Erin

Erin, age 7
Saint Cloud, Minnesota (1986)

This is a picture of me with the neighbors' daughter Bonnie, who was also my first crush.

It was around this age I started realizing I was different from the other little girls.

They, like Bonnie, liked their dresses and wearing ribbons in their hair. I liked my plaid shirts and jeans and wanted to have my hair spiked. But my dad wouldn't let me cut my hair like a boy's.

And I always preferred my Transformers and GI Joe's to my Barbie and Jem dolls

I was bullied some in junior high and high school.
I was called a dyke and that sort of thing.

But the one person who has always stood by my side and been supportive is my mom. When I told her I was a lesbian, she told me, "Oh honey, I know."

My mom knows that I was born this way.

The message I'd like to give to LGBTQ kids of today: Be who you are, be proud.
It's not always going to be easy, but it's honest. And it's your truth.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Mark

Mark, age 3
St. Paul, Minnesota (1965)

In this picture I had just asked this Santa for "Chatty Cathy's Brother". He was a doll that taught you how to dress and tie your shoes.

Talk about the perfect doll for a little gay boy!

My father was dying and pleaded with my mom not to buy me that doll.

Luckily for me, my uncle had overheard my request and he wrapped it and hid it under the tree for me.

I was so excited on Christmas when I unwrapped the "Brudder" doll - I couldn't pronounce brother - and it was the best Christmas ever!
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"Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
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Chris

Chris, age 2

E. Grand Forks, MN (1977)

I always felt like a fabulous fish out of water in my hometown in northern Minnesota. This picture perhaps does "scream gay" from my earliest days, one of three in a series of some of my favorite toddler pictures.
 
This was taken in the days of disco, when I enjoyed playing with dolls, banging the piano, and looking like a young, gay version of Hugh Hefner.
 
It was only the next year that I had my first kiddie crush on a boy. He was 8 and rode a dirt bike in my neighborhood.

Despite my eagerness to be with him, he and his friends brushed me off as any 8-year old would, to a 3-year old.

I had many boy crushes from TV: Jason Bateman on "Little House on the Prairie" and "Valerie," Mackenzie Astin on "Facts of Life," Todd Bridges on "Diff'rent Strokes," and Scott Baio on "Happy Days."

But I didn't know I was gay until much later, and didn't admit it to myself until I was 19. Nor to anyone else until I was 21.

If I'd known when this was taken (and many subsequent pictures that spoke the thousand words I could only hint at in my young imaginings), I would have told myself that everything would be OK. At least once I grew up and moved!

There was a lot of the world out there to see. And after I saw some of it, I got to appreciate where I came from, as well who I am and have always been.

Chris' first, famous-person same sex crush:
Jason Bateman
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Brooke

Brooke, age 3

Richfield, Minnesota (1992)

This is one of the rare girly pictures I have of myself. It was Halloween.

I was always a friendly kid. In daycare, there were a lot of girls, so I'd volunteer to take the role of Ken, or play "house" as the dad.

I loved rough-housing and playing in the dirt with the boys.

I have two older sisters, so I had to hold my own, therefore I was more muscular than most girls my age. I played with Legos and idolized the princesses in Disney movies. I hated when my sisters tried dressing me up, which they did often

But I got teased a lot for being a "tomboy" by EVERYONE, including my family.

I always knew I was different, but had no idea why. I just felt more like a boy.
I always have. But I didn't really realize how different I felt, or what it really was, until I was a freshman in high school.

I slowly just realized over time that I really liked the way girls looked, and then it transitioned into me wanting to kiss them, and more. My high school German teacher was my first legitimate same-sex "real person" crush.

I had posters of women up in my room, but I always put pictures of men up too, so it didn't seem too weird to my parents. It didn't seem weird to me!

I really love Amanda Palmer from the Dresden Dolls, too.
She was so influential in my adolescence.

I'm 21 now, and I'm still not out to my family. It's a work in progress. I know they'll be accepting, but it’s just that general coming-out fear that's difficult getting over. I'm planning on coming out before my 22nd birthday.

I have wonderful and supportive friends that understand me, and I'm very grateful for having them in my life. They've guided me in the right direction and taught me so many things.

I'm happy being me. I wouldn't change it for the world!  

Brooke's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Rachel Weisz

I loved watching her in "The Mummy." She was so dreamy!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Clint

Clint, age 5

Bloomington, Minnesota (1987)

This photo of me at 5 is quite the foreshadowing. As a kid, I was an odd little thing. I was a goofball, comical, and very eccentric, and not much has changed since. I was an honors student who was friends with the troublemakers. I liked living a "double life" - studious but mischievous. I think this dichotomy allowed me to also separate my attraction for guys from the norms of male pubescence.

"Foreshadow"

I started thinking about boys in middle school, but I didn't have a strong concept of sexuality or what attraction was.

My attraction to men was asserted in high school. The school jocks were definitely my inspiration, for lack of a better word, while fantasizing. Admittedly I often stole some of my sister's Teen Beat magazines.

It was then that I starting thinking that men were the bee's knees. I also had a big crush on Kevin Richardson from the Backstreet Boys.

I'm a big homo, I know.

In my sophomore year of college, I decided it was time to "seal the deal" and live as a gay man. I started dating an older man, 15 years my senior, and needed to tell my friends and family that he wasn't just a friend. I was petrified.

I am a ballsy guy, so after I told my closest friends, I sat my entire extended family down at Thanksgiving and simply said, "I am gay." The reply from the crowd was, "So? We love you for you." Thus, my coming out was very smooth.

I feel like my picture represents a yearning to come out at an early age, but letting societal norms keep me closeted for too long. I was angry for a long time for not being able to be me.

So, my message for kids who are curious, questioning, or ready to come out is:
Coming out is like pulling off a Band-Aid. Some Band-Aids come off easily, while others hurt. However, when that Band-Aid is finally gone, the healing can really begin. And you will know when the time is right.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Jason

Jason, age 11

Saint Paul, Minnesota (1984)

When I look at this picture, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Laugh for the young, spirited grade school kid that found tremendous joy in wearing his Granny’s wigs. Or, cry for the young kid who grew up with little joy in his spirit.

I always knew I was "different" but was never able to make the connection as to what that difference was. Everyone else apparently knew; I heard it in the halls, the schoolyard, and in the lunchroom.

From grade school on into high school,
it was the same four perjoratives: "girl," "sissy," "wuss" - and the dreaded "F" word. Eventually, that's what "different" meant to me.   

I always made promises to myself:
If I could just have more boys as friends, then I wouldn’t feel different. If I could just stop wearing Granny’s wigs, then I wouldn’t feel different. If I could just hold my breath underwater for 20 minutes, then I wouldn’t feel different.

But I didn’t, I wouldn’t, and I still can't. Yet somehow, sometimes even still to my amazement, I carried on, knowing that someday I'd redefine my "different."

And eventually, after finally coming out, I did. My adult life as a gay individual has been filled with awakenings and wonderment. Friendship and merriment. "Different" has now translated to "special" and "unique." "Different" now means "fascinating" and "exceptional." And my spirit is filled with joy beyond measure.
I can’t imagine my life any other way.

I wish I could go back, if only for a moment, and reach out to the young version of myself. To tell him things will turn out just fine. That his sadness will be replaced with blessings exceeding his wildest dreams. That "different" was just a nine letter word that set him apart from others. That the only thing "different" now - is the difference he’ll make in other people's lives.

And more importantly, that his wigs will eventually get much more fabulous.

My message to any youngster that feels "different" is simple:
You will survive. You will rise above. You will be fantastic.

And you will redefine your "different" too!
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Andrew

Andrew, age 5

Apple Valley, MN (1982)

Be honest with yourself - even as an adult. How else would you be able to pass through your Grandma's hallway WITHOUT putting that hat on? Furthermore, how can you NOT take it out for a spin in the garden?

"Just doin' a little gardening...."

I don't remember this particular day of my life, but I remember at this age (except for all but the hat), this is how I dressed all the time. Accessories included the ever popular wristbands and knee-high tube socks with the rainbow of stripes. And, my trusty companion: A leather coin-purse with a neon green shoelace acting as my purse strap.

I honestly never felt 'different' growing up. I had wonderful parents who just let me do what I wanted, and didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do (including homework).

My older brothers teased me relentlessly, but only because they were my older brothers, and that's what they do. To that end, I realized very late in life, when I was 18, that I was gay.

It was no big deal, no big freak out; just 'this makes sense, this is who I am'

Steve

Steve, age 10
Alexandria, MN (1984)

"This is how you take a picture, little sister"

This is me & my sister on summer vacation.

I was happy and carefree kid.

I knew I was gay, or felt "different" around age 13 or 14.

Looking at the pic now, I love it and cracks me up - so obvious...

Steve's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Cory Haim

Adam

Adam, age 3
Minneapolis, Minnesota (1987) 

I was obviously very young here, but I remember being a total clown and goof when I was little.

I still am.

But I clearly had a penchant for pulling together a look.

The layers, the shades of blue, the textures and pattern. With a little bit of undershirt coming through, just like Dad.

This picture makes me realize I'm basically the same person today that I was back then. I still smile uncontrollably, and I'm still a cornball who makes a fool of himself to get a laugh.

And at 6' 2" and a bean-pole, I probably weigh the same as I did in this picture: Chubs!

Adam's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Bill Murray (in "Ghostbusters")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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