January 17, 2011


EJ, age 12
Austin, TX (1993)

I remember from a very young age, probably 3 or 4, feeling different and not quite knowing why. I would never choose to play with either male or female friends, but instead both of them. I loved art and cooking and reading books, Care Bears. Thundercats, He-Man, and My Little Pony.

"Sitting amongst the Texas wildflowers looking pensive."
I greatly disliked anything to do with Sports or dolls - I didn't see the point with either.

My mum let me dress pretty much any way I pleased, but I remember getting teased for this, being called a "boy-girl" or "he-she" or the ultimate worst thing for a kid trying to fit in - being labeled as "weird".

I remember this photo was taken soon after my Mum had passed away in 1993, and I was living with my Dad and sister in Austin, TX.

Funny thing, this is one of the only photos I have of me at this age and one of my all-time favorite photos of me as a kid.

I struggled through the rest of middle school, high school and the beginnings of college, trying to figure out my sexuality and how I didn't feel that my sex and gender aligned. But here I am a good 18 years later and I can look back on this photo with a wistful smile, knowing the struggles I have yet to endure but also knowing that I had it in myself to take on the journey and persevere in the end.

I don't erase - but instead embrace - my past of being a shy, insecure, tomboy because it lead me to now being an outspoken, proud, Trans man.

EJ's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
David Ducovny & Gillian Anderson (Mulder & Scully, "The X-Files")

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for sharing the photo and your story. This is a beautiful photo and it is even more so after reading what you wrote. Congratulations on being happy and proud where you are today.