Mike

Mike, age 9
Indianapolis, Indiana (1957)

Here I am in one of my frequent sassy moods, chastising the photographer for taking my picture. I was always very outspoken, but at the same time, I was painfully shy and introverted. Both sides of my personality existed and sometimes one dominated, sometimes the other.

My grade school teacher once sent home a note telling my Mother that:
"Michael likes to entertain his friends in class."

Strangely, when it came to bullying, I only remember one time, when I was 10.

A big neighborhood bully stopped me on the street and asked me if I knew I was queer?

I told him: Yes, I knew that!

That stopped him dead in his tracks and he left me alone!

At that time growing up in the 50's and early 60's, and wanting to avoid trouble, I never forced the issue and never came out to anybody.


I grew up in a home where things like being gay weren't discussed, so I was very ignorant of the fact that we are everywhere and we are just as good as anybody else! I was just me, and most kids and even grownups just accepted me as I was.

I had my first crush on another boy when I was 11 while in the Boy Scouts.
He was an older man: 12 years old! I worshipped him from afar, but never had the courage to go up and speak to him. And I'm sure he never even noticed I existed. But he was gorgeous, like a very young and hot Elvis Presley.

It wasn't until I was 14 and in high school that I started to realize I had actual physical attractions to other boys and romantic feelings for some. And I soon met some other gay boys at school. I went to a very large high school with 4,000 students, so there were several boys there who clearly stood out as gay because they were so very obvious. They couldn't hide it even if they wanted to.

Those other gay boys I met were my first introduction to what other kids similar to me must be like. I was glad to know I wasn't the only one! They instinctively knew I was "one of them" and would talk to me as we walked to classes.

However, I noticed that all of them were mercilessly bullied every day in school. And that made me feel terrible and very bad for them. But I knew if I spoke up in their defense, that I'd get beaten up too. And that made me feel worse. So I kept a low profile and tried to just fade into the background so I didn't stand out.

I tried to deny to myself that I might be gay for many years, but I knew it was true. And I finally decided to accept myself as I am in my early 20's.

To all the gay kids and young people of today, all I can say is be true to yourself. You may encounter people who will be mean and hateful toward you and who will try to make you feel bad about yourselves - but do not let them.

They are the bad people -- not you! Just have the courage to be yourself.
Not everyone will like you, but the right people will!
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Mark

Mark, age 7
Crawfordsville, Indiana (1971)

That's me pictured on the left. Need I say anything more???

I'm here with my little sister, as we had just returned from a Halloween celebration at the local mall.

And check this out: I won a transistor radio for "Best Costume!"

Am I convinced this positive reinforcement is responsible for my gayness?

Yes! :)

Though it was not my mom's intention at the time,
I lovingly refer to this picture as "Lady and The Tramp."
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Michael

Michael, age 3
Connersville, Indiana (1972)

In the 1970's, I would spend quite a bit of time on our covered porch, keeping rhythm with my grandmother in our rocking chairs, and watching the world go by as the sun set.

I wasn't very old, yet I felt right at home being an adult.

I would often tell anyone who asked if I had a girlfriend, that I was a "confirmed bachelor" - even though I didn’t really know what that meant.

It was an adult thing to say and, for some reason, I knew it described me.

One evening, my grandma leaned over and said, "Mickey, I may not be around too much longer, but I want you to know that you are different, you are special. You'll figure it out someday, but don't let anyone ever make you feel bad about yourself. You're loved and always will be."

As I continued to rock, attempting to understand what she meant, I decided that I should just remain quiet and let it sit. I continued to rock, and continued to think about what she meant. I still do.

It wasn't too long as a teen before I knew just how different I really was, and why others might try to make me feel bad about myself. But I like to think that each day, I continue to glean a bit from my grangmother's words.

Today, I still know I am loved and always will be.
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Aaron

Aaron, age 8

Berne, Indiana (1982)

I think this picture is funny, because I'm so excited about my pink Easter basket. I think I'm more excited than Denise here, my younger, 6-year old sister.

Growing up in a small town in Indiana, I always knew I was different than other boys. I had a very high voice all through puberty, and I was very androgynous. So it was very hard for people to tell whether I was a boy or a girl.

But that androgyny has paid off now. At 37-years old, people still guess my age as late 20's or early 30's! I love it!

I remember being attracted to boys/men in the 1st grade, having a huge crush on my swimming instructor. All through grade school, I much preferred playing with the girls on the playground, instead of anything involving a ball.

Music and stage quickly became my vice. I was a boy soprano up until 8th grade, then an alto as a freshman. But that also led to many taunts of "f*g" and "sissy."

I remember playing superheroes with my cousins at family outings, and I always laid claim on being "Wonder Woman." I could never figure out why none of them ever argued with me about being her - not even my girl cousins!

But today - I am who I am. I have a wonderful family who accepts me and my partner. While they're fundamental Christians who will never approve of me being gay, they do accept and love me!

My advice to young people, or any people with a fear of coming out is:
Most of the people you're afraid to tell that you're gay - already know. They're just waiting for you to be comfortable enough with yourself to approach them with it.

It's generally not a surprise to anyone. And if they say it is, they're more than likely lying for one reason or another.

With that being said: It's OK to wait until you are comfortable to have a conversation about it. Move at your own pace!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Spencer

Spencer, age 6

Holdrege, NE (1985)

So, I LOVED to play with Barbies and She-Ra, thanks to my little sis! I had two older brothers that didn’t want to have anything to do with me - other than beat me up - so they let me do whatever.


I had inklings about being "different" probably around the age I am in this photo.

But, in small town Nebraska, you just keep your mouth shut.

That said, when I did come out at 21, my family, friends, and colleagues were all very supportive.

In fact, both my parents and brothers didn't believe me, at first about things like that.

This picture helped "refresh" their memories - haha!

And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that you have this blog!

Spencer's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Ricky Martin

Estoy enamorado de Ricky

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Chuck

Chuck, age 3

Portage, IN (1981)

I always preferred to play with the girls in the neighborhood. And had crushes on the boys in the neighborhood, unbeknownst to them.

When my family had gatherings at major holidays, I always wanted to sit in the kitchen with the women, instead of out in the living room watching football with the guys.

My favorite Care Bear was "Cheer Bear" - the pink one with the rainbow on its belly.

I wanted to be (and was!) Wonder Woman for Halloween one year.

I didn't realize it then, but I think about it all now and can't help but laugh.

I also say to myself:
Anybody who thinks I wasn’t born this way, clearly hasn’t done their homework. ;)

Chuck's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Danny Pintauro (Jonathan on "Who's The Boss")

Even then I had good gaydar!

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Shannon

Shannon, age 10

Hamilton, Indiana (1983)

Here I am on my first of many motorcycles, in all of my moto glory! I had an older brother I idolized and was raised on a lake, in a neighborhood of boys. Clearly I wanted to be one! I suppose my parents wrote it off as self-preservation at the time, but I knew deep down it was my truth bubbling to the surface.

I played with dolls too, but I was often the "spouse" who kissed my significant other goodbye in the morning, tousled the doll's hair, and whistled as I headed out the door with my proverbial briefcase.

My Mom sent this picture to me about 5 years ago with a note that read:
"I suppose we should have seen it coming..." I called her then and we had a good laugh about what we both overlooked at the time. Being raised in the Midwest in the 80s/90s didn’t allow for much diversity. And being gay wasn't an option.

I love that my parents bought me dolls, motorcycles, and anything else that seemed important to me. Whether they knew it or not, they gave me a safe, loving environment to discover my true self. It took me well into adulthood to figure it all out, but at the end of the day I thanked my parents for their unconditional love.

I came out when I was 30 and one of my friends said it was 'too easy' for me.
I had parents who continued to love me unconditionally, friends who were accepting, and I worked for a gay-friendly company in San Francisco at the time.

In hindsight it may have looked easy, but I went through years of torment;
I never felt like I fit in anywhere. Sure I kissed the little boys on the playground like everyone else, but I was secretly longing for my 2nd grade teacher. She was beautiful, smart, and confident. And all I really wanted was to stay inside during recess and be in her presence.

My path was full of batons, tap shoes, motorcycles, dolls, and Hot Wheels and I wouldn’t trade any of those, because each experience made me who I am today.
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Michael

Michael, age 4

Richland, Indiana (1981)

My mother made those Woody Woodpecker costumes for my brother and me. Halloween was my favorite time of the year, because you could completely pretend to be somebody else for the night. And bring out a different personality, while no one could see who it was. And yes, I'm the one on the right.

At times as a teenager, I'd look at a photo like this and be embarrassed by such behavior.

My favorite album as a kid was Donna Summer's "On The Radio" and my favorite sleep attire was my sister's Charlie's Angels t-shirt.

I realized somewhere around the age of 6 that I was gay.

But growing up in a very small farming area of southern Indiana, I didn't know what that meant.

Or, that someone could live a productive, healthy life being openly gay.

My parents made me join the Boy Scouts and serve in the church, but I never felt comfortable or accepted.

I suppressed being gay until I was 21 and an art student in college. I could no longer take locking myself in the bathroom, and crying for hours wishing I could change myself.

My parents didn't believe me at first, and then went through the whole 'What did we do wrong?' phase, and eventually they just didn't discuss it.

Now, as a 34-year old man with a loving partner of 7 years, I look back at a picture like this and laugh about how even at that age, I OWNED IT! My family was surprised, but they have completely accepted my partner. How they never knew is beyond me.

At one time, I thought safety and acceptance came from wearing a mask. I see my coming out as the first time I said 'I love you' to myself. And I can not look back in anger, because conquering the fear of coming out was the greatest challenge I faced.

Life does really get better when you live it with openness and honesty.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Robert Reed ("The Brady Bunch")

Jameson Parker & Gerald McRaney ("Simon & Simon")

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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Mike

Mike, age 5

Pendleton, Indiana (1977)

Don’t be fooled by the masculine blue pajamas I'm wearing. This photo takes place before I'd started dressing up in my mom's old nightgowns, a wig, and costume jewelry. Me and my little sister (pictured here) would both get diva’d up and prance around the house, lip-synching to Marie Osmond and The Mandrell Sisters. Or pretend we were the oil baroness wives from Dallas.

I always liked to play Sue Ellen Ewing, because she was so deliciously mean.
And drunk...

"Wishing Luke Skywalker would use the Force on me."

Our neighbor Cindy would come over and the three of us would create elaborate dramas, with each of our characters a beautiful runway model.

I always wanted to play an aging star who was losing her beauty, but determined to do so with grace and attitude.

Even at an early age, I knew that milking a situation for all its turmoil was, in a word, tragifabulous.

And yet, I first knew
I was gay around age 5.


I was in love with Mark Hamill and wanted to be Luke Skywalker. But more importantly, I wanted to touch his perfectly tanned chest. The way his desert poncho allowed just the slightest glimpse of his collarbone and pec muscles did something to me that I couldn't explain.

All I knew was that whenever my sister would leave her Princess Leia doll unattended, I'd force Luke and Leia to do some serious heavy petting - even though I didn’t understand it.

Growing up gay in the Midwest in the 70's might not have been ideal, but my family was supportive and allowed me to be me. Their mantras were:
'We’re not everybody else' and 'It doesn’t matter what other people think.'

And what can you say about a mother who sews her son a Wonder Woman costume from scratch, and lets him wear it to his Kindergarten Halloween party?
I would say, that's the definition of love.

Mike's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Mark Hamill (in "Star Wars") & Donnie Osmond
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Jay

Jay, age 5
South Bend, IN (1954)

I was a very imaginative kid. I enjoyed role playing, but was not a born thespian. It was the single image/pose that captured a moment/attitude that I employed - as shown here. In this photo, I think I was channeling Rita Hayworth and other glamor girls I'd seen in magazines. At that age, no one in my family minded my "dress up" or "pretending".

But, in high school, attitudes toward my "ambivalence" had changed, and my parents made me join the swim-team, and play football. Having endured those episodes with great pain (mostly psychological), I decided to start dating girls to escape the family "sports requirement."

And that worked quite well, freeing me of parental pressure, and I viewed it as a path to "normalcy" and acceptance.

This, in spite of the fact that I'd been sexually attracted to men since I was 9. And I remember those moments in the swim-team showers to this day!

Many years - and many heartaches - later, I separated from my wife of 10 years and "came out". Fortunately, she was very understanding, and aside from a few years of nearly unendurable self-guilt, there was no exterior punishment. It was something I got past - and thank God for my art!

I often wonder how much more open and comfortable my life would have been without these experiences. But, I also feel that my life experiences made me the artist I am today. And, the whole person who had a 26-year gay relationship (ending in his death), and now a new, 5-year-and-counting wonderful gay relationship.

Self acceptance can be a long hard path. But the earlier you start down that path, the more pleasant and rewarding your journey is likely to be.

Aaron

Aaron, age 8

Southwest, IN (2001)

This is my 3rd grade production of "Pecos Bill." I KILLED that role, but remember being a little irritated that the play ended with me marrying
Sweet Sue. What I'm twirling is a giant "snake" - take from that what you will.

"Red bandana thankfully *not* a premonition of things to come"

After this, I was bitten by the acting bug and kept busy in children's theater and choir in a bigger town near me, which gave me an outlet for my creative energy and flamboyance.

When I reached 7th grade, I was hit with the trio of pubescent awkwardness: fat, glasses, and braces. This, combined with my flagrant swishiness,
did me no favors growing up in a small, farming-and-mining, Bible-belt town.


I came out when I was 14 (although I'd known for years before then), and I remember my mom being terrified for me. All she could think to say at first was that I couldn't tell anyone else, that I should at least try to pretend with girls, etc.

My parents and family became extremely supportive - they're founding members of PFLAG! - and were a godsend through the dark days of junior high.

I dropped everything artsy except choir by the time I reached high school and favored academic teams. This led me to my saving grace – volunteering for the Obama campaign in Indiana, with a bunch of post-menopausal, progressive, LGBT-friendly women. Through the campaign and other kinds of Democratic, environmental, and pro-choice activism since then, I found my meaning in life.

If I hadn't been gay in my environment, I don't think I would have found it in me to care so much about politics, and how the people I can help elect can drastically change my world for the better. For that, I'm extremely grateful.

I'm finishing high school now, and am going to either Harvard or Stanford this fall to major in political science. Although show choir is about the limit of my arts activity today, I still think of the days when I could become whoever I wanted to be on stage. I think that played a big part in helping me have the courage to become the man I am today.

Aaron's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Hayden Christensen (Anakin Skywalker in "Attack Of The Clones")

He seemed so sweet and cute then, although I cringe if I see the movie now

Stephen

Stephen, age 7
Richmond, IN (1989)

Here I am looking fashionable for my first day of second grade. I mean, who doesn’t look good in a fishing shirt? My parents, being good Midwesterners, always required a photo shoot on the first day of school. This is one shot of many.

It's also clear from this photo that I was not in charge of decorating the house.

“Out Fishing”

For me, I didn’t have a clear concept of “being gay” for quite some time, but going to school suddenly made me realize I was different even if I didn’t know how. I’ve always had a high-pitched voice, clearly had no problem with putting my hand on my hip, or dangling a limp wrist. At this time in my life, I was also visiting a speech therapist weekly to work on saying words like “squirrel,” which I had great trouble with.

Regardless, I always loved school and excelled at it even when I felt out of place and insecure. Looking back on this photo as a very out gay man, I’m proud of little Stephen and everything he went through to get us where we are today.

I don’t think he had any idea what was coming.

Stephen's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Bruce Boxleitner (on "Scarecrow & Mrs. King")

My mother loved that show and I was always really drawn to him. He made me have very funny feelings that I couldn’t quite understand at the time.
I have no regrets. He was hot. 
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Michael

Michael, age 6

Anderson, Indiana (1989)

Half shirt? Check...

Capri-pant pajama bottoms? Check...

Tight, toned abs? Check...

So how were my parents surprised when I came out to them?

It was around this time when I started to feel "different"...

But little did I know that I was born that way, baby!

Michael's first, famous gay crush:
Alec Baldwin 
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