Adam

Adam, age 2

Fayetteville, North Carolina (1987)

I was always known as  the "Miracle Baby" in my family, as my folks were in their 40's and in poor health when I showed up. I was brought up in a very strict, Pentecostal Christian household where sin and anything pertaining to the world were forbidden. Like most only children, I was somewhat spoiled with attention.

My photo was taken on Christmas Day, 1987. That year, I got a red Radio Flyer wagon, clothes, a Sit 'n' Spin toy and several little trinkets. But my most prized gift was the My Buddy doll I had begged my parents for. I'm sure that they weren't thrilled to buy me a doll, but since the little boy in the TV commercial had one, they relented. 

You can see just how surprised I was, pointing at the gifts and saying: 'For me?' 

I always loved playing with dolls and I had a huge collection of My Little Pony dolls. I can remember the embarrassment on my dad's face (RIP Dad) as I ran down the "girl's toys" aisle and picked out a new pony. 

I've known that I was different from the time I was three or four years old. I had what I guess you'd call a crush on my youngest uncle. He was handsome and would spend time with me, so I thought he was the greatest guy in the world.  

I developed several crushes throughout my elementary school days. Even so, I would always tell people that I had a "girlfriend" (usually just a close female friend), because that was the normal thing to do.  

I was around seven years old when I first heard my parents and the members of my church talking about "those queers" and "them homosexuals." When I finally did understand what these words meant, I was extremely afraid and ashamed.  

My two biggest fears were: going to Hell and disappointing my parents. Yet, I couldn't help the way I felt. No matter how hard I tried or how much I prayed, my feelings for guys remained the same.  

When was ten, I made the mistake of telling my mother that I wanted to be a girl. I wasn't transgender, but I thought the only way I could have a boyfriend was to become a girl. My mother had a fit and told me that God would send me straight to Hell if I kept thinking that way. I think that was when I first began keeping my feelings to myself.  

All through my high school years, I had devastating crushes on guys and hid behind my religion. The reason I didn't have a girlfriend wasn't because I was gay. In my mind, I was just saving myself for the right girl. Then the day came (after college) when I couldn't lie to myself anymore.  

Today, I'm out to some close friends. My family is intensely homophobic, so I keep my personal life to myself. I did attempt to come out to my mother, but she threatened to out me to everyone and ban me from her life. That was, by far, the hardest thing I've been through to date. And I even considered suicide. 

I couldn't imagine a world in which I could truly be happy in my own way. 

But I persevered and I am thriving the more I learn to love and accept myself.

I still have a long way to go, but I have amazing friends who love me and a partner who makes me feel like I'm the only man in the world.

For today's LGBTQ kids, I would say this: Hold on!

And think for yourself. Don't allow the ignorance or religious fervor of others keep you from being truly happy. Our world is changing and our time is coming.

I may not know you, but I send my love to you.  

Just keep holding on to your truth and I promise it does get better. 

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Vanessa

Vanessa, age 5
Chapel Hill, North Carolina (1990) 

I'm pictured in the all white dress, at my 5th birthday party. I remember being very in love with the two girls by my side. Our moms had been friends since before I was born, and I felt so happy they were there with me that day. When we took that picture, I didn't hesitate to reach up and wrap my arms around them.

I was a very quiet girl. But I could be the life of a party at the drop of a hat. 
I remember picking girls out in school in the hallway and telling my best friend, “I’m going to be her friend” and then I was. 

I usually said I had a crush on a boy, but it was always only because I thought he was nice. I used to openly flirt with girls and buy them small gifts. I loved being around females, no matter their age. 

A girl I crushed on in 6th grade was finally in my 12th grade class, and we became cool. Two years after graduation, she recognized me and we made small talk

My first celebrity crush was Meryl Streep in "Death Becomes Her." When she singes and dances in the beginning, I think that was the moment I "knew."

Then when I discovered the Spice Girls, all hell broke loose. I remember actually staring at Geri Halliwell in my posters for hours on end. I didn’t want to BE a Spice Girl, I wanted to be WITH one of the Spice Girls. 

I realized I was gay after that at age 19, but it took me until 23 to be OK with it.
Today, I feel I'm just me - and I’m going to live my life for me and no one else. 
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Zachary

Zachary, age 7

Mount Airy, NC (1997)

I obsessed over the Spice Girls since their first album. I had the Barbies, action figures, and even dressed up like Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham) sometimes.

Until the 6th grade, people called me "Spice Boy." I was teased daily, but I wouldn't let that stop my love of the Spice Girls, and just being who I was.

I knew I was gay very early, probably around 10-years old.

I would always watch pro wrestling, because I liked to see men in tight, little uniforms.

I never had a specific male crush back then. I was just drawn to shirtless, attractive men in general. And nothing has changed on that level.


Coming out was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

However, it was the best decision I have ever made.
I am happy with who I am, and I'm proud to be a gay American.

Scottie

Scottie, age 8

Matthews, NC (1995)

So, I'll begin by stating that I was born female, and I still identify as one; Scottie is my legally given name. This photo was taken by a friend of my mother's who had taken my brother, sister (whose arm you see), and me out for lunch. I'm the youngest of 4 in our family. I chose this photo, because of what it represents:
a child's interpretation of misunderstood emotions, feelings, and desires.

I remember being asked by my brother just before it was taken: "Why do you need to dress like a boy?" I became so flustered at being called out, not really understanding the situation, and why he'd ask me a question like that.

But I defiantly responded: "Because I am one!" Thus, the nervous childish smirk on my face, and trying to figure out why I was embarrassed.

Over the years, that important memory has stayed with me, mostly because I feel like it explains the beginning of my understanding of how and why
I felt so different.

I've realized that as a child, I believed it was acceptable for me to be attracted to women - and steal my older sister's fashion magazines to gawk at the models -
as long as I acted like a boy.

And I remained the tomboy well through middle school, struggling with my femininity throughout high school & college.

It's only over the past few years I've come to terms with being a femme lesbian. Which I must say, is much more comfortable than trying to hide behind the mask of a boy.

John

John, age 4

Pikeville, N. Carolina (1984)

I always felt different as a kid, but never knew why. I was described as "sweet, loving, empathetic, artistic" - later realizing all those words were code for gay.
I was the middle child of five, with two older sisters and two younger sisters. My childhood was spent playing dress up and putting on impromptu fashion shows with my sisters. I always loved dolls and girly things, but knew it was wrong and was something to hide. Growing up a devout Mormon didn't help the matter.

When I was finally old enough to realize I was "a gay," I immediately turned to self loathing and entered a deep depression.

I prayed for God to change me, and tried to avoid thoughts of other guys. At 17, I realized I could not change who I am, nor could not 'pray the gay away.'

Not knowing there was a world out there that could accept me for who I was, I tried to take my own life.

I was admitted to the hospital and kept for two weeks in a mental ward. It was there that I came out to my first person. It was a therapist, who on the final day of my stay, came into my room and said she knew I was holding something back.

I burst into tears and said:
'I'm gay, and I think I'm going to hell.'

I was so hoping to hear from her what I felt in my heart, such as, "No, you are a good person, that's what counts. Your actions define who you are, not who you are attracted to." All I wanted was a little reassurance, some understanding and comfort. Instead she said, "Now is the time you should turn to God. Now is the time to pray." I smiled and nodded, but I knew she was wrong.

At that moment, I realized that any God who would condemn me for something I could not control, was no God of mine. I left the hospital renewed in my self worth. I was weeks from my 18th birthday, and finally felt like there was a chance for me to be happy. I came out to others, and each time regardless of their reaction, I came to accept myself a little more.

Today I am a 31-year old man with a bright life and a positive outlook. All my struggles have given me the character and strength to overcome obstacles that would easily derail others. I love myself and know that I am not defined by my sexual orientation. I am lucky enough to have a family who accepts me (now), and a sister who is also gay, and she's an inspiration to me.

I hope anyone reading this can realize that they are special and worthy of love, no matter who they are. Our world is changing for the better, and each new day gives me renewed hope for the future. Life is good, and it is definitely worth living, even when things seem the bleakest. So hang in there! It gets better!!!
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Chris

Chris, age 6 months
Goldsboro, NC (1972)

Looking back, now I understand why I had such a emotional attachment to guys at such a early age. I hoped this would go away as I grew older, but it didn't.

I dated girls from 9th grade until the end of High School, hoping the gay rumors would go away - but they never did, either.

I came out to my family at 25, because I was never good at secrets. As an adult, I'm into nerdy TV like PBS, National Geographic, History Channel, & Discovery Channel.

And movies like "Big Eden" and "The Note Book" are favorites of mine. I am now 38, still single, and it does get lonely sometimes.


But never the less, I am HAPPY! :-)

Chris' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Bob Denver ("Gilligan's Island")

I know that sounds weird, but...
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Carter

Carter, age 15

Greensboro, N. Carolina (1975)

Talk about ELABORATE clues!

I wonder what my parents were thinking - or refusing to think - as my Barbra Streisand obsession took over my mid-teens, along with a whole bedroom wall. And to think they were actually shocked 3 years later when I came out.

"Streisand 'n me"

I came out in a very bad way, throwing it out to my mother after she'd grounded me for the night, preventing me from going disco dancing. I started screaming 'I'M GAY! I'M A FAG! A HOMO' and ran around the house telling my Dad and my kid sister, who was reduced to tears.

After I emotionally collapsed and went downstairs, my Mom told me to go upstairs and tell my sister I only said that to hurt her. Which I did. Soon after, all my friends were banned from coming over to the house - even the straight ones my mom couldn't be sure of. And we never talked about any of it again.

Well, except for that time a couple years later. A boyfriend I'd run away from home with, showed up at the house looking for me.

And that's a whooooole other story.

Carter's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Race Bannon ("Jonny Quest")
That show featured almost all men and was very homoerotic. I imagined Race & Dr. Quest as boyfriends, and I had all kinds of fantasies going on about them.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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