Tristan

Tristan, age 11

Hartford, VT (2001)

The picture was taken at my grandma's house. The girls surrounding me are my sisters. This picture is actually very important to me. It's the first picture of myself where I thought I looked good. I've never considered myself to be a good looking person, but I have always appreciated the way I look in this picture.

When I was younger I was very awkward. I was really into horror films, like "The Shining" and "Alien," and rock music like Nirvana and Soundgarden.
I talked weird, so I was always somewhat self-conscious about my voice.
I generally didn't speak to people very often, and would spend a lot of time alone.

I first realized that I was gay when I was in the 3rd grade. I was attracted to a lot of other boys growing up. But it wasn't until I was 9-years old that I even realized homosexuality existed.

When I was finally open about my sexuality, my family was happy for me.
My mom was a little startled, but she's happy for me today.

But, not everyone accepted me. A few friends were disgusted and avoided me. It hurt, but obviously they weren't going to be faithful to me as friends. If they cared about such superficial things, I eventually realized I was better off without them.

Everyone out there has a different story, and it has really hurt my soul to read about the terrible things a lot of you young people have gone through.

My advice is to learn to be happy with yourself. I know that for many of you,
it will be very hard to do. And I completely understand your fears.

I've been called "f*ggot" before and it always hurts. But you can't let those people discourage you from being happy. Try not to wonder about whether or not you are born this way, because that doesn't matter. Just do what makes you happy.

Self-confidence is an attractive thing.
And the best way to find love, is to love yourself first.

Tristan's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Ralph Macchio
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Bastian

Bastian, age 3

Swanton, Vermont (1985)

Just look at this kid! Blue feetie pajamas, a mop-top haircut straight outta the mid-80s, playing with blocks in a very earth-toned living room. A kid looking up at dad with his ever-present camera, capturing every moment of his eldest child's life as it happened. That's the advantage of having a photographer for a father: really nice angles and flattering photos. And I really like this one; it really captures that innocent, boyish charm when I was just a wee one.

I look a lot more comfortable in this picture than the ones where I'm wearing pink nightgowns, considering I'm not a girl.

Well, not that they knew that at the time, of course.

I'm grateful that for much of my childhood, my toys and clothing were rather unisex and not overly girly.

Oh sure, I owned a few Barbies in my time, but they generally ended up headless or tossed down the stairs, as I'd laugh endlessly at the weird and painful-looking poses they ended up in.

However, my parents mostly encouraged play that was more open-ended and prone to self-expression, like Play-Doh or art supplies.

There was always the vague, 'Go play outside' command, which led to all sorts of adventure and improvised shenanigans. Stick-swords, buckets of mud, trying to dig to China via the sandbox. No tea parties for me, thanks.

On the other hand: As a kid, unless it's really ingrained into you by parents, you don't really see other kids as "so-and-so the girl" or "what's-their-face the boy" - you just see a kid and another kid, or the one who smells kind of funny with the runny nose. Gender doesn't matter, and gender expression matters even less. You just do your kid thing, and nobody really gives a hoot.

In that vein, it wasn't until puberty when the gender segregation and the 'not-really-right feelings' surfaced, culminating in the start of my physical transition from female to male in 2005, at age 23.

Pretty much, everyone was remarkably fine when I came out as being transgender, and seeking to change my name, start hormone therapy, and get a mastectomy. My friend Becka summed up the general nonchalance the moment I came out to her. She grabbed her phone, and tapped away at the keypad.

'What are you doing?' I asked her.
'Changing your name in my phone directory. Duh', she replied.

My mother was extraordinarily supportive, as were my brothers. My youngest brother, a teenager then, took a sort of glee in showing me how to be a proper dude: how guys shake hands, how guys hug. That kind of thing.

The only one with major reservations was my father. I was daddy's girl - in his eyes. He was so proud of all I'd done in life, and then I went and did this and took his little girl away? At the time, it seemed like the end of the world, and that maybe he'd even give up on me, or wouldn't talk to me ever again, but...

Eventually, my dad came to realise that I'm still me, still there.
That I hadn't gone anywhere. And I wasn't daddy's "girl" to begin with.

Nowadays, it's no issue, and he seems just as pleased to have two sons as he was to have a son and a daughter. I also think he's jealous that I can grow a better beard than he can. Time does help, as does expressing the same love and patience as always.

All in all, I'm a pretty satisfied fella these days.
And, admit it: You don't see a little girl in that picture either, do you?

Bastian's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Billie Joe Armstrong (of Green Day)

Right around the 'Dookie' CD in '94.

And yes: Coincidentally, I'm also gay! Fancy that!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
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David

David, age 8

St. Johnsbury, VT (1971)

This was taken during summer, based on the dirty dump that I'm posing in. I have vague memories of pictures being taken there, but I don't remember this exact occasion. I'm quite certain that I'm wearing my sister's shirt. And dig the bowl haircut, that filthy room (the kitchen), and the laundry hanging off the porch.

Completely white trash! 

Due to home and school conditions, my sexuality was the last thing on my mind. But never at any point was I attracted to females, and males were to be feared and avoided.


Ultimately, I didn't consider sexuality until my early 20’s. I was stationed in Germany when I began to acknowledge and accept that part of myself. Not a bad place to start the journey.

The biggest advice I can offer is that all things evolve over time. The bad can go good and the good can go bad. You just have to put in the work to keep it where you want it. Just accept that some things are not meant to be. While some things just shouldn’t be, and some things have to be

David's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Robert Conrad ("Wild Wild West")
Burt Reynolds ("Gunsmoke")

Michael Landon ("Bonanza")

Those are all kinda funny, as I hate westerns! Way too much dirt and gun fights