Shannon

Shannon, age 10

Hamilton, Indiana (1983)

Here I am on my first of many motorcycles, in all of my moto glory! I had an older brother I idolized and was raised on a lake, in a neighborhood of boys. Clearly I wanted to be one! I suppose my parents wrote it off as self-preservation at the time, but I knew deep down it was my truth bubbling to the surface.

I played with dolls too, but I was often the "spouse" who kissed my significant other goodbye in the morning, tousled the doll's hair, and whistled as I headed out the door with my proverbial briefcase.

My Mom sent this picture to me about 5 years ago with a note that read:
"I suppose we should have seen it coming..." I called her then and we had a good laugh about what we both overlooked at the time. Being raised in the Midwest in the 80s/90s didn’t allow for much diversity. And being gay wasn't an option.

I love that my parents bought me dolls, motorcycles, and anything else that seemed important to me. Whether they knew it or not, they gave me a safe, loving environment to discover my true self. It took me well into adulthood to figure it all out, but at the end of the day I thanked my parents for their unconditional love.

I came out when I was 30 and one of my friends said it was 'too easy' for me.
I had parents who continued to love me unconditionally, friends who were accepting, and I worked for a gay-friendly company in San Francisco at the time.

In hindsight it may have looked easy, but I went through years of torment;
I never felt like I fit in anywhere. Sure I kissed the little boys on the playground like everyone else, but I was secretly longing for my 2nd grade teacher. She was beautiful, smart, and confident. And all I really wanted was to stay inside during recess and be in her presence.

My path was full of batons, tap shoes, motorcycles, dolls, and Hot Wheels and I wouldn’t trade any of those, because each experience made me who I am today.
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Shannon

Shannon, age 4

New York, New York (1970)

I grew up as an only child, and despite the cheerful smile, I hated sitting for portraits. Why? Because I was forced to wear a dress. My mother secretly wanted a little boy, so she indulged my preference for short hair, hatred of dolls, and passion for anything from the boys' department. Except, of course, when I had my picture taken. At that point, she would make sure I "straightened up" for the event - dressing me in ribbons and feminizing me as best she could. But she already knew that, for me, a frilly dress symbolized hell on earth!

"Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber: The Prequel"

When I was 3 or 4 and started watching TV shows, I became acutely aware of feeling attracted to women. I even had a type! Bossy brunettes.

Suzanne Pleshette was a big crush. I also liked Aneta Corsaut and Marlo Thomas.

And I'd go mad for Elizabeth Montgomery when she played Serena on "Bewitched."

Years later, when "Charlie's Angels" first aired, Farrah and Jaclyn didn’t do it for me - I flipped for Kate Jackson.

Now I’m wondering if this initial typecasting was simply Oedipal fear of my blond, blue-eyed mother.

Later in childhood - particularly my teens - I began to like boys (a little) and reluctantly embraced conventional ideas about femininity. I understood that assuming the role of a typical heterosexual girl offered advantages. People accepted me and liked me if I didn't look different.

Obviously, however, when you aren’t being authentic, the chronic loneliness that comes from knowing how different you are becomes unbearable. Feeling comfortable in your own skin is so critically important; it is just about the most important thing in life. I learned that lesson, eventually.

Not surprisingly, as I tried to adapt to society's concept of femaleness, I also suppressed being gay. I even had a boyfriend in high school, losing my future Gold Star Lesbian status. Although I acknowledged to myself that I wasn't heterosexual, I made a heroic effort to be bisexual. In college, I acted out the reverse cliché: I experimented with men. Ultimately, those years were a regrettable waste of time.

For gay kids out there who are growing up today, feeling different, I would only urge you to be true to yourself, no matter what. I know how difficult it is and you'll be faced with scary, lonely, conflicted emotions. But I promise you that you're not alone. If you find the courage to be open and honest, you'll discover that nothing else compares. It genuinely makes life tolerable.

Only through your truest self can love, pride, confidence, self-respect and self-esteem - all the things you’re hoping for - begin to emerge. These things do surface when you are honest with yourself. Live a real, open, sincere life. Always.

Don’t let the fear-based bigotry and ignorance of this world take away your personal integrity, your self-love, and your love of life.

Don’t waste precious time. Live every moment for yourself, loving yourself.
And everyone who matters will love you in return!
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Shannon

Shannon, age 6

Gardiner, Maine (1984)

This is me in costume before my very first dance recital, and I was THRILLED. Honestly, I've been gay for as long as I can remember, or at the very least "different", and was able to put appropriate words to it later.

"I do believe in faeries!"

There was a huge sense of closeted shame back then, and when kids on the bus found out I took dance lessons, they'd sing Lionel Ritchie's "Ballerina Girl" to mock me.

But at the same time, I wanted to perform and feel the joy I felt when I was dancing on stage.

There was a time when I would beg to go to dance class, and pictures like this one would be the result. And then my parents would be too embarrassed to display them. That act only served to cement the shame I felt about my desires - be they gay, gender-different, or simply theatrical.

Now I look at this photo and am so proud of the strength I had at such a young age, to try and pursue my own personal truth.

And I can't think of a better lesson to impart to other gay kids. 

Shannon's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Patrick Swayze

'Cuz he liked to dance too!!!