Lisa, age 8
Mesa, AZ (1993)
When I look at this picture, it sparks many awkward, depressing memories of never fitting in with my perfect happy friends, and my strict Mormon family. Just a few months before this, I had long hair and I convinced my mother to let me cut it short. Although I look back now and see my desire to have such short hair as an obvious foreshadowing of the future, at the time it traumatized me.
Since then, I've vowed to make myself look as girly as possible.
|"God doesn't make mistakes."|
The first time I remember having a crush on a girl was at age 13. I'd doodled on a piece of paper about loving her, and my sister told my mom.
When confronted about it, I said, 'Nooo! I don't love her like THAT, just as a friend!'
That was when I realized I was different, and there was something about me that I was suppose to be ashamed of.
I soon moved myself slowly back into the closet, locking the door from the inside.
Shortly after that was when I learned the word "Lesbian" from my brother. It has been a long, treacherous road coming to terms with being not only gay, but gay AND Mormon. It used to break my heart to be different, and I cried so many nights asking God to change me.
But now I thank him for making me the person that I am, because I love who I am. And it DOES get better, no matter how hopeless or alone you feel. I promise.
I've been blessed with an amazing family that loves me and supports me, no matter what. Although being gay and Mormon is hard, when I start to feel sad,
I hear a voice inside my head saying, "God doesn't make mistakes."
And I feel content.
Lisa's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Whoopi Goldberg (in "Boys On The Side")
Janeane Garafalo (in "Mystery Men" & "The Matchmaker")
Anna Chlumsky (in "Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain")_____________________________________________________