Jason

Jason, age 4

Iowa City, IA (1978)

I grew up in a rural farm town in Iowa. I always felt different, but didn't know quite why. But I lucked out having a mom who supported how different and creative I was from a very young age. She encouraged me to bake, sew, and garden with her. Particularly since my 2 sisters were less interested in all that.

When my great-grandmother died, my mom inherited some of her old clothes, including mink stoles, opera gloves, purses, and hats.

My mom wanted them to hold on to her memory, but they soon became my play costumes.

My mother had two close friends with sons, both a bit younger than me. One day while all the moms socialized at our house, we three boys dug into the closet where my great-grandmothers clothes were stored.

We donned various items of clothing, and then paraded out to show them.


We performed a Woman of the Year beauty pageant/fashion show, going back and forth with new ensembles, and doing a fashion runway. And all our moms thought we looked adorable.

I'm still amazed to this day how they didn't scold us or try to stop our behavior. In fact, they applauded our antics.

Years later, all three of us boys came out as gay.

My mother jests that "there was something in the water" where we grew up.
She understands that being gay is like a gift, and I am so grateful for that.

I'm now a multimedia and performing artist, and much of my work is proudly gay-themed. I know that the encouragement I received from an early age to be myself, no matter how different, helped me on my path.

I had to be extremely cautious at different points in my childhood and teenage years about my expressive nature, but I made it through. It didn't necessarily get easier or better, but I got bolder and more certain about who I am.

Which is, being most grateful to be born this way.

Katy

Katy, age 1

Des Moines, IA (1957)

This photo shows me on my first birthday. My Great Aunt Dee was trying to indoctrinate me into the joys of being a girl. Even back then, I was dubious.

I knew I was different from others at a very early age. By the time I was 3, I was obsessed with gender. I would puzzle out who was a boy and who was a girl, and try to figure out where I fit in.

In the 1950's, gender roles were very clearly defined, and I didn't feel comfortable wearing dresses and doing girly things. But I didn't really want to be a boy, either. I figured there must be a 3rd gender that was half-boy and half-girl, and that's what I was.

I was always looking for others like me - and I found them. I was fascinated by a woman I once saw who smoked a pipe. She was one of us. I adored Mary Martin in the role of "Peter Pan." She was one of us, too.

But I found my true kindred spirit in a children's book my mother used to read to me. It was the character Christopher Robin in A.A. Milne's Winnie The Pooh series. In my 3-year old mind, he was the quintessential 3rd gender.

Plus he had two names: Christopher was a boy's name, and Robin was a girl's name. The illustrations showed him with long, curly hair and dressed in what looked to me like girl's clothes. He also wore Mary Jane shoes, just like the ones
I wore to Sunday school. And yet in the book, Christopher Robin was always referred to as "he."

Whenever my mother read one of the books to me, I'd ask:

"Is Christopher Robin a boy or a girl?"
"A boy," she'd respond
"Then why does he look like a girl?" I'd ask

I was hoping that this time she'd tell me he was both boy and girl.
But she never said that. She always had the same reply:

"Because he's from England."

It wasn't quite the answer I had wanted. But it at least gave me hope, that somewhere there was a place where I could find people that were like me.

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Alex

Alex, age 4

Ames, IA (1976)

That's me in the green footie pajamas, kissing another boy.

I've always loved this photo, and I refer to it as "mom's first clue".

I have a very clear memory of being a young child and telling someone:

"God made a mistake.
I should have been born a girl."

What makes a child say something like that?


I guess it's that I've always known there was something different about me,
and those were the only words I had to express it at the time.

I was a bit of a troublemaker as a teen, always getting into trouble. I once read a quote from a gay writer (I can't remember his name, sadly) that perfectly summed up my teen years.

He said that until he accepted his difference on the inside, he wore it on the outside. And that was me to a T. I fought that difference, literally, always running from the truth in the mirror.

And then - I found the theatre. Acting. Directing. Writing plays. The ways that it saved me can't begin to be counted. It gave me a space to be me, without fear. Rather ironic, given that I was constantly being anyone BUT myself on stage.

I had a single mom that figured me out early in my teens, and fished around for it until I told her when I was 21. It wasn't until I saw how hard others had it, that
I TRULY appreciated how valuable that unconditional love really was.

I only wish I hadn't spent so much time afraid to admit to myself who I was.
I certainly had no reason to be afraid. At least not with my mom.

For those of you with perhaps less supportive parents or family? Hang on!
There's a whole world out there ready to love you. And YOU get the power one day to define who and what your family is, and who belongs in it.

It's pretty awesome. Honest.

Today, I'm legally married to my husband and we're looking into adoption.
I could never have pictured this future, as that confused teenager.

So please hang on to see where your story goes. I bet it will be amazing.
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Lori

Lori, age 9

Cedar Falls, IA (1970)

This is me and my friend Ken, ready for war - well before we ended up in an epic real brawl as we walked home from school one day, which ended our friendship.

For me - despite the leopard pants my grandma made me - wearing jeans and sneakers while running into town was who I was.

I hung out with all the boys, playing Bart Starr to my friend Jon's Donny Anderson, from the Green Bay Packers. Or playing a Knight of the Round Table using metal garbage can lids and cardboard swords.

And beating up anyone who dared pick on my sister.

I used to race the boys' Stingray bikes my dad built all over town, with my little AM radio slung over the handlebars, as I listened to the Rolling Stones and Jefferson Airplane.

Darkness would fall and I'd race home, compelled to be on time to watch Elizabeth Montgomery in "Bewitched," whom I loved on an epic scale. 

One of my fondest memories is the day my dad gave me a bright and shiny new baseball bat and ball for my birthday. It's a memory which he probably assigned as the pivotal moment he still had some control to do things differently, and not end up with a lesbian daughter.

Fortunately, I had parents who did not force me into dresses, except as decorum required, such as church on Easter. I’m forever grateful I got to be essentially who I was in those days gone by.

I wonder what might have been, had puberty not interfered with the innocence of pure joy I experienced as a 9-year-old dyke.

Lori's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Elizabeth Montgomery ("Bewitched")

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Dawn

Dawn, age 3

Marshalltown, IA (1976)

It's weird how you can remember some things and not others as a small child.
I remember being dressed up like this by my teen-aged aunts, and I remember the dress was itchy. I didn't want it on, except for the beads. This is only one of 3 photos of me in a dress throughout my years, because it always felt like dress up.

I never knew what the word was for it, but around the age of 9,
I fell for a 19-year old college student at my church. And she was kind enough to hang out with me. She'd take me to grown-up places like auctions and furniture shopping, it was just about being included.

I didn't have other kids in the neighborhood where I lived near my age, so college students become my best friends, and she was my first crush.

It wasn't until age 16, and with a friend of mine, that I realized why I was having the crushes on girls.


We were walking around the mall and my friend pointed out a couple. She mentioned that the guy looked cute, but I was thinking to myself the whole time: 'Forget the guy, I’ll take the girl!' Then the skies parted and everything I felt since the time I was age 9, came flooding back. And like puzzle pieces, it all fit together.

It was then that I realized I had to hide this information from my family, as they were and still are, fundamental Christians. Sadly, this hiding set me back a few years concerning my own self worth. But thankfully, though my family didn’t accept my orientation, I eventually realized that God still did.

If there is one message I could have told myself when I was 18, before an attempted suicide, it would be that there are people out there that will love you for who you are. And God will ALWAYS love you, because God created you.

Eventually, you'll also find there are some family members that will love ALL of you, unconditionally!

Today, I still hold a torch for women older than me, and I've been in a 14-year relationship with a wonderful partner who is 25 years my senior. We learn quite a lot from each other, and I look forward to the next 14 years and beyond!

Dawn's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Joanna Kearns ("Growing Pains")

Lisa Bonet ("The Cosby Show")

Dana Delaney ("China Beach")

Dana looked like the woman I had the crush on at age 9!

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Jon

Jon, age 10

Washington, IA (1975)

I loved to read - I think there was a book just out of the frame - and I tended to also be kind of hyper. I don't know if you can see it in this small pic, but my fingers are digging a hole in the rug. How's that for a combination!

Looking at this pic now, as an adult, he looks like a sweet kid, who probably needs to take a bath and brush his hair - LOL! And who was also outgrowing his clothes. Honestly, I don't know when I felt different. At this age, I thought some OTHER people were kinda different, though.

I wasn't really aware of pop culture at the time, as we didn’t have a TV. However, I listened to our soundtracks to "The Music Man" and "The Sound of Music" over and over and over, until I had them completely memorized. 

To the kids today I'd like to say:
Isn't it great to be able to bathe and brush your hair and wear clothes that fit?!  Don't take it for granted!

Jon's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Ike Eisenmann ("Escape To Witch Mountain")

With his pretty brown eyes and elfin features, I just knew he’d be the nicest boy.

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Brad

Brad, age 3
Storm Lake, Iowa (1974)

I have tons of photos like this that are indisputable proof that I was a gay zygote.

"Always have been, always will be, just a prairie girl."

In this photo, I'm on the far right, next to my cousins, Missy and Cindy, and we're all dressed as prairie girls. We loved "Little House on the Prairie" on TV, and would always re-enact our favorite episodes. As the youngest cousin, I was always cast in the crappy role of Carrie. (Seriously, all she did was fall down hills or wells. And did you ever understand a word she was saying?

What I love about this photo, is that while my cousins are all decked out in their finest costumes, I cobbled together some kind sad looking prairie drag. And still, I have a huge smile on my face. Probably because my grandmother had just given me the rag doll I'm holding.

The earliest indication that I was gay was around the age of 5 when I wanted to be able to kiss Fred from "Scooby Doo, Where Are You?" But I don’t know what the attraction was. The ascot, maybe? My golden childhood is filled with many happy memories: playing with dolls, drawing and coloring, reading Trixie Belden mysteries, and roller skating around my basement to the Xanadu soundtrack.

I wanted to grow up and marry a nice Lutheran boy and either perform on "The Carol Burnett Show" or become the cruise director on "The Love Boat." I did not want to participate in any team sports. The boys were mean, loud and smelly. And I abhorred gym class. Getting changed in front of other boys terrified me. Clearly, I was not just a typical gay child. I was stereotypical.

Unlike the bullies I repeatedly suffered under throughout my entire public school career, my parents never made me feel anything less than accepted and loved. They cherished me for me, celebrating my uniqueness and were always my biggest cheerleaders.

I came out to my folks and my friends in my late teens, and no one blinked. Probably because in their minds they thought, 'Obvious. Table for one.' I received universal support from both my family and my friends. Coming out provided me with the confidence to stand up to my tormenters and confront them about their homophobia.

In the words of my parents, upon my coming out:
"Well, we always knew you were special."

And YOU are special, kids. Celebrate it and never forget that fact.

Brad’s first, famous-person sex crush:
John Schneider ("The Dukes of Hazzard")
I remember the skinny dipping episode, and I was so, um, “moved” that I wrote him a fan letter asking that similar 'unclothed' episodes be made. And John responded by sending his biggest, gay, 8 year old fan an autographed photo!
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Eric

Eric, age 13

Council Bluffs, Iowa (1988)

Being born and raised in a small town in Iowa, it's probably no surprise that I didn't really fit in with the other kids at school. Luckily, my father is a musician, and I've been singing since I learned how to talk. So I spent most of my childhood performing with my father all over the country!

In my pic, I'd just won a national talent competition. I was probably re-enacting the pageant in my living room, when my mom snapped me in my preferred choice of clothing. I guess some things never change.

I'm very fortunate to have very liberal & accepting parents who encouraged me to be who I am, and do what I love!

I'm 35 now, and I've been making a living by doing just that: I've traveled all over the world singing and dancing!

If I had to do it all over again, I would have come out the moment I first had a crush on a boy in the 3rd grade. People were already making fun of me, and I should have just been my authentic self.

But, I've learned that things definitely do get better. I have a great family, a close support group of friends, and I'm grateful for that every day!

I think the little boy in the picture would be pretty proud of how far he's come!

Eric's first, famous-person same sex crush:

John Ritter (in "Three's Company")
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Paul

Paul, age 4

Davenport, Iowa (1979)

I was always surrounded by family, cousins, and neighborhood kids. We had a huge yard and we were always playing and horsing around. My Aunt Peggy (also pictured) was always using me as a live dress-up Barbie. She would parade me around in her clothes, my Grandma's purses, makeup, the whole 9 yards. I could have sent in quite a few pics.

"Look at me MA, pink is not just for girls!
Let the slumber party begin!"

This pic in particular is of interest, because this nightgown is one that I always had to sleep in when I was at Grandma's. I was at her house a lot. I was her favorite and still continue to be nearly 32 years later.

In my family, the first born male has turned out to be gay for generations.
I am just one of many in our family. And that's some living proof, that being gay is hereditary.

As I look back at this picture, it brings a smile to my face. I had a great childhood, and I cannot complain. It takes me back to helping my Grandma bake and decorate wedding cakes, playing in her Avon makeup. And my Aunt Peggy is someone I've had an amazing relationship with until about 1993, when life got in the way - marriages, divorces, relocations, etc.

I knew something was different with me probably in Junior High. I always had "girlfriends" and loved to make out with them whenever I got a chance.
But I always pictured in my mind I was kissing their brothers instead : )

I never did anything sexually until I got to college and had my first boyfriend at the age of 20, and I've never looked back.

Paul's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Bret Michaels (singer in Posion)

Ricky Schroeder ("Silver Spoons")

I also loved Bo Duke, then Dexter from 'Dynasty' - I loved the power he had!

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Samantha

Samantha, age 2
Rural Iowa (1990)

I was ALWAYS the tomboy. I asked for a tool box when I was 9. In this photo I'm actually helping with the assembly of my own swing set. It was my dad and all of my uncles - and me.

"My very first wrench."

I didn't really feel "different" until halfway through high school when I realized that the very strong emotional and protective feelings I had towards my female friends weren't quite the norm.

The thought came to me but I dismissed it the way you do a severe reaction to a mild complaint. Such as, 'My foot hurts - It must be broken!'

I got mad at myself for jumping to such extreme conclusions.

Eventually, I couldn't deny it anymore, and breathed a sigh of relief at finally embracing myself.

Samantha's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Catherine Zeta-Jones (in "The Mask of Zorro")