Donald

Donald, age 11
Omaha, Nebraska (1981)

Only a young gay boy could strike a pose with a 5-pound carp! And this photo sums up my childhood. I enjoyed being outside playing in the dirt, climbing trees, fishing, and doing archery. No girly stuff. This, despite having two older sisters who dressed me up in pigtails and paraded me around the neighborhood once. I just consider myself an unwilling participant that day.

I always felt "different" as I was an introvert, and not into sports.

And I didn't feel comfortable around my peer group.

My mom always told me that I was just "3 steps ahead" of my friends, so I came to believe my "differentness" was simply being more advanced than my peers.

My first (and only) gay experience was with my childhood friend, when I was about 11.

I was over at his house and he "accidentally" touched me - and I "accidentally" touched him right back. It was awesome!

We did this off and on for a few years, until we drifted apart.

I held on to those memories but I never dared to repeat the experience, because of the shame and guilt. The word "gay" never entered into my vocabulary until about 7-years ago, when I actually figured out that I was gay. This, after being married for 7 years and having 2 absolutely wonderful sons.

Because I never identified as gay, I had a relatively normal childhood.
In fact, I've only been called "freak" and "offensive" to my face, by my own wife!

I'm out to both our immediate families. My family is just fine with me, though we never actually talk about it. I sometimes wonder:

Did my mom know all along?

I have a lot of sorting out to do, and I am fearful yet hopeful for my uncertain future. I look at my photo now and just wish that I could be that naïve boy again. I wasn't afraid back then.

So my advice to the youth of today is:
One of the greatest fears, is the fear of being yourself. So get over that fear!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Barbara

Barbara, age 4
W. Nebraska (1955)

Hello and thanks for this great project!

My name is Barbara, and this photo was taken in western Nebraska.

At this point in my life, I was still waiting for Peter Pan to show up and repair the mistaken gender assignment I got at birth. And, turn me back into the boy I truly was.

A few years later my Aunt Lillian, dressed in a spangled cowboy shirt and a very cool hat, swooped me up onto her horse, and I relented on my wish to be a boy.

Girls were cowboys too, but smelled better.

Barabara's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Peggy Fleming (Olympic figure skater)

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Martin

Martin, age 2

Fullerton, NE (1966)

I love this picture, and it hangs in my parents bedroom to this day. A bow tie & double-breasted coat and shorts was very fashion-forward for a 2-year old.

"Very fashion forward"

I grew up in a very small town of 1,500 people in Nebraska. I've known something was different about me as far back as I can remember.

My brother and I shared a bedroom and we had this poster of some professional football team hanging on the wall, and there was this one guy who I would just stare at in the photo. I was maybe 8 years old.

I loved to watch men, and in rural Nebraska there were plenty of "real men" for me to do just that.


I loved the hairy-chested men who would come into my parents' business. I just wanted to nuzzle my face in their chests. Thus, I loved James Bond movies, Ed Asner, and anything with Tom Selleck. Magnum PI & soap operas were like porno to me, because of all the shirtless men.

Sadly, I knew I liked men and I knew that I would not be popular if anyone else knew. So I pretended to be a "man's man". But in reality, I just wanted to hang out with the girls. I played sports and was not good at it, but that's what "men" did. By the time I got into high school I knew how to play the straight game, but I needed a lot of alcohol to do it.

Long story short, I had fun in high school but had to deny who I really was. College was when I kissed my first man. OMG! Although I had now kissed a guy and now knew what it was like to "be with another man," I remained terrified to come out.

My drinking and drug use continued, my depression grew, and now at 23 I'm in drug and alcohol treatment. After dealing with my sexuality and coming out, I understand my life so differently now. When I told my family, they were fantastic - and it was the first time I recall my father telling me that he loved me. I now live in the Bay Area of California, and my family understands why I no longer want to live in Nebraska.

What I would say to any gay kid who is struggling, or questioning themselves is - be true to yourself. Even if you live someplace where it's not safe to be open and out, or if it means 'playing the game' until you can get someplace where you will be welcomed to live an open life.

And, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Being gay is normal and natural. We love and have relationships, just like everyone else. So express yourself the way you want to, feel free to act the way you do, and to like what you like. And don't let anyone take that away from you.

Martin's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Sean Connery ("James Bond")
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Logan

Logan, age 3
York, Nebraska (1982)

I was very similar to how I am now as a kid - notoriously attention-seeking, sensitive, and into bright shiny things. I had pizazz and stuff. My other pic I submitted is me as the only boy, with a bunch of girls in dance class, thus:

"Deep breaths, Bert. You can take it, gurrrrrl."

I remember feeling like it was unfair that I didn't get to have a feather with my dance class outfit just because I was a boy - the ONLY boy in town who wanted to dance and be "girlie".

I also used to wear my pajama bottoms on my head and pretend it was long, luxurious hair, so...
I'm guessing these feelings all originated from the same place.

As far as the Bert fisting pic is concerned, I don't really remember. Must have been the poppers...

The other kids started actively making fun of me for being a "girl" or "gay" when I was 4 or 5.
I started catching on shortly after.

I'm proud of this kid for being himself, even when his parents didn't want him to dance and the other kids were torturing him. Dude just wanted to wear spandex and sequins and, moreover, DID.

Editor's Note:
Logan Lynn is an Out Musician & LGBTQ Activist
Check him out: LoganLynnMusic.com

Logan's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Billy Campbell (in "The Rocketeer")

I saw "The Rocketeer" in the theater and got my 1st male celebrity boner. 

Kevin

"Big girl twirling a baton"

Kevin, age 4

Cozad, Nebraska (1964)

My name is Kevin and I'm originally from a small town in Nebraska.

At the time this photo was taken, I was joyful, giddy, fearless, and ready to perform.

I mean, who wouldn't want to dance around on stage and receive all that attention? I remember being especially excited to see the older girls with their fire batons.

The baton lessons lasted only one summer, and after that I started to get the message that:

"Boys don't twirl the baton or play with Barbie."

It was around this same time that I remember being fascinated by the older boys at the pool. Although it wasn't until I was age 20 that I embraced my sexual identity.

It took me a long time to get comfortable with this image, but now I look at it with great affection.

Sometimes I wonder who I would have become if I'd been in a more "artistic" family, or had any gay role models.

That being said, my parents did the best that they could, and Mom continues to show her love and support.

Kevin's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Andy Williams & Adam West
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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