Erica

Erica, age 3

Bedford, Texas (1999)

I'm too queer to be straight, yet too straight to be queer. 

I grew up as a huge tomboy, always wanting to play with Legos and GI Joe dolls, but my parents insisted I have a bunch of "girly" toys instead.

I was always jealous of my younger brothers, who were both really into cars, Legos and Nerf guns. I was very unlike my younger sister, who adored frills, pink, and wearing makeup. Thus my mother always complained I wasn't feminine enough.

I always played "doctor" with the neighborhood girls, having my head against their chest.  

The one who got away, was this beautiful girl named Alyssa. 
We were both really into each other, and I wanted her to be my girlfriend. 

Eventually, I stopped talking to her, as she had gotten back with her boyfriend. It wasn't until years later she told me she had a huge crush on me, too. 

Frustrating.

I haven't came out as bisexual to my family yet as they are homophobic. I hear the words "It's just a phase!" or "Are you sure you're not just gay?" all the time.

Nope, I'm not "just gay," as I am crazy in love with my loving boyfriend, 
who just sees me as a wonderful person. No labels needed!

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Wendell

Wendell & Rick, age 3 and 5

Brownsville, Texas (1955)

Here's my brother Rick dressed as Davy Crockett's wife Polly and I'm dressed as his husband Davy. He carefully draped cloth over his head to make lovely hair and wore a bath robe for her beautiful dress. He placed a piece of white cloth on my head (which is supposed to be a coonskin hat) so I could be his husband.

I decided Davy needed a nice dress also, so I tied a belt around a brightly colored pillow and placed it in front of me as a skirt. Then we added Ricky's prized "Tiny Tears" doll as our darling child to complete the picture.

When Daddy saw us, he was not interested in taking a picture, so Ricky sent me to do it. I was the baby and still Daddy's favorite, so talked him in to it. I waited until my mother had had a few cocktails and then went in to convince her to get Daddy to take these pictures. 

He was willing to take my picture but did not want to take Ricky's.

"But you have to," I told him. "He is my wife. Davy loves Polly very much."
Daddy thought this was very funny and took these pictures.

Later we saw a faux coon skin at the store and I was asked if I wanted to try it on. I did, but when I felt the tail I freaked out and started crying. When they asked what was wrong, I said: "He killed that cat!"

In 5th grade I broke with Davy Crockett for good when I wrote a school report about the U.S. government's policy of exterminating buffalo to destroy Native American culture. I also discovered that Davy was an alcoholic murderer and racist who killed a black man and got away with it, claiming he was too drunk to know what he was doing. I titled it "DAVY CROCKETT WAS A MURDERER!"

My teacher was a bit nervous about this. 

She gave me a good grade but made me change the title.

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Robert

Robert, age 5
White Settlement, Texas (1943)

This was snapped on my first day of school, in a place called "Liberator Village." "Liberators" were bomber war planes made in a factory there, and my tiny Mama crawled inside their wings and welded things.

Back then, kids couldn't start school till after their 6th birthday. But because Mama didn't want me to wait till I was nearly 7 to start, she falsified my birth date so I could start when I was still age 5.

Because I read well, I was quickly promoted to 2nd grade. Although lonely among older kids, I wasn't afraid of school.

One summer, I had lured neighbor boys into the schoolhouse's deeply-recessed doorways to play "You show me yours, I’ll show you mine."

I never had problems about my gayness. Because homosexuality was so feared,
no one ever talked about it or warned me against it. So I wasn't indoctrinated.

Also, I read Sappho, Catullus, Isherwood, and Auden early, and it was actually harder being smart than it was being gay.

I was beat up through high-school for "carrying too many books." Although both straight and gay boys attended my notorious "slumber parties," they were afraid to befriend me in everyday life.

Thus, I lived vicariously through movies and books, and instead of having steady boyfriends, I secretly worshiped movie star Tab Hunter.

Later in life I was alone and maladjusted. I dropped out of college and was thrown out of the Air Force. I fortunately visited New York and wandered into the Caffe Cino, the first Off-Off Broadway Theatre - and the birthplace of gay theatre.

And it was there, at last, that I found artistic, intelligent, gay friends and lovers. Though I was openly gay, I had an international playwrighting career.

It’s somewhat easier being gay today, but things can change in an instant.
Or worse, they can change with an election. So be wise and be wary, kids.
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Karl

Karl, age 3
Arlington, Texas (1964)

In this family photo, I was consciously trying to be cute and coy for the cameraman. At that age I just wanted to be around other males, as all the neighborhood kids and my young cousins were girls. And my father was the physically-present but emotionally-absent type.

At school I figured out that I was more interested in music than most other boys. I wasn't good at sports, so I thought my feelings toward guys were just hero worship.

As a teen I became more aware of my attraction to men, but I just didn't know what to call it.

In 1977, I got my first job as a puppeteer at Six Flags Over Texas. That is where I learned what "gay" meant - while learning the lyrics to "A Chorus Line," "Annie," and "The Rocky Horror Picture Show."

Now I knew what to call what I'd been feeling, although I was terrified by what my church thought of it.

And then Baptist Panic set in: my Youth Minister assisted me in writing a letter declining to return to performing the next season. I was – and still am – a very good puppeteer; I think I could have gone far if I had just kept with it. Still, my attractions would not disappear.

Fighting my urges, I put myself through pastoral counseling to attempt to become straight. I soon attended college with the goal of becoming a Baptist music minister. And neither of those things happened for me.

After three years of counseling I accepted myself, I came out, and I immediately thought, "What am I going to do with this degree?" - and a job that has nothing to do with music.

But I'm now a volunteer performer with the local gay band and an orchestra, and I sign interpret the songs at the largest primarily gay church in the world.

Through my interest in music I met my wonderful spouse of 13 years, who sings opera part-time. One sister is very accepting of me and my partner, the other isn't – but that’s OK.

If I could tell my younger self anything, it would be to not care what others thought and to go ahead and to be himself.
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Danny

Danny, age 5
Brownwood, Texas (1956)

Looks a little too happy for a small-town Texas kid, doesn't it? I love this picture now, and about two years later, I knew it was boys I liked.

I experimented with the boys around me through Cub and Boy Scouts during junior and high school, and I came out once I was on my own.

I don't remember much in the way of teasing or bullying as I was growing up. For one thing,
I was smarter than the rest of the kids in my classes, so the teachers noticed me.

I also had a big brother who was tough. Unlike the rest of my family, he looked out for me.

Soon after this photo was taken, the rest of my family began mocking my comedy and dance routines. They would drag me out and make me perform in front of neighbors - for the express purpose of everyone having a laugh, but me.

And not the good-natured kind of laughter.

But when I got away from them 13 years later, I became a professional performer and pursued it for 20 years.

So my advice to the gay kids of today is: Keep your dreams close.
And don't give anyone the power to take them away from you.

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Taylor

Taylor, age 4
Denton, Texas (1991)

When I was a young girl, I always wanted to have short hair and wear boys' clothes. I hated girl clothes, because they were too bright and sparkly. I didn't want to be sparkly, I wanted to play with cars, trucks, G.I. Joe, and Nintendo.

But when Christmas and birthdays rolled around, I
was always bought dolls and Barbies - because I was a girl, and those were "girl" toys.

I soon got my revenge by cutting off the dolls' hair, so it was short like mine. And I would have my girl Barbies marry each other.

High school was tough because of ignorant idiots, and my raging hormones going nuts around every woman.

But after years of depression and self hatred and a couple of suicide attempts, I've learned that I am a wonderful, loving, caring person. When I came out at age 20, it was more like, "Yeah we knew. We were just waiting for you to tell us."
My mom had a tougher time accepting it, but she loves me because I'm her baby and she wants me to be happy.

And I know that life gets better! I've met so many wonderful people who have become friends, family, and lovers. They all support and accept me for who I am, and I know that I will continue to meet those wonderful people to my dying day.

Today, my hair is still short, and I simply write off the people who are ignorant and hateful towards me. And a lot has changed since I posted my story here: I have come out as a transgender man and I'm in the process of starting the physical change.

I don't regret identifying as lesbian because it helped me be strong in coming out as trans. And to all the LGBTQ kids reading this:

Know that you are loved and wanted.

Taylor's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Alicia Silverstone & Jessica Rabbit
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Alex

Alex, age 7
Glenrose, TX (1995)

This picture was taken at Dinosaur Valley State Park in Glenrose, Texas.
I found it a few years ago, and my first thought was, "I look like such a girl!"

When I was 3, my grandparents took my brother and I toy shopping. My brother picked out a battery operated robot.
I wanted a GoGo My Walkin' Pup - basically a girl's robotic poodle. Amazingly, they bought it for me!

I've known I was different since age 3, but I don't think I'd ever heard the word 'gay' until 14. And I wouldn't admit to myself that I was until 20.

And in Texas, we didn't talk about gay people, unless to call someone a f*g. Throughout middle school, that someone was usually me.

I came out to my family at 21, and they couldn't have been better about it.

Everything is so much easier now that I've gotten out of my own way and allowed myself to be the man I was born to become.

Today, I'm sort of a mixed bag kind of gay. I like being athletic and working out, but I also like quilting. My main passion is being as limitlessly creative as I possibly can, and I've written seven books to date. One is about my experiences growing up gay in rural Texas.

If I could say one thing to anyone questioning themselves, it would be this:
In a contest between your head and your heart, always follow your heart.

Your head is subject to the opinions of the most charismatic person you meet.
But your heart is always the purest, most undiluted voice of who YOU really are.

Alex's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Austin St. John (the Red Power Ranger)
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Kellie

Kellie, age 4
Ector, TX (1973)

When I was little, I often wondered how long it would be until I was big enough to drive that tractor. That day I was obviously too little, so I played on it and sang "Delta Dawn" by Helen Reddy. I don't remember doing it, but I know that is the song, because my lovely mother noted it on the back of the picture.

When I was in 2nd grade my teacher called my parents in and told them she thought I was gay. I suppose I was posturing in a way that was too masculine for her liking. I never knew of this accusation, or even what "gay" was at that time. But when I came out in my mid 20's, my mother told me about it.

I had frequent crushes on girls - sometimes my best friend, but not always - mainly starting in high school. I had 3 different boyfriends then and into college, but they just served the purpose of someone to go to events and dances with.

I kept my sexuality under tight wraps until I was in graduate school. The only hard part about coming out was watching my parents cry. And cry, they did.
But they came around a few months later.

Today, I am a completely out gay in a smallish town in Texas. I've been called a dyke on a few dozen occasions. "That's Dr. Dyke to you," I respond, with a smile. I love being gay, and I can't begin to imagine being any other way.

When I look at this photo now, I think about how big that tractor seemed to me back then. As a grown-up, on occasion, I drive much bigger tractors than this.

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

David

David, age 9
Longview, TX (1978)

"Grease" was the word back then, and I was no exception. Seeing John Travolta on the big screen gave me a funny feeling in my nether regions. And I knew then that something was different from the other boys who had the same reaction, except over Olivia Newton-John.

I believe I wore this T-shirt out.
It basically fell apart, and still I fought my mom to keep it.

The music of the day was, yes, disco, and I loved it: "Knock On Wood,"
"Le Freak," "Heart of Glass" etc.

I even had my very own polyester Hustle suit, performing "Do The Hustle" to anyone who'd watch.

It's no wonder I was picked on, since
I would wear my suit to school and dance The Hustle there as well.


Growing up in a small town isn't unique. Yet I felt the brunt of being different more, because I'd been molested during this time. In this photo, I see the David who trusted everyone. And a boy with deep sadness behind those smiling eyes.

My experiences as a young gay boy in a small - and small-minded - town were typical: extreme bullying from both boys and girls. Now that I can look back,
I still see the looks on the faces of those who were fearful of what I represented.

But now, I also see the fear in their eyes. They're the product of parents who were ignorant, and it trickled down to their children.

Life has been kind to me through the years, so I can, with ease, forgive those trespasses against me. And I am more able to love and receive love, because of the tough experiences that I thought would never to end.

But they most certainly do end, and life gets so much more rich as one matures.
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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Joel

Joel, age 7

Houston, TX (1977)

This photo was shot in Galveston, Texas where I still often retreat for all the good memories of being at the beach. My cousins, my brother, sister, and I all grew up kind of like siblings. We all got attention in our own way.

I loved watching the "Super Friends" and Godzilla movies on Saturday mornings.
I was not too precocious, but I was different.

I was often the gentler boy, and I knew I was gay in junior high school. But I was a husky, so no one really messed with me or picked on me, except my own brother. While I could have done without his bullying, in some ways, it made me a fighter.

My story is not as horrifying as what could have been, but my Southern Baptist faith and fear of God kept me in the closet until I was 34. Thankfully, my mom and dad were supportive when I came out. And my pivotal moment was a collision of faith and identity, as the Bible says "The truth shall set you free."

So I held on to that promise. I thought it was worse lying about myself, than facing the truth about how I love.

So my message to the LGBTQ youth of today is: Stay true to yourself.
The only ones you are accountable to are yourself, and your God.

Joel's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Ricky Schroeder (in "Silver Spoons")
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David

David, age 8

Corpus Christi, TX (1988)

When I came out to my mom in high school, she told me she already knew.

Judging by the picture I've posted,
well - of course she knew!

Throughout my childhood, my mom nurtured my creativity. And she never tried to instill in me the "normal" behavior for boys.

From dancing around wearing her bangles, or singing along to Bette Midler's "Perfect Isn't Easy" from "Oliver & Company," my mom just let me be ME.


Sure, my mom worried about how the world would treat me, but she never felt that it gave her cause to change my behavior.

She knew that with a strong foundation of love and acceptance at home, I could take on the hate I might encounter elsewhere.

DC

DC, age 7

Victoria, Texas (1974)

At work the other day, while mopping the floor with one of those old stringy mops, I had a flashback to when I was about 8 years old. I was at my Grandmother's house, and I grabbed her mop from the garage. Leaning it up against a chair, I began playing "beauty parlor" by braiding and combing that nasty, dirty mop head. This, while my brothers were outside playing in the dirt.

I knew I was different from a very young age. When I was about 5,
I remember asking my mom if she thought I had a good figure.
She told me, "Little boys don't worry about their figures."

Growing up in a small South Texas town in the 1970's, there were no gay role models. I didn’t even know what being gay was. Yet, people at school called me "f*ggot." How did they know
I was gay before I did?

Did they somehow see my eyes lingering on the guy in the 7-Up commercial that I loved so much?

Or did they know how happy I was when MTV would play Elton John's "I’m Still Standing" video?

I didn’t know I was attracted to men, I just thought I was jealous of them.
It was the only emotion I could link my feelings to.

Years later, I realized that people who call other people names, are only doing it because of ignorance. I now forgive them for that, as the bigger person.

I came out in college. Lucky for me, I have amazingly supportive parents. When I was trying to tell my mom I was gay, I couldn't get the words out through the tears. She finished my sentence for me and hugged me.

"It doesn’t matter to me one bit, sweetie," she said. "I'll tell Daddy, and at least I know I'll always have someone to go shopping with." I love my mom.

Being a gay teen is never going to be easy, but you can be happy.
I found happiness, and April 2 will be my 20-year anniversary with my partner.
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Mark

Mark, age 8

Houston, TX (1967)

I grew up with a conservative, though not religious, Texas family. When I was 7, my mother caught me with a neighbor boy in my pup tent in our backyard one afternoon. We were unclothed and in full glory.  Awkward!

Afterward, my mother asked me about it. I don’t recall my answer, but clearly understood that she was quite concerned.

My mother never told my dad about that incident.

As far as I was concerned, what I was doing was totally natural. But I realized that I had to hide my activities.

I experimented with a string of neighbor boys until I was 14.
At that point, I realized I might get caught by the wrong person.

I had no idea I was gay yet. In my environment there was simply no word for it.

I wasn't effeminate, but was always small for my age. Perhaps the only reason I was never beaten up was because I loved masculine energy.


I played Army, built forts, often played in the mud, went skinny-dipping with friends, was an avid Cub and Boy Scout, and even a US Marine.

On the outside I was the quintessential boy, and enjoyed regular boy activities. Yet inside, something was always missing. What was missing, was coming out and acknowledging I was gay.

When my blond, attractive girlfriend failed to "make the gay go away" when I was 23, I dropped the pretense (and her), and went to a gay bar. I discovered it quite by accident, and it was located only a few blocks from where I lived at the time. I was out with a vengeance and rapidly made up for lost time.

After a couple of failed attempts at relationship building, I found my man.
We've been together since 1988, and got married in California 20 years later.

I opened up to my creative self and I'm a published novelist now, too.
And I love our gay life together here in Chicago.

Mark's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Lance Kerwin (in "James At 15")
We're the same age, and I devoured everything I could find with him in it.
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Mike

Mike, age 6

Houston, Texas (1975)

I was born a biological female in 1969, but knew as young as age 4 that I was 'different.' I didn't have the vocabulary for it, but I just always knew I was a boy. I think the picture says a lot about how happy I was, when I got to be ME.

Back then, I was very sad.
I used to lay in bed at night, wishing I'd wake up and be a boy on the outside, too.

I wanted to grow up big and strong and have a wife and kids, but I didn't think that would ever happen.

I was lucky enough to have parents that allowed me some freedom to choose, when it came to my hair and my clothes.

I was very into superheroes, like Superman and Batman.


I think I really connected with feeling powerful, and being able to accomplish great feats. Perhaps because deep down, I knew someday I would embark on a journey that would test me to the core.

When I look at this picture now, it makes me smile. Even when I didn't realize it, I think I had great courage. I was bullied from about 7th to 11th grade - to the point of wanting to end it all. And I am so thankful I didn't!!

I transitioned to male in 1998, with the support of most of my friends and family, and I've had a FANTASTIC life. I have a beautiful wife and kids now, and I am living the life I dreamed about as a small child, but feared I would never have.

I would say to all the young people out there:
It really DOES get better.

You can choose how to live your life, and there are SO many people out there ready to help you!

Mike's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Farrah Fawcett

I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.
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Mike

Mike, age 8

Houston, Texas (1991)

One of these boys is not like the other...

"And the Rainbow Badge Goes To...."

With my red hair, pale skin, and delicate features, there's some rage detected in my face. Juxtaposed against these smiling, eager-eyed, young Scouts, it was due to the fact that I didn't want sun damage to cause wrinkles for me later in life.

I obviously took the time to make sure that I had socks to match my kerchief. And my shirt was nice and starched, and I was also well aware that the fashion trend of acid-washed jeans was headed out the door.

While the other boys slouched and sat in poor posture, I sat demure. It's as if I were a Victorian lady, awaiting a parasol and lace gloves to cover my dainty hands. I took the time to be fabulous, while no one else had. For this, I was not having being a Boy Scout.

The irony that a young gay boy wouldn't find Boy Scout meetings to be a safe haven from the outside world seems funny to me now. Themed outfits, arts and crafts, and plenty of opportunities to work out with other guys? All of these STILL being my favorite things to do now.

I looked at The Boy Scouts of America website, and looked at reasons why you should enroll your kid into the Scouts. It states this:

"Scouting provides youth with a sense that they are important as individuals.
It is communicated to them that those in the Scouting family care about what happens to them, regardless of whether a game is won or lost"

For the young and old gays alike out there, that feel as if they have lost this game of life? My message is: Don't give up.

For those who are stuck in Scouts because their parents feel like they should be doing what the "other boys" do, I would ask that they stick it out. But always make sure you stay fabulous doing so.

It sounds cliche' saying that time heals all wounds, but it does.... Scouts honor.

Frank

Frank, age 6

El Paso, TX (1990)

I grew up in a Christian home. My mother always gave us the best of the best,
at least to me, and she always worked hard to make sure we didn't lack anything. I'm the youngest of 7 kids, and there's 7 years between my next older sibling.
So that's probably why I was a bit spoiled.

At age 8, I got involved with the Royal Rangers, the church version of the Boy Scouts.

It was there I realized that I was different, but my feelings were confirmed later that year at a summer camp. 

One night I had my first encounter when I was kissed on the lips by my tent partner. He was a boy who, in my opinion, acted quite girly.

For years I prayed to be rid of the feelings I had, but my prayers were never answered. Therefore I viewed it as just being born this way.



A weekend visit to my mother's house from college was the time that I came out to her. Scared that she would react otherwise, she said, "I always knew you were different. But regardless, you'll always be my little boy." To hear that has given me great courage in life.

I was later in my first relationship, which was extremely abusive. But 4 years later and 1100 miles from home, I decided I didn't want to be beaten anymore.
So I ended the relationship.

Two years later, I found a wonderful guy who I'm now married to, and I couldn’t be happier. Funny to mention, but many people tell me that if I didn't tell them I was gay, they wouldn't have figured it out.

One thing that I would like to tell any young person out there:

Live for today, and don't worry about tomorrow.
When you start regretting your past, then that's when you stop living.

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