Steve

Steve, age 13

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (1969)

This occasion was the Golden Wedding Anniversary of Nanny and Poppy, my grandfolks who still spoke with the Yiddish accent of their home in Russia (although they were now true Country-Club Jews). 

All of us grandkids had a song or poem prepared to perform. For my slot, I had written new lyrics to "On the Street Where You Live" complete with multiple three-syllable rhymes to put Alan Jay Lerner's original words to shame. 

Listen, Alan Jay Lerner never bothered to rhyme Caribbean with Amphibian, but I did that night!

I really sang my heart out into the mic. And boy, did I have dramatic hand gestures! I had vocal flourishes to make those high notes soar, and I had all the tricks the pros use to sell a song. 

So I finished Part one (three verses and a chorus) to rousing applause. Part two (three verses and a chorus) covered Nanny and Poppy's kids and grandkids. (Less applause). Part three (yet another three verses and chorus) covered their retirement years. (Begrudging claps). 

And there was still a Part four to go! I know there's a lesson somewhere in there worth learning about brevity -- something something something... 

So what happened to my 13-year-old's dreams of Broadway glory? Well I actually did make it onto the credits of a good number of Broadway Playbills about 15 years later.

But alas, not as the brilliant lyricist I harbored inside me, but rather as an Assistant Set Designer to some of Broadway's greatest designers. 

And that's showbiz!

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Danny

Age 7
Long Beach, California (1962)

I think I knew I was “different” probably around age 7. I vividly remember going to Drive-In movies with my family, and going to the restrooms by myself 2 or 3 times, and standing at the urinals covertly watching adult men peeing. 

When I was around age 10, my parents forced me to go to church with them every Sunday. So I was raised Lutheran. But I realized how hypocritical organized religion was, and when I was in High School, my parents let me decide for myself if I wanted to continue going to church or not…I chose not to.

As a kid I remember obsessing over electronic DIY kits from Radio Shack, which you would put together and learn about how everything operated.

I wasn't really bullied at all, but in the 5^th grade, this one guy hated me for some reason and was going to beat me up one time after school. And a kid that lived across the street from me heard about. He was around 17 and a high school dropout, sort of like the Judd Nelson character from “The Breakfast Club."

So he showed up at my school the next day. He saw the kid coming after me, stepped in the middle of us, and said to get the hell out of here and go home. And I guess his threat put the fear of God in that kid 'cuz he never bothered me again!

When I came out, my mother was pretty accepting of it. She had many close gay male friends who always went to her when they had a relationship problem. 

I never went to college until I turned 65 years old, and that's when I went through a Neuro Psych test and was diagnosed with ADHD, which I had my entire life. And what explains my long-time problem with not being able to retain things I read!

What gives me the most Pride now as an adult is marching with CHEER LA in the Long Beach Pride Parade to raise money for the St. Mary’s CARE Program, one of the leading HIV Healthcare facilities in Southern California.

I’ve also ridden on the KTLA Pride bus the past three years and in the WeHo Pride Parade. So what I would tell LGBTQ kids today reading my story is:

Always know, that WE older LGBTQ adults do care about you. We’re here for you. If you’re being bullied, find an ally and tell them. We’ll do all we can to help protect you, keep you safe, and be there as someone you can come and talk to, if needed.

IT DOES GET BETTER, I promise!

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Marc

Marc, age 8

Scotch Plains, New Jersey (1967)

Just as I am now, I was a ham as a kid. Just look at me posing here with my mother! But it wasn't until the summer before 7th grade, when I discovered the local children's musical theatre summer program that I truly blossomed.

The earliest memory I have of understanding I liked boys was staring at the cover of the Meet The Beatles album, and walking to the bus stop with my sister, knowing I also thought Paul was the cute one.

I don't really recall my first same-sex crush. Well, maybe it was at summer camp, with some of the older boys or even a camp counselor or two! And a few local friends. And more than a couple of cute jocks at school. And then some fellas in community theatre. And....oh, and...well, I guess I had a lot of crushes!

I DO distinctly remember seeing Dick Gautier on the TV show "Get Smart."
He played a Rock Hudson-esque robot with perfect features and dark movie star hair, and something about him made me feel all gooey inside!

My only distinct memory about any bullying is that a friend of my sister wrote FAG on a piece of sheet music in my room. And that my father covered it up by taping a similar colored piece of paper over it with my name, to cover up the hateful word. And I remember feeling worse for my father than for myself about it.

I was always out to everyone but my parents, and I'm embarrassed by how long I kept up the facade of the "roommate bed" in the living room, for when my parents visited. And much to my mother's credit, she finally asked me if Scott and I were "more than roommates." I was in my late 20's I believe. Crazy!

I mean, I certainly gave them clues throughout my childhood though. 

I devoured 16 Magazine more than my sisters, and really enjoyed watching TV shows like "I Love Lucy" to "Bewitched" and "I Dream Of Jeannie" much more than "The Honeymooners" or "Bonanza." And when I discovered Bette Midler and Barbra Streisand as a teenager, I truly received my gay card.

Since then I have had a very interesting life (Google me!) and met my first partner, Scott Wittman, almost 50 years ago! Although we never had children, we share a songwriting career that has given birth to many proud accomplishments.

To gay kids today grappling with acceptance, I offer that old cliché -- "Be Yourself"
And just get through those difficult Jr. High and High School years.

Because after that, you will be embraced for the very differences that some unenlightened people may tease or bully you about now. I have never had a day in my life where I didn't feel it was a blessing being born gay.

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Theodore

Theodore (Tedd), age 6
San Diego, California (1954)

I always felt like an only child. Even with three older brothers, I never bonded with any of them. They didn’t want to be seen with me, so I stayed home with my mom. 

I was bullied and teased growing up, mostly by one of my brothers. Sadly, he was the one I admired the most. 

I knew I was different the first day of kindergarten at age 5. The teacher was taking attendance, and she called “Theodore.” 

And I just sat there until she called “Teddy” to which I answered: 'Here.' 

Then she said, “Well, don’t you even know your own name?” And the entire class broke out laughing when I said: 'No.' 

That was by far the most embarrassing day ever.

That set the tone for the majority of my life. 

And it took years to rebuild confidence in who I am and always was.

Growing up mostly in the San Diego area, I had it fairly easy as a closeted gay person. And thankfully, religion was not a part of my upbringing.

My first same-gender attraction was also at age 5. I found myself strangely attracted to our neighbor daughter’s boyfriend, a sailor! As a teen, my first celebrity crush was actor Glenn Corbett, from the early 1960’s TV show, "Route 66."

However, it was Audrey Hepburn I was in awe of. She was the most elegant woman that ever lived. I also watched a lot of Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly musicals as I grew up. So, I guess you could say that was somewhat of an obsession.

I would also turn to music as the refuge from the pressures of being different and not fitting in at school. I sat alone in my bedroom getting lost in whatever type of music I had access to, and often singing and dancing. Today, I still listen to music as a go-to, good feeling place when I feel down. And I'm still singing and dancing.

The rest of my teenage years would have been the loneliest time of my life if it weren’t for my best friend, Bill. He was straight, and I didn’t come out to him until I was 68 years old! His reaction was: "And I’m straight. So what?"

At age 21, I married my high school sweetheart, and I came out to my mom at age 26. End of marriage! My mom’s reaction: “We always knew you were different.”  The rest of the family was accepting; however, I distanced myself from them to protect them from being harassed for having a gay family member.

And my biggest regret? Not having children while I was still married.

I graduated college and became a residential architect. I went into business with my first male partner, also an architect, and we were together 24/7. I really wanted to be a fashion designer or professional dancer, but thought it was too gay to do that. But I’ve started designing and making outfits, just for fun.

So my adult relationships lasted 17 years, then 13 years, then a different 13 years (and each sure have their own stories). I retired at age 67, and in my post retirement career - I became a porn star at age 70!

Now at age 74, what gives me the most pride is being a role model and mentor for younger gay men. I have several friends in their 30’s that use me as a sounding board for issues they are faced with in their lives.   

And in closing, my message to LGBTQ+ kids today is this: 

Be who you are and don’t give up on your dreams. And know that the person you need to count on the most, is the one you see in the mirror every morning. 

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Al

Al, age 2

North East, Pennsylvania (1972)

I am the youngest of four kids. I have 2 older brothers, and you've heard about the "gay theory" right? The more older brothers you have, the more likely you could be gay.

I'm not sure exactly what age I knew I was gay, but I knew I always liked looking at male bodies at summer camp, in gym class, at swim practice, and on TV. And I just thought all guys were feeling that, too. So as long as I wasn't blatantly obvious, no one ever said anything to me.

I knew of two pretty "out" guys (well, as out as you could be back then) who were obviously gay. I don't know if they ever announced this, but they never seemed to have any problems with it in school.

I was always interested in other things besides sports. I played with Barbie dolls with my three close "girl friends" from the neighborhood. So that might have been a clue. Plus I was always taking Ken's clothes off as often as I could! 

As a pre-teen, I used to dance to my 45 records alone in our basement. It was very "Solid Gold" type dancing. And I wonder if any of my family members ever saw me? Surely, they would have known.

I was also fascinated with "celebrity" culture.
Wanting to be a celebrity, and wanting to meet one. 

Because I thought if I became famous, I would finally feel loved.

See, my parents were from the generation where verbal "I love you's" never happened. And as a gay child who already felt different and alienated from my whole family, I needed and wanted that extra assurance and care from my parents.

One family moment that stays in my memory was a New Year's Eve party at our house, and I was told that you kiss everyone at midnight. I was around age 9, and I went and kissed my brother on the lips. And I remember him reacting strongly against that. I don't remember my parents reaction exactly, but I'm sure somehow that moment seeped into my subconscious: it isn't OK to kiss another man.

Another strong memory was getting my International Male magazine subscription around age 15, the closest thing we had to male erotica at the time. I used to pretend I was one of the models, and would "hump" the bed. But I was imagining it was a woman, not a man. Certainly kind of odd, right?

I also used to rent those soft-core straight movies like "Red Shoe Diaries" in the 80's, and I knew I was only renting it for the men, because they were all usually very hot, and there was always a lot of nudity! But I never watched any gay porn until after I came out after college.

But speaking of college: I repressed my sexuality all throughout it, tried to go the whole "straight route," and I even turned my back on my closeted friend from high school when he came out to me later in college. I thought he might be trying to get me to come out, too.

So I lived in a frat house, "dated" girls, and even had sex with two women. But not very successfully. And that just turned me into a raging alcoholic. I would get super drunk at our parties, and that's how I would get out of sleeping with girls. Which is pretty sad to think about. My frat brothers even called me "Too drunk to f*ck!" But it never stopped me from getting drunk again!

Eventually I moved to Orlando, FL because I knew I couldn't come out in my small hometown. And there I started going to a straight club on Thursday nights, their "Bad Disco" -- aka gay -- night. And once I started going alone, I remember being cruised and cruising men for the first time, and it started to feel validating

When I got that attention, it was the first time I actually had another man look at me, as if they liked me. Which most straight peers get to experience in high school. So because I had no male sexual contact with anyone in high school or college, I was like a kid in a candy shop!

Then in the 90's, I remember racking up big bills on pay phone-sex lines that were big back then. I had a bit of a sexual addiction and was having phone sex with random strangers from all over the country. One of my phone sex regulars even met me in person, but I turned him down. His reality just didn't match my fantasy.

Because I was playing so much those first few years of coming out, I did some pretty reckless things. A cop even caught me making out with a guy in a car. That was scary, but thankfully he was cool about it.

After awhile, I started feeling kind of angry about being gay and coming out. I felt like I was wasting so much time trying to find sex, which was never even that great.

And I blamed all my energy trying to get laid as even more internalized homophobia. But, all of that did kind of inspire my creative genes as an artist.

So I took all that angst and used it for inspiration, and sculpted of some of my most powerful art pieces. Which is another story, for another day.

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

James

James, age 3
Madison, Wisconsin (1993)

Five years after this photo, when I was age 8, Joss Whedon ruined my life.

You see, I wasn't always a drag queen. Okay maybe I was. But there's still a possibility that I might have ended up a lawyer or a UFC fighter.

You see, I was once a young, well behaved Catholic school boy. But then I watched "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" - the movie, not the TV series - but that also proved to be quite influential. The film starred Kristy Swanson and Luke Perry (the world's oldest high schooler, but boy was he dreamy). I watched it constantly, wearing out the VHS tape my parents ripped off HBO.

I remember Kristy gets harassed by David Arquette, who takes a hot dog off of Kristy’s plate and holds it to her crotch and asks: “Buffy are you hungry?” And she slices it clean off with a butter knife!

Well, I decided wouldn't it be hilarious to do the same thing to my friend Connor at lunch one day. I took the offending frankfurter out of its bun and presented it to him aside my crotch and quoted David Arquette word for word, a performance I think even he would of been proud of.

Needless to say this, didn't win me any People’s Choice Awards.

Nope, I got thrown into the principal's office, and got a weekly visit to the school psychologist - for making a joke? Sure it was crass and bluer than my usual material, but I was just an up and coming comedian. Right?

But this incident led to the first crack in the foundation of my childhood innocence. See, I was always a tad odd, but in my own way, I felt I was charming. Sure, nobody played with me at recess - but that's because I didn't play sports. Sure, nobody came to my birthday parties - but that's because every February 19th a plague hit my class.

And suddenly, I was now "Weird James" at school.

I was James the weird kid for years, up until the weird started to bleed over into the queer. It starts with the tingly feeling you get when you see Jerry O'Connell as the hotter brother in "Sliders" then as the dreamy boyfriend in "Scream 2" and by the time I got to Jerry in "Tomcats" — I was GAY!

I've been beaten up, chased home, and had things thrown at me. Taking the school bus filled me with dread. I was late to school for 6 months because I was afraid to stand at the school bus stop. It's impossible for me to write a coming out story since I've kinda always been out. I just didn't know it.

By the time high school rolled around, I decided it was time to drop the facade and I came out at age 16. Like all of us, I was gayer, more louder, and draped in as much attention grabbing rainbow as I could find at your local Spencer's gifts. I was proud, and for the first time in my life, I felt unsinkable.

But it took me a long time to learn what "finding my tribe" means. I went through a long period of finding friendship with other outcasts who needed companionship. And I also found the true power of being different.

My message to queer kids is: being gay is a beautiful thing, and it's a gift.

It's a free pass to be the most interesting person in a group - unless of course someone in that group is a pro wrestler or a trapeze artist, then they are the most interesting person. But I'm sure they couldn't sing a Donna Summer medley worth a shit.

In closing, I'd like to contact anyone with even the closest six degree of separation from Joss Whedon, to let them know the damage has been done!

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"