who taught us kids to always be ourselves and to love unconditionally. They taught us to not put labels on people. They have embraced each of their children individually, and love us for exactly who we are.

My message and advice to gay kids out there is: You are heroes.

You won't know it until later, but you are heroes. By being yourself, you are changing this world for good and are instrumental in spreading love and equality awareness. If you feel alone, please reach out to one of the amazing organizations that are out there, and surround yourself with people who make the foundation you stand on even stronger.

Derek's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Pierce Brosnan (in "Remington Steele")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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