Chad

Chad, age 4

Kingston, TN (1981)

I knew I was different from a very young age. I had attractions to other boys, but thought something was wrong with me. Or the devil was making me think those thoughts. Being raised in a strong Southern Baptist family, I felt I was in constant sin, and kept the secret to myself. I prayed often to just take these thoughts away, because I knew I would disappoint my family if they knew I had them.

So, I pushed this part of me deep inside and tried my best to not let it out.

I had girlfriends through middle and high school, college, and into my adult life. They were great best friends, who I loved dearly.

But, I always felt I was lying to them. I never felt that connection everyone said you'd feel, when you met the right person for your life.


I was bullied and teased for my mannerisms and appearance throughout school. I took every opportunity to try and get out of my home, school and life. Some choices I made were good, like taking youth group, church, and band trips etc.

Other choices were not so good, like skipping school almost every day in junior high, resulting in me failing a grade level.

It was very difficult to come out, and I still have underlying issues with my family. I feel in time, we will come to a common ground. But, I am out to my family, friends, and at work.

I married the love of my life on August 5, 2009. My husband (who is Korean) and I live in Seoul, Korea where I'm a teacher for Department Of Defense schools on the military base here.

As a gay man working in a federal position, I still face issues with regulations, laws, and politics. But I am proud of who I have become, and grateful for the journey that has led me here.

I often think about how this boy from East Tennessee ended up in Korea, with such a wonder life and partner to share it with.

Chad's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mark-Paul Gosselaar ("Saved By The Bell")

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Matt

Matt, age 7

Murfreesboro, TN (1994)

Although I was never really interested in girls, it wasn't until middle school that I realized I was gay. When I was in 6th grade, I saw Blink 182's music video for "What's My Age Again?" And in the video, the band runs all around town, naked.

It was at this point that I became intrigued by guys' bodies, and started to put the pieces together that I was gay.

I searched the internet long and hard, trying to find un-blurred pictures from that video. Alas, I was unsuccessful.

But I knew at the time, that I should be careful about what I was searching for. Because I didn't know how to clear internet search history at that point.

I admitted my homosexuality to myself early on, but I didn't completely come out until college.

Now I live out and openly, and couldn't be more happy with being honest about my sexuality.

As I look back at the picture of me with my hands on my cocked hip, my only wish is that I had come out sooner. The fears that I had at the time proved to be, for the most part, completely false.

For those struggling to come to terms with their sexuality I offer this:
Only you know when it is time to come out. But know that when you do,
you will be infinitely happier than when you were in the closet.
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Heath

Heath, age 2

Winchester, TN (1975)

It wasn't until around 4th grade that I knew I was different from the other boys. I hated playing sports, and I was always the last to be picked. I didn’t get into BB guns, baseball cards, or playing Army.

"Where's my steno pad? I need to take down a memo!!!"

I always felt more at ease staying inside, watching "The Young & The Restless" on TV with my grandma, or helping her out in the kitchen.

I reveled in the glitzy, 80's prime-time soap operas, like "Dynasty."

I wanted to be Joan Collins as Alexis Carrington, with her long brown cigarettes.


I don't remember when I changed from being sensitive, tender-hearted, and shy to being called a sissy, a fruit, or a f*ggot. I think it started in 6th grade, when one boy called me a fruit, and the rest followed.

While I was never beaten up, I always felt like an outsider, and like less than a person. I knew I had crushes on other boys, but didn’t internally admit it until I was 18. It took several years of hard partying and denial to finally come out, which was rather anti-climactic. Responses to the news went something like this:

"So?"
"What took you so long?"
"Well, I always knew THAT!"
"Yeah, you already told me when you were drunk the other night."

When I came out, I discovered who my real friends were.
That's why it gets better.

Heath's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Dan Aykroyd

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Wes

Wes, age 9

Nashville, TN (1985)

In 1985, I was a 9-year old boy infatuated with superheroes, He-Man, and professional wrestling. I think that should have been my first indication there was something different about me.

It wasn't until around age 11 that I had a word to put with my feelings, and knew concretely that I was gay.

Now as an adult, I am still head over heels about superheroes.

And I know that as difficult as it was being different, I wouldn't have traded it for the world.

Gay by birth, Geek by choice.

Wes' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Joe Penny (in "Riptide")
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Tammy

Tammy, age 9

Jamestown, TN (1975)  

That's me, in the hawt red halter top, with my baby brother and older sister.

In retrospect, I knew I was a lesbian by the time I was age 4.

People who say gayness is a "choice" make me laugh and gag simultaneously.

I mean, my God.
Look at me at age 9!


This was also around the time that I jumped off a short flight of concrete steps at my church to impress Greta, a Bible-school classmate. Yes, I remember her name. How could I not? I survived. I doubt I changed Greta's heterosexual orientation. After all, she was BORN THAT WAY.

Today, I'm a sporty dyke, and happy and content with my orientation.
And I love your blog.

John

John, age 3

Doyle, Tennesse (1949)

Here I am, Raggedy Andy doll in my arms, on my tricycle in my great-aunt Arrie's front yard. My older sister Julie and our cousin Linda Ray (Arrie's granddaughter) are protected from the hot Tennessee sun under their umbrella, as my mother hovers in the background.

Even with the doll, I don't see anything particularly gay about this picture. But it was probably about this time that my sister and cousin started dressing me up in frilly play dresses, using me as a doll for playing house.

From a very young age I was privately proud of being different from other kids, but that was primarily expressed through being the class “brain” & teacher's pet all through elementary, high school, college, and grad school.

My sister says that I always got away with doing everything I wanted. I don't remember it that way, but I know what she means. I was the best little boy in the world. Grownups loved me for it; kids, not so much.

After having 3 beautiful children and 16 years of a rather happy marriage, I finally came out at age 40. Then soon after, I got divorced.

Today, I've been with my partner Bruce for 16 wonderful, fulfilling years. Between us and their mothers, we raised 6 wonderful kids (sadly, one deceased), who are all happy, sane and fully employed.

My sister (5 years older than me) finally came around to having a gay brother, partly through the positive influence of our cousin, who lives across the river from us and is our best friend.

Last time she visited from Atlanta, my sister - with the same, impish challenging look she shows in the picture - asked me:

'Does everyone like Bruce better than they like you?'
I said, 'Yes, I guess they do!'
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John's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Pernell Roberts & Dan Blocker ("Bonanza")

Both were pretty hot

Catherine

Catherine, age 4

Cleveland, TN (1995)

This photo was taken at Christmas time in the hills of Cleveland, TN. I requested an all Power Ranger Christmas, of course. This was my holiday pose, I suppose.

"Christmas Hulk"

At that age I always refused to wear a shirt, and my favorite clothes included: swimming trunks and boxers.

Also, I insisted that my grandmother call me "Luke Skywalker."

I realized that I was gay early in high school, and now that I look back, it makes too much sense!

I adore this picture - it's a strong and powerful woman photo, hah!

Catherine's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Drew Barrymore
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Lee

Lee, age 7
Chattanooga, Tennessee (1985)

Here, I'm most likely dressed for my school promotion from one grade to another. I was probably asked to stand in front of the fireplace and "have my picture taken."

The real story of this picture is a story about my mother. I fell in love with this blog upon first read, and I immediately wanted to be part of it.

I emailed my mom to ask her if there were any pictures of me she could remember that would fit the bill. She sent 4-5 choices, and it was hard to choose just one.

There's something quite rare and wonderful about a mom who understands this request, encourages my excitement, and celebrates the little boy in white socks and shorts.

So, when I look at this picture, I don't remember the moment, or how I felt at the time. I just feel grateful for everything now.