August 05, 2011


Dean, age 4
Hollywood, Florida (1975)

This picture was taken on Halloween when I was in kindergarten. My sister was 10-years old when I was born, and had always wanted a baby sister. Having two brothers already, my sister had her heart set that I was going to be a girl.

On my birthdate, my mom sent my three siblings off to school, and said that when they got home, they would have a new baby brother or a baby sister.

Well, you can imagine my sister's devastation! It wasn't long before my sister realized that I fit into her dolls' clothing, and she could make me the little sister she always wanted!

I knew I was gay around age 5 or 6.
I remember staring at my sister's boyfriend's Speedo at the water park,
and just knowing that I was different.

At times I thought my life would've been easier if I had been born a girl.

Back in the 1970's, I think the majority of us grew up in an "Archie Bunker" like atmosphere. As for my parents, they were never afraid of using the N word, and were not shy about talking about "the Queers" that lived on the next block.

I remember cringing every time they would start to talk about them, knowing that one day my truth had to come out. That, or I was going to have to run away from home to a place like Pleasure Island from "Pinocchio."

I live in Hollywood, CA now and work as a very successful makeup artist. I've worked on people like Beyonce, Lady Gaga, and Mariah Carey to just name a few. And I am living the life I always dreamed of! I look back on the small stuff now and laugh, because I remember it seeming to be so all-consuming.

For the LGBTQ youth of today, I say:
Follow your dreams and don't change who you are!
Life does get better. It gets as good as you want it to!

Dean's first, famous-person same sex crush:
John Schneider ("Dukes of Hazzard")

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Just Two Chicks said...

Our daughter would be incredibly jealous of you being able to do Lady GaGa's makeup! I loved Archie Bunker, even though it was politically incorrect... I still watch in amazement, surprised things like that were allowed on television. You have to admit, things have come a long way... stars now have to apologize for using derogatory terms, even in reference to us!

Oh and I love the commercial that has three women in a store who overhear the clerk use the word gay. Clerk: She's so gay! Female customer using the clerks name and speaking to her friends: DId you see her outfit?! It was SO Lindsay!!

The message... stop using derogatory terms to describe something bad. Yes, we have come far!

Stee-Vee Vee said...

My sister did the same thing.

butterfly13lj said...

I felt my stomache tighten when I read that. I got messages from all around me that the way I felt inside was wrong. I was around 7 or 8. I hid it until I was in my 30's I'm now almost 40. I recently came out to my family. It was met with love, acceptance, and "we knew". But, wow, how this affects you as a child.

thwany said...


Trent said...

John Schneider was my first celebrity crush, too! His feathered hair and those tight jeans just looked so good on his handsome, smiling face.

Becca said...

Oh wow dude I freaked out a little when I heard you've done Lady Gagas makeup. That must've been fun and interesting, and..different haha. Glad to hear you're thriving in your career of choice :D