Michael

Michael, age 3
Connersville, Indiana (1972)

In the 1970's, I would spend quite a bit of time on our covered porch, keeping rhythm with my grandmother in our rocking chairs, and watching the world go by as the sun set.

I wasn't very old, yet I felt right at home being an adult.

I would often tell anyone who asked if I had a girlfriend, that I was a "confirmed bachelor" - even though I didn’t really know what that meant.

It was an adult thing to say and, for some reason, I knew it described me.

One evening, my grandma leaned over and said, "Mickey, I may not be around too much longer, but I want you to know that you are different, you are special. You'll figure it out someday, but don't let anyone ever make you feel bad about yourself. You're loved and always will be."

As I continued to rock, attempting to understand what she meant, I decided that I should just remain quiet and let it sit. I continued to rock, and continued to think about what she meant. I still do.

It wasn't too long as a teen before I knew just how different I really was, and why others might try to make me feel bad about myself. But I like to think that each day, I continue to glean a bit from my grangmother's words.

Today, I still know I am loved and always will be.
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Michael

Michael, age 7
Barstow, California (1964)

I'm the boy in front with the hat, posing with my mom, sisters, and my cousin.

I always knew I was different.

While you would not know it by the photo, I never really tried to attract attention to myself.

My junior high and high school years were complete torture for me.
But thankfully, I have a loving family that has helped me survive.

I've been with my partner for 35 years now, and I would like everyone to know:
It does get better.
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Michael

Michael, age 4
Adelaide, South Australia (1988)

After years of hating to look at photos of myself, this is one of my favorites. Because even though there is a happy smile on my face, there is still something different about this little boy!

The name calling and bullying started in 2nd grade. I had no idea what a f*g or a poof was, but I knew it meant I had to try to hide it. But I didn't know how to be what society wanted me to be?

While I loved to play dolls and stuff with my sister, I was obsessed with cars and bikes and doing stupid stunts. So I felt completely confused.

Was I going to turn into a girl like everyone said I was, or was I going to turn into a boy?

When I was 11, it started to make sense: I was a boy who liked boys.

I was also a boy who liked doing girl and boy stuff. And once high school and hormones hit, things got worse. My flamboyant side shoved its way out even more. I hated being me!

I desperately wanted to "own up" to who I really was, and though everyone else knew it, how could I admit to being gay? Then in 10th grade, enough was enough and I came out. The bullying got worse, but I felt secure in myself.

If they were going to torture me, at least I knew it was because of my honesty.

My friends were fine, and not a bit surprised. But I never knew how to tell my parents, so one Wednesday night while watching TV, I just blurted it out.
I was dizzy and in tears. I swore they knew, yet they said they had no idea.

After a few rocky months, they came around. I'm now 27, and have been an out and proud gay man for over 10 years, and life couldn’t be better!

Things HONESTLY do get better.

Just hang in there, and you will figure out how to be the "you" that you were meant to be. And you will do it with your head held high!

Also check out "My First Gay Crush" Blog

Michael

Michael, age 6

New Fairfield, CT (1970)

It may have been just my 1st grade class photo, but I already knew how to smile to cover up my crooked teeth.

Born blond, I really wasn't satisfied with the color. So by the 5th grade,
I already had a bottle of Sun-In on hand during summer vacation.

In 6th grade in suburban Connecticut, I was much blonder and already the butt of gay jokes.

Funny thing is, I didn't even know I was gay. I was always trying to push the girls to the ground during recess, in an effort to kiss them.


By the 7th grade I'd moved to a bigger town, and met my first boyfriend Rod.
He taught me how to kiss.

Michael

Michael, age 5

Ontario, Canada (1982)

Here I am on the front lawn of my childhood home. Behind me is the Blue Spruce tree my parents had planted years earlier. I have fond memories of playing in our yard, and smelling the sweet summer air. It would only be a few years later when I'd come to understand that I was different from the other boys.

My first crush was on a camp counselor one year at summer camp. I also had a crush on Morten Harket from the band A-ha. The video for "Take On Me" would have me transfixed to the TV screen.

After a fairly happy childhood, I soon experienced cruel high school taunts and violence, because I identified as gay.

Thankfully, I got through it all, and now live an open and successful life.



To those who are struggling today, I would ask that you remember that you are entitled to live your life in an honest and fulfilling way. No one has the right to take that from you. It's your world, too.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Morten Harket (singer in A-Ha)

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Michael

Michael, age 2

Poughkeepsie, NY (1989)

I don't remember when this picture was taken, but I know the expression.
It's one worn by all of the women in my mother's family whenever one has her picture taken. It also shows hints of the diva lurking underneath, waiting to burst forth in the years to come.

I was born and raised in the same town, but spent many holidays at my grandparents' in Connecticut.

I remember being told at 8 that I couldn't wear my grandmother's sundresses anymore, because they weren't for boys.

I loved them because they always twirled JUST RIGHT when I spun around in circles. 

On the other hand, my mother let me have Barbies when I was 10.


I think my mom knew before my father did, but neither was surprised when I came out to them at 20 and 21, respectively.

Compared to many other people here, I had it easy on the gay front. No one bothered me about it in school. While most of the taunting came about my weight, my friends and family have all been very accepting of my coming out process. I was also extremely luck to have an openly gay teacher in high school who helped guide me.

I will always be grateful that my mother and grandmother especially, taught me to never judge someone based on outward appearance or first impressions.
It is a lesson I took to heart.

The most important lesson my youth and coming out has taught me is that, yes, being gay is an important part of my life. But it does NOT define me. I am so much more than gay, and anyone who can't see past that one aspect of me isn't worth my time.

Stay strong, as there are people everywhere who love you and are there for you. And even if you feel alone, you are not.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Harrison Ford ("Raiders Of The Lost Ark")

Michael

Michael, age 4

Fargo, N. Dakota (1971)

Here I am, with my dolls Judy and Dapper Dan. I don't mean to dismiss Dapper Dan’s importance to my development as a gay man, but at the time he was just a passing fancy in my life. He was an "educational toy" that my mom got for me, because my pre-school teacher had told her I needed some help with my fine motor skills. I do remember finding the whole process of unbuttoning and unzipping this little doll-man's clothing oddly fascinating. Hmm...

The real story here, though,
is of me and Judy. Her "birth name" was Drowsy. I wish I could remember if I'd asked for her? Or, was indulged by a mother who, after having 3 sons and no daughters, spotted an opportunity. Or, we were simply hooked up by either my mom or a knowing relative.

All I know, is that from the moment I laid eyes on her, she was my Judy. You can guess where the name came from…

When I pulled her string, she would demand, in the bitchiest diva voice I’d ever heard,
"I wanna drinka water!!!"

I couldn’t get enough of it. Judy said other things too, but if you pulled the string 4 times, you could skip through the rotation to get to the good one. I eventually wore her voice out pulling the string, but by that point, I'd already learned how to mimic her quite well.

Much to my parents' chagrin, I would bitchily call out from my bed in the middle of the night, 'I wanna drinka water!!!'  To which my mom would always come scurrying in, with a Dixie cup full of water.

And thus, a diva was born – all thanks to a doll named Judy!

Sadly, about a year after this photo was taken, Judy drowned in a tragic swimming pool accident on a family vacation in California.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Matthew Laborteaux (Albert on "Little House on the Prairie")

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Michael

Michael, age 4

Richland, Indiana (1981)

My mother made those Woody Woodpecker costumes for my brother and me. Halloween was my favorite time of the year, because you could completely pretend to be somebody else for the night. And bring out a different personality, while no one could see who it was. And yes, I'm the one on the right.

At times as a teenager, I'd look at a photo like this and be embarrassed by such behavior.

My favorite album as a kid was Donna Summer's "On The Radio" and my favorite sleep attire was my sister's Charlie's Angels t-shirt.

I realized somewhere around the age of 6 that I was gay.

But growing up in a very small farming area of southern Indiana, I didn't know what that meant.

Or, that someone could live a productive, healthy life being openly gay.

My parents made me join the Boy Scouts and serve in the church, but I never felt comfortable or accepted.

I suppressed being gay until I was 21 and an art student in college. I could no longer take locking myself in the bathroom, and crying for hours wishing I could change myself.

My parents didn't believe me at first, and then went through the whole 'What did we do wrong?' phase, and eventually they just didn't discuss it.

Now, as a 34-year old man with a loving partner of 7 years, I look back at a picture like this and laugh about how even at that age, I OWNED IT! My family was surprised, but they have completely accepted my partner. How they never knew is beyond me.

At one time, I thought safety and acceptance came from wearing a mask. I see my coming out as the first time I said 'I love you' to myself. And I can not look back in anger, because conquering the fear of coming out was the greatest challenge I faced.

Life does really get better when you live it with openness and honesty.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Robert Reed ("The Brady Bunch")

Jameson Parker & Gerald McRaney ("Simon & Simon")

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Michael

Michael, age 11

Syracuse, NY (1986)

I remember this moment vividly, because it was our 5th grade school photos at our Catholic elementary school. The photographer was a gorgeous man in his 20's, and I was in love for the first time. I was feeling quite fierce that morning, and decided to wear my outfit from last Easter, since it was a big hit.  Overall it was a good day, and the picture speaks for itself.

"5th grade school photo and feeling fierce!"

I did have a pretty terrible childhood with an alcoholic father who left us (twice), and dealt with the taunting of the mean kids. I knew I was gay when I was 5, but didn't have the word to describe what I was feeling.

I really struggled to make sense of it, and kept the secret which was slowly making me insane. I can recall feeling so alone and wondering why I was so different from other kids. 

What really helped me through it all was my best friend Paris, and a song called "Hold On" by Wilson-Phillips.

I would listen to that song EVERY DAY and hope that I would eventually be OK.


All in all, my experiences made me a very strong and fabulous person. I am very happy with who I am and what I offer the world. My core belief is that I am a person of integrity. No one can take that away from me, ever. When I look at this picture now, I feel awesome! I am GAY and I think that is a special gift.

My message to the LGBT youth struggling now, is the same that helped me:

HOLD ON - and know that you are loved, and it gets better.
Reach out and get the support from all of us in the community.

And remember - what you resist, persists.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Burt Ward (Robin on "Batman")

Patrick Duffy (in "Dallas")

Scott Baio (in "Joanie Loves Chachi")

Michael

Michael, age 4

Pittsburgh, PA (1961)

Here I am at Christmastime. Pictured with me is my first of many phonograph players and the beginning of a lifelong love of music, and the desire to play records to an audience. In this case, the family gathering for Christmas day. I'd like to say that I am well dressed because I had the fashion gene at that age - but that was actually my mom's doing. 

Although my family didn't always understand why I was not like most kids, they never stopped me from my interests and pursuits. That included buying lots of records, always wanting a better record player, and then a tape recorder/player. I never have DJ'd professionally, but when I was in my 40's, I started to do weddings, private parties, and a 5-year stint as the in-house DJ at a gay male resort in West Virginia.

I've been very lucky.

I have a family that has always been supportive of my differences in general, and as well as my sexual preference. 

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Burt Reynolds (in his Playgirl centerfold)

Michael

Michael, age 4

Lake Isabella, California (1971)

This was my first doll (the first of many). My earliest memory of being different was standing up while peeing probably around 4 years old. I remember looking down at my penis and thinking to myself 'There's been a mistake.' I remember I had a long list of reasons why I should have been born a girl: 'I like playing with girls, I like the clothes girls get to wear, I like their toys' - and it seemed a very logical appraisal of why someone had some explaining to do!

"My first doll"

I come from a very small, rural town in California. Even though I'm currently having some disagreements with my parents, the one thing I can really thank them for is their acceptance of me as a child.

They bought me whatever I asked for, no matter how effeminate, and never made me feel ashamed of myself. 

At this age I also realized that I wasn't necessarily like other boys, but my home was always a safe haven. I could be myself there and play with my dolls and not be judged.

One of my favorite memories is of my father taking me to a toy store and telling me I could get whatever I wanted. I remember bringing Barbie Mall up to the counter, and waiting for the cashier to ring it up. My father simply stood beside me as if it was a racetrack. I felt very loved that day.

As an adult I asked my mom why they'd let me play with dolls, etc. She told me that she and my dad had discussed it when I was very young, and started asking for dolls. They were worried that I may turn "queer" but ultimately decided that they would give me what I wanted, and hoped I'd grow out of it.

No matter what the reason, they never made me feel ashamed of myself.
And I will always be thankful to my parents  for that.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Lee Majors ("The Six Million Dollar Man")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Michael

Michael, age 6

Anderson, Indiana (1989)

Half shirt? Check...

Capri-pant pajama bottoms? Check...

Tight, toned abs? Check...

So how were my parents surprised when I came out to them?

It was around this time when I started to feel "different"...

But little did I know that I was born that way, baby!

Michael's first, famous gay crush:
Alec Baldwin 
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