Joaquín

Joaquín, age 12

Madrid, Spain (1956)

I felt different from a very young age. I didn't like sports, especially soccer, but I liked movies, radio programs, and shiny fashion magazines. 

I adored movie musicals and Howard Keel, and that was always a problem when I had to go to the theater with my two brothers.

In school I was generally a good student, and that put me in a category where bullying was absent or mild. Plus, I was dangerous, and my tongue could lash out worse than any whip. 

I read voraciously and soon discovered that ancient emperors and artists had the same proclivities I saw in myself. 

After some confusion, by age 15 I accepted being gay quite well.

But I also developed a system to hide it without lying too much.

Nobody really "came out" in the 60's, but during the 70's and 80's I managed to do it gradually, especially once I was professionally and financially secure.

Today I'm retired after a long career in teaching, and I'm happily married to another man and we're active in LGBT senior issues.

My experience tells me that trying to change who you are is useless and makes you lose your life. Discover yourself and live accordingly.

Nobody has any right to judge who you are.

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Mark

Mark, age 6
Centralia, Washington (1968)

My first grade teacher Mrs. Carlson wrote on my report card:
"Mark is a very sensitive child, wants attention, and needs reassurance. 
He expresses himself very well through his artwork, is quite creative, and has quite a flair for play-acting. He really puts himself into it and does quite a good job." Great insight on her part, as I have become a professional entertainer. 

Mrs. Carlson could also see I was gay, and 'Sensitive' was another 1960's American code word for homosexual. 

She also knew I had no friends in a town full of kids. It was hard to miss them chanting 'Finley Faggot' during recess, or from over her fence on an occasional weekend visit. 

She opened my world to the fine arts by way of the local library. The works she put in front of me all had the same theme - the misunderstood overcoming their adversity to shine greater than ever before. 


Not having friends, I lost myself in reading, listening to records, and stamp collecting. Then my maternal grandfather gave me two amazing gifts: a spinet piano and a 12-inch black & white television. Thanks to him I poured myself into practicing my piano and recreating scenes from the movies I watched at night.

I couldn't catch a ball of any kind, but I could do a great Mae West and W.C. Fields routine complete with a chorus of "Willie Of The Valley." Soon it was quite clear to my parents that my 'creative flair' was not simply a phase.

I'd love to say that it was all sunshine and lollipops after that, but I'd be lying. 
The rest of my childhood was nothing short of a living hell. 

But at age 10 I was in my first play (a community theatre production of an old English melodrama), and I stole the show. I had finally found the one place I was happy and content. Not to mention safe from the constant torment that was the rest of my adolescence. 

Some would say that I escaped into my own private world with theatre. 
But I would say it gave me the chance to escape and join the world! 

As an adult, my performing has taken me all around the world on many wonderful adventures. It was not easy growing up 'different' in a small town in rural Washington. But I am forever thankful that Mrs. Carlson gave me hope that happiness was possible!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Sarah

Sarah, age 4
Tuscon, Arizona (1979)

For this kindergarten photo, I told the photographer I wanted a "serious picture." But the more he tried to make me smile, the more serious I got. And I do NOT like this dress. I wanted to wear my fireman's hat, which I was usually allowed to do, as my parents weren't really invested in any particular gender expression.

I love this picture because of its emotional honesty: I'm not smiling because I don't feel like smiling. And no one was going to push me into feeling or doing something I don't want.

While this is harder to accomplish as an adult, it's always my goal.

At this age, I knew I was a little different, and had a nascent crush on my kindergarten teacher. But I didn't yet have the words for it.

I went on to be viciously bullied in middle school, and I hope those kids are all in jail now.

Today, I have a loving partner and a diverse group of friends, and I became a writer and a teacher.

Bigoted speech -- especially the phrase "That's so gay" -- is forbidden in my classroom. Consequences are swift and severe, if I hear it.

My message to LGBTQ youth is:
Respect yourself! And do not "ignore" the bullying, because it doesn't work.
It only makes you more vulnerable; more victimized.

Bullies can tell when you're "ignoring" them, and it makes them want to do whatever they can to make you crack. The onus for stopping bullying is NOT on you -- it's on the bully, as well as the adults in charge.

You must keep talking, keep complaining, and keep demanding that something
be done - UNTIL SOMETHING IS DONE. Look your principal in the eye, and be sure to mention Jamie Nabozny - who won a huge federal lawsuit against his school administrators for failing to stop anti-gay harassment.

Lastly, keep saving your money...
There are buses leaving every day for other cities, and you can be on them!

Sarah's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Karen Carpenter (singer, The Carpenters)

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Chad

Chad, age 4

Kingston, TN (1981)

I knew I was different from a very young age. I had attractions to other boys, but thought something was wrong with me. Or the devil was making me think those thoughts. Being raised in a strong Southern Baptist family, I felt I was in constant sin, and kept the secret to myself. I prayed often to just take these thoughts away, because I knew I would disappoint my family if they knew I had them.

So, I pushed this part of me deep inside and tried my best to not let it out.

I had girlfriends through middle and high school, college, and into my adult life. They were great best friends, who I loved dearly.

But, I always felt I was lying to them. I never felt that connection everyone said you'd feel, when you met the right person for your life.


I was bullied and teased for my mannerisms and appearance throughout school. I took every opportunity to try and get out of my home, school and life. Some choices I made were good, like taking youth group, church, and band trips etc.

Other choices were not so good, like skipping school almost every day in junior high, resulting in me failing a grade level.

It was very difficult to come out, and I still have underlying issues with my family. I feel in time, we will come to a common ground. But, I am out to my family, friends, and at work.

I married the love of my life on August 5, 2009. My husband (who is Korean) and I live in Seoul, Korea where I'm a teacher for Department Of Defense schools on the military base here.

As a gay man working in a federal position, I still face issues with regulations, laws, and politics. But I am proud of who I have become, and grateful for the journey that has led me here.

I often think about how this boy from East Tennessee ended up in Korea, with such a wonder life and partner to share it with.

Chad's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mark-Paul Gosselaar ("Saved By The Bell")

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Jack

Jack, age 12

Pauls Valley, Oklahoma (1987)

This photo is more about my mom than about me. As you can see, I was an aspiring decorator in my mother's classroom at age 12. I loved any holiday, and we had decorations for all of them, but Christmas took the cake.

As a teacher's kid, hanging out at the school after hours, but before everyone went home, was a magic time.

Only other teachers' kids would truly understand the power of feeling like you OWNED the building.

I have such a clear memory of the day this picture was taken.

I BEGGED my mom to let me decorate her room for the holiday, and of course, she let me. Why I chose to wrap myself up in all this  tinsel like the love child of Lady Gaga and Jayne Mansfield, I don't know.

I remember performing a little dance around the room to some bad 80's music, for all of the other teachers' kids. Getting other people to laugh was a constant coping mechanism for me, and I remember consciously thinking to myself:
"They can't hit you if they're laughing - even if it's AT you."

My mom came in the room to witness the scene, thought it was hilarious as always, grabbed her camera, and took a picture. She always pushed me to try new things, but never deterred me from being myself, which may have included a (very, very short) stint as a local fashion model at age 13.

Now as a happy gay man in my early 30's I can't tell you how lucky I was to have a mom that just loved me, for all I brought to the table. Even in Oklahoma.

As much as middle or high school can totally suck, the message I can leave with those reading this small snippet of my life is:

Love yourself in the now, and for all that you bring to the table.

A testament to that is I can now OWN this picture, and love me for who I have always been. Though I am a bit ashamed of the ugly cable knit sweater...
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Shannon

Shannon, age 10

Hamilton, Indiana (1983)

Here I am on my first of many motorcycles, in all of my moto glory! I had an older brother I idolized and was raised on a lake, in a neighborhood of boys. Clearly I wanted to be one! I suppose my parents wrote it off as self-preservation at the time, but I knew deep down it was my truth bubbling to the surface.

I played with dolls too, but I was often the "spouse" who kissed my significant other goodbye in the morning, tousled the doll's hair, and whistled as I headed out the door with my proverbial briefcase.

My Mom sent this picture to me about 5 years ago with a note that read:
"I suppose we should have seen it coming..." I called her then and we had a good laugh about what we both overlooked at the time. Being raised in the Midwest in the 80s/90s didn’t allow for much diversity. And being gay wasn't an option.

I love that my parents bought me dolls, motorcycles, and anything else that seemed important to me. Whether they knew it or not, they gave me a safe, loving environment to discover my true self. It took me well into adulthood to figure it all out, but at the end of the day I thanked my parents for their unconditional love.

I came out when I was 30 and one of my friends said it was 'too easy' for me.
I had parents who continued to love me unconditionally, friends who were accepting, and I worked for a gay-friendly company in San Francisco at the time.

In hindsight it may have looked easy, but I went through years of torment;
I never felt like I fit in anywhere. Sure I kissed the little boys on the playground like everyone else, but I was secretly longing for my 2nd grade teacher. She was beautiful, smart, and confident. And all I really wanted was to stay inside during recess and be in her presence.

My path was full of batons, tap shoes, motorcycles, dolls, and Hot Wheels and I wouldn’t trade any of those, because each experience made me who I am today.
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Jerrod

Jerrod, age 5

Little Rock, AR (1983)

My female cousin received a makeup kit for Christmas, and I was blown away by the possibilities. I KNEW red was my color, and nothing matches red lipstick better than red blush (which was also the lipstick). We had a blast until our parents saw us. They waited long enough to take a photo before yelling at us and making me take the makeup off. I complied, but felt guilty. Why was it OK for my cousin, but not me?

"Strike a pose"

I knew I liked men at age 4. I got a birthday gift in Batman and Robin wrapping paper and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Robin’s legs. I didn’t know what I felt, but that didn’t matter - his legs were hot.

When I came out at age 15, my parents were shocked. I thought the whole world knew. Growing up gay for me was not the struggle it was for many. I never got beat up, but I was scared a lot. My experiences in school led me to my current career as an administrator in a high school. I taught for a number of years, but wanted to reach out to more kids.

As a school administrator, I can affect thousands of children throughout my career, and let each one know that they are unique, and they are loved. And that even if it's just me, they have an adult on their side who will do everything within his power to protect him or her.

Randy

Randy, age 4

Flat Rock, Michigan (1964)

I recently found this photo of me holding this glass ornament on my 4th Christmas. By my 6th Christmas, I knew that I was attracted to other boys in a "special" way. In fact, my first crush was in kindergarten! I was also very artistic and not very athletic. And so I created for myself a niche in the social fabric of my childhood: I was nice to everyone, accepted the role as class "Artist" like a haven, and suppressed my innate gay feelings with all my heart.

I was the peacemaker, the peace keeper, the intuitive kid that most of my classmates liked. I made my teachers and parents proud.
I spent my youth watching, and wondering, and waiting - and that's the me I see in this photo.

Today, I am an elementary school teacher, and since 1994 I've worked for a public school district that has the courage to allow me to be openly gay and a teacher.

Everyday, my experiences as a child informs my interactions with the students I teach. In spite of my openness, most people don't assume that I'm gay.

As for the students' parents, they appreciate my generosity, my caring, my pedagogical skills, and my sensitivity to their children's individuality. Each time that I make that connection with a parent, it's a precious epiphany

These are aspects of my abilities that I believe are a direct result of being born gay. And being born this way has been, for me, a gift. As a man, the little boy holding the fragile orb has discovered how truly wonderful his gayness is.

Randy's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Robert Conrad (in "Wild Wild West")

His pants were always tight like leotards!. And those crystal blue eyes...
We're talking major hard-on factory.

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