Doug

Doug, age 11
Las Cruces, New Mexico (1981)

I'm on the far left here, and the only one 'posing' in this picture of my siblings, cousins, and my grandfather. Like so many others, I too destroyed most photographic evidence of my gayness as a child, as it made me physically sick.

As an adult, I tried to be straight. So I got married to a woman.

We had two wonderful children together, but my secret was destroying not only my life, but my most important family members as well.

After finally coming out at age 36, my wife and I moved through our divorce as painlessly as we could and we remain great friends.

My kids are successful because of the love my ex-wife and I still share.
And today, we have each remarried -- both of us to amazing men!
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Lynn

Lynn, age 5
Clovis, New Mexico (1961)

Both my parents thought I was adorable, though not as much as I did. That's my dog Queenie is in this photo with me. I was in 2nd grade when I knew I was attracted to boys. His name was Butch and he had a sweet blonde flat top haircut, and was a little stocky. And I thought singer Bobby Sherman was dreamy!

By 7th grade I was teased about being queer by other kids. My parents (mainly my father) started having trouble with my lack of masculinity in Jr. High.

Not only was I gay, I was fat - the double curse.

I was horribly beaten in Physical Education class. Even the PE teacher called me a pansy! I had to pay them to stop, and I relentlessly tried getting out of going to the class.

My middle school years really beat me down.

At age 21, after 3 years at a fundamentalist Christian college, I came out. At age 22 I came out to my mother when I was in the hospital and on narcotics.

She had no idea and said:
'We mustn't tell your father. And who did this to you?'

She was sure that my being gay was her "fault."

I adore this photo and the sheer luxury I had to express myself. But that freedom was soon taken away and not rediscovered until many years later. Today, I am a very well respected psychiatric nurse practitioner and my life's work is to comfort people with challenging lives. Part of that includes supporting all kinds of people to be exactly who they are meant to be.

My message to young LGBTQ kids is to be patient.

Do all you can do to be your genuine self. The more truth you tell, the happier you will be. Who you are matters, and tell yourself that truth first.

No matter how trapped you may feel, it will get better. No man, woman, religious leader, politician, or teacher can define who you are. ONLY YOU define who you are. Be YOU and be proud, and keep a sense of humor.
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Randy

Randy, age 2
Roxbury, CT (1953)

I was the seventh of eight kids.
As a child, I always loved books, Christmas, and anything fantastic or magical. This photo was shot during Christmas, 1953.

Unfortunately, our dad was a recluse and a compulsive eater. And he failed to protect us from our Jekyll and Hyde, alcoholic, pedophile mother.

Or from my abused, mentally ill older brother, who terrorized and humiliated me for being sensitive and empathetic.

At age 12 I discovered muscle magazines, and realized I was sexually attracted
to men. It took me many years to accept that this was OK. I even converted to Fundamentalist Christianity to escape my sexuality. Of course, it didn't work.

I am 60 now, and glad to be gay despite my PTSD diagnosis, and the fact that being overweight marginalizes me in gay culture.

Randy's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Robin Hood
I longed to be part of his band of Merry Men, who would keep me safe.
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Joshua

Joshua, age 4

Las Vegas, New Mexico (1988)

This is me and my sister Jay, herself a lesbian. Growing up, I was the youngest of 4 kids from a single mother. My mom was a hairstylist, who encouraged us to be ourselves. I was always the loner kid with the heart of gold, and I liked talking to her customers in her hair salon.

When I turned 4, my mom got me a brunette Barbie (the closest they had to a "Latina" doll at the time) in a red Corvette car, and I was in love. I'll mention that I'm the one who requested Barbie. Back then, I watched Jem, Rainbow Brite, and loved My Little Pony. When my sister and I went to McDonalds and got the boy and girl Happy Meal toys, we would trade them.

Growing up in a city of 15,000 people, but whose name signifies shiny objects such as Las Vegas, I was very different and didn't have many friends. I read a lot, and took pottery, gymnastics, tap-dancing, and acting classes.

I remember one birthday party when I was 9, and not one person attended it.
At that young age, I realized I was different, and that everyone knew it about me. And, I understood what it meant for the other kids to feel "guilt by association." When I got older, into middle and high school, I was bullied tremendously. I'd try to get through classes unnoticed, where a good day would mean not being picked on 5 separate times.

I have always been different, and that just was it. I don't remember questioning why I was gay then, and never pegged it as being gay - just different. Maybe if I'd grown up in a household with more masculine influences, or if my mom wasn't so accepting, I would have payed more attention to my traits.

But my family encouraged me to be myself, and do the things that made me learn, grow, and smile. My mom never tried to lean me towards masculine traits nor feminine, she just wanted me to be happy.

And I've learned that those differences just never really mattered.
Because in retrospect, I know I was truly was BORN THIS WAY! :-)

Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Ricky Martin
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Frank

Frank, age 5

Chicago, Illinois (1961)

My mother would always tell me that I was a smiling and laughing child. Everywhere she took me, people would remark 'What a wonderful laughing baby!' She tells me that I was always curious of the environment around me. And smiling opened doors for me. I remember this photo being taken by a professional photographer who made a house call. I remember having fun "posing". Pick any picture from my formative years, and you'll find me either posing and smiling.

"Move over Madonna - I'm striking a pose"

When I entered 1st grade, I would hold other male students' hands and pretended to be married to them. I was bullied as a child and endured beatings and humiliation. I am grateful that awareness of bullying has come to the forefront.

When the school bell rang at 3:00pm in the afternoon to go home, I would run out the door in order to avoid bullies. Some even waited for me in hallways. I was even suspended from school for ditching Physical Ed.

The principal and powers that be NEVER understood why I ditched school like that.

I was forbidden to play with dolls, but managed to sew outfits for my sister's Barbie. I would hide my creations in a bag and bury them. My bag of sewn creations would come out anytime my parents left the house.

And the man I am today? Born this way and damn proud!

Frank's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Robert Vaughn (in "The Man From U.N.C.L.E.")
Adam West (as "Batman")

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Chris

Chris, age 12

Albuquerque, New Mexico (1974)

I hated Little League. When this baseball pic was taken, I was being bullied by an older teammate for being a sissy and a fag. In hindsight, I wonder if he had a crush on me? The 2nd picture is something I wrote in my diary in February of 1974, before I knew I was gay. In it, I say:

  
'You know, sometimes I get worried, because I think that sex and religion kind of don’t mix. I love God, but I love, I think, Becky, too. I guess it’s because sometimes sex is evil, but right now, as far as I’ve gone, I don’t think Jesus minds. In fact, I think he’s pleased, I hope.

Have I grown any since I started?
Wait! Wizard of Oz started! I’ve got to go!!
-- Chris'

I'd been called a "fag" my whole life, but I didn't know what the word meant.
It never occurred to me that I would do anything but meet a girl, fall in love and get married, and that God would be pleased with me. It's obvious, reading the diary now, that subconsciously I sensed there was something else going on. And perhaps God would not be pleased with me at all. And that to some, "sex is evil."

I wrote the diary entry a year before the life-changing moment in 8th grade, when I was staring at my friend Tim in the class row in front of me. I had an erection, and I was thinking, 'Why do I have an erection looking at him? It doesn’t make any sense! Two penises don’t fit together!'

Then I made the horrible realization that would poison the rest of my teenage years: 'Oh, my God. That’s what a FAG is.'

I became surly and quiet, watching my own every move for any mannerism that might betray my homosexuality. For years, my cheeks would burn with embarrassment if I ever looked back on these journal pages.

I hated this gay boy. His girly script. His passion for Judy Garland and The Wizard of Oz. And his unabashed enthusiasm, which I came to see as effeminate.

But now, I love this boy so, so much.

If I had a time machine, I'd go back and hold him tight and tell him he was wonderful, good and brave - and to  not listen to anyone telling him otherwise.

Chris' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Larry Wilcox (on "CHiPs")

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Edly

Edly, age 10

Albuquerque, NM (1979)

This photo was taken by my friend Dave G. who was my BFF from 2nd grade through freshman year. He and I spent many hours making gross-out audio cassettes and creating video parodies of MTV hair-bands, local news, religious puppet shows, and an epic soap opera entitled The Hours Of The Day.

"Cheese & Macaroni!"

Dave and I drifted apart in high school and college, but we reconnected in the mid-90's, particularly after he came out. I guess I never had to come out to him per se - he was the butch one - LOL!

During this time, I was disturbingly skinny, annoyingly hyper, precocious, geeky, and could 'horror movie scream' with the best of 'em. I hated most contact team sports, and loved anything creative - performing, theater, writing, piano lessons, crafts, A/V, Legos, and watching TV. I played Charlie's Angels with the girls in the neighborhood. No Starsky & Hutch for me!

I remember first feeling "different" when I identified so much with the misfit toys from Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer on TV. So much so, that I dressed as the spotted elephant for Halloween in 1st grade. I knew I was gay when I saw another friend's older brother changing into his swimsuit.

Looking back, I like this picture - I look like a happy, spirited kid to me.
I dunno what the hand gesture means, but most likely 'Peace' or 'Little Bunny Foo-Foo.'

Edly's first, famous-person same-sex crushes:
Gil Gerard ("Buck Rogers In The 25th Century")
Max Gail ("Wojo" on "Barney Miller")
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Brian

Brian, age 5

Las Vegas, New Mexico (1973)

Here I am, with my cousin Terri - my first, smartest, and sassiest friend.

This image was rescued by my uncle from one of those photo buttons they sometimes sold at carnivals and in the 1970's. The carny would snap a Polaroid picture and use a big metal contraption to cut and encase the actual photograph inside a saucer-sized "button."

I think my parents paid for the photo-button to be made as a gift for my grandmother, because it sat accusingly on her family picture sideboard for decades. More recently, my photographer uncle digitized the photograph itself by dismantling the button. I have no idea why he then color treated the image.

I was quiet, sensitive, and non-athletic from the get go. I cared little for typical boy things, like playing outside, running, or throwing balls at people. And I only participated in such activities under duress, or my father's intimidating insistence.

I much preferred to watch TV, crayon-color, or play with my collection of GI Joe, Ken and Six Million Dollar Man dolls.

And I learned early on that the best protection from mean boys was a tough, fearless girl. It was not until the 2nd grade that I consciously trained myself never to show a dangly or "limp" wrist.

Brian's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Matthew Laborteaux (Albert from "Little House on the Prairie")
Ike Eisenmann (Tony from "Witch Mountain" movies) 
Zan (from "Superfriends")
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