Stephen

Stephen, age 4

Ponoka, Alberta, Canada (1989)

I was awkward as a kid, like being accident prone. Also I was probably the tallest person in my school throughout most of my elementary, middle, and high school years. So I stuck out like a sore thumb. It bothered me, because when you are different when younger, children are cruel.

As early as age 5, I dressed up in my mom's clothes, playing with her makeup.

I didn't see anything wrong with it. My parents didn't see anything wrong with it when I was younger either.

I eventually figured I was too old for that kind of stuff so I stopped. It didn't mean I didn't have fun doing it though. It was always nice.

When I was 13, I started to realize I liked other boys.
I KNEW I was different earlier, but this was when hormones happened.

My parents were far more accepting of the things I did than I give them credit for. My dad was always saying things like "F*g this" or "Queer that" and I guess that's what happens when you are raised Catholic. He just didn’t like gays.

But when I told him I was gay, he seemed to change his whole perspective, which is a good thing. My mom always said, "It's your life. Do what you want with it."

After suffering through a couple years of depression after coming out, I look back on my picture and think "I'm almost back to being that kid again. Not caring. Just happy." And I really am. It's a long process though.

Words of advice to all my fellow LGBTQ people:
Go into your childhood photos. Find a picture of you looking happy, and tell yourself that you will be that happy again. That has worked wonders for me

Stephen's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Ryan Gosling (in "Breaker High" and "Young Hercules")

I actually cried during the 'Young Hercules' episode when Ryan appeared to die.
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Stephen

Stephen, age 4

Taunton, Massachusetts (1978)

This was shot on a family vacation to Rangeley Lakes, Maine. My parents, sister, grandparents, aunt and I all stayed in a cool, cozy rented cabin on the water.

My sister and I were excited to sleep in the loft.

My parents bought us a Polaroid camera to take on the trip, and my sister and I were pretending we were models.

This is a shot just before going to bed. I'm taking a sip of water, but it really looks like I am having a night-cap.

And truth be told, we weren't playing model anymore.
I really was just sitting like that.

As I got older, this photo would elicit a variety of responses when we would look through family photo albums. My mother would smile and pat me on the head, my father would grimace and groan, and my sister would giggle. I rather liked it, but sensed there was something "wrong" with it.

My mother has since passed away, but the rest of my family is now rather proud of this photo. It is  evidence that I was indeed born with a little sparkle. If my mother were still here, I am 100% sure this would have ended up framed on the fireplace mantle. But I took the photo home before my father could do the same.

As for when I "knew" I think this photo is proof that I always had "it" and flaunted "it."

While I didn't end up being the football playing son my dad had hoped for,
I ended up being the type of son he never knew he wanted. I'm now in Provincetown, and he makes a trip to visit every summer. We get along great, and he even looks forward to going to the drag shows with me.

My first crush was on Bo Duke (John Schneider on the "Dukes of Hazzard"). When I told my friends in Hopewell Elementary School, they all went 'Eeewww!' Whatever. I still loved my "Dukes of Hazzard" lunchbox, and I fantasized that
Bo Duke would pick me up and rescue me in the General Lee.

While that didn't happen, my partner now does resemble John Schneider a bit.
As they say, the first cut is the deepest.

And things do indeed get better. Much, much better.

Stephen's first, famous-person same sex crush:

John Schneider ("Dukes of Hazzard")
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Stephen

Stephen, age 7
Richmond, IN (1989)

Here I am looking fashionable for my first day of second grade. I mean, who doesn’t look good in a fishing shirt? My parents, being good Midwesterners, always required a photo shoot on the first day of school. This is one shot of many.

It's also clear from this photo that I was not in charge of decorating the house.

“Out Fishing”

For me, I didn’t have a clear concept of “being gay” for quite some time, but going to school suddenly made me realize I was different even if I didn’t know how. I’ve always had a high-pitched voice, clearly had no problem with putting my hand on my hip, or dangling a limp wrist. At this time in my life, I was also visiting a speech therapist weekly to work on saying words like “squirrel,” which I had great trouble with.

Regardless, I always loved school and excelled at it even when I felt out of place and insecure. Looking back on this photo as a very out gay man, I’m proud of little Stephen and everything he went through to get us where we are today.

I don’t think he had any idea what was coming.

Stephen's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Bruce Boxleitner (on "Scarecrow & Mrs. King")

My mother loved that show and I was always really drawn to him. He made me have very funny feelings that I couldn’t quite understand at the time.
I have no regrets. He was hot. 
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Stephen

Stephen, age 10
Providence, Rhode Island (1977)

Yes, this is me, "Little Stevie" as my family called me, dressed as Henry VIII with my beloved Miss Piggy as Anne Boleyn. Having an older gay brother studying costume design in college definitely informed and helped in my playtime activities.

I spent hours dressing up Miss Piggy as different women in history.

Sometimes with accompanying self-costumes as her matching male companions, or sometimes just as their off-screen stylist.

I have many pictures of her dressed as Cleopatra, Carmen Miranda, and Eva Peron at varied times in her life.

I even had Miss Piggy giving speeches on the balcony of the Casa Rosada, in her traveling clothes for the "Rainbow Tour," etc.

I was a confirmed Anglophile at an extremely early age and this photo shows me at the peak of my powers. I mean, look at the details. It's as though Miss Piggy just stepped out of a Holbein portrait. Even my "stippled" Tudor beard is a revelation.

The first time I took a trip to London in the late 1990's and visited Henry VIII's historic home, Hampton Court, all I could think of was this picture. I remember thinking to myself, 'Yes. Miss Piggy and I got it right!'
 

Eat your heart out, Jonathan Rhys Meyers!

I think I always felt different, and I somehow always knew I was gay.
Thank God, because I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Stephen's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mark Spitz (US Olympic Swimming Legend)
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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