Dean

Dean, age 4
Hollywood, Florida (1975)

This picture was taken on Halloween when I was in kindergarten. My sister was 10-years old when I was born, and had always wanted a baby sister. Having two brothers already, my sister had her heart set that I was going to be a girl.

On my birthdate, my mom sent my three siblings off to school, and said that when they got home, they would have a new baby brother or a baby sister.

Well, you can imagine my sister's devastation! It wasn't long before my sister realized that I fit into her dolls' clothing, and she could make me the little sister she always wanted!

I knew I was gay around age 5 or 6.
I remember staring at my sister's boyfriend's Speedo at the water park,
and just knowing that I was different.

At times I thought my life would've been easier if I had been born a girl.

Back in the 1970's, I think the majority of us grew up in an "Archie Bunker" like atmosphere. As for my parents, they were never afraid of using the N word, and were not shy about talking about "the Queers" that lived on the next block.

I remember cringing every time they would start to talk about them, knowing that one day my truth had to come out. That, or I was going to have to run away from home to a place like Pleasure Island from "Pinocchio."

I live in Hollywood, CA now and work as a very successful makeup artist. I've worked on people like Beyonce, Lady Gaga, and Mariah Carey to just name a few. And I am living the life I always dreamed of! I look back on the small stuff now and laugh, because I remember it seeming to be so all-consuming.

For the LGBTQ youth of today, I say:
Follow your dreams and don't change who you are!
Life does get better. It gets as good as you want it to!

Dean's first, famous-person same sex crush:
John Schneider ("Dukes of Hazzard")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Dean

Dean, age 8

Great Falls, South Carolina (1981)

My parents divorced when I was a baby, and my father disappeared completely from my life. Later, my mother married a man that didn't want me around, and so I fell into the care of my grandparents. Although they took care of my physical needs, my emotional needs went largely unmet. I was rarely touched or held, and often craved those physical expressions of affection.

Growing up gay in a small town in South Carolina was very hard, to say the least.

Looking back, I always knew that I was different. Unfortunately, my peers knew it too, and I had very few friends.

Being a loner, I had a vivid imagination and very active fantasy life. I developed a huge crush on Bo Duke on "Dukes of Hazzard."

I didn't know what it meant, but my heart skipped a beat every time he slide across the General Lee.

I often imagined Bo spending time with me, doing things that fathers and sons did together. Such as fishing, working on cars, or helping me with my homework.

I was often the target of both physical and verbal bullies, and found very little solace at home as well. Halloween was my favorite time of year because I got to dress up, and I could be somebody else. Because I didn't really want to be me.

As I grew up and learned to like myself, I actually became grateful to all those bullies. Because it was their abuse that made me the strong person I am today. And I developed a thick skin and sharp wit to combat their insults and injuries.

And the imagination that I developed to help me cope with life's stress, helped me to discover myself as an artist and a writer.

As much as it hurt at the time, I wouldn't change my childhood for anything in the world. All those experiences made me who I am today: A strong, gay man who likes himself and loves his life. What more could you ask for?

Dean's first, famous-person same sex crush:

John Schneider (on "Dukes of Hazzard")

_________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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David & Dean

David, age 7

Dean, age 9

Sterling Heights, MI (1976)

Which two of these three brothers grew up to be gay? That's me David (left), with the hoop earrings. Even though it appears otherwise, my brother Dean (right) and I never knew the other was gay. Not until we were both adults who had moved out of the house. We weren't particularly close growing up, and are not as adults. So it was kind of a surprise to find out that we were both gay.

What I find most revealing about this pic is, despite the woman's clothes, there is already a consciousness on my part to "butch it up" for the camera.

By age 7,  I had already been told several times that I "write like a girl" and was asked on a few occasions whether I was "a boy or a girl".

These accusations and inquiries secretly bothered me.


It taught me early on that I needed to keep my feminine side in check. It's funny now that this thinking reveals itself, even dressed as a gypsy-girl for Halloween.

Ah, the innocence of youth.

Looking back, I definitely had same-sex attractions growing up, but I always rationalized them as "envy". I guess I certainly "envied" some hot looking guys.

Being gay was never a choice I made. Being gay was a growth of self knowledge, and an acceptance of the fact that I was "Born This Way".
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