Martin

Martin, age 7

Paris, France (1998)

This pic was taken at La-Ferrière-Sous-Jougne, a summer camp in the Jura.
This summer camp was really cool, and everybody was so open-minded.

It was definitely not a problem for me to wear makeup or to do drag or whatever.

All the adults were very sweet with "different" guys like me.

Being there was a real freedom for me. They were my family, and I could be exactly who I was, for real.

I was in love with David Bowie, and remember that I was remaking "West Side Story" in my head everyday.

When I look at this picture now, I feel so thankful to all the people there. They helped me to be the man I am today: Proud, strong, fierce, and happy.

And now, I'm giving back and trying to help LGBTQ youth by being a Sister of Perpetual Indulgence, in Paris.

Martin

Martin, age 4

Orlando, Florida (1980)

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I think this picture is worth one word: queer. To be completely honest, I don't remember the moment this photo was taken while we were visiting Disneyworld. I do however, remember quite clearly, that as a child I was intrigued by all things glamorous.

Through the innocent eyes of a little Latino gay boy, what's more glamorous than a 6 ft 3 mouse-woman - in a red and white polka dot dress, with super luscious eyelashes, giant yellow pumps, and puffy white gloves? The answer is nothing.

Nothing is more fabulous than Minnie Mouse and her trademark blue
eye-shadow. NOTHING!

The 4-year old Martin, almost instinctively, already knew this to be true. And I think it can be safely said that Minnie Mouse was my first drag queen sighting.

When I look at this picture, I imagine time traveling back to the year 1980. Then I picture grown-up Martin standing in front of tiny Martin, and hugging him and telling him that everything will be okay. And my heart breaks for the difficulty that awaits this sensitive and creative kid.

What I see here is a little boy who is trying to figure out how a fabulous glove was stitched so perfectly. And when I look at this photo, I also wonder how my father could have been disappointed? This is a child with imagination!

He wants to make music and wonderful things and draw lovely pictures.
And so what if he punches like a girl? This boy deserves love.

If I were to show you the uncropped image, you'd also see my mother and my sister. But to me, this moment is not about my family. This moment is about Martin and Minnie. Two souls that understand each other.

This moment is about a gay boy's bliss. He is still unaware of ridicule and discrimination. He is still innocent. He is in love with the construction of a fabulous costume. He seems to know the power of artifice.

And he isn't ashamed quite yet.

Martin's first, famous-person same sex crush:
He-Man, The Most Powerful Man in the Universe
________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Tweet

Martin

Martin, age 12

Gloucester, UK (1961)

This was my official school photo from my first year at secondary school. As you can see, I was a fairly scruffy kid with no pretensions of diva - but the long eyelashes were probably a giveaway. I remember a classmate asking me if I dyed my hair, which probably sums up what I looked like back then: very dark hair and pale skin.

I suppose I knew from the age of about 3 that I was gay. I remember seeing a guy changing on the beach and I actually felt a rush of lust.

I'm the youngest of 4 kids, and learned early on that I was different and probably tried to hide my differences by becoming quiet and introverted.

I had very few friends, and those I did have were girls. Why didn't anyone put 2 + 2 together?!



Around the time of this photo, I discovered sex. I won't go into any lurid details, but needless to say at that age I was jailbait! I never got caught though. So, moving right along ...

My parents split up when I was 9, and I moved from Gloucester at 15 to live with my mother on the east coast of England. Then, I started pretending to be straight by having a girlfriend. We even got engaged to be married - but thank God I saw the light before that happened.

I moved to London at 21 and discovered a very healthy gay scene there.
I eventually moved to Madrid, Spain for love - which unfortunately didn't last, but living in Spain did. It was a good time to be in Spain: gay liberation was in the air, along with sexual liberation. I am now with my definitive version lover, and we are about to celebrate 10 happy years together.

My parents are both dead now and I never had the chance to tell my father who I am. But I did tell my mother, and she accepted it with her blessing. Me and my partner's familes all know about us, and we are just another couple within the family framework.

When you consider that in my youth homosexuality was illegal, it shows that self-acceptance and self-love is the key. Something inside me always told me that my feelings were natural and inborn. I really feel I have no regrets, and I'm now a well adjusted member of the human race.

And I'm as normal as the rest of us.

Martin's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

George Chakiris & Michael Callan

Martin

Martin, age 2

Fullerton, NE (1966)

I love this picture, and it hangs in my parents bedroom to this day. A bow tie & double-breasted coat and shorts was very fashion-forward for a 2-year old.

"Very fashion forward"

I grew up in a very small town of 1,500 people in Nebraska. I've known something was different about me as far back as I can remember.

My brother and I shared a bedroom and we had this poster of some professional football team hanging on the wall, and there was this one guy who I would just stare at in the photo. I was maybe 8 years old.

I loved to watch men, and in rural Nebraska there were plenty of "real men" for me to do just that.


I loved the hairy-chested men who would come into my parents' business. I just wanted to nuzzle my face in their chests. Thus, I loved James Bond movies, Ed Asner, and anything with Tom Selleck. Magnum PI & soap operas were like porno to me, because of all the shirtless men.

Sadly, I knew I liked men and I knew that I would not be popular if anyone else knew. So I pretended to be a "man's man". But in reality, I just wanted to hang out with the girls. I played sports and was not good at it, but that's what "men" did. By the time I got into high school I knew how to play the straight game, but I needed a lot of alcohol to do it.

Long story short, I had fun in high school but had to deny who I really was. College was when I kissed my first man. OMG! Although I had now kissed a guy and now knew what it was like to "be with another man," I remained terrified to come out.

My drinking and drug use continued, my depression grew, and now at 23 I'm in drug and alcohol treatment. After dealing with my sexuality and coming out, I understand my life so differently now. When I told my family, they were fantastic - and it was the first time I recall my father telling me that he loved me. I now live in the Bay Area of California, and my family understands why I no longer want to live in Nebraska.

What I would say to any gay kid who is struggling, or questioning themselves is - be true to yourself. Even if you live someplace where it's not safe to be open and out, or if it means 'playing the game' until you can get someplace where you will be welcomed to live an open life.

And, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Being gay is normal and natural. We love and have relationships, just like everyone else. So express yourself the way you want to, feel free to act the way you do, and to like what you like. And don't let anyone take that away from you.

Martin's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Sean Connery ("James Bond")
_______________________________________________