Mark

Mark, age 6
Centralia, Washington (1968)

My first grade teacher Mrs. Carlson wrote on my report card:
"Mark is a very sensitive child, wants attention, and needs reassurance. 
He expresses himself very well through his artwork, is quite creative, and has quite a flair for play-acting. He really puts himself into it and does quite a good job." Great insight on her part, as I have become a professional entertainer. 

Mrs. Carlson could also see I was gay, and 'Sensitive' was another 1960's American code word for homosexual. 

She also knew I had no friends in a town full of kids. It was hard to miss them chanting 'Finley Faggot' during recess, or from over her fence on an occasional weekend visit. 

She opened my world to the fine arts by way of the local library. The works she put in front of me all had the same theme - the misunderstood overcoming their adversity to shine greater than ever before. 


Not having friends, I lost myself in reading, listening to records, and stamp collecting. Then my maternal grandfather gave me two amazing gifts: a spinet piano and a 12-inch black & white television. Thanks to him I poured myself into practicing my piano and recreating scenes from the movies I watched at night.

I couldn't catch a ball of any kind, but I could do a great Mae West and W.C. Fields routine complete with a chorus of "Willie Of The Valley." Soon it was quite clear to my parents that my 'creative flair' was not simply a phase.

I'd love to say that it was all sunshine and lollipops after that, but I'd be lying. 
The rest of my childhood was nothing short of a living hell. 

But at age 10 I was in my first play (a community theatre production of an old English melodrama), and I stole the show. I had finally found the one place I was happy and content. Not to mention safe from the constant torment that was the rest of my adolescence. 

Some would say that I escaped into my own private world with theatre. 
But I would say it gave me the chance to escape and join the world! 

As an adult, my performing has taken me all around the world on many wonderful adventures. It was not easy growing up 'different' in a small town in rural Washington. But I am forever thankful that Mrs. Carlson gave me hope that happiness was possible!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Reidar

Reidar, age 7
Seattle, Washington (1975)

Just a submission of me on my 7th birthday. I loved my Big Josh doll, who was a friend of Big Jim.

Our parents would usually try to get my brother and I similar gifts.

As our birthdays are just days apart,
Big Josh was my present.

Even though I had no idea what gay was back then, I knew I really liked that doll.....er....."action figure" a lot.

And I think my pic sure shows it. LOL!

My message to youth is:
Be yourself. The world today is a better place because of diversity.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
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Richard

Richard, age 2

Seattle, WA (1979)

Yup, that's me in a dress. I was 2, and a neighbor had given my stylish mom a hand-made, hand-me-down patchwork dress. And being their only child at the time, my folks thought it would be hilarious to have a little photo-shoot. As you can see, I enjoyed it a little too much.

Now, I'm not saying that my mom putting me in a dress made me gay.

I first knew something was up at age 11. I was being called gay and I didn't even know what it meant.

Remember kids, this was way before we could Google stuff.

Also then, I had a poster of MacGyver (my then favorite TV show) on my wall. I recall being drawn into Richard Dean Anderson’s seductive eyes, and we locked lips.

Well, my lips were locked onto a glossy poster over cool Gyprock plaster.

Through my first couple years of junior high, as much as I tried to keep on the down-low, I was subject to bullying. And I would fake being sick to stay at home. Ah, my thespian talents!

By senior year, I had taken those same thespian talents and won over my class, as I proudly owned up to my love of theater. And I let it be known that anyone who labeled it uncool was not worth my time.

It was also senior year that I secretly, semi-officially came out to my best girl friend (who I was rumored to be dating.) Despite being miles away, she continues to me be my rock and is there for me when I've needed her the most.

I came out to my parents when I was 19, after I moved to New York. They were confused and concerned at first, but they knew I wasn't a dummy. And they have always supported me in anything that made me happy.

How lucky am I to have such amazing parents? But looking back on this photo, how could I expect any less from them. They set up my first drag photo shoot!

Richard's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Richard Dean Anderson (on "MacGyver")

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Guy

Guy, age 8

Seattle, Washington (1970)

Here I am, ready to spring into action to deliver Easter treats! I was really channeling the Easter Bunny: note the way I'm holding my hands to simulate paws. Of course, I hopped around as much as possible when in this costume. Walking was so banal and just not the Easter Bunny way.

I was also probably inspired by Bobby Van, and his hopping number from the film "Small Town Girl." Stereotypically, I have enjoyed musicals from an early age.

It's a family trait.

Proto-gay that I was, I loved the crafty and decorative aspects of Easter.

One year, I made little Easter baskets for my family. I filled them with candy and placed them outside my siblings' bedrooms very early on Easter morning. As if the Easter Bunny was some kind of springtime surrogate for Santa Claus.

I think costumes and masks have been important to a lot of gay kids, long before they knew they were gay. They provided the opportunity to take on other personalities.

Paradoxically, we were more ourselves in costumes and masks.


Dressing up, it's as though we could take on our true personalities using the pretense of those costumes, and the creative freedom they provided.

While I didn't know I was gay at this tender age, I knew I wasn't like most of my contemporaries. Despite that, I didn't have a particularly difficult childhood. I was fortunate to have 7 older siblings who came of age during the various social revolutions of the 60's and 70's.

They weren't wildly non-conformist, but they weren't conformist either. And they suggested the possibility of independent thought and becoming whoever I wanted to be. I was also lucky to grow up in a home where education was highly valued.

We were raised Catholic, but were encouraged to read and to explore a broader world of ideas. This provided so many options.

I can't remember any same sex crushes from that era. I'm sure I had them, but
I was fickle too - moving on from one to the next like, well, the Easter Bunny.
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Tonny

Tonny, age 4

Seattle, WA (1988)

This was my 4th birthday, and it's the first birthday I remember. I grew up quite poor, so for birthdays, we typically only received one gift from our immediate family. And usually it was something we needed, like a pair of shoes.

I wanted a My Little Pony SO bad, I cried for it - and I wasn't the type of kid to ask for anything. So for my birthday, my parents got it for me knowing how bad I wanted it. Then, there are the two plastic pink elephants on my cake. I don't remember picking those out, but I must have. I mean, who else would!

I first felt different when I was in the 1st grade. I remember I had two friends:
"J" and "C", and they were best friends with each other. At lunch time, we all had to go use the restroom and wash up, so there would always be a line.

These two friends would always share a stall and pee together. I use to think,
"I wish 'J' ould ask me to pee with him." Now I realize he was my first crush.

An early memory I have that screams "gay" was watching my concert VHS tapes. They were with Debbie Gibson, Paula Abdul, or Janet Jackson. I'd put all my toys on the floor around the bed, and I would pretend that I was the star. My toys were the audience, and the TV was my big screen projector. And I would think:

"This show is going to be big, and everyone will remember it."

My family has been more supportive than I can imagine. Since coming out, I am even closer with them, more than I have been my entire life.

For those of you who are in a rough spot in your life, I just want you to know that you matter, and you can make a difference in the world.

Your race, sexual orientation, gender, age, height, weight, shoe size or any of that, does not define you. What you do with your life does.

So put on your own show for everyone to remember.

Joe

Joe, age 3

Kent, WA (1983)

I love that I had a fashion sense early on. I knew at this age that I would always looks good in red, and the matching rainbow boots were to die for. Also, check out that pose. I was hot and I knew it! The fabric was scraps left over from a dress that my mother had made herself, and I thought that it would be fun to imitate her and make a dress of my own.

I always knew that I was different, as I was more interested in playing with the girls in my neighborhood then the boys.

They were fascinated with football and playing army, and I wanted to play house, dress up, Barbie, and My Little Pony. And I had a whole herd of my own dolls.

I was also into shows like He-Man and She-Ra, the former because of the hot bod and the latter because she was a kick-ass type of gal.

I also loved Jem & The Holograms, Smurfs, Pound Puppies, and Rainbow Brite. Which I confess,
I still watch now in my 30's.

My parents were always good about letting me be me, and expressing myself the way I wanted to.

Some parents of friends, however, banned me from their house for playing with Barbies. 

Coming out was not difficult for me, and my relationship with my parents is wonderful. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I feel that I have been lucky, in that being gay has not been discouraged by those that I consider important in my life.

And I would like to say to all of the gay youth out there:
Being who you are is the greatest thing you can do.
Don’t let anyone discourage you.

Joe's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Joey McIntyre (New Kids on the Block)

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Sarah

Sarah, age 10

Brooklyn, WA (1996)

I'm on the left in the pic. I didn't really think of myself as being different growing up, since I aspired to be just like my brothers. I remember just wanting to be one of the boys since the beginning.

My mom used to joke about me always dressing like my brothers, often calling us her three sons.

I know my father was often lectured by his conservative Latino family for allowing me to wear boy's clothing.

However, my parents always allowed me to create my own identity.

And I am now living out and proud with the support of both my mom and dad.

Sarah's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jennifer Connelly (in "Labyrinth")

I was 5 at the time. But I've had a thing for brunettes ever since :D
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Jimmy

Jimmy, age 11

Randle, Washington (1993)

Growing up in a small town the size of a highway was never easy. Boys definitely played boy roles, and girls played girl roles. And I was caught in the middle, and always felt closer with girls my whole life. I also felt I had to be a girl in order to be with a boy, and I didn't know what "gay" was. I had that feeling until age 11, and then my mindset changed, and I finally stopped asking God why.

I figured out that I liked who I was, and I could be with a boy and stay a boy. I never felt like I was a girl, so why change that?

I was always teased because I was much more feminine than anyone else in my school.

I always tried to act tougher, but it was never me, nor did it fool anybody. And when I tried to change who I was, it only made things worse.

But along with the teasing, threats ruled my life. I came home from school many times crying, running into my mother's arms. And, asking her what a "f*g" was.

I'm lucky that my mom and dad were always there for me. Maybe it's because they saw what I went through daily, or that I had a bit more skip to my step.

Now every step I take is with my head held high, instead of looking towards the ground and hoping nobody screams anymore names at me. 

All the good and the bad from my childhood made me the man who I am today, and I love that person. I left that small town and now live in San Francisco, where I can walk down any street holding my partner's hand without fear.

In the near future we hope to adopt and expand our family, and we've been chatting about it on our blog, DaddiesJourney. In the end, it was all worth it.

Jimmy's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mario Lopez (on "Saved By The Bell")

I remember growing up and dreaming about Slater
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Zane

Zane, age 9

Redmond, Washington (1999)

The story behind this pic goes a little deeper than you'd expect. It's evidence of my mother's failed attempt to get me to act more feminine. Back then, I was a confused 9-year old little girl, who wanted to be a boy who liked boys.

I remember my first love. His name was Cornelious, the Prince from the animated kids film, "Thumbelina," and I knew it was love at first sight.

I also knew that he'd never love me back until I became a boy.

Oh, the logic of a 9-year old...

I wasn't your average trans kid.

Being a tomboy had its moments, but never really appealed to me. I wanted to be a boy, but I still wanted to be able to play with my Barbies and sing and dance.

Today, I'm a not-so-typical
 21-year old gay man, with his black belt in taekwondo, a love for Star Trek, and a passion for dance.

Looks like nothing much has changed.
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Tony

Tony, age 8

Seattle, Washington (1970)

My photo shows me on a warm July day holding our neighbor’s cat. I'm oddly dressed in a green wool sweater, long pants, and my Buster Brown shoes. My bedroom inside the house is immaculate. I'm polite and helpful, just as my report card proves. And I have excellent handwriting.

34 years have since passed, and I ponder what I would tell my kid-self now, if I had the chance.

Do I warn him about what's to come in the next 25 years?

Or do I just embrace him, pull him close, and whisper gently in his ear, ‘Just hang in there!’

I might have to whisper in his ear other words, like gay and pride and therapy and even suicide.

Should I tell this gallant and courteous A-student with the Disney "Jungle Book" lunch-box what I now believe he should know?

Should I explain it all to him preemptively, before the "different" feelings start, even though he's already having them?

Not just yet, I guess.

What my picture shows is accurate to what I would eventually put myself through, and what other gay boys put themselves through:

Me at age 8, being such a good boy, and already pretending that I loved pussy.

Tony's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Edward Mulhare (in "The Ghost & Mrs. Muir")

Robert Redford (in "The Way We Were")

Talk about 'daddies!' When Redford's in bed with Streisand, his meadow of wheat-blond chest hair glowing in the moonlight, I got a stirring in the theater.

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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Reese

Reese, age 5

Bellingham, WA (1991)

I knew I was gay when I was 5-years old. I remember having a crush on a fellow 5-year old classmate named Dustin, and I remember how hard I cried when he moved away just before 1st grade started.

I was only able to rebound, because of my (secret) crush on Speed Racer, as well as my obsession with the fierce yellow jumpsuit worn by Ms. April O'Neil from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, perhaps my first gay icon.

I also remember my love of the "hand on the hip" pose, as is evident in the pic. If anything, looking back on photos of me like this makes me remember how un-self-conscious I was when so young.

Once I hit 5th grade, things changed. That's when the bullying started, the name-calling, the getting my ass kicked after school, etc. etc. etc. All those things that so many of us have to deal with.

Things got easier in my later high school years, but once graduation hit, I packed up and got the hell out of my small town. I moved to nearby Seattle, where I still reside.

My parents were always supportive of me, but there's one memory in particular that sticks out to me, as the first moment that my mother truly offered her love and support to me, without being too mushy.


Mom and I used to sit on the couch, eat popcorn and Doritos, and watch "Melrose Place" together when I was about 7-years old. There was a gay character on the show, a doctor portrayed by Doug Savant. In one episode, he kisses another man, or it's implied that they've had sex or something.

I remember when the episode ended and the credits were rolling, my mom turned to me and said: 'Reese, that character is gay. And that's okay.'

For anyone who feels like an outsider now:

Don't let the bullies win, always be yourself, and don't hesitate in contacting a GLBT group or Gay/Straight Alliance for support.

Someone is always out there to help you.
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