Noah

Noah, age 4
Portland, Maine (1992)

Even though I didn't realize it until I was in my first year of college, my parents knew I was gay when I was 3-years old.

On Christmas Day of 1991, my parents got my sister a dress and got me a tuxedo.

I burst out crying when both gifts were opened, because I wanted a dress like my sister's.

They returned the tux and bought me a dress instead. And I wore that thing, and my pink jelly sandals, until they both were worn out.

As you can see, I was still wearing them both during summer 1992, as seen in my photo.

So after all the Barbie dolls, putting on my sister's clothing, and dressing up as a bride in a wedding, I finally realized I was gay 15 years later.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Steve

Steve, age 3
Waterford, Maine (1969)

I'm sitting here at our campsite on Papoose Pond, wearing my Indian headband with the pink feather in front like a showgirl. Toes gleefully pointed. Smiling.
It's possible this photo was taken at the very moment Judy Garland died.

I was always dressed in red, my towheaded older brother in blue. Later that got switched. Maybe my mother thought I'd attract less attention in blue.

I was a good student with plenty of friends, until my town merged with another in junior high. Kids I hadn't grown up with tormented me. The dreaded F word. Some old friends jumped ship and unfriended me. I tried fitting in for about a minute, but this was classic rock country, and I liked Blondie and The B-52's.

I told my girlfriend I was gay. She told me she was a lesbian. Other friends I told were cool with it. In high school the artsy upperclassmen protected me, and the worst was over by about 16. I didn't come out to my parents until after college. Mom wasn't surprised, but Dad laughed and said he never would've known.

When I moved to Hollywood there were gay people everywhere. I became a noted drag performer (the original Sharon Needles) and made fabulous friends. I wore red unless I'd bleached my hair, in which case I'd wear blue.

And I loved my big gay demimonde.

After I moved back east to be near my dying father, there were some unhappy years. The bar and the after party are the wrong place to grieve. Happily,
I bounced back, and I'm grateful for my life today.

Being gay doesn't define me. I'm much more than just that.
But looking at this picture now, I absolutely love it. That's the real me.

And I want to keep that kid smiling, and maybe give him another feather.

Steve's first, famous person same-sex crush:
Ralph Carter (Michael on "Good Times")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Kyle

Kyle, age 3

Sugarloaf, ME (1987)

This image has always represented an internal projection of myself at quiet. The memory might be fabricated from various stories and visits to the mountain, but I can still smell that tulip. And feel the warmth of a wood fire and the comfort of surrounding family. It reminds me what I imagine feeling whole would be like.

"Face deep in a tulip at the cabin."

I was always some version of "different."

Different smart, different social, different gay.

I rehearsed Michael Jackson routines at 4, and memorized a graduate microbiology textbook at 5.


I knew I was gay at 12, though my peers had been letting me know for some time longer. My dad knew how hard things were for me in high school, adding 30 minutes to his commute every morning so I wouldn't have to ride the bus.

I walked from class to class outside, and picked class seating at the nearest exits or doors. And while I was a coward in this environment, I spoke with conviction and poise in front of news crews and politicians: A place where I could focus my energies and could enact change, as I found my own situation immovable.

My message for kids today is:

I've learned you must be your own advocate, if you cannot find one. Whatever pain or disillusionment you experience must be redirected, or it will weigh you down. Be fiercely loyal to your friends. And never let someone project their inadequacies onto you. Love unconditionally and try to be kind.

Unless someone is messing with you. In which case, aim for their "psychological knees" and be unrepentant in defending yourself, and those you love. A bully is at its weakest and most dangerous when challenged.

So, approach them with caution - but don’t back down

Kyle's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Aladin
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Shannon

Shannon, age 6

Gardiner, Maine (1984)

This is me in costume before my very first dance recital, and I was THRILLED. Honestly, I've been gay for as long as I can remember, or at the very least "different", and was able to put appropriate words to it later.

"I do believe in faeries!"

There was a huge sense of closeted shame back then, and when kids on the bus found out I took dance lessons, they'd sing Lionel Ritchie's "Ballerina Girl" to mock me.

But at the same time, I wanted to perform and feel the joy I felt when I was dancing on stage.

There was a time when I would beg to go to dance class, and pictures like this one would be the result. And then my parents would be too embarrassed to display them. That act only served to cement the shame I felt about my desires - be they gay, gender-different, or simply theatrical.

Now I look at this photo and am so proud of the strength I had at such a young age, to try and pursue my own personal truth.

And I can't think of a better lesson to impart to other gay kids. 

Shannon's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Patrick Swayze

'Cuz he liked to dance too!!!

Andrew

Andrew, age 2

Portland, Maine (1988)

I remember as a kid, I always wanted to be the mom when my playmates and I played house. Of course, this caused a lot of issues between us, as our engendered gender roles had taken effect. There was more of an uproar that my parents' son wanted to be a mother, but there were no issue with the weird girl who wanted to be the family dog. Hey, at least I still wanted to be human -- just sayin'.

"Just next door -- blowing bubbles..."

There was a lot of family disagreement on whether I should play with Barbies or not. There is obviously nothing heterosexual about a male child wanting to play with and undress female dolls.

I don't remember this picture being taken, but I do remember my family used to talk about this picture a lot. As if, this was the time JUST before I "turned."


But, what I see in this picture is myself, who was -  and always will be - queer. And who wanted to be the mother, and wanted to play with Barbies.

I never had a memory of thinking I was "normal." I was always wearing t-shirts around my waist and putting the sleeves in as if they were pockets.
I loved wearing heels - they made me taller and made a clanking sound on the linoleum floor of the kitchen, a sound I still enjoy today.

When I was younger, puberty hit pretty young for me, around the same time as the girls. I remember thinking Erik Von Detten was so hot. Disney obviously sells sex to children.

Because at 8, I remember thinking some naughty, dirty things - and even thinking about being a housewife to Erik Von Detten.

Andrew's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Erik Von Detten (in "The Princess Diaries")

Peter

Peter, age 6
Portland, ME (1949)

This is just a school photo of me. I really don’t have any photos depicting me in gay poses because I’ve never been even the slightest bit feminine. Well, one exception – I was 17 and working for my future brother-in-law at his gas station, and figured that gay guys should have SOMETHING feminine about them. So I grew my fingernails about a half-inch long. But they interfered with my work (mechanic – gas pump jockey), so I cut them off after a couple of months.

I was once a horse trainer, and at 22, one of the first guys I chased around was a younger stable boy. But I never did get him (dammit!). 

From as far back as I can remember, I've always known that I was different. My interests in humans has always been directed toward men, although I didn’t know what a "fag" was until I got into school. I was always playing cars and trucks in the dirt like the other boys, and was never interested in "girlie" things.

But I REALLY liked all the wrestling we did as kids. I knew it made me aroused, but hadn't realized why at that point.

In 1st grade, I got the crap kicked out of me because some 3rd grader decided that he didn’t like the way I talked (I have a cleft palate – without the hair lip though). I decided then and there that the experience was so distasteful, to say the least, that I would NEVER allow that to happen again. I quickly learned how to take care of myself, and have never taken any crap from anyone for any reason since.

I eventually came out at 17 when my dad asked why I never brought my friends to the house. After I told him that it was because they were gay - and so was I - he didn’t speak to me for 3 weeks. Eventually, he ended up trying to fix me up with the son of one of his employees. I told him that I'd rather find my own dates.

I've always been interested in all things mechanical. I've worked as an ironworker, a car mechanic, and I'm now self-employed with a restaurant and cafeteria/cooking hood-cleaning business.

While I don't advertise being gay, I never steer away from an opportunity to educate the straight world that gay is who we are, and it's OK. This is the way God created us, and that they can either get over it - or spend their lives fuming about it. That is the only choice in the matter!

I've been blessed with supportive family and friends, most of whom are straight. I live in a small town of 3,500 in Arizona and live a completely open life here.

The only way my life could be any better (maybe), is if I won the Lottery. 

Peter's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Ricky Nelson ("Ozzie & Harriet")