May 05, 2011


Stephen, age 4
Ponoka, Alberta, Canada (1989)

I was awkward as a kid, like being accident prone. Also I was probably the tallest person in my school throughout most of my elementary, middle, and high school years. So I stuck out like a sore thumb. It bothered me, because when you are different when younger, children are cruel.

As early as age 5, I dressed up in my mom's clothes, playing with her makeup.

I didn't see anything wrong with it. My parents didn't see anything wrong with it when I was younger either.

I eventually figured I was too old for that kind of stuff so I stopped. It didn't mean I didn't have fun doing it though. It was always nice.

When I was 13, I started to realize I liked other boys.
I KNEW I was different earlier, but this was when hormones happened.

My parents were far more accepting of the things I did than I give them credit for. My dad was always saying things like "F*g this" or "Queer that" and I guess that's what happens when you are raised Catholic. He just didn’t like gays.

But when I told him I was gay, he seemed to change his whole perspective, which is a good thing. My mom always said, "It's your life. Do what you want with it."

After suffering through a couple years of depression after coming out, I look back on my picture and think "I'm almost back to being that kid again. Not caring. Just happy." And I really am. It's a long process though.

Words of advice to all my fellow LGBTQ people:
Go into your childhood photos. Find a picture of you looking happy, and tell yourself that you will be that happy again. That has worked wonders for me

Stephen's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Ryan Gosling (in "Breaker High" and "Young Hercules")
I actually cried during the 'Young Hercules' episode when Ryan appeared to die.
RYAN GOSLING 8x10 PHOTO RECENT POSERaising a Left-Brain Child in a Right-Brain World: Strategies for Helping Bright, Quirky, Socially Awkward Children to Thrive at Home and at SchoolPolitical Institutions and Lesbian and Gay Rights in the United States and Canada (Routledge Studies in North American Politics)Coming Out to Parents: Two-Way Survival Guide for Lesbians and Gay Men and Their Parents


icanflyindreams said...

Hi Stephen - your story really encouraged me. My parents were very unaccepting and it took me a long time to accept myself as a result. Then I went through a horrible few years and developed PTSD. One of the things that keeps me going is knowing I can be just like I was when I was 8, before I had to worry about what my parents thought of me, before I tried rejecting who I was, and before I went through hell and back again. If you can get to that point, so can I. Thank you.

Angelus said...

@Icanfly>> I want to just hug you and tell you it'll be OK.

I'm 35.. I've spent a lot of my life struggling with who I am. And I know how much it hurts.

The OP and you reply has literally brought tears to my eyes.