January 13, 2011

Joe

Joe, age 4
Detroit, Michigan (1975)

Here I am, hating the f*cking clowns at the circus.

The circus was cold that day, it smelled like horse crap, and the clowns were too -- available.

As a dour child growing up in Detroit, I lit up for Wonder Woman, The Bionic Woman, Police Woman - or anything with the word woman in it.

My first crush was John Schneider. I was about 7 when I had a dream about Bo Duke, after watching him skinny dip on "The Dukes of Hazzard."


I was unable to articulate what I was feeling at that age, so I took to scrapbooking photos of him. Well, until Johnny Depp came along.

By then, I knew exactly what I was: A Penis Enthusiast

My mom always says, "You were a miserable child."
Then I remind her it's because, 'I spent 9 months in your miserable womb.'

Joe's first, famous-person same sex crush:
John Schneider (on "Dukes Of Hazzard")
________________________________________________
The Dukes of Hazzard Two Movie Collection (Reunion! / Hazzard in Hollywood) 21 Jump Street Poster Movie 11x17 Johnny Depp Steven Williams Holly Robinson Peete Peter DeLuise Killer Klowns from Outer SpaceThe Big Penis Diary - 2011 (Taschen Diaries)

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is brilliant!!!

Matt Algren said...

I remember that episode of Dukes of Hazzard. Good call.

RyanMLeach said...

first of all everything about this picture and post is hilarious and identical to me. I hate clowns and I crushed hard on John Schneider. Like HARD!

kelzalez said...

This is freaking hysterical!! This made my day!

Anonymous said...

haha, you're too funny!

Geoff said...

I literally just 'snorted' from laughing at your last comment. I think we're related as I loved the same shows!

Myackie said...

OMG! I am so using that "miserable womb" remark the next time my mother complains about my childhood. Thanks Joe!

@water said...

Available clowns!! LOVE IT!! So funny!

Anonymous said...

"Penis Enthusiast"!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

Miss Janey said...

"9 months in your miserable womb" is the best line Miss J has read all week!

JimmyD said...

I had the skinny dippin' with the Dukes dream too!

Scott said...

I haven't laughed this hard in a LONG time! "nine months in your miserable womb." Thank you for that! =)

Anonymous said...

I love your "penis enthusiast"! :D It's the perfect summary of the whole concept!

Kathryn Thomas said...

I can't pick a favourite line: you are too angry and funny and your picture made me pee.