Charles

Charles, age 4
Longport, New Jersey (1967)

I'm from the South New Jersey shore. Philadelphia was our big city. Home was a beach town, so it was empty in the winter. Empty except for the “locals,” and being gay was a concept that didn't fit in with the “local” mentality. My parents were decent people, but they were locals, too. 

Being gay was a tough and lonely journey for me. I thought the boys were cool, but it was because I was attracted to them. I know that now, but I didn't back then. I attended Catholic schools, and had no issues about that.

My photo was taken by my grandfather, with me atop my father's desk chair. 

I loved superheroes as a kid, as they were people with great gifts who just seemed so "normal" on the outside.

Their “secret” was their hidden powers.

Suddenly, they became super-special, the people they really were. They stopped hiding. That transformation is the core idea that got me through it all.

As a kid I also loved Lee "The Bionic Man" Majors. He was the perfect real-world superhero: handsome, bighearted, strong, and sweet. And for vision and resolve, to overcome and triumph, I admired Abraham Lincoln. His story is amazing.

My parents were crushed when I came out. It hurts a loving child so much to disappoint his parents. But in time, that healed.

Today I live in Puerto Rico and I'm a successful lawyer. And being gay never kept me from anything. But I kept myself from things. Until I remembered that we are here to be a point of light in the world. Then, suddenly, everything began to change. I also fully realized that I was born this way. 

I already had everything I needed to be who I am meant to be. 
And when you realize that too, it's like your own personal 4th of July! 

So go and do your thing!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Charles

Charles, age 4
Arlington, MA (1954)

Well, here I am, 4-years old and holding on to my neighbor and best friend. Discovery was key to our relationship. Catholicism might have kept me distant from the inevitable, but the hunger was real...

Later, with my "new boyfriend" I was deliciously tormented while trying to hide my delicate naked self.

It was while changing from my swimwear into street clothes, one hot summer day at the reservoir. Oh how my neighbor BFF went crazy over that!

But I wanted to be seen, and be shared. And anything else that might have helped all this pent up, 4-year-old frustration.

"I can see your pecker!" he cried.
All this while chasing me around a lifeboat in the changing area. Sigh

And damn, I'm pushing some major basket in this shot!

Charles

Charles, age 6

Denison, Texas (1984)

As Christmases went, 1984 was a harvest of presents – and my Cabbage Patch doll was the featured crop. I adored her thick, coarse mane of brunette yarn hair and attached birth certificate - which proudly informed me of her given name, Christine. Although I look less than thrilled in the photo, I was in fact elated by both the doll and my brand new "Alvin & The Chipmunks" slippers.

"A Cabbage Patch Christmas"

My 4-year old brother Cameron (right, who now identifies as bisexual) was never one to care what others thought, a trait that earned my admiration long ago.

But his joy was obvious this Christmas day. After all, he received not one, but two dolls.

I, however, knew that boys were not to own dolls. Which is why I was displeased when my parents caught this Kodak moment.

At least they hadn't opted for a photo when I actually opened the box. Why?

Because I'd shrieked with glee.

When I look at this photograph now at the age of 32, I'm amazed at how loving and encouraging my parents were. Not all Texan parents indulged a son's fondness for dolls. And certainly not all parents actually bought their boys such dolls. To my great joy, I learned to read via my mother's purchase of Rainbow Brite Storybooks. Any good grades I earned in elementary school were rewarded via my father's purchase of bedazzled My Little Pony toys, at my request.

Whenever Cameron and I broke into Mom's closet to play dress up – and then insisted upon a fashion show whenever neighbors visited – Mom and Dad never blinked an eye. They never forced me to be someone or something I was not. As a kid, I enjoyed Hot Wheels and hot pink. I stayed true to myself, and that was the best response to an intolerant and unsympathetic world.

At the age of 4, I realized I was gay when I developed a crush on Scotty, my best friend. My feelings were certainly not sexualized at the time, but my crush was undeniable and intense. Whenever I asked to kiss Scotty and lay next to him – like the characters in my mother's favorite soap operas – he immediately told his own mother. That in turn caused a great rift between our two families. Sadly, that was the first in many lessons of the cruelty of my peers and of society; even parental affirmation could not shield me from viciousness.

I first came out at 16 by telling a close friend and fellow marching band member. This was a radical act in 1994 and Governor George W. Bush-era Texas. That brave admission was an initial step towards honesty and self respect. And I never stopped being myself.

Indeed, that is my advice to all young gay people: Be yourself.

Whether you adore the color mauve or hope to win the World Series, take pride in yourself. You are amazing, and you will offer so much to the world. Never let anyone else convince you otherwise.

Charles' first, famous-person same sex crush:

John Schneider ("Dukes Of Hazzard")

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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Charles

Charles, age 13

Georgetown, Ontario, Canada (1975)

This photo was taken in our kitchen with a friend, and it was the last year I was allowed to go out trick or treating. I remember being very excited and proud of this Mickey Mouse costume that I put together all by myself. You can see the excitement and panache that I had - while my friend simply put on a mask with whatever jeans, t-shirt and jacket he was wearing, and just stood there.

I always felt different. My earliest memory of this was about age 5, as I remember wanting to be picked up and held by a friend of my step-father. I didn’t know I was gay, just that I wanted to be close to a man. I remember the first time I heard someone use the word “fag” but I didn’t know what it meant.

I soon learned that "fag" wasn’t a good thing to be called.

I am the only boy in my family with 5 sisters. While I enjoyed playing road hockey with the other boys in the neighborhood, I also spent lots of time with my sisters playing with their Barbie dolls. I also showed my little sister how to pierce Barbie’s ears using straight pins with the pretty “pearl” tips which we took from our mother’s sewing box. I also would tease Midge’s hair and give her the most fabulous “up-dos” and use scissors to make her skirts shorter and sluttier.

At school I was usually found skipping with the girls rather than kicking a soccer ball or whatever the boys were doing out in the field. No one seemed to care, but then in Jr. High I realized that I had to ‘butch it up' if I was going to survive through high school.

The first person I told I was gay was my sister who is just older than me. I was in college at the time. I made her swear not to tell anyone else. Little did I know she told her boyfriend (his attitude toward me never changed a bit), and eventually most of my other sisters. I finally got the courage to come out completely and tell my mom (on Mother’s Day) when I was 30.

My fear that I would be disowned and ostracized from the family turned out to be unfounded. Today I am happily married to a wonderful man, who attends all our family events with me.

Everyone comes out in their own time and special way. For most of us it turns out to be a non-issue. If you think you are gay and you feel like your life is terrible, remember - IT GETS BETTER!

Charles' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Russell Johnson (The Professor on "Gilligan's Island")

______________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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