Heath

Heath, age 5
Frankfort, Kentucky (1996)

This photo was shot a few days after I decided to butcher and cut my hair myself, because I was tired of having long blonde curls. I was always running around shirtless, fists flaring in the air, as I fought off the invisible army of bad guys with my invisible fleet of Power Ranger team mates. But running around shirtless isn't what girls did. Only boys did that, and it was very un-ladylike.

And since back then I was known as a girl named Heather, I remember being shouted at to get off my bike and put a shirt on.

And I remember laying in bed praying to God, asking him to make me a boy, so that I could run around shirtless, roll in the mud, spit, and not have to cross my legs.

God didn't turn me into a boy even though I felt so strongly that on the inside I indeed was a boy. When I found out there were other people like me - who were once female-bodied but now lived life as men -
I was so happy.

I was glad to find out that there was a word to describe what I was feeling:

Transgender.

I told my mom, and after she did her own research, she knew that the missing pieces of the puzzle were now found. So at 14 I began my transition, first with my name change, then at 15 with hormones, and at 18 I had my chest surgery.

Most people are jealous because I transitioned so young. They say, "Oh life must have been so much easier for you than it is for me right now." But transitioning in High School in a small town in Kentucky is not easy.

I was bullied everyday. I was shoved into lockers, punched, pushed to the ground, called every name in the book, had my hair set on fire. I was discriminated against even by teachers, not allowed to use the Men or Women's restrooms, and even had a kid threaten to bring a gun to school and kill me.

Looking back at this picture now, it makes me a little embarrassed at how high
I wore my shorts back then. But it always makes me smile about how truly happy I looked, unlike many other photos where I was being forced to wear a dress.

Today, I am a proud man, with an even prouder mother. I'm going to College on the west coast, and holding my own as a man in the Bear community!

My message to LGBTQ youth is to report bullying as soon as it happens. If people don't listen or do anything about it, keep telling until someone does. It doesn't make you less of a person to tell someone that another person is bullying you.

Also, there is a whole other world outside of Middle School and High School.
A whole world that is yours for the taking, where you can make your mark.
But you have to be around to do it.

So my Queerlings, unite! Keep your head up and stay strong!!

Heath's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
John Stamos and singer Rob Thomas (Matchbox 20)
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Heath

Heath, age 2

Winchester, TN (1975)

It wasn't until around 4th grade that I knew I was different from the other boys. I hated playing sports, and I was always the last to be picked. I didn’t get into BB guns, baseball cards, or playing Army.

"Where's my steno pad? I need to take down a memo!!!"

I always felt more at ease staying inside, watching "The Young & The Restless" on TV with my grandma, or helping her out in the kitchen.

I reveled in the glitzy, 80's prime-time soap operas, like "Dynasty."

I wanted to be Joan Collins as Alexis Carrington, with her long brown cigarettes.


I don't remember when I changed from being sensitive, tender-hearted, and shy to being called a sissy, a fruit, or a f*ggot. I think it started in 6th grade, when one boy called me a fruit, and the rest followed.

While I was never beaten up, I always felt like an outsider, and like less than a person. I knew I had crushes on other boys, but didn’t internally admit it until I was 18. It took several years of hard partying and denial to finally come out, which was rather anti-climactic. Responses to the news went something like this:

"So?"
"What took you so long?"
"Well, I always knew THAT!"
"Yeah, you already told me when you were drunk the other night."

When I came out, I discovered who my real friends were.
That's why it gets better.

Heath's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Dan Aykroyd

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Heath

Heath, age 12

Conroe, Texas (1988)

I came across this picture a few years back while going through some old photos, and could not stop laughing. Being 12-years old and growing up in a small conservative town in the early 80's definitely forces you to keep certain things to yourself. Yet, clearly a hunky, shirtless lifeguard towering over me brought a rather large smile to my face. I believe this photo was taken on a family trip and that is my younger cousin, Erin, oblivious to the very hot guy in front of her.

"The moment you realize something is different - priceless!"

Growing up and realizing I was different than all the other kids was challenging.

Around the 6th grade I began to act "gay" without realizing I was just being myself.

And that's when the name calling and bullying started.

I can still remember the first time someone called me a derogatory slur. It was at the local roller rink, and I was wearing an oversized shirt of patch work prints.

It flowed nicely in the breeze as I roller skated.

A guy named BJ (I know, right? LOL!) came up to me and called me a 'Fairy'.
I had no idea what fairy meant, so I just said 'Thanks' and fluttered off on my roller skates, oblivious to his real intentions.

It wasn't until a few years later that I realized it was probably the first time someone made fun of me for being gay.

In the 7th grade, two boys started to call me f*ggot. By then, I'd figured out that by just being myself, I was clearly giving myself away, so I just put my head down and pretended not to hear them. Gosh, kids can be so cruel at that age.    

Fortunately for me, I did my best to ignore the daily verbal abuses, concentrated on my music, and had a mother who always made me feel loved no matter what.

In the 9th grade, my mother was suddenly taken from our family in a car accident, that shattered my world. Being 14 and a momma's boy, we'd just started to develop a friendship beyond just mother and son.

I never got to tell my mother who I truly was inside, but many years later I asked a close family friend if she thought my mother knew I was gay. She said she always knew - but loved me no matter what, because I was her son.

Mothers are just amazing like that. :)

I am so impressed with the gay youth of today. They are bold, passionate, and self-assured. Things have come such a long way for all of us, and I am happy to be part of the journey.

Oh, and if you thought Erin might be a lesbian, you'd be correct! ________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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