Greenfield, OH (1995)
This is me in my school picture for Greenfield Middle School. What I can remember of this time of my life, is that I would not leave the house without a perfect combover. If my hair wasn't strictly lying across my brow at just the right angle, I couldn't leave the mirror - let alone the house.
|"Early emotional eater"|
I didn't do well with guys my age, and girls my age were starting to turn on me. Because, despite my best attempts at masking it, I was in fact a gay boy. It doesn't help either that I had such a cherubic face, or that at this age I was already tweezing my eyebrows.
Back then, there were many times I was found stealing Barbies from girl cousins. When I finally convinced my parents to get me one, all I got was a He-Man action figure (which eventually worked for me in a far less-dressed context).
What's crazy is that once I realized for certain that I was gay at 17, I had a flood of memories, including a moment on the playground in 2nd grade. I was pushed by a boy, because I was caught batting my eyelashes at him - something I thought was sure to win his affections.
Looking at this picture now, despite the beaming smile, I remember the sadness.
I remember the hurt that I felt daily, because something was wrong with me. And I had no way of knowing what it was, nor how to fix it.
I remember loneliness at a very early age, and knowing that all I could do was hope that someday things would get better, which they have. I've lost the weight and let my hair grow out.
And no more chubby combover for me.