Lisa

Lisa, age 8

Mesa, AZ (1993)

When I look at this picture, it sparks many awkward, depressing memories of never fitting in with my perfect happy friends, and my strict Mormon family. Just a few months before this, I had long hair and I convinced my mother to let me cut it short. Although I look back now and see my desire to have such short hair as an obvious foreshadowing of the future, at the time it traumatized me.
Since then, I've vowed to make myself look as girly as possible.

"God doesn't make mistakes."

I have vague memories of "experimenting" with my best friend Ashlee in 4th grade. It was all innocent at the time, but looking back, I think about the feelings it gave me and how much I loved it.

The first time I remember having a crush on a girl was at age 13. I'd doodled on a piece of paper about loving her, and my sister told my mom.

When confronted about it, I said:

'Nooo! I don't love her like THAT, just as a friend!'

That was when I realized I was different, and there was something about me that I was suppose to be ashamed of.

I soon moved myself slowly back into the closet, locking the door from the inside. Shortly after that I learned the word "Lesbian" from my brother.

It has been a long, treacherous road coming to terms with being not only gay, but gay AND Mormon. It used to break my heart to be different, and I cried so many nights asking God to change me.

But now I thank him for making me the person that I am, because I love who I am. And it DOES get better, no matter how hopeless or alone you feel. I promise.

I've been blessed with an amazing family that loves me and supports me, no matter what. Although being gay and Mormon is hard, when I start to feel sad,
I hear a voice inside my head saying, "God doesn't make mistakes."

And I feel content.

Lisa's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Whoopi Goldberg (in "Boys On The Side")

Janeane Garafalo (in "Mystery Men" & "The Matchmaker")

Anna Chlumsky (in "Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain")

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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Lisa

Lisa, age 6

Long Island, NY (1968)

I grew up with 2 older brothers and was a tomboy (which was a word that adults used pejoratively against me at the time). There was no way I would wear a dress; though my poor mom did try. I played sports and "boy's" games. I was the only girl that the boys let play soccer with in 2nd grade recreation.

"Lisa and Scotty"

I had male and female friends. I never had a doll. From this photo you can see that I had a doll carriage, but I pushed my dog Scotty around it, not any dolls. I'm sure my parents bought it for me with the hope that I would use it for dolls, not the dog. Oh well, nice try.

I look at this photo now with a combination of A-ha! (short boyish haircut, tank top, boys' corduroys, blue sneakers, and a dog rather than doll in the carriage), and the understanding that I must have done what I had to do with what I was given. Mom gives you a doll carriage; improvise.

I think I realized something was up when I was 4 years old and was coaxed by my brothers to wrestle a 3 year old female friend on the neighbor's lawn, much to my friend's chagrin. She was horrified; it seems relatively normal to me.

I grew up having crushes on my brothers' girlfriends, but knew I should never say anything.

Lisa's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Eartha Kitt (Catwoman on "Batman"),
Ali MacGraw ("Love Story"), & Aliza Kashi (Israeli singer)

And I identified with Kristy McNichol (as Buddy on "Family")
and Tatum O'Neal, in "Paper Moon"
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Lisa

Lisa, age 2

Los Angeles, California (1969)

I don't have many memories of this time, but I know that I really liked wearing my dad's clothes. Apparently, I did that a lot.

"Wearing dad's shoes"

I knew I was gay, probably around 12 or 13.
But I didn't actually come out till my late 20's.

Looking at it now, I think it's a funny pic. I'm not really butch, never have been. I'm more androgynous, and I think that comes through in the pic.

Lisa's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Kristy McNichol

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow my blog with Bloglovin' Tweet