Andrea

Andrea, age 3
Baltimore, Maryland (1993)

I had no clue that I was gay while growing up. Looking back, there honestly weren't many clues, as I was obsessed with many typically "girly" things. I loved baby dolls, my Littlest Pet Shop, and my princess nightgowns.

Although I had a tomboy streak,
I largely attribute that to growing up with a twin brother. 

Everything between us was a competition, but there was nothing to hint at my future sexuality.

In fact, it took me well into my college years to begin to question things. I developed a significant crush on one of my roommates during junior and senior year but was too oblivious (and definitely subconsciously afraid) to act on it.

It wasn't until I was age 23 that I officially told my family that I was interested in girls.

I'm one of the lucky ones, as I was born into a family that has absolutely no issues with my gayness. My siblings and I were encouraged to play with whatever toys we wanted and to explore extracurricular activities we were drawn to, regardless of whether they were stereotypically male or female centric. 

So I didn't have to worry that I would be treated any differently once I came out. And thankfully, I haven't been.

My only regret is that I didn't realize I was gay until so relatively late.

I think that if I had had more contact with gay people growing up, perhaps it would have occurred to me earlier than it did.

My wife knew she was gay significantly earlier than I did. She says she thinks this is largely due to the number of other gay girls she came in contact with growing up, especially while playing elite level soccer in England.

At any rate, I am now happily married and, although we currently live in Mississippi (where being openly gay can still be a bit of a crap shoot when it comes to acceptance), we have amazing family and friends and we're looking forward to starting a family in the near future.
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Andrea

Andrea, age 10

Kitchener, Ontario, Canada (1996)

Growing up, I always felt a lot different than other girls. I dressed in what I wanted, which was by no means girly. When shopping for new clothes, I went straight to the boys section. My Mom or Dad never questioned me, they just let me wear what I wanted.

I loved jeans, sleeveless shirts, and hoodies. Dresses and pretty clothes had no room in my life, let alone my closet.

I tore apart bikes and tried to put them back together again, built forts, and played baseball and road hockey.

My first crush was on a girl I had never spoken to in my life. She lived in the same neighborhood as my grandparents, and I was attracted to her long wavy hair.

Every weekend we'd visit, I'd head right to the basketball courts. Not to play basketball, but to wait for that girl to come out of her house, just across the street.


I never questioned my feeling for girls, nor did I tell anyone. But I just did not think twice about them. I knew I liked girls, and that was it. It was who I was.

I got frustrated as a child being mistaken for a boy, or questioned about what I wore, or how I cut my hair. But, I lived for the moments when girls mistook me for a boy and told me I was cute, or had a crush on me.

I feel lucky that my mom and dad always let me wear what I wanted to wear, and be who I was. There were no questions asked. Because of this, I came out at an early age. I had enough support from my family to not hide who I was in school or with friends, and to be confident with my sexuality.

I hope all young children grow up being who they want to be, and that they can feel confident and secure about who they are. Because we are born this way!
And the only choice we make is to be true to ourselves - or to hide who we are.

Andrea

Andrea, age 5

Sunnyvale, California (1983)

In this pic, I had put on my Uncle Bill’s clothing, and my Mom took the photograph. My mom, who did the brunt of the child-rearing in our family, was very open-minded and progressive, and let me pick the toys that I was drawn to the most, regardless of whether they were toys that were deemed appropriate for “girls” or not. It was the same with my clothing.

"Genderless in Sunnyvale"

There was one particular dress I liked to wear, but it was more “tailored-looking”. It looked like something Little Orphan Annie would wear, and I actually referred to it as my “Annie” dress. 

My parents both tried to no avail to get me to sit “lady-like” while wearing said “Annie” dress. After several attempts with no success, they gave up. There were more important things to focus on. :) 

When I was living in CA, I was for the most part a very happy, playful, creative and VERY imaginative child. To this day, I am so eternally thankful that my Mom raised me in such a loving, nurturing way.

It has completely shaped me into who I am today - someone who now proudly identifies as queer and genderless.

When I look at this picture of myself as the me I am now, it is with unconditional self-love. It makes me happy to know I've always been like this, and that I have remained true to my core inner being. :)

My coming-out was a multi-tiered process. As a teenager growing up in Pennsylvania, no one even talked about gayness. No one really talked about gay and lesbian people in any other way than to tell a joke here and there.
I therefore had no language for it, and no support system.

At 16, I started noticing that I was developing crushes on girls, but was mostly in denial about it, and tried actively to push it all back down as soon as it would come up. But in a fleeting moment of self-awareness one night, after writing in a diary that I wanted to kiss this one particular girl at school, I realized I needed to talk to someone about it. That was Tier # 1 - coming out to my Mom. She told me then that she would love me just as much no matter who I loved. But I pushed it back down, repressed it, and went happily back in denial, as I continued to play the “straight game”, and date boys.

At 19, I came out fully - to myself, to my friends, and my entire family. That was Tier # 2 - and what a glorious and liberating process that was!!!! I am so blessed to have had my entire family not even bat an eye, and just keep on loving me for who I am. And never again in my life have I looked back.

I am just as proud to identify as queer today as I was to identify as bisexual, lesbian and dyke back then. Even one of the girls that I used to chase back then has remained one of my most close and best friends to this day.

Blessings to you all, and may you all feel free and beautiful. Shine on. 

Andrea's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Soleil Moon Frye ("Punky Brewster")