Ryan

Ryan, age 5

Wayne, New Jersey (1994)

Overall I was a happy kid. Soccer, nature, and science intrigued me, so as a kid I would always go investigate the forest behind my house.

I always knew I liked men, I just had no idea what “being gay” actually meant. I remember around 3-years old, seeing a naked woman on TV and wondering where the naked guy was. Because that's what I wanted to see. 

The first person I saw on TV that I KNEW I HAD TO BE WITH was Zach Efron. To this day, I still think he is the sexiest man alive. 

The cute, open-minded, real looking guys of the world are who I want to hangout with as friends and as a boyfriend.

My family did not really understand the aspect of being gay, especially because of my dad's old-school European upbringing. I've been out been almost 10 years now, and things have gotten a WHOLE LOT BETTER. But it took a long time to get to this point. 

I was afraid to come out to my friends because I thought they would not like me anymore. But the truth is, they respected me a million times more after I did. 

Everyone who has come out of the closet has been teased before; it’s just a matter of how you let it affect you. If I got made fun of by someone, I decided they’re not really someone I need in my life anymore. If someone doesn’t like you for who you are, you don’t need them to bring you down. And I can guarantee you that there are hundreds of others that will love you for you. 

Seeing my photo now, I just wish I could go back in time and live in awe of the world again. Just run free outside chasing butterflies and wanting to see what was beyond the fence. As an adult you have to fend for yourself, so I just wish I could be that curly-haired kid again without a care in the world! 

But, I LOVE the world today. I had become addicted to drugs and alcohol at a young age, spending years trying to kill the pain inside. I felt I was “not good enough” for people to accept me. I soon realized if they hate me because of that, then I need to find those who love me. 

I have an amazing “family” in my life today, people I've chosen to be closest to and share my life with. You don’t get to pick your family, but you do get to choose who to take on the world with, and giggle and smile through it all.

The one thing I want the readers and LGBT kids to take away from this is:
ALWAYS BE TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE!!!

Don't be afraid to let your smile show or be fearful of what people will think. 
If you let people judge you, you’re missing out on a life beyond your wildest dreams. And don’t be afraid to take chances. 

I’ve learned to accept my flaws, because they are what make me an individual.

I took the time to realize the good in me, what makes me stronger, and the things I have to offer to others. It's amazing what a little self reflection will do for you. Today, I am able to live freely, just like the little smiling kid in my picture.

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Charles

Charles, age 4
Longport, New Jersey (1967)

I'm from the South New Jersey shore. Philadelphia was our big city. Home was a beach town, so it was empty in the winter. Empty except for the “locals,” and being gay was a concept that didn't fit in with the “local” mentality. My parents were decent people, but they were locals, too. 

Being gay was a tough and lonely journey for me. I thought the boys were cool, but it was because I was attracted to them. I know that now, but I didn't back then. I attended Catholic schools, and had no issues about that.

My photo was taken by my grandfather, with me atop my father's desk chair. 

I loved superheroes as a kid, as they were people with great gifts who just seemed so "normal" on the outside.

Their “secret” was their hidden powers.

Suddenly, they became super-special, the people they really were. They stopped hiding. That transformation is the core idea that got me through it all.

As a kid I also loved Lee "The Bionic Man" Majors. He was the perfect real-world superhero: handsome, bighearted, strong, and sweet. And for vision and resolve, to overcome and triumph, I admired Abraham Lincoln. His story is amazing.

My parents were crushed when I came out. It hurts a loving child so much to disappoint his parents. But in time, that healed.

Today I live in Puerto Rico and I'm a successful lawyer. And being gay never kept me from anything. But I kept myself from things. Until I remembered that we are here to be a point of light in the world. Then, suddenly, everything began to change. I also fully realized that I was born this way. 

I already had everything I needed to be who I am meant to be. 
And when you realize that too, it's like your own personal 4th of July! 

So go and do your thing!
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Jim

Jim, age 3
West Orange, NJ (1985)

This picture was taken shortly after my uncle's wedding. You'll be shocked to know, that a few years later I was throwing Wonder Woman themed birthday parties and telling my parents, "When I grow up, I want to be a mommy."

Needless to say, when I did come out 17 years later, everyone's reaction was not
"How did we not know?!" - but rather a collective, "Finally!"

It's not always rainbows and lollipops being gay, but it has gotten so much better.
Even if I'm not a mommy ... yet.

And most nights, you'll find me with family and friends in this exact same pose.
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Sebastian

Sebastian, age 4

Maple Shade, NJ (1983)

I think this was taken at a party for my sister. Clearly, I wanted to make it all about me! I was raised by adoring, retired parents who had me unexpectedly.

"The SON Will Come Out, Tomorrow"

While I later endured the suburban de rigueur rites known as Cub Scouts and softball - where I would sneak off and pick dandelions, or tell stories until my name was screamed for - the fashionable sash and parasol were both allowed by my father.

My dad said little boys of his generation frequently dressed in drag for Halloween. As for my mother? She was a sort of suburban Auntie Mame!

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!"

My parents realized suburbia was no place to raise a fabulous, gay child. So at 8, we moved to Philadelphia so they could quit driving. Despite early beatings from local urban "thugs" I found my niche at a progressive prep school. That's where I found, art, writing, and wonderful friends.

In this picture, I see both the excitement and nervousness of my feminine sash and decidedly Victorian, little-girl pose. Now, I look much the same. I still have ponderous brown eyes that are both thrilled and afraid to be in front of a camera.

I still have a tendency to wear bright colors in strange combinations. However,
I don't dress in drag that often. Although, there are requests at parties, which I do occasionally make good on.

I have always, as many gay people have, taken risks. Professionally, that means making my dreams come true, and NOT fitting into any one role. At 25, I tried moving to Switzerland, but it didn't work out. At 27, I quit a stable job and started writing professionally, with a variety of odd-jobs and side gigs to keep me afloat.

Now at 31, I live in Wilton Manors, Florida - the GAYEST town in America, outside of Fort Lauderdale. I'm also the editor of the South Florida Gay News, and life IS a banquet!

Glen

Glen, age 7
West Milford, New Jersey (1969)

This is a picture of me and my two brothers. I'm on the top step.
My grandmother wrote 'The 3 Muscateers' at the top. But on the back she wrote 'the three astronauts' since we were all named for astronauts. Glen, Scott, and Dean were definitely common names for kids during the 60's.

I don't recall the pic being snapped, but it is rather telling. We all had some sort of metal canes for the snapshot. My younger brother Dean (now a poet), is on the bottom step looking rather nonplussed about his. Scott (who ended up being the jock of the family) is in the middle, holding his like a javelin. And I'm looking rather dandy using it like walking cane, with my left arm flung casually over the step behind me. I also love the white socks and black shoes!

It must have been around 2nd grade that I recall having those feelings that I now recognize as my inherent gayness. There was a boy in class named Gary C, whose name I still remember after all these years. I just could not take my eyes off of him. I just wanted to be near him. I don't remember much more about him than that - but those memories of staring at him and longing for him are permanently etched in my brain.

During the 1960's and 1970's in the sticks of New Jersey, homosexuality was simply not discussed, even in church. It wasn't on anyone's radar, even though my town was only about an hour's drive away from Greenwich Village, NY.

While I knew instinctively that I was drawn to boys, and then men as I got older, I didn't fully integrate those feelings until much later after college.

Glen's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Don Grady (Robbie Douglas on "My Three Sons")
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James

James, age 11

Marlboro, NJ (1976)

This pic was shot on the deck of a Tall Ship that was one of many anchored in NY Harbor for the Bi-Centennial. I decided on a fuchsia, wide-open Polo shirt and coordinating plaid pant to befit the occasion, which also appears to be my first gay cruise, as evidenced by some of my "shipmates". My charming sister Eileen (to the left) appears oblivious.

"All aboard the SS SWISH!"

I think the first manifestation of my "differentness" had to be around age 7.
My parents were shopping for a new house, and they'd brought the realty brochures for my perusal, upon my insistence. Within an hour of having them, I'd copied the more desirable floor plans on graph paper, and began a series of renovations to improve their "feng-shui" and decorating desirability. 'Why can't they just put this doorway where it BELONGS?'

Mother would stare, smile, and eventually agree. Our 5 bedroom bi-level shone with 70's magnificence, due in no small part to my input.

I look back at the MANY photos I could have chosen to submit, and while they all strike a knowing and warm nostalgia now, I did fight "it" for a long time. When I finally got the job done and came out at 27, the weight that was lifted brought us all together into a very loving, involved, and somewhat maddening family unit - that I wouldn't change for the world.

Like any kid coming of age in the 70's, the Friday night TV blockbuster of The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family was a HUGE influence on my dress, style, and - now that i think of it - my love of interiors. Yup, I was the weird kid who looked at the ACCESSORIES on the set of The Partridge Family. They had a porcelain CHEETAH that I coveted.

Even daytime TV in that era was so fantastically gay, it's no wonder I was GLUED to Match Game, Mike Douglas, and The Dinah Shore Show. I even coveted Mike's Eero Saarinen table and interview chairs!!!! Hello!!!

But it wasn't til I saw "CHiPS" that my "maturity" manifested itself in a much different way. Seeing Ponch and Jon assisting those white-toothed California families and hot-pantsed Pinto drivers-in-distress sure struck a chord.
I wanted them. Badly.

From prior submissions here, I can see I'm clearly NOT the only gay boy deeply affected by this groundbreaking TV program...

James' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Erik Estrada & Larry Wilcox ("CHiPs")
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Derek

Derek, age 2

Paterson, New Jersey (1986)

Here I am, clad in rainbows and airplanes as a happy-go-lucky toddler.
No wonder I turned out so gay and proud! Granted, I don't remember much at such a young age.

We were an upper-middle class family, and I had a big back yard with a play house and woods behind it. I remember wanting to play "house" and dress up my stuffed animals and dolls.

Emily, my next door neighbor, was a best friend at the time, and we would run around naked and just had the best time together.

My first memory of a same-sex crush was at age 5. Disney's "Shipwrecked" movie premiered, featuring a young, blond-haired, blue-eyed Scandinavian boy on a ship with pirates.


He was about 12 years old - the perfect age for a flowering 5-year-old boy with a crush, right? I idolized this boy in the movie to the point of nausea.

I asked my mother if it was OK to like a boy, and she responded - 'Honey, I had female role models growing up. You can like whomever you want.' Granted, this wasn't exactly a 'Go-ahead, be a big homo' response, but it nonetheless validated my feelings towards other boys.

Another validating and affirming motherly moment was when I was 12. "Saved By The Bell" was huge, and I had the BIGGEST crush on Zack Morris. So much so, that my mother even took me to the grocery store to help me find teeny-bopper magazines - which were 100% marketed towards girls. But I had to have the full, pull-out pin-up posters of my studly suave crush!

I'd then hang them in my room, sometimes questioned by male peers of mine. To which I would respond, 'I think he's really cool' - and I thought it was all totally normal, because my mother had normalized those feelings for me.

So to all the young, unsure-of-themselves, LGBT populations out there:

Everything Gets Better!

There are people like you, living, breathing, and crushing on the same same-sex stars as you, and it is OK! Do not let anyone tear you down or bully you. You are beautiful, and that beauty will shine so bright someday, that those bullies will want to BE YOU.

Push past all the negativity in schools and keep shining like the brightest star you know you are!

PS - This pic is courtesy of my mother in rural California, who took the time to remove the original frame at her house, bring it to work to scan it, and email it to me. All of this, after having seen your website and really loving it! So thanks for having this available!

Derek's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Stian Smestad (Haakon in "Shipwrecked")
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Mark

Mark, age 8
West Orange, New Jersey (2000)

My childhood, or at least when the picture was taken, is a lot more recent than most of the other submissions on this site. As I sit here typing this, as an 18-year old college student finishing up his winter break, I just want to thank all of those who submitted before me. And, for allowing me, only slightly younger, to grow up in a fairly accepting environment.

"Even the dog was impressed by this confused mini-diva!"

When searching for a picture, I tried to find one of me and my older brothers, to show how important they are in my life. We're in pictures together a lot, but I couldn't find one that expressed how I really felt as a kid - which was alone.

I love my brothers greatly. But even now (and more so as children), they were always together, and I felt like a polar opposite.

I always felt different. Because I am different.

I think this picture reflects two things about my childhood:
On one hand, I'm flexing my imaginary biceps in an attempt to be like my very athletic brothers. On the other hand, my pose makes it humorously clear what my true colors are.

Ya know, about what I wrote above: I felt alone throughout most of my childhood until high school, but my best friend is in the picture with me.
It's my dog Micky, who's about a year old in this picture. And a decade later, he's lying on the floor next to me.

I'm grateful that I had him there to cuddle with through the fights, the confusion, the uncertainty, the breakups, the friendships, and my coming out process in the 8th grade. He was even with me as I headed off to the University of Maryland.

While my brothers couldn't be with me in this picture, they're still always there to support me in everything I do, along with the rest of my family.

And if I have a message, it's this:
I hope that LGBT kids younger than me can grow up in an even more accepting and loving environment like the one I had.

Mark's first famous person same-sex crushes:
Jesse McCartney
Christopher Knight (Peter Brady on "The Brady Bunch")
He was always clumsy, and there was this one episode where he was embarrassed about puberty. Ha! He had no idea!
_______________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Chris

Chris, age 4
Great Meadows, NJ (1998)

This is a picture of me stealing my cousin's My Little Pony doll. I remember every Christmas Eve our family would have a big party and "Santa" would come and give my cousins, my brother, and I an early Christmas present for being extra good that year.

"MY Little Pony!"

Every year I would watch my cousin, Aimee, open her present in excitement. She would always unravel a brand new Barbie doll and I was always so jealous. The following years I started to ask my parents for Barbies. Luckily they couldn't say no to me, for at that age, I didn't know boys weren't supposed to play with Barbies.

I can recall from being a child that I wasn't like any of the other boys at school. They would all talk about the cool toys they played with, and how their fathers brought them on fishing trips. My father did all that too, but I never enjoyed it.

What I enjoyed most was going to work with my mother at her hair salon because we couldn't find a baby sitter. I loved to watch all the women go in a hot mess, and come out a beauty queen.

When middle school came, I remember a boy in the 8th grade had a crush on me. At that time I was only 11 years old and he was 14, and I didn't know what to do or think, so I started acting homophobic. However I knew secretly that I really had a crush on him too.

Once I got to high school I was done being a closet case. I came out at the age of 14, my freshman year. Although I am only still a Junior in high school, and only 17 years old and not quite an adult yet, I can most definitely look back and realize that I truly was born this way.

Thinking back, I feel silly now about how afraid I was of what people thought and how they would react. Luckily my family and my friends are amazing, and I am so thankful to have them in my life. It really makes me so proud to think that I am this young and this confident - especially with all the tragedies going on with gay teens my age.

Although I do not have the wisdom and years of experience as most people, I do want to say that everything will be alright. One day, that bully in high school, or that person that told you that you were wrong for being who you are?

They won't matter.

Chris' first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Leonardo DeCaprio & Jake Gyllenhaal

Eric

Eric, age 4

Voorhees, New Jersey (1991)

"It's never too late
to spend a night at the opera!"

Here I am, looking fabulous during the summer of 1991 after just turning 4.

I always loved to play dress up and had the biggest and best costume box on the block. 

I was quite an odd kid and spent the early part of my childhood in Bermuda, before moving to the United States to grow up. Maybe it was the Britishness of the people around me or the Bermuda shorts with knee-high socks, but from an early age - I felt fabulous.

I always performed the most elaborate basement musicals for my family and friends and threw the nastiest diva tantrums. 

Looking back on this picture as an adult, I'm proud I expressed myself this way at such an early age; although I do wish I'd taken that Band-Aid off (beauty is pain).

Eric's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jonathan Taylor Thomas ("Home Improvement")

I'd white-wash the fence with him any day

Ryan

Ryan, age 5

Jersey Shore (1978)

Saturday Night Fever was still in theaters, and at age 5, it was my clearly favorite movie - as can be seen in my fabulous polyester attire in this picture. My normally dark brown hair was continuously "tinted" blond with that amazing peroxide hair product of yesterday - Sun-In.

"I really love this picture, and I would still rock that outfit!"

Looking back, I always had an 'I don’t give a f*ck what you think about me' attitude. I liked being the weird, different, and always most fabulously stylish kid around.

As I grew older, things just kept pointing towards big homo. I passed on school sports and took private figure skating lessons.

In Cub Scouts, I was the one who painted my pine-wood derby race car with my mothers red glitter nail polish.



I had doctors' notes to get me out of gym class so I could take a second chorus class instead. I took a lesbian to the prom. And in the time passed since this picture was taken 33 years ago, I have seen over 200 Broadway shows.

At this point, it's probably not a phase: I'm a sissy.

My first major man-crush was a big one: John Amos, as James Evans on the 1970’s sitcom “Good Times”. The reason for this was clear: He was a big, hot, sexy actor. They always had him in the freakin’ tightest pair of corduroy pants, and didn’t even try to hide a massive bulge going down one leg. I never missed an episode!

To this day, when I watch those re-runs on TV, I still get excited seeing that big, hot, packin’ daddy.   

Ryan's first, famous-person same sex crush:

John Amos (James Evans on "Good Times")

Larry

Larry, age 11

The Jersey Shore (1972)

Every year our family went to the Jersey Shore for our summer vacation. It was a big extended family affair and I was one of the youngest of the kids. Here I am posing in my  homemade "cut-offs" reading Jonathan Livingston Seagull. I had the spoken word album as well!) Pretty gay, right? And I love the cigarette machine in the background.

I didn't think about being different in those years. My family didn't seem to think it was strange for me to imitate Lily Tomlin as Ernestine, the telephone operator, or to draw pictures of my grandmother in 60's style fashions.

They were very nurturing. I'm sure I raised an eyebrow or two along the way, but nobody seemed to mention anything.

I feel lucky to have grown up in those days - attitudes seemed less uptight. I remember my mother, aunts, and older cousins all wearing big wigs. And my dad and uncles wearing flashy leisure suits with open collared shirts.

I wore platform shoes from Thom McCan and an off-white polyester jacket to my 8th grade graduation.

I was your typical good boy. I did well in school, was an altar boy, had a paper route, played sports (not very successfully), and basically stayed out of trouble.
I guess deep down I knew I was "queer".

I liked to sit with the women at the table after dinner instead of watching sports.
I decorated my bedroom bulletin board every holiday. I loved to shop at the Wonder Stores for sizzle shirts and brushed denim Palazzo Pants. (I think Frank DeCaro can relate!) 

What's strange is that I somehow felt that I needed to edit my queerness. I had a girlfriend, but nothing ever happened. I had male friends, and nothing ever happened. Although, my best friend turned out to be gay. I survived those school years and much of college basically in the closet. I came out when I was 23, at my 5th year high school reunion.

Looking back now,I realize that nobody stopped me from being who I was.
It just took me a little longer to realize it, and to embrace it.

Larry's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Bill Bixby (in "The Courtship of Eddie's Father")

I wanted to be Eddie. I wanted to live with Mrs. Livingston!
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Kevin

Kevin, age 7

Basking Ridge, New Jersey (1990)

"Thpeak and thpell"

The photo itself might not scream "little gay boy" -

but upon careful inspection, you'll notice I had all of four teeth at this time. For some reason, my adult teeth took forever to grow in, leaving me with the thickest lisp possible.

For years. It was so bad, that my school had to send me to speech class for 3 years - a class they created just for me.

Thus, I thounded like the gayeth little boy in the whole thcool.

It also didn't help that I wore that mock turtle neck every day, like it was a full time job.

I remember an obsession with swords at this time in my life. Why? So I could pretend to be She-Ra, of course. Never He-Man. Nobody could make out the fact that I was saying 'By the power of Grayskull', and aunts and uncles still tease me to this day my shouting 'Baw-dee-aw-nees of Graythkull!' ... Good times.

In retrospect, it all worked out really well. I grew up from a little, gay boy to a big, gay man. And I now run a company called Unicorn Booty that helps keeps the LGBTQ community aware of pop-culture and activism.

Kevin's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Joey Lawrence (from "Blossom")

Kevin is also featured in the
"Born This Way: Real Stories Of Growing Up Gay" book!
Click HERE to check it out.
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Jeffrey

Jeffrey, age 7

"C'mon, Get Happy!"

Mt. Holly, NJ (1977)

This photo was taken when I had just turned 7 years old, at the beginning of 2nd grade.

My memory of the photo is the shirt collar that I chewed on. Plus hideous plaid pants that were hand-me-downs from cousins, who were 8-years older than I was, at the time.

Hence the circa 1970's look!

When we received the developed photos in the mail, I recall being scolded by my father, for the way I was holding my arms, and for my giggly face.

At the time, I couldn't understand why. LOL!

I knew I was different by age 4, when I asked for a Barbie for Christmas.
My parents got me "The Sunshine Family" - which consisted of a hippie Father, Mother & Baby. They even indulged me with a Barbie Van in a wonderful lavender color!

Oh, did I mention I was obsessed with Judy Garland and The Wizard of Oz
when I was 7?! God help us.....

This particular photo makes me cringe. Not because of how I'm posing, but because of the awful clothes.

I had many male crushes then, but the first one I could remember is Ken Berry from an episode of The Brady Bunch. I believe it was meant to be a spin-off episode from the series. He and his wife (Brooke Bundy) were trying adopt 3 boys, all of different races and colors. I'm still puzzled by what made him so appealing to me at a young age.

One other thing I'd like to add is about the movie "Making Love" with Michael Ontkean and Harry Hamlin. Having cable TV in my teens was a godsend! That movie was definitely a defining moment in my gay adolescence.

So, there you have it.

Jeffrey's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Ken Berry (on "The Brady Bunch")
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Robb

Robb, age 4
New Jersey (1967)

This photo, I believe, was shot on my first day of Kindergarten.

I've always known I was attracted to men from a very young age. And, beautiful women, dressed to the 9's.

I've always loved clothes and fashion, and all types of design intrigue me. I'm also into architecture and car designs, both old and new.

I was a very proper little boy and my mother always said:

"To keep from fidgeting, just fold your hands on your lap or knee!" This photo is the proof!

Robb's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Robert Conrad

In the 'I dare you - knock the Battery off my shoulder' commercial. 

HOT Daddy! LOL!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book

Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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