Ryan

Ryan, age 8,
Quezon City, Philippines (1990)

I grew up a poor, black child....oh wait. Wrong story! :) Growing up in the Philippines, being a flamboyant young boy wasn't an issue. And luckily, I grew up with not only my family's support, but also the support of my friends. 

The topic of sexuality and being gay was not yet discussed at that time. 
But what I know is that everyone saw that I was happy, and they let me be me.

And I do remember when I was age 11, I told my parents I was going to the neighborhood fiesta. I left the house in a white T-shirt and cut off denim shorts and my "tsinelas" - they are also known as flip flops. I joined the masses to enjoy the festival until I heard a popular song being played in a distance.

I walked over to see what was happening. A crowd had gathered to where the song was playing, and I saw a few girls dancing in formation to the beat.

The song was called “Aringkingkingking" - and I have no idea what that means! But in a quick instance, without even a thought, I tied a knot on my white
T-shirt, just above my left hip to bare my mid-drift, and I joined the dance.

I copied every step, every move, and every flare. I was happy and overjoyed, especially when the crowd erupted in cheers and applause!

This story has nothing to do with my picture here, but I thought it was a perfect memory to share. However, I DO think this picture perfectly sums up me, my fashion sense, and my ability to coordinate clothing at an early age.

I mean, only us — those who are a little different, a little or a lot gay — can put together prints serving a BATMAN look, and know the world can't tell you SHIT — because you OWN it!

Of course, when asked to pose - even as a young child - there was always a little sass and a little flirt in my pictures. This image couldn't be anymore ME, and proves that I was BORN THIS WAY!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Ryan

Ryan, age 5

Wayne, New Jersey (1994)

Overall I was a happy kid. Soccer, nature, and science intrigued me, so as a kid I would always go investigate the forest behind my house.

I always knew I liked men, I just had no idea what “being gay” actually meant. I remember around 3-years old, seeing a naked woman on TV and wondering where the naked guy was. Because that's what I wanted to see. 

The first person I saw on TV that I KNEW I HAD TO BE WITH was Zach Efron. To this day, I still think he is the sexiest man alive. 

The cute, open-minded, real looking guys of the world are who I want to hangout with as friends and as a boyfriend.

My family did not really understand the aspect of being gay, especially because of my dad's old-school European upbringing. I've been out been almost 10 years now, and things have gotten a WHOLE LOT BETTER. But it took a long time to get to this point. 

I was afraid to come out to my friends because I thought they would not like me anymore. But the truth is, they respected me a million times more after I did. 

Everyone who has come out of the closet has been teased before; it’s just a matter of how you let it affect you. If I got made fun of by someone, I decided they’re not really someone I need in my life anymore. If someone doesn’t like you for who you are, you don’t need them to bring you down. And I can guarantee you that there are hundreds of others that will love you for you. 

Seeing my photo now, I just wish I could go back in time and live in awe of the world again. Just run free outside chasing butterflies and wanting to see what was beyond the fence. As an adult you have to fend for yourself, so I just wish I could be that curly-haired kid again without a care in the world! 

But, I LOVE the world today. I had become addicted to drugs and alcohol at a young age, spending years trying to kill the pain inside. I felt I was “not good enough” for people to accept me. I soon realized if they hate me because of that, then I need to find those who love me. 

I have an amazing “family” in my life today, people I've chosen to be closest to and share my life with. You don’t get to pick your family, but you do get to choose who to take on the world with, and giggle and smile through it all.

The one thing I want the readers and LGBT kids to take away from this is:
ALWAYS BE TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE!!!

Don't be afraid to let your smile show or be fearful of what people will think. 
If you let people judge you, you’re missing out on a life beyond your wildest dreams. And don’t be afraid to take chances. 

I’ve learned to accept my flaws, because they are what make me an individual.

I took the time to realize the good in me, what makes me stronger, and the things I have to offer to others. It's amazing what a little self reflection will do for you. Today, I am able to live freely, just like the little smiling kid in my picture.

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Ryan

Ryan, age 4

Taree, NSW, Australia (1987)

I was born in a small country town, and can remember dressing up on every occasion possible. I couldn't conceive why my boy neighbors never wanted to join in. But here I am, on the far left with my neighbors Mat & Katherine.



I don't remember when I 'realized' I was gay, but I always felt conflicted. I was about 10 when the boys on my street found a dirty magazine. I remember launching into a diatribe about how female parts were boring and all looked the same. And that male parts were much more interesting, because they were all different. But I had no idea what this would all mean in the future.

I recall being attracted to boys and teachers in my class around the same age. But even without any physical contact, I had my heart broken while dating girls until I was 18. It never stopped me being referred to as a f*ggot, or being picked on by the guys at school. I decided that I didn't want to be a f*ggot, and I would do everything in my power to deny it.

My coming out was rather backward. I rebelled and left home at 15 and was hanging out in gay bars as part of my 'double life.'  My mother asked on a visit if 'All of my friends thought that she knew I was gay'. I told her she was being preposterous, and couldn't possibly know what she was talking about.

Well, she also told me that my 'uncle' from a photo we had was not one of my aunt's ex-husbands, but rather her best gay friend. And, that the lady who babysat me as a child in Sydney? Well, she wasn't actually a lady...

I never gave my parents enough credit, and drove a wedge of between us, based mostly on my shame. In school, my sister hated me for being her f*ggot brother, and my stoic father was confronted by my flamboyance. He was convinced gay men were out to get me.

Despite the photo, I consider myself to be an athletic and masculine gay man. And I now have the love and support of my family behind me.

Ryan's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Dean Cain

Ryan & Kevin

Ryan & Kevin, age 5

Mansfield, Texas (1996)

I'm Ryan (on the left), and this was just a normal day, playing with my - also gay - twin brother Kevin. We'd get in our baby blankets and pretend we were Cinderella and Snow White and have a blast putting on little shows for everyone. I remember singing along to cast recordings of "Annie" and "Wizard of Oz" all the time. We both loved to sing, act and dance, and still do.

I never thought I was that different than other little kids my age. But I didn’t exactly like to do boy stuff like go camping or be outside. I mainly liked doing the girl stuff. I remember we had a neighbor we played with, and she had a lot of Barbies. Kevin and I would play with them whenever we liked.

When we were 6, my mom asked us what we wanted for Christmas, and we proudly replied, 'We want Fairy Barbies.'  That must have been a big surprise for our parents, but that very Christmas we got our very own Barbies! It was one of my favorite Christmases of all time. 

Kevin and I weren't that popular during elementary school. It was very unhappy times for us, and I remember being made fun of for being gay when I was like 9. I didn't even know what the word meant! I thought it meant happy, so in a way it was a compliment. But I knew the way kids said it, that it was no compliment. I didn't know why people were picking on me, just that I felt a little unwanted. 

I remember in junior high phys. ed class that the guys talked about which girls were hot. I knew when a girl was more attractive, but I also knew which guy was more attractive. I felt like the only boy looking at the other boys in that class. I thought that every guy would notice when a hot guy would walk by.

It wasn't until my freshman year of high school that I came out, first to my three best girl friends. They took it well, so I came out to the rest of the school. Everyone took it well, and most kids already knew. This got me picked on a little, but by then I knew how to fight for myself. There was one guy who picked on me in the halls, but his bullying was more psychological than physical.

Coming out to my parents wasn't a great situation. A kid from school told his parents that I came out, and he had a problem with it. They then called my parents - who I had not told yet. At that point, Kevin and I both came out to our mom, and she was great. I think she already knew (we'd asked for Barbies for heaven’s sake!), but my dad took longer getting used to it.

But now, he accepts both of us. And I thank my friends who helped my through that time. They were wonderful! 
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow this blog with Bloglovin' Tweet

Ryan

Ryan, age 9

Anaheim, CA (1988)

Here I am, playing dress up at my Grandma Ginger's house. She was an amazing 'actress' type who had closets full of shoes and fur coats that I salivated over.

"I wasn't allowed to actually put her clothes on, but..."

When I wasn't playing with the Hollywood Legends paper dolls she bought me, I was using her sheets to create wrap dresses or long flowing skirts.

And I knew that her Roberto Cavali gowns were off limits.

Looking back on this photo, I find it funny that she cared about the Cavalis and not the shoes my dirty, little feet would slip so delicately into?

After all, aren't a woman's shoes her pride and joy??
Go figure!

My grandma passed away before I came out, but in my heart I know she not only knew, but loved me all the more for it. I think she was also kind of excited for me, and quietly sad that she wouldn't be around to go out and hit the town with me.

When we, as a society, speak about generations and how they're programmed to react to the unfamiliar, the example of my grandma always comes to mind.
I find it a hard sell to say 'generations' just exist like that.

We are ALL individuals - in our gayness, in our straightness, in our open-mindedness. And in our ability to love and accept others. That is the only thing that will set us free!!!
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Ryan

Ryan, age 5

Jersey Shore (1978)

Saturday Night Fever was still in theaters, and at age 5, it was my clearly favorite movie - as can be seen in my fabulous polyester attire in this picture. My normally dark brown hair was continuously "tinted" blond with that amazing peroxide hair product of yesterday - Sun-In.

"I really love this picture, and I would still rock that outfit!"

Looking back, I always had an 'I don’t give a f*ck what you think about me' attitude. I liked being the weird, different, and always most fabulously stylish kid around.

As I grew older, things just kept pointing towards big homo. I passed on school sports and took private figure skating lessons.

In Cub Scouts, I was the one who painted my pine-wood derby race car with my mothers red glitter nail polish.



I had doctors' notes to get me out of gym class so I could take a second chorus class instead. I took a lesbian to the prom. And in the time passed since this picture was taken 33 years ago, I have seen over 200 Broadway shows.

At this point, it's probably not a phase: I'm a sissy.

My first major man-crush was a big one: John Amos, as James Evans on the 1970’s sitcom “Good Times”. The reason for this was clear: He was a big, hot, sexy actor. They always had him in the freakin’ tightest pair of corduroy pants, and didn’t even try to hide a massive bulge going down one leg. I never missed an episode!

To this day, when I watch those re-runs on TV, I still get excited seeing that big, hot, packin’ daddy.   

Ryan's first, famous-person same sex crush:

John Amos (James Evans on "Good Times")