Randy

Randy, age 2
Roxbury, CT (1953)

I was the seventh of eight kids.
As a child, I always loved books, Christmas, and anything fantastic or magical. This photo was shot during Christmas, 1953.

Unfortunately, our dad was a recluse and a compulsive eater. And he failed to protect us from our Jekyll and Hyde, alcoholic, pedophile mother.

Or from my abused, mentally ill older brother, who terrorized and humiliated me for being sensitive and empathetic.

At age 12 I discovered muscle magazines, and realized I was sexually attracted
to men. It took me many years to accept that this was OK. I even converted to Fundamentalist Christianity to escape my sexuality. Of course, it didn't work.

I am 60 now, and glad to be gay despite my PTSD diagnosis, and the fact that being overweight marginalizes me in gay culture.

Randy's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Robin Hood
I longed to be part of his band of Merry Men, who would keep me safe.
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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Randy

Randy, age 4

Flat Rock, Michigan (1964)

I recently found this photo of me holding this glass ornament on my 4th Christmas. By my 6th Christmas, I knew that I was attracted to other boys in a "special" way. In fact, my first crush was in kindergarten! I was also very artistic and not very athletic. And so I created for myself a niche in the social fabric of my childhood: I was nice to everyone, accepted the role as class "Artist" like a haven, and suppressed my innate gay feelings with all my heart.

I was the peacemaker, the peace keeper, the intuitive kid that most of my classmates liked. I made my teachers and parents proud.
I spent my youth watching, and wondering, and waiting - and that's the me I see in this photo.

Today, I am an elementary school teacher, and since 1994 I've worked for a public school district that has the courage to allow me to be openly gay and a teacher.

Everyday, my experiences as a child informs my interactions with the students I teach. In spite of my openness, most people don't assume that I'm gay.

As for the students' parents, they appreciate my generosity, my caring, my pedagogical skills, and my sensitivity to their children's individuality. Each time that I make that connection with a parent, it's a precious epiphany

These are aspects of my abilities that I believe are a direct result of being born gay. And being born this way has been, for me, a gift. As a man, the little boy holding the fragile orb has discovered how truly wonderful his gayness is.

Randy's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Robert Conrad (in "Wild Wild West")

His pants were always tight like leotards!. And those crystal blue eyes...
We're talking major hard-on factory.

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