August 19, 2011


Randy, age 2
Roxbury, CT (1953)

I was the seventh of eight kids.
As a child, I always loved books, Christmas, and anything fantastic or magical. This photo was shot during Christmas, 1953.

Unfortunately, our dad was a recluse and a compulsive eater. And he failed to protect us from our Jekyll and Hyde, alcoholic, pedophile mother.

Or from my abused, mentally ill older brother, who terrorized and humiliated me for being sensitive and empathetic.

At age 12 I discovered muscle magazines, and realized I was sexually attracted
to men. It took me many years to accept that this was OK. I even converted to Fundamentalist Christianity to escape my sexuality. Of course, it didn't work.

I am 60 now, and glad to be gay despite my PTSD diagnosis, and the fact that being overweight marginalizes me in gay culture.

Randy's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Robin Hood
I longed to be part of his band of Merry Men, who would keep me safe.
The Adventures of Robin Hood (Two-Disc Special Edition)America's Boy: A MemoirDamaged in ServiceCreating the Modern Man: American Magazines and Consumer Culture, 1900-1950

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Max said...

I hat how much weight defines you as a gay man. Utter bullshit

katty said...

straight here. Does it matter? Yes, it does because it proves the world is becoming a little less narrow-minded if straight people are reading this blog. I am so sorry for the difficult childhood you had. No child should have to endure that. But I hope your life now is easier. May I say God bless you?

Daddy Squeeze Me! said...

this is powerful and you have steadied the course and you are still living today. it is never too late to change or be happy. you deserve it and no one can say otherwise about you. this is such a powerful share.

thank you.

RayMan said...

Hey Randy,
......... I'm a fat old queen myself. I was raised in you general area (Warren, Rhode Island), and now live in the Pacific Northwest.

Face it. Any "twink" will see an overweight person as "ugly" because they have poor "eyesight", which mostly gets better as they get older. Hang in there, kid. We're both from the same era, and you look an awful lot like me when I was your age. That just HAS to be a good thing <3.....

Adrian said...

awww! i'm glad it has gotten better for you <3

Anonymous said...

Great photo, cute and sweet little boy!
Don't worry about being fat and don't think it is something about gays and not accepting fat. Do you ever see an average build woman in an add?
And at least we have the bear, daddy and chubby lovers even with their own fan sites!

Karen said...

Thank you for sharing your story. Much love.