Randy

Randy, age 2
Roxbury, CT (1953)

I was the seventh of eight kids.
As a child, I always loved books, Christmas, and anything fantastic or magical. This photo was shot during Christmas, 1953.

Unfortunately, our dad was a recluse and a compulsive eater. And he failed to protect us from our Jekyll and Hyde, alcoholic, pedophile mother.

Or from my abused, mentally ill older brother, who terrorized and humiliated me for being sensitive and empathetic.

At age 12 I discovered muscle magazines, and realized I was sexually attracted
to men. It took me many years to accept that this was OK. I even converted to Fundamentalist Christianity to escape my sexuality. Of course, it didn't work.

I am 60 now, and glad to be gay despite my PTSD diagnosis, and the fact that being overweight marginalizes me in gay culture.

Randy's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Robin Hood
I longed to be part of his band of Merry Men, who would keep me safe.
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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Jason

Jason, age 8

Mechanicsville, Connecticut (1982)

"Mork and Mindy" suspenders, a sparkly Tweety Bird t-shirt, ironing a flowery tablecloth, and that nasty cold sore? Yep, I'm gay. People always ask, "When did you know?" The real question is, when didn't I know? While I didn't know there was a word for how I felt, all I knew is that it was the way I was.

In the 1st grade, I wanted to be Princess Leia - because I had a huge crush on Han Solo.

I'd jump on my Mom and Dad's bed, falling and bouncing, and pretending Han and I were escaping the Evil Empire.

I didn't know I could be a boy and still like boys, so I assumed I should have been born a girl.


Growing up with TV, my gay role models were Jodie Dallas (Billy Crystal) from "Soap" and Beverly LaSalle, the drag queen from "All In The Family." I think Billy Crystal's character had the most impact on me growing up. I assumed that since I liked boys like he did, that I had to get a sex change like he was going to.

I didn't really know what a sex change was, except that I'd be a girl and things would be better. For the longest time as a boy, I secretly dreamed of turning 18, going to Switzerland, and becoming a girl. Thank God for today's TV role models.

I am the baby of 4 children: two gay boys and two girls. My sister Tracy is the closest in age to me, and we would play house together. She would pretend to be Pamela Ewing from "Dallas" and I'd be the alcoholic Sue Ellen.

Our other favorite thing to play would be "2 Sisters." We'd pretend to be sisters who lived next door to each other with our husbands. We had such imaginations back then, and had such fun times.

School was hard for me, and I was bullied as far back as I can remember. I was called queer, f*g, fairy, you name it. It hurt a lot at the time, but I would never change who I was or the person I am today.

I always knew deep down that I was "normal" and its okay if your normal isn’t the same as everyone else. That's what makes you special.

So celebrate and embrace yourself.
You are amazing, so keep hanging in there and love who you are.

Jason's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Harrison Ford (in "Star Wars")
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Michael

Michael, age 6

New Fairfield, CT (1970)

It may have been just my 1st grade class photo, but I already knew how to smile to cover up my crooked teeth.

Born blond, I really wasn't satisfied with the color. So by the 5th grade,
I already had a bottle of Sun-In on hand during summer vacation.

In 6th grade in suburban Connecticut, I was much blonder and already the butt of gay jokes.

Funny thing is, I didn't even know I was gay. I was always trying to push the girls to the ground during recess, in an effort to kiss them.


By the 7th grade I'd moved to a bigger town, and met my first boyfriend Rod.
He taught me how to kiss.

Tom

Tom, age 6

Cheshire, CT (1983)

This pic was shot at a summer camp.

I was teased a great deal growing up, and middle school was particularly hard for me.

There were several points throughout my adolescence, where I considered giving up life all together.

I'm very glad that I didn't.

I'm now 33 years old, a doctor, and overall very happy with my life.

I have friends and family who support who I am, and all that I do.

Matt

Matt, age 7

Southington, Connecticut (1987)

Always an over-achiever, I can be seen here demonstrating not one but two simultaneous limp wrists. The fabulousness has clearly blinded my brother.

Even at this age, I would tell other kids that I was gay. I didn't know what it meant, but I knew it was bad and won me lots of attention. The fact that it got me negative attention didn't matter.

Around age 15, I realized, 'Oh, wait -- I really AM gay.'
And typical teen angst ensued.

For a while, I just wanted to hide from it. But that 7-year-old pride parade in my heart couldn't be stifled. And by 11th grade, I'd made a promise to myself that if anyone asked, I'd be honest.

Unfortunately, my schoolmates decided that the gym-class locker room would be the time that they'd asked me.

"Why do you wear nail polish?'" someone demanded.
"Ummmmm," I said.
"Are you gay?"
"Uh ... yes, but that's not why."

I think this particular nuance was lost in the ensuing bedlam. But I was actually pretty lucky, as there was minimal physical violence after that, and nothing bad enough to leave a mark. And my family and friends have been very supportive.

These days, my husband and I have been together for 10 years, and my parents, my brother, his wife, and the entire clan all welcome and love him.

And that little 7-year-old is still running around inside me, telling everyone that I'm gay with absolutely no reservations.

Matt's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Dean Cain (on "Lois & Clark")

Sonia

Sonia, age 10

E. Hartford, CT (1980)

This was taken at Parrot Jungle in Miami, on a rare visit to see my father.
I remember always liking rainbows. "Mork & Mindy" was a popular TV show when I was a kid, and I'd gotten the same rainbow suspenders that Mork wore, and I'd wear them with a dark green and purple-striped velour jersey top.

"Rainbow Child!"

People in my family would laugh at my fashion choices, as I used to go through phases of wearing only dresses, and alternately only pants.

My first celebrity crush was Olivia Newton-John. After I saw her in "Grease" as the hottie in leather at the end of the movie, I was hooked. Then I got one of her records and would just stare at her for what seemed like hours. I alternately wanted to be her and have her.

Girls were my first loves, then boys when I hit puberty, then back to the girls. Now I confidently identify as queer, and engage in relationships with people whom I find lovable and worthy of my time and attention.

As encouragement to gay kids, I'd say:

Be proud of who you are. Express yourself as best as you can, and find the people who love and support your individuality. Be proud to be different!

And hang in there, as life gets better with age and experience. Be strong, be kind, and be gentle with yourself. You are lovable and precious. Celebrate!

Sonia's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Olivia Newton-John
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Ted

Ted, age 2

Branford, CT (1986)

So this is me aged 2 or so, probably taken while my family was living overseas. When we moved back to the states we settled in southern Connecticut, where I grew up.

The earliest sign that I was gay was in kindergarten. My classmates and I were taking turns picking each other up, trying to see who was strongest. When it was my turn,
I wrapped my arms around a male classmate's hips and lifted. I didn't recognize it at the time, but in retrospect - that funny feeling I got was definitely the very early manifestation of budding homosexuality.

As a child I was athletic, curious, adventurous, and perhaps a bit reckless to boot. I also wanted a Minnie Mouse lunch box, a Tinkerbell design on my blanket, and played with Barbies a lot.

I'm sure my parents noticed my ignorance of gender norms, but they never made any attempt to stifle me, nor to encourage me more towards hetero-normative activities.

And so I got the My Little Pony collection for my 6th birthday, and fake vomit for Christmas, and I was happy.

In addition to the good fortune of having such caring and nurturing parents,
I also benefited from being a 'low key' gay child by the time I hit 5th grade. I was saved the middle school torment, and in the relative shelter of sexual ambiguity, I was able begin to understand who I was. It was this same quality that went on to spare me from a potentially disastrous Catholic boy's college prep school experience. 

For me - as for many gay men and women, I'd imagine - high school was trying. I felt isolated, confused, and frustrated on a near daily basis. It wasn't until long after I'd graduated, until the advent and rapid spread of Facebook, that I came to find that I was not the only gay member of my class, as I had assumed. As it turned out, there were more of us than I could have ever imagined.

And so, to the generation of gay boys and girls who are forging their way through middle school and high school now, I would like to say this: We are everywhere. Being gay is not a result of class, race, creed, or station.

So we are in every school, town, state, and political party - and always have been.
You may not always see us, but we are always nearby.

Ted's first, famous person same sex crushes:
Ryan Phillipe (in "54")
John Goodman (in "Roseanne")
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Kevin

Kevin, age 3
Granby, Connecticut (1964)

This is a picture of me with my sister and her life sized doll. She used to love to dress me in that dolls' clothes when we played together! I remember when I was a little older, I'd sneak up into the attic to play with this doll and her Barbie dolls. I just loved dressing them and spent every minute I could with them.

"With Paula... and The Future Bride Of Chucky!"

I remember trying to “come out” to my Mother when I was about 10, but I just couldn't find the words to clearly say what I was feeling. I could only explain that I liked to do things that girls liked to do, like play house and play with dolls. She assured me it was OK for boys to like those things, and not to worry about it.

The deeper secret that I could not bring myself to tell her was my fascination with grown mens' hairy forearms and arm pits. We had a roofer one Summer working on the house, and I'd climb the ladder every day to watch him work shirtless - without really understanding why he was so fascinating.

Looking at this pic today, I remember how happy I was in that innocent time before beginning school and becoming a total misfit. I always stood out as the effeminate one, constantly picked on all through grade school into high school.

My Father and brother did their best trying to “butch” me up, but I was just too sensitive to enjoy our frequent hunting and fishing trips, and always preferred doing something creative instead. I was always much more comfortable spending time with the women in my family.

My way of rationalizing all of this, was that I was learning how to do everything a man and a woman could do, so I'd always be able to take care of myself.

I never lost faith that there would be a "happily ever after" for me and I finally found it! I have been with my husband 15 years this year. We retired earlier this year (both before age 50) and we're living a permanent vacation in Florida now.

We had a wonderful Civil Union in Connecticut when they became legal, and also married there when that law passed.

I wouldn't change one thing about my past struggles, because those challenges have made me the self-confident person that I am today!

So remember, kids: school years are hard for everyone. Even the most popular and highest achievers have their crosses to bear. I learned later in life that most bullies, when challenged, back right down.

Bullies attack because of their own insecurities. The most beautiful don't think they are good looking, and the brightest don't believe they're smart enough.

So just be strong and be confident - even when you are scared to death!

Kevin's first famous person same sex crushes:
Robert Conrad ("The Wild, Wild West")
Robert's tight pants made me crazy!
Oh, and Wally from 'Leave It To Beaver' sure looked great in a T-shirt!
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Hiram

Hiram, age 4

Bethany, Connecticut (1972)

I was born the 8th of 9 children and grew up on a farm in Connecticut. In this photo, I'm dressed like a hippie with my younger sister Mary. My family was very Republican, thus the elephant doll. Notice I'm holding the doll, not Mary.

I always knew I was different, and though there wasn't anything I was more proud of, I was also very insecure about being loved by all people.

Whether it was people I wanted as friends or not, I was just sure that everyone needed to love me.

I had an absolutely wonderful childhood due to two loving parents.

Speaking of my family, my mom's brother is also gay. But accepting that I was gay was very traumatic for me, and lead me to look for life's "pain killers."

I had my first "experience" in Boy Scouts with "Jack" when I was 13. I was also infatuated with "Jeff" my high school friend. I guess I was 14 when I first accepted myself, or cried for the first time when I quasi-accepted I might be gay. But I didn't truly come out to myself until I was 26 years old.

Today, I'm a 42 year old man who has been in a loving, monogamous relationship with my man. Actually, this week on January 28, 2011 - we celebrate 15 years together!

I wish I could have been more secure with myself earlier on, as that could have lead me down different roads. But things happen for reason. My man happened for a reason. I love him dearly, and he reminds me it's funny how life flows.

As far as my family is concerned, I am fully loved and my partner is accepted as one of the family.

Hiram's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Michael Landon (on "Little House On The Prairie")

Dan Haggerty ("Grizzly Adams")

I actually brushed my hand against Grizzly when I saw him at a fair when I was about 10. And yes, of course I still think about it!! ;)
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Craig

Craig, age 8

Simsbury, Connecticut (1970)

Here I am wearing my mom's Polly Bergen wig, pretending to be a hippie at a pot party. My mom was an actress, and I was in-utero for her performance of Buttercup in HMS Pinafore. She was supposed to be "Sweet Little Buttercup" - but because she was so pregnant with me, they padded her sides to make her look like Fat Little Buttercup. Or perhaps Knocked Up Little Buttercup?

The following year, I was breast fed by Mad Margaret. Could we see the handwriting on the wall? I loved theater and used to cue my mom for her roles, like my personal favorite, Aldonza in Man of La Mancha.

"You're a woar..."
"No honey, it's pronounced whore. HOAR... now never say it..."

Back then, I loved the movie Tommy, and was crushing out on Roger Daltrey. But I also crushed on Ann-Marget, hard. I guess I was conflicted? Or Gemini.

Or both!

Advice for young gay kids now is:

Just be the beautiful person you are, however that shakes out. Do not let ANYONE define you other than you. Our greatest gift is our humanity; the bravest choice is to be beautifully imperfect and human - which makes perfect sense in a paradoxical world.

Namaste, I honour the God/Goddess/Light/Intelligence in You. As is.

Craig's first, famous-person same sex crush: Rogert Daltrey
Plus Lindsey Buckingham, and Brad Davis in "Midnight Express"
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David

David, age 5

Enfield, CT (1981

This pic was taken in the summer of 1981 at a motocross track. The little girl is my cousin Nicole who, incidentally, would be the first person I would tell about being gay, when I was 14. While my male cousins & brothers watched my dad and uncles race around on dirt-bikes, Nicole and I stayed behind to work on our posing. We'd practice dances made up to Madonna and Debbie Gibson singles with our other cousins, Heather and Jenni.

"Strike A Pose"

I always knew something was "different" about me. One of my earliest memories is wearing red rain boots, in my back yard, twirling around as fast as I could. Why? I was hoping I'd turn in to Wonder Woman.

The first time I recognized a boy crush was watching "Little House On The Prairie" with my mom. I longed for Albert (the adopted son) to be my friend, and share a bed with me as he did with the boys on the show.

I also practiced kissing him on my pillows, as friends do.  

Looking back on this photo now only fills me with joy! I was lucky enough to have a family who loved and supported me from day one, always indulging my "stereotypically-gay" leanings. Growing up in a working class town in the early 90's wasn't so easy for a flamboyant Madonna-Wannabe. Especially for a boy.

My parents, though, dutifully drove me to dance lessons and theater rehearsals, just as they took my 2 younger brothers to their football and baseball practices. Who else can say their father waited in line at Barnes & Noble to buy Madonna's "SEX" book for their already-out-of-the-closet, 15-year old, gay son?!?!

I'm in LA now, working in the entertainment industry. I can say with 100% certainty that if it wasn't for my family and particularly my mom and dad,
I wouldn't be here today. Without that safe haven of home and the enthusiasm my parents brought to the table, there's no telling where I might have ended up.

So along with my message to gay kids, I want to emphasize: I hope parents of young children who are struggling with their sexuality read this, and realize the support & unconditional love you give your child means EVERYTHING to them. And effects how their life can turn out.

David's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Matthew Laborteaux ("Little House On The Prairie")
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Jimmy

Jimmy, age 5
New Haven, CT (1972)

This picture was taken at the beach house where my family spent our summers. The picture makes me happy and sad: I’m happy because I look happy in the picture. But I’m sad because I systematically destroyed that little boy in an effort to conform to what society expected and demanded of me.

"Jazz hands before I ever encountered the concept"

From my earliest memories, I ALWAYS knew there was something different about me. Everyone else knew, should have known, or denied knowing it.

I remember being very young and staying with my “Auntie Mame” and listening to Judy Garland albums. I got very mad when my sister went with my aunt to see Funny Girl and I didn’t get to go. I remember sitting at our kitchen table, looking up dance schools in the Yellow Pages and hoping someday I’d get to go. Instead, I endured playing Little League baseball.

I was the kid with very few friends, all mostly female. I was picked on by virtually everyone, but fortunately I was scrappy and freakishly strong when cornered.

Some TV obsessions as a kid included Wonder Woman, The Six Million Dollar Man, and The Bionic Woman. I also knew tons of "M*A*S*H" trivia and even won a radio contest. And I loved the KISS Alive II album. I mean, men wearing makeup? What’s not to like?

My message to gay kids and parents of different or potentially gay kids is:
Let them be different. You never know what you may be destroying when you suppress those differences.

Jimmy's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Gregory Harrison (in a TV Guide and on "Trapper John, MD")
Michael Ontkean & Harry Hamlin (in "Making Love")
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