It wasn't until around 4th grade that I knew I was different from the other boys. I hated playing sports, and I was always the last to be picked. I didn’t get into BB guns, baseball cards, or playing Army.
|"Where's my steno pad? I need to take down a memo!!!"|
I always felt more at ease staying inside, watching "The Young & The Restless" on TV with my grandma, or helping her out in the kitchen.
I reveled in the glitzy, 80's prime-time soap operas, like "Dynasty."
I wanted to be Joan Collins as Alexis Carrington, with her long brown cigarettes.
I don't remember when I changed from being sensitive, tender-hearted, and shy to being called a sissy, a fruit, or a f*ggot. I think it started in 6th grade, when one boy called me a fruit, and the rest followed.
While I was never beaten up, I always felt like an outsider, and like less than a person. I knew I had crushes on other boys, but didn’t internally admit it until I was 18. It took several years of hard partying and denial to finally come out, which was rather anti-climactic. Responses to the news went something like this:
"What took you so long?"
"Well, I always knew THAT!"
"Yeah, you already told me when you were drunk the other night."
When I came out, I discovered who my real friends were.
That's why it gets better.