David

David, age 12 
Tasmania, Australia (1963)

This photo of me was shot during my first year at high school, and was set up by a semi-professional photographer and friend of my father. I was posed in a cow paddock with Rani, our family dog. The picture was published on the front cover of a national magazine called "Health."

By this age I had questions about myself and knew that certain situations sparked my curiosity. But in 1963, there were no places to go to find answers.

I didn’t know the word to describe myself and no one at my school used the "F" word. And the word "Gay" just wasn't in the vocabulary.

I had a very happy upbringing at home, and was a straight A student at school. The other boys ridiculed my inability to catch a cricket ball or my failure to kick a football straight, but I was never bullied or belittled. And the guys came to me for help with their homework.

I was editor of the school magazine for two years and was on the student council. I was always a leader: popular, confident, optimistic and outgoing.

No one ever guessed that I was gay, least of all myself.

I also read avidly. My favourite character was William Brown, a permanently 11-year old boy portrayed by Richmal Crompton in the 39 novels he wrote, starting with "Just William." He and his closest friend, Ginger, along with the other Outlaws, got up to all sorts of wild adventures, none of which I dared to copy!

I never missed watching "Leave It To Beaver" featuring the inquisitive and often naïve Theodore “The Beaver” Cleaver, portrayed by Jerry Mathers. Only years later did I realise why I thought Beaver was the most handsome boy on TV.

I grew up in a conservative family and belonged to a strict Protestant church.
My dad was a high-profile pastor known all over Australia, and everyone, especially my father, had the highest expectations for my behaviour.

Any deviation was frowned upon and could be punished.
So I was eager to please my parents and happy to conform to their standards.

But as a young adult, when I stepped outside those boundaries, I was wracked by guilt and smothered by shame. I carried that shame for decades, and it's one of the reasons for staying in the closet for so long.

Then at the age of 55, I saw the movie "Brokeback Mountain."
And the result was a tsunami of grief and despair.

I decided the pain of staying in the closet exceeded the shame in coming out.

So I soon came out to my family, moved 1000 miles, started a new job, and bought a house. I also met a wonderful man who is now my husband of 12 years, and we couldn’t be any happier. More info on my life today can be found here.

And when I look at this picture now, I wish I could tell my 12-year-old self:
"Don’t worry. The answers will come. Life does get better!"
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
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David

David, age 3
Fresno, California (1977)

I think I knew I was "different" around age 4. I liked being around the girls in school more than the boys. As I got older, I would be teased and called "f*g" and "sissy." I didn't know what that meant, but I knew it didn't make me feel good.

When I finally did discover the meaning of those words, I tried to deny it. But my love of Chinese jump rope and my Smurfs lunch box gave me away. Also, I had a strange fascination with Tom Selleck and Lee Horsley, and their hairy chests.

As I got older, I'd spend my free time in my bedroom with a t-shirt on my head and lip-synch in my mirror to Cyndi Lauper and Madonna songs.

Occasionally, I'd throw on a pair of my mom's pantyhose and strut around the house.

My mom would laugh and say, 
"You sure would make a good girl!"

Now as an adult, I'm almost 37-years old. I've been with my husband Richard for 18 years, and we have a good life. Mom lives with us now, and I ran across this picture while digging around in her closet. My grandmother was the one who took me to this photo session. In fact, she's the one who styled me and picked out the "Mary Had A Little Lamb" book I'm holding.

I look at this picture now, and I can see the beginnings of the man I am today.
I live my life openly and freely and I am blessed to have family and friends that accept all of me. Especially the "little girl" that still exists in this photo.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
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David

David, age 9
Longview, TX (1978)

"Grease" was the word back then, and I was no exception. Seeing John Travolta on the big screen gave me a funny feeling in my nether regions. And I knew then that something was different from the other boys who had the same reaction, except over Olivia Newton-John.

I believe I wore this T-shirt out.
It basically fell apart, and still I fought my mom to keep it.

The music of the day was, yes, disco, and I loved it: "Knock On Wood,"
"Le Freak," "Heart of Glass" etc.

I even had my very own polyester Hustle suit, performing "Do The Hustle" to anyone who'd watch.

It's no wonder I was picked on, since
I would wear my suit to school and dance The Hustle there as well.


Growing up in a small town isn't unique. Yet I felt the brunt of being different more, because I'd been molested during this time. In this photo, I see the David who trusted everyone. And a boy with deep sadness behind those smiling eyes.

My experiences as a young gay boy in a small - and small-minded - town were typical: extreme bullying from both boys and girls. Now that I can look back,
I still see the looks on the faces of those who were fearful of what I represented.

But now, I also see the fear in their eyes. They're the product of parents who were ignorant, and it trickled down to their children.

Life has been kind to me through the years, so I can, with ease, forgive those trespasses against me. And I am more able to love and receive love, because of the tough experiences that I thought would never to end.

But they most certainly do end, and life gets so much more rich as one matures.
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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

David

David, age 8

Corpus Christi, TX (1988)

When I came out to my mom in high school, she told me she already knew.

Judging by the picture I've posted,
well - of course she knew!

Throughout my childhood, my mom nurtured my creativity. And she never tried to instill in me the "normal" behavior for boys.

From dancing around wearing her bangles, or singing along to Bette Midler's "Perfect Isn't Easy" from "Oliver & Company," my mom just let me be ME.


Sure, my mom worried about how the world would treat me, but she never felt that it gave her cause to change my behavior.

She knew that with a strong foundation of love and acceptance at home, I could take on the hate I might encounter elsewhere.

David & Dean

David, age 7

Dean, age 9

Sterling Heights, MI (1976)

Which two of these three brothers grew up to be gay? That's me David (left), with the hoop earrings. Even though it appears otherwise, my brother Dean (right) and I never knew the other was gay. Not until we were both adults who had moved out of the house. We weren't particularly close growing up, and are not as adults. So it was kind of a surprise to find out that we were both gay.

What I find most revealing about this pic is, despite the woman's clothes, there is already a consciousness on my part to "butch it up" for the camera.

By age 7,  I had already been told several times that I "write like a girl" and was asked on a few occasions whether I was "a boy or a girl".

These accusations and inquiries secretly bothered me.


It taught me early on that I needed to keep my feminine side in check. It's funny now that this thinking reveals itself, even dressed as a gypsy-girl for Halloween.

Ah, the innocence of youth.

Looking back, I definitely had same-sex attractions growing up, but I always rationalized them as "envy". I guess I certainly "envied" some hot looking guys.

Being gay was never a choice I made. Being gay was a growth of self knowledge, and an acceptance of the fact that I was "Born This Way".
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David

David, age 11

Hudson Valley, New York (1977)

This photo was snapped during my 5th grade commencement ceremony. That snazzy jacket was my favorite, because it was reversible. The duality fascinated me. Navigating my way through the subsequent school years as a closeted gay boy taught me a lot about my own duality.

Growing up in Upstate NY, I didn't have any gay role models. Those who were perceived to be gay were mocked or whispered about behind closed doors.

I immersed myself in every school activity imaginable and cultivated a large group of friends.

If I befriended someone, they'd be less likely to tease me or acknowledge what I already knew:
That I was gay.

Looking back, I think I was subconsciously trying to protect myself.

In my younger years, I oscillated between boyish and not-so-boyish stuff. I was obsessed with Tonka trucks and fire engines, watched "Popeye" religiously, and loved climbing trees.

However, I was equally obsessed with my grandmother's white high heels,
"I Dream of Jeannie," "That Girl" and "Bewitched" on TV. I would often perform the theme song to each show when it aired.

One afternoon, at the age of 4, I was mortified when my cousin burst the door open to my grandparents' bedroom, and discovered me watching "Bewitched" - while sitting sidesaddle on a broom, wearing my grandmother's heels. I carefully placed a long towel over my head to simulate Elizabeth Montgomery's hair.

He laughed, asking "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I turned to him, sitting on my broom, and said, "I’m Bewitched." It was probably my first coming out moment.

After college, I packed my car and moved to Los Angeles. I officially came out at the age of 24. I made that decision on a Friday night, while dancing under the glittering disco ball at the Catch One nightclub.

To all of the gay kids who may be struggling today:

Someone once asked me: "If you could wave a magic wand and become straight, would you?" I instantly replied "No." Despite some difficulties, it's been a rich and rewarding and fun life so far. And it really does get better!

David's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Robbie Benson (in "Ode To Billy Joe")

It's so sad, but I also STILL remember his underwear scene in "Ice Castles" too

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - My First Gay Crush Blog"

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David

David, age 5

Mt. Vernon, OH (1970)

This is me, Little David, from Mt. Vernon, Ohio - birthplace of Paul Lynde!

"Drying my hair with The Joy of Cooking"

I LOVED this hairdryer and used it whether my hair needed drying or not. It was like having a big, yellow, warm 'n sunshiney, electric hat on my head. I'm pretty sure that the book in my lap is "The Joy of Cooking" and I'm pretending to read.

I always felt different. I was always "too sensitive" and I didn't have many friends. And the few friends I did have were girls, not boys.

David's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Freddie (on "Scooby Doo")

Aqua-Man, Davey Crockett, & Davy Jones ("The Monkees")

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David

David, age 8

St. Johnsbury, VT (1971)

This was taken during summer, based on the dirty dump that I'm posing in. I have vague memories of pictures being taken there, but I don't remember this exact occasion. I'm quite certain that I'm wearing my sister's shirt. And dig the bowl haircut, that filthy room (the kitchen), and the laundry hanging off the porch.

Completely white trash! 

Due to home and school conditions, my sexuality was the last thing on my mind. But never at any point was I attracted to females, and males were to be feared and avoided.


Ultimately, I didn't consider sexuality until my early 20’s. I was stationed in Germany when I began to acknowledge and accept that part of myself. Not a bad place to start the journey.

The biggest advice I can offer is that all things evolve over time. The bad can go good and the good can go bad. You just have to put in the work to keep it where you want it. Just accept that some things are not meant to be. While some things just shouldn’t be, and some things have to be

David's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Robert Conrad ("Wild Wild West")
Burt Reynolds ("Gunsmoke")

Michael Landon ("Bonanza")

Those are all kinda funny, as I hate westerns! Way too much dirt and gun fights

David

David, age 5

Enfield, CT (1981

This pic was taken in the summer of 1981 at a motocross track. The little girl is my cousin Nicole who, incidentally, would be the first person I would tell about being gay, when I was 14. While my male cousins & brothers watched my dad and uncles race around on dirt-bikes, Nicole and I stayed behind to work on our posing. We'd practice dances made up to Madonna and Debbie Gibson singles with our other cousins, Heather and Jenni.

"Strike A Pose"

I always knew something was "different" about me. One of my earliest memories is wearing red rain boots, in my back yard, twirling around as fast as I could. Why? I was hoping I'd turn in to Wonder Woman.

The first time I recognized a boy crush was watching "Little House On The Prairie" with my mom. I longed for Albert (the adopted son) to be my friend, and share a bed with me as he did with the boys on the show.

I also practiced kissing him on my pillows, as friends do.  

Looking back on this photo now only fills me with joy! I was lucky enough to have a family who loved and supported me from day one, always indulging my "stereotypically-gay" leanings. Growing up in a working class town in the early 90's wasn't so easy for a flamboyant Madonna-Wannabe. Especially for a boy.

My parents, though, dutifully drove me to dance lessons and theater rehearsals, just as they took my 2 younger brothers to their football and baseball practices. Who else can say their father waited in line at Barnes & Noble to buy Madonna's "SEX" book for their already-out-of-the-closet, 15-year old, gay son?!?!

I'm in LA now, working in the entertainment industry. I can say with 100% certainty that if it wasn't for my family and particularly my mom and dad,
I wouldn't be here today. Without that safe haven of home and the enthusiasm my parents brought to the table, there's no telling where I might have ended up.

So along with my message to gay kids, I want to emphasize: I hope parents of young children who are struggling with their sexuality read this, and realize the support & unconditional love you give your child means EVERYTHING to them. And effects how their life can turn out.

David's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Matthew Laborteaux ("Little House On The Prairie")
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David

David, age 5

Anaheim, CA (1993)

And so began a lifetime obsession with Disneyland.

I remember always being so excited to walk down Main Street and go to the castle.

Even back then, I had a fascination of finding my Prince Charming.

I've always liked this picture because I look so innocent and wide-eyed.

I still remember this moment quite vividly as well, as it was on our way out from Disneyland.


I remember running inside one of the gift shops and begging, yes BEGGING, my parents to buy me a Minnie Mouse doll. I remember my mom laughing so much and taking this picture.

I don't particularly like Minnie Mouse today, but maybe I appreciated her style? Who else can rock a big bow and polka-dot dress like Minnie does?

I always knew I was different, but only knew what my feelings were when I was older. Now, I can't wait to take my kids to Disneyland one day, and see what kind of pictures are produced.

David's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris on "Saved By the Bell")
Devon Sawa ("Casper")
Yes, I had a thing for blond boys when I was younger 

David

David, age 7

Denver, Colorado (1977)

This picture was taken on a family vacation when I was 7 years old. Worst vacation of my life. We did nothing but fish during the day, and look at old pictures at night. I wanted nothing more than to hang out down at the local bait and tackle store to watch the parade of men come and go.

I don't remember a time in my life that I didn't know I was "different".

There was never a time I didn't want to be around tall, hairy men.

When my sisters would talk about how cute boys were, I was always quick to chime in and give my opinion as well.

Thankfully, my parents seemed to take it all in stride.

Looking at this picture now makes me laugh.

It's a little embarrassing remembering my habit of always licking my lips, turning my head to the side, and squinting just before every picture because I thought it made me look mysterious.

But it's a habit that paid off years later in the bars when I was learning how to cruise. I came out when I was 23 years old. My effort at being straight - marriage and child - failed miserably and I didn't see the point in lying anymore.

It wasn't a perfect coming out experience by any means, but we all survived.
I have a good relationship with my family, ex-wife, and wouldn't take anything for my son.

My partner keeps my world revolving and means the world to me.  Life is good. And there is absolutely, positively, no doubt about it - I was born this way.

David's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Erik Estrada, Richard Hatch, & Tom Selleck
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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David

David, age 5

Sacramento, Kentucky (1981)

I don't remember the pic being taken, but I remember that baby blue dress and pink scarf vividly.  In my kindergarten class, there was a "dress up" area. One side of the closet contained "boy" clothes, and the other side had "girl" clothes.

As recess time would get closer, I anticipated grabbing that baby blue dress, and asking a friend to 'Zip me up!'  LOL. Of course, growing up in a VERY small Kentucky town, when a kindergarten boy wants to put on the dress instead of the business suit, it raises an eyebrow or two.

However, I loved going to school just so I could put on that dress and have tea time with my friends. I don't remember any of the other kids having a problem with me putting it on. It was the adults that told me it was wrong, saying:
"Boys don’t wear dresses."

I remember that the teasing started around 4th grade, and a boy told me that his mom said I was 'girly.' He gave me the nickname of 'Tinkerbell.'  He sat right behind me in class, so I got called that a lot. But I wore that nick name proudly!

This is my favorite picture from my childhood - the baby blue really brought out my eyes. LOL. Looking at it just reminds me to have a personal sense of strength. If I can throw on a dress in kindergarten, why should I feel that I have to hide who I am today?!

I think this was the same year I dressed as a girl for Halloween. My dad took us Trick-or-Treating. I wore my sister's skirt and top and one neighbor answered the door, and said: "Who is this pretty little girl!"  My dad said, "That’s my son!" and the neighbor said, "He makes a much prettier little girl than he does a boy!"

Trick-or-Treating officially ended for the night after that comment...
But it sure makes for a great story!

David's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Aqua Man and John Schneider & Tom Wopat
(Bo & Luke Duke, "Dukes Of Hazzard")

I had the sheets too, and every time I watch a re-run, I am reminded why!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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