Susan

Susan, age 5 
Phoenix, Arizona (1959) 

My first lesbian experience was at the age of five, with a girl of the same age from my school.

We spent nights at each others homes, and we shared the same bed together during sleep-overs. 

I was drawn to her body, and she to mine. There were many passionate (but innocent) nights spent in each others arms.

One day, she disappeared from my life. I really don't know what happened.

I assume that her father, who was in the Air Force, was transferred out of state.

During the ensuing years, I had an affair that lasted several months with an older female cousin, and on and off affairs with several of my girlfriends.

However, the girl that I was most in love with shunned my advances, and she broke my heart. Even so, some fifty years later, we are still friends.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Zulema

Zulema, age 7
Phoenix, Arizona (1992)

I've always felt different.
Heck, even my name is different.

My girl crush was always on Angelina Jolie. My first lesbian "experience" was at the age of 19, when I fell in love for the first time with my best friend. That didn't work out and I'm still coping.

Strangely, my siblings are like me:
My two younger brothers and an older sister are gay as well.

We never quite spoke of our sexuality until Facebook came around, and we've became more open about it.

This picture brings me joy because I'm now an artist.
It's true when they say we all have a destiny.
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Aiden

Aiden, age 11
Springfield, Illinois (1997)

It's hard to believe that the child in this picture was born a girl named Annie.
Because even as a child, I was rather androgynous looking. It wasn't until I hit puberty and began to grow breasts, that I began to look a bit more feminine.

Now I am 25, and I consider myself an FTM transgender. Sometimes I wonder if I am
Bi-gender, though. I look back and I'm surprised I didn't realize it earlier.

There are a few memories that speak out to me as I look back.

First was in middle school when I cut my hair really short. And all the kids called me Andy. I didn't mind it, and I didn't even bother correcting them. But they began to call me "G.I. Jane," and that's when I got mad.

I once read an article about transgenderism, when I was 14. I remember thinking for a split second "Hmm, that sounds familiar." But I didn't really give it a second thought until many years later. At the time, I wrote my feelings off as just being a masculine girl. But now, I know that was incorrect.

I never really felt quite right as a girl, and I was very tomboyish growing up. I still had my Barbie dolls, but I preferred the male ones. And I loved my Hot Wheels, Model Cars, and Micro Machines more. Somehow even through my love of fishing, camping, and the outdoors, my mom still never got the idea.

When I finally came out as trans, my family didn't seem surprised. But they still refuse to call me the right pronouns or name. I fear that - in their eyes - I'll always be their precious little girl. The only one in my family that seems to remotely get it, is my older brother. He calls me Andy and his "Brosis," which is better than nothing.

As if being trans wasn't enough though, I am also gay/pansexual. I had crushes on lots of guys growing up. I remember my mom always called me "boy-crazy" and I'm still that way to some extent now.

Today, I live in Phoenix, AZ with a dog, a cat, and my girlfriend/roommate.
I have recently connected with a few other trans people in my area, and we try to get together as much as possible. All in all, things are looking up.

My advice to LGBTQ kids now? Never stop believing in yourself!
I know things are scary right now. But remember, they can only get better.

Aiden's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Jonathan Taylor Thomas (in "Tom & Huck")
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Sarah

Sarah, age 4
Tuscon, Arizona (1979)

For this kindergarten photo, I told the photographer I wanted a "serious picture." But the more he tried to make me smile, the more serious I got. And I do NOT like this dress. I wanted to wear my fireman's hat, which I was usually allowed to do, as my parents weren't really invested in any particular gender expression.

I love this picture because of its emotional honesty: I'm not smiling because I don't feel like smiling. And no one was going to push me into feeling or doing something I don't want.

While this is harder to accomplish as an adult, it's always my goal.

At this age, I knew I was a little different, and had a nascent crush on my kindergarten teacher. But I didn't yet have the words for it.

I went on to be viciously bullied in middle school, and I hope those kids are all in jail now.

Today, I have a loving partner and a diverse group of friends, and I became a writer and a teacher.

Bigoted speech -- especially the phrase "That's so gay" -- is forbidden in my classroom. Consequences are swift and severe, if I hear it.

My message to LGBTQ youth is:
Respect yourself! And do not "ignore" the bullying, because it doesn't work.
It only makes you more vulnerable; more victimized.

Bullies can tell when you're "ignoring" them, and it makes them want to do whatever they can to make you crack. The onus for stopping bullying is NOT on you -- it's on the bully, as well as the adults in charge.

You must keep talking, keep complaining, and keep demanding that something
be done - UNTIL SOMETHING IS DONE. Look your principal in the eye, and be sure to mention Jamie Nabozny - who won a huge federal lawsuit against his school administrators for failing to stop anti-gay harassment.

Lastly, keep saving your money...
There are buses leaving every day for other cities, and you can be on them!

Sarah's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Karen Carpenter (singer, The Carpenters)

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Jason

Jason, age 8

Page, Arizona (1984)

I'm the middle child in a family of 10 boys, no girls. My parents were (and still are) ultra-conservative Mormons. To top it all off, my dad was the Phys Ed. coach at our local middle school. Which, I suppose, makes him more of a lesbian?

I have so many funny memories from my childhood. Luckily, I was blessed with a healthy dose of innocence to protect me from the repressed social 'norms' all around me.

I knew from age 5 that I was attracted to other boys. All my best friends were girls, but all my crushes were boys.

Back then, I figured everyone felt that same way, so there was no need to talk about it. 

In my pic, all the obvious signs were there for the whole world to see:

Leather boots, bow tie, carrying my Cabbage Patch doll (named Clifford), and protectively mothering my younger brothers for the photo. That's Josh, Jacob, and Sam with me here.

What I wish I had, is a picture of my pink flannel E.T. night gown! My mother had received a box of donated clothes, and when I searched through them and found that 'gem', I became obsessed!

I would come home from school, take off my school clothes, and don my night gown. I was obviously very comfortable in it, because one day I wore it while riding bikes with my neighborhood friends. Which is when and a kid shot me (twice) with a BB gun! Imagine, my first gay hate crime at age 7!

I also remember my infatuation with Wonder Woman. It went beyond idolizing her - I wanted to BE her! I'd sneak around into our side yard and pray to God with every fiber in my being, to PLEASE let me turn into Wonder Woman.
I did the spin, and when nothing happened - I literally balled my eyes out!

There are certainly more stories, like drama class, choir, and being the only boy on the clogging team for 5 years. Yes, I was a River Dancer years before it became a cheese-tastic phenomenon.

All these years later, I'm so grateful for all the colorful experiences that shaped my childhood. I've gone through some struggles with my family, but I'm happy to say it's all been worth it. The biggest victories have come from being exactly who I am at all costs. And I can honestly say I'm proud of the man I am today.

It's my sincere belief that the best way we inspire others, is to live by example.

And I hope that the gay and lesbian youth of today continue to embrace the uniqueness, that is inherently ours for the taking!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Lisa

Lisa, age 8

Mesa, AZ (1993)

When I look at this picture, it sparks many awkward, depressing memories of never fitting in with my perfect happy friends, and my strict Mormon family. Just a few months before this, I had long hair and I convinced my mother to let me cut it short. Although I look back now and see my desire to have such short hair as an obvious foreshadowing of the future, at the time it traumatized me.
Since then, I've vowed to make myself look as girly as possible.

"God doesn't make mistakes."

I have vague memories of "experimenting" with my best friend Ashlee in 4th grade. It was all innocent at the time, but looking back, I think about the feelings it gave me and how much I loved it.

The first time I remember having a crush on a girl was at age 13. I'd doodled on a piece of paper about loving her, and my sister told my mom.

When confronted about it, I said:

'Nooo! I don't love her like THAT, just as a friend!'

That was when I realized I was different, and there was something about me that I was suppose to be ashamed of.

I soon moved myself slowly back into the closet, locking the door from the inside. Shortly after that I learned the word "Lesbian" from my brother.

It has been a long, treacherous road coming to terms with being not only gay, but gay AND Mormon. It used to break my heart to be different, and I cried so many nights asking God to change me.

But now I thank him for making me the person that I am, because I love who I am. And it DOES get better, no matter how hopeless or alone you feel. I promise.

I've been blessed with an amazing family that loves me and supports me, no matter what. Although being gay and Mormon is hard, when I start to feel sad,
I hear a voice inside my head saying, "God doesn't make mistakes."

And I feel content.

Lisa's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Whoopi Goldberg (in "Boys On The Side")

Janeane Garafalo (in "Mystery Men" & "The Matchmaker")

Anna Chlumsky (in "Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain")

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Jason

Jason, age 9

Glendale, Arizona (1984)

On the day of this pic, I remember being extremely annoyed that I had left the Michael Jackson button on. My brother found my zeal for pop stars and dancing 'really girly.' He warned me before I left the house not to 'leave that faggy looking button on' for my school photo. 'Like I would forget to take it off!' is probably what I fired back at him. Of course I left it on, and now my childhood love of MJ is forever immortalized in my 4th-grade class photo.

I always felt different as a child, but I didn't have a name for it. Everyone else sure did, though!

Starting in 4th grade, all the kids had many names for my difference: fag, gay, homo, and any other pejorative term they came up with.

It was until I graduated high school that I allowed myself to explore my sexuality for myself, and then eureka! - those kids were correct all along!

Looking back, I wish I'd been more aware of my sexuality sooner, so I could have taken the teasing in stride, or felt I could have fought back.

As it was, I found the teasing and bullying unfair and spent years trying to act more masculine. Naturally, it didn't work and I'm just as much a limp-wristed, fashion-loving homo as ever! See the proof HERE.
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Jason's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mackenzie Astin (Andy on "The Facts Of Life")

This was my absolute favorite show while growing up.

Robbie

Robbie, age 4
Arizona (1987)

I was obsessed with the 1985 movie version of "A Chorus Line". And according to my mom, I used to watch this movie everyday (which must've been really great to see a little Mexican 4-year old singing along to the song "Tits & Ass").

So when Halloween came around, I chose my own costume - a Chorus Line dancer. I can only imagine what my dad's reaction was, but my mom was supportive and obviously helped me with the costume.

The suspenders, the bow tie, the glitter and gold - all early signs of my future fashion sense, and attention to every sparkly detail.

For years, I was ashamed of these photos and the fact that I even dressed like this as a kid.
I repressed all of it and struggled with my identity in my teens.

I would always scrunch my face and turn away in disgust anytime my mom or family would bring up this costume,
or my love for Barbies, or watching "Steel Magnolias".

I never showed anyone these pictures and acted like they never existed.

Eventually I became more comfortable with myself, and settled into my own body and identity as a queer individual. Now I have no problems showing off these photos to friends, and they soon became like a gay badge of honor.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a dancer. But the older I got, the more I became aware of how "different" I was from all the other boys. Such as only playing with the girls, jump-roping, and my Lisa Frank collection, etc.

I learned to repress any trace of femininity that I possessed, to avoid being teased or bullied for "acting like a girl". I regret this and wish I'd continued being myself, and pursued those dreams to dance. But as a kid, it's easy succumbing to societal and cultural pressures (especially in the Mexican community).

To "act like a boy" dominated me as I searched for group acceptance, and it wasn't until my 20's that I really came into "myself".

To paraphrase a scene from "A Chorus Line":'
'What made you start dancing? Who knows?
I'm Mexican. We jump around a lot.'

Robbie's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Michael Jackson, David Bowie, & Tim Curry

I love those skinny oddballs who don't mind wearing tight clothes or lingerie in front of a crowd. Also, I REALLY wanted to marry Michael and Madonna

Jackie Beat

Jackie Beat (aka Kent), age 8
Scottsdale, Arizona (1971)

I remember my mom dressing me up in these fabulous late '60s/early '70s outfits that were really only appropriate for an adult appearing in a production of "The Boys In The Band." But I loved being fashionable! Especially as I got a little older and became a full-fledged teenager.

If I had to choose one movie that completely changed my life, it would have to be "Carrie," which came out in the summer of 1976 when I was (drum roll please...) a tender 13 years old. Okay, I'll wait while you do the math. Yes, that's right --
I am older than dirt, people.

Unless you've been living under a rock (or inside a bottle of Absolut), you must have heard about the recent rash of young people who have committed suicide due to severe "bullying." I hate that word. To me, that's like referring to rape as "severe flirting." These boys were tormented and tortured. Now, whether they were actually gay or not really doesn’t matter. The mere fact that they were perceived as gay, and therefore "less-than," does.

And if this can happen in 2011 - after "Will & Grace" and Ellen and Rosie and Elton and The Scissor Sisters and "RuPaul’s Drag Race" and Adam Lambert and Jane Lynch and Neil Patrick Harris and "Glee" and "Ugly Betty" and "Modern Family" - and all the mainstreaming of homosexuality? We're in big trouble.

But back to "Carrie" - It was a low-budget summer horror movie for teens, and it's an emotional rollercoaster that featured valleys of sadness and peaks of triumph. The movie is scary and touching and funny and sexy and campy and stunning. But ultimately, sad. If I had to summarize "Carrie" and why I love it so much, in just one sentence it would have to be -- "Don't pick on the freak."

You see, Carrie White has powers that no one knows about -- amazing powers that she has had to control and hide her entire life. Sound familiar? When she's pushed too far, she uses those powers to exact revenge on her tormenters.

It's strange, but high school is the only place where the most boring, middle-of-the-road, lowest common denominator idiots rule the kingdom. Five minutes after graduation, the real people - the so-called "freaks" - take over, while Ken & Barbie go to work in a bank or sell insurance and start having babies and do exactly what is expected of them, which is very little.

The "freaks" beautify the world, make people dance and, most importantly, make people laugh. I would rather die from a flesh-eating virus than attend one of my high school reunions.

Why the hell would I want to catch up with a bunch of boring people I never liked - who are on their third marriages and will probably try to sell me AmWay? They don't deserve me at their reunion. I wouldn't change places with the vapid prom queen or the brain-dead star quarterback for anything. Why the hell would you want to be Kate Gossellin when you can be Cate Blanchett? Screw ‘em all.

High school is like a box of rocks. It’s so easy to get through it when you’re just some plain brownish gray pebble lost among all the others. But imagine a BIG rock in there -- like ten times the size of all the others. Or an iridescent opal with its ethereal rainbow always twinkling. Or a diamond.

Of course those little pieces of gravel are going to try to chip away at that big rock in an attempt to make it as small and worthless as they are. Of course those plain, non-descript rocks are going to scratch at the opals and the diamonds and make them as dull and lackluster as they are.

Any parent or teacher who is not telling young people who are gay -- or bisexual or transgendered or "special" in any way -- to shine like the gems they are, has blood on their hands.

You are the adults – and you need to love your children more than some archaic book of outdated rules that was written thousands of years ago by a bunch of MEN -- not by God -- in an attempt to control the unwashed masses.

Religion is notoriously anti-Nature and being gay is Natural. And the inability to accept the fundamental biological reality of gay people is the ultimate ignorance and arrogance. AND, ironically enough, it is also the ultimate insult to "God!" Anytime you judge me, or any gay person -- or any one at all for that matter -- you are spitting in God's face.

Creative, sensitive, young people who are killing themselves is the saddest thing imaginable because of all that lost potential. It's a wasted life.

And you know what? So is the life that is lived following a set of arbitrary rules, sitting in judgment and making people feel less-than, as defective, or like they don’t have a future. All in the name of an invisible man in the sky.

Shame on you.

So to the "freaks" who are struggling right now, I say this:
Just hold on, because your day is coming.

High school is not real. These people will mean less than nothing to you before you know it. And if you're one of the tormenters -- or an authority figure who feigns ignorance and looks the other way -- may God have mercy on your soul.

I hope that at least one part of that aforementioned famous book of rules is real.
Because, in my opinion, there is a very special place in Hell for you.

Editor's note:
Watch Jackie Beat read this story live at our LA book launch HERE

Jackie's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Robert Conrad ("The Wild Wild West"),
Robert Reed ("The Brady Bunch") & Cat Stevens
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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