David

David, age 12 
Tasmania, Australia (1963)

This photo of me was shot during my first year at high school, and was set up by a semi-professional photographer and friend of my father. I was posed in a cow paddock with Rani, our family dog. The picture was published on the front cover of a national magazine called "Health."

By this age I had questions about myself and knew that certain situations sparked my curiosity. But in 1963, there were no places to go to find answers.

I didn’t know the word to describe myself and no one at my school used the "F" word. And the word "Gay" just wasn't in the vocabulary.

I had a very happy upbringing at home, and was a straight A student at school. The other boys ridiculed my inability to catch a cricket ball or my failure to kick a football straight, but I was never bullied or belittled. And the guys came to me for help with their homework.

I was editor of the school magazine for two years and was on the student council. I was always a leader: popular, confident, optimistic and outgoing.

No one ever guessed that I was gay, least of all myself.

I also read avidly. My favourite character was William Brown, a permanently 11-year old boy portrayed by Richmal Crompton in the 39 novels he wrote, starting with "Just William." He and his closest friend, Ginger, along with the other Outlaws, got up to all sorts of wild adventures, none of which I dared to copy!

I never missed watching "Leave It To Beaver" featuring the inquisitive and often naïve Theodore “The Beaver” Cleaver, portrayed by Jerry Mathers. Only years later did I realise why I thought Beaver was the most handsome boy on TV.

I grew up in a conservative family and belonged to a strict Protestant church.
My dad was a high-profile pastor known all over Australia, and everyone, especially my father, had the highest expectations for my behaviour.

Any deviation was frowned upon and could be punished.
So I was eager to please my parents and happy to conform to their standards.

But as a young adult, when I stepped outside those boundaries, I was wracked by guilt and smothered by shame. I carried that shame for decades, and it's one of the reasons for staying in the closet for so long.

Then at the age of 55, I saw the movie "Brokeback Mountain."
And the result was a tsunami of grief and despair.

I decided the pain of staying in the closet exceeded the shame in coming out.

So I soon came out to my family, moved 1000 miles, started a new job, and bought a house. I also met a wonderful man who is now my husband of 12 years, and we couldn’t be any happier. More info on my life today can be found here.

And when I look at this picture now, I wish I could tell my 12-year-old self:
"Don’t worry. The answers will come. Life does get better!"
____________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow this blog with Bloglovin'

Jessica

Jessica, age 1

Tasmania, Australia (1993)

I am on the right and my twin sister is on the left, looking at the camera. At this young age, I had no idea I was gay. However, looking at this photo now, I am clearly more into that kiss than my twin sister Emily. 

I grew up in a highly Christian home and grew up thinking I hated gay people. 
I even said things like that a lot. Hating myself was more like it. Just after my parents started their own church, I made a joke that if they didn't let me date this boy I liked, I might just date girls instead!

There was so much truth in what I said, yet no one had any idea.

My parents took their 'discovery' of my sexuality really badly. I had my first girlfriend was when I was 14, and she was not welcomed. Even though I was sent to a private school, no matter where I went I found girls to love!

My parents have come such a long way in their acceptance of me. But more importantly, I have discovered my true self. I also discovered in time that I didn't have to look, dress, or act a certain way to be a lesbian.

I am now a very happy, highly feminine woman who loves the 1950's and red lipstick. I am a pinup model, a dancer, and a gay activist for my community.

I've been engaged for over a year and have big gay plans for my life with my beautiful partner. And that includes many kisses like the one in my photo!

___________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Tweet

Patrick

Patrick, age 4
Sydney, NSW Australia (1988)

Many people here say how "different" they felt. At a very early age, I always had a pretty strong concept of my own ego. When I was around 7, I wondered if I was the only real person, and that everyone around me was there kind of robotically, for my benefit. So in my mind, it was everyone else that was different.

This type of thinking allowed me to be whoever I felt I was for my entire childhood. This included loving Rainbow Brite, having a Cabbage Patch doll named Vernon, learning how to do hair on My Little Pony dolls, and dancing with my friend Bree to Cher's "Shoop Shoop" song.

I was a kind of girly and hung out with my girlfriend in dance class.
We had blatant conversations about sex from an early age, and we were both fairly inquisitive.

She was a tomboy and the most popular girl in school. I spoke to her a while back, and she confirmed that she's a lesbian.

My parents moved me away during high school from a place where someone would get bashed for picking on me, to a school in the country where bigotry was standard. I wasn't popular anymore and didn't know a soul. But the person I loved the most was my best friend Michael. To get around being able to talk to Michael about my feelings for him, I described my super crush in question form.

I also treated Michael like sh*t. I did this because I loved him so much, but I knew deep down I could never have him. No matter how many times we slept in the same bed. I used to cry myself to sleep every night because it was heartbreaking to me that gender meant so much to the world, when it meant nothing to me.

My coming out story was so much simpler. Rather than sit people down to give them some 'big news,' I just started being honest. If I thought a guy was hot, I would say so. Same as with a girl. I was the first person to come out at my country high school, and I only got called a f*ggot once.

I'm a bit of an outcast in the gay community though, as I'm more physically attracted to men, more emotionally attracted to women, and don't particularly like to have sex with either. I think that was due to my gender nonchalance, and being the go-to guy in college when the straight guys wanted to experiment.

Even though it wasn't something I particularly loved, I was helping someone out with their own sexuality. And, getting my own little piece of Michael every time.

PS: I was so fashion forward, I knew Hawaiian shirts would be in a decade early.

Patrick's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Macaulay Culkin (in "Home Alone")
_____________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow my blog with Bloglovin' Tweet

Jamie

Jamie, age 8
Coolum Beach, NSW, Australia (2004)

I know I'm a fair bit younger than most of the people here, but I figure that you're never too young to be proud. This is me and my friend Amber, hanging out after a theater production I was in. While I don't wear makeup in general, this photo shows who I am: A fun, proud, and slightly flamboyant person.

I kind of always knew I was gay, I just never knew the word for it.
Through grade school and even in high school, I had multiple girlfriends,
and I didn't think anything of it. I came out in 10th grade to most of my friends and family, and they weren't surprised at all.

All of my friends are fine with me being gay, and so is most of my family.
There is of course the expected bantering at school, but it's nothing really.

Looking back at this picture, as a wise beyond my years young man,
I can see I was happy then. Which even now, makes me happy.

My message to everyone who is gay, straight or another genre not mentioned:
Don't worry about who you are. At the end of the day, life's too short to care about whether or not people like you.

Thanks for your time. I really love your blog!

Jamie's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Neil Patrick Harris
_____________________________________________________


Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Michael

Michael, age 4
Adelaide, South Australia (1988)

After years of hating to look at photos of myself, this is one of my favorites. Because even though there is a happy smile on my face, there is still something different about this little boy!

The name calling and bullying started in 2nd grade. I had no idea what a f*g or a poof was, but I knew it meant I had to try to hide it. But I didn't know how to be what society wanted me to be?

While I loved to play dolls and stuff with my sister, I was obsessed with cars and bikes and doing stupid stunts. So I felt completely confused.

Was I going to turn into a girl like everyone said I was, or was I going to turn into a boy?

When I was 11, it started to make sense: I was a boy who liked boys.

I was also a boy who liked doing girl and boy stuff. And once high school and hormones hit, things got worse. My flamboyant side shoved its way out even more. I hated being me!

I desperately wanted to "own up" to who I really was, and though everyone else knew it, how could I admit to being gay? Then in 10th grade, enough was enough and I came out. The bullying got worse, but I felt secure in myself.

If they were going to torture me, at least I knew it was because of my honesty.

My friends were fine, and not a bit surprised. But I never knew how to tell my parents, so one Wednesday night while watching TV, I just blurted it out.
I was dizzy and in tears. I swore they knew, yet they said they had no idea.

After a few rocky months, they came around. I'm now 27, and have been an out and proud gay man for over 10 years, and life couldn’t be better!

Things HONESTLY do get better.

Just hang in there, and you will figure out how to be the "you" that you were meant to be. And you will do it with your head held high!

Also check out "My First Gay Crush" Blog

Claire

Claire, age 13

Melbourne, Victoria, Australia (1995)

This was taken in the Melbourne suburb I grew up in. I am the awkward-looking kid in braces on the left. I'm standing with my mum and dad, and my sisters, Eve and Chelsea. I remember that I'd had my orthodontic braces removed not long before this photo was taken, so I was feeling like a million bucks - even with the half-grown-out perm. FYI: perms were cool for exactly two weeks in 1995.

I was a geek at 13. I was an intense, avid bibliophile who was fond of old movies and musicals. When other kids were trying alcohol and cigarettes, I was reading "Wuthering Heights" or imagining I was Sally Bowles in "Cabaret."

I remember being aware of my sexuality at 13, and I had a crush on my English teacher and another student. But being a very widely read kid, I was able to intellectualize it as 'a natural time that many girls go through in their teens' - thank you, Dolly Magazine.

I was obsessed with "Beverly Hills 90210," focused on forming my grunge rock look, and loved watching Video Hits on Saturday mornings. I told everyone that Jason Priestly was my favorite 90210 star, but Shannen Doherty was the one I adored. I even had a poster on my wall of her in leathers on a red motorbike.

I never could understand why it seemed to unnerve my father, but now I know we just have the same taste in women.

I was able to intellectualize my sexuality right up until I came out at 20.
My parents struggled at first, especially my mum, but after a couple of years they came round and are now extremely supportive. As my cousin says:
"Your mum not only changed her stripes, she also bought the tiger."

If I were to give any advice to any same-sex attracted youth, it would be to come out when you feel are ready. And do so in a supportive environment.

That, and never ever get a perm, no matter how "in" it may seem at the time...

Claire's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Shannen Doherty

Dexter

Dexter, age 6

Manila, Philippines (1984)

I knew I was "different" when I was 4-years old, and of course, I did not have the words to describe that part of me. And it was difficult for me to define myself because I - like most Filipinos - come from a conservative Catholic family.

I grew up listening to "The Wiz" and "Annie" soundtracks. And to Madonna, who I vogued to in private. TV, movies, and books were my only companions, as I did not have any friends.

I had a feeling then that Bert & Ernie from "Sesame Street" were more than roommates, and that the "Hardy Boys" were definitely having adventures together outdoors and indoors.

In my dreams, "Robocop" was my "roommate," and we weren't solving mysteries.

Looking at my childhood now that I am an adult, I was a very sad boy.

I handled the bullying by taking my mind away from reality. I spent my non-school days locked in the house, and not wanting to interact with anyone.

But everything is different now: I am living with my partner, I am extremely happy, and I do not have to escape to feel that happiness.

Now, the two of us listen to my Madonna and Abba (his favorite) records together, and we spend the weekends having South Australian adventures.

And yes: we have our adventures both outdoors and indoors.
____________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow this blog with Bloglovin' Tweet

Ryan

Ryan, age 4

Taree, NSW, Australia (1987)

I was born in a small country town, and can remember dressing up on every occasion possible. I couldn't conceive why my boy neighbors never wanted to join in. But here I am, on the far left with my neighbors Mat & Katherine.



I don't remember when I 'realized' I was gay, but I always felt conflicted. I was about 10 when the boys on my street found a dirty magazine. I remember launching into a diatribe about how female parts were boring and all looked the same. And that male parts were much more interesting, because they were all different. But I had no idea what this would all mean in the future.

I recall being attracted to boys and teachers in my class around the same age. But even without any physical contact, I had my heart broken while dating girls until I was 18. It never stopped me being referred to as a f*ggot, or being picked on by the guys at school. I decided that I didn't want to be a f*ggot, and I would do everything in my power to deny it.

My coming out was rather backward. I rebelled and left home at 15 and was hanging out in gay bars as part of my 'double life.'  My mother asked on a visit if 'All of my friends thought that she knew I was gay'. I told her she was being preposterous, and couldn't possibly know what she was talking about.

Well, she also told me that my 'uncle' from a photo we had was not one of my aunt's ex-husbands, but rather her best gay friend. And, that the lady who babysat me as a child in Sydney? Well, she wasn't actually a lady...

I never gave my parents enough credit, and drove a wedge of between us, based mostly on my shame. In school, my sister hated me for being her f*ggot brother, and my stoic father was confronted by my flamboyance. He was convinced gay men were out to get me.

Despite the photo, I consider myself to be an athletic and masculine gay man. And I now have the love and support of my family behind me.

Ryan's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Dean Cain

Julia

Julia, age 6

Sydney, Australia (1988)

This is Christmas day, and my sisters and their "long lost brother". Luckily my parents were supportive of my rejection of gender roles in their gift-giving. And thanks to my nanna who made those awesome pajamas.

A year before this photo, my neighbors gave me a Barbie doll, which I proceeded to throw back over the fence into their yard. It was totally out of character for me, being so rude to people that weren't my family. But I was a bit pissed off.

Pissed off, because I played with their son quite often, and they should've known I wasn't into such "girly" toys. I still feel quite ashamed, because they were actually quite nice people. A big sorry to Mr. & Mrs. Lee, wherever you might be.

I started noticing that I was drawn to women and girls my own age a couple of years after this photo was taken. But it wasn't until I started high school at 12, that I fell absolutely in love with a girl in my class.

At that point, I knew for certain that I was a massive queer.

We had moved to a small regional coastal town when I was 8, and I was fairly quiet as a teenager so, I didn't feel confident enough to come out during high school. Despite having boyfriends until university, I was still getting into queer popular culture, and listening to Ani Difranco, Tori Amos, and Madonna.

When I finally came out, it amazed me that I had so many similar interests to other queers. Here I was thinking I was all unique, only to find out that I was just another stereotypical lezbot. Not that it bothers me, and it's great to finally be out.

The only regret I have is giving up skateboarding - I tried to have a go last year but had an unfortunate run in with a gum nut which put an end to that endeavour. Oh, to be a fearless tomboy again!

_____________________________________________________

Tat

Tat, age 11
Queensland, Australia (1988)

My childhood was all about waiting. Waiting to work out why I saw things differently, and waiting for all the pieces to make sense.

Pieces like really liking my best friend; having fun and free flowing conversations with boys, but shy and 'funny feeling' half-talks with girls; playing with Cabbage Patch Kids and Barbies, but not knowing why I didn't want Ken and Big Bear included as well.

Or why I loved with resounding imaginative passion Anne of Green Gable & George from "Famous Five;" repetitively reading Miles Franklin's "My Brilliant Career". And, knowing Emma Thompson was an ethereal goddess.

I have mixed feelings about this pic, as it epitomizes all that waiting.


Soon after this photo, things changed to me 'waiting to leave.'
Leave my childhood, my small town, Catholicism, and 'being different.'

At age 11, it was starting to make sense. But with a Catholic overlay and my account of 'women who liked women’ to be crew-cuts, jeans, and white linen shirts with boots - I was not sure that all that, was me.

Thankfully I left my town and family to learn all the pieces were gay. And in time, more importantly learned that I was a "gay lady" - with passions for designer handbags, cut jeans, high heels, flowing dresses, weekend converse, blow-dryers & hair strengtheners, and impeccably neat skirt suits. Interestingly,
I have never quite gotten the hang of cosmetics.

I currently live in a place where being out is detrimental to my physical and mental health. I have made a decision not to be open whilst I'm here - but to 'hide in plain sight' with my femme presentation.

Every now and again this makes me feel like a traitor. But on balance, it is just for now, and not forever. At least, here, right now, I am no longer waiting:
I now know, and am ecstatic about, who I am.

Tat's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Emma Thompson
_________________________________________________

Sam

Sam, age 10

Queensland, Australia (1981)

At this age, I had no idea what a lesbian was. Nobody said 'that's so gay' back in those days! I did, however, have a series of crushes on my 'best friends' and was in the habit of convincing the other girls at school to practice kissing with me.

I remember going to one school friend's party where we all hid under the house to play spin-the-bottle.

I tried kissing some of the boys, but it wasn't nearly as much fun as kissing one of the girls.

So my 'best friend' and I found our own corner to kiss in. Nobody else seemed to notice or care!

In those days, I loved Cyndi Lauper, Madonna, and Joan Jett - girls who didn't play by the rules.

Many years later, I went to the movies to see a movie called "Go Fish" - and I had no idea it was about lesbians.

When I walked out of the movie I said to my friend:
'I'm one of those girls - I'm a lesbian!'

It was a defining moment for me, the first time I realized it was OK to be attracted to other girls!
_________________________________________________

Suzie

Suzie, age 2

Kalgoorlie, W. Australia (1993)

Even as a child, I always hated pink. I point blank refused to wear it. I could live with dresses, so long as they were not pink. It didn’t take mum long to realize that I liked blue much better. Because of my masculine face (so similar to my fathers), people were always saying 'what a pretty little boy he is!'. Still today, I get called Sir on a regular basis.

By the time I was age 8, I chopped off all my hair off refused to let it grow back. Although, I tried when I was 12 to let it grow a bit to try and fit in better. That lasted all of two years. My lack of hair is now the bane of my mother’s existence.

Growing up in a country mining town on the edge of the desert, the men were manly men, and the women were housewives. End of story. There was no room for a girl with short hair who refused to conform. When I started 1st grade, the kids at school would call me ‘Susan Gay’ instead of ‘Susan Day’.

I guess they knew before I did.

The library was my haven. Originally it was a place to escape the bullies and the summer heat, but as I grew older and realized that I wasn’t the same as the other girls in my class, I found a wealth of information, comfort and inclusion.
I read books like "Keeping You A Secret" by Julie Ann Peters, "Annie On My Mind" by Nancy Garden, and the amazing Rainbow Boys series and "The God Box" by Alex Sanchez, which helped me find peace between my faith and my sexuality.

All the while, I was bullied. I even tried dating a guy (one of my worst mistakes ever). It took me a long time to move on from those experiences. Eventually I attempted suicide, and thankfully, I survived.

To all young queer people out there, suicide is not the answer! I eventually got out, went to Europe and to university, got a chance to go to a gay bar, march in a parade, meet girls, and do everything I never could when I was growing up.

Just hang in there, because it WILL get better!
________________________________________________