Joe, age 4
Detroit, Michigan (1975)
The circus was cold that day, it smelled like horse crap, and the clowns were too -- available.
As a dour child growing up in Detroit, I lit up for Wonder Woman, The Bionic Woman, Police Woman - or anything with the word woman in it.
My first crush was John Schneider. I was about 7 when I had a dream about Bo Duke, after watching him skinny dip on "The Dukes of Hazzard."
I was unable to articulate what I was feeling at that age, so I took to scrapbooking photos of him. Well, until Johnny Depp came along.
By then, I knew exactly what I was: A Penis Enthusiast
My mom always says, "You were a miserable child."
Then I remind her it's because, 'I spent 9 months in your miserable womb.'
Joe's first, famous-person same sex crush:John Schneider (on "Dukes Of Hazzard")