Adam

Adam, age 2

Fayetteville, North Carolina (1987)

I was always known as  the "Miracle Baby" in my family, as my folks were in their 40's and in poor health when I showed up. I was brought up in a very strict, Pentecostal Christian household where sin and anything pertaining to the world were forbidden. Like most only children, I was somewhat spoiled with attention.

My photo was taken on Christmas Day, 1987. That year, I got a red Radio Flyer wagon, clothes, a Sit 'n' Spin toy and several little trinkets. But my most prized gift was the My Buddy doll I had begged my parents for. I'm sure that they weren't thrilled to buy me a doll, but since the little boy in the TV commercial had one, they relented. 

You can see just how surprised I was, pointing at the gifts and saying: 'For me?' 

I always loved playing with dolls and I had a huge collection of My Little Pony dolls. I can remember the embarrassment on my dad's face (RIP Dad) as I ran down the "girl's toys" aisle and picked out a new pony. 

I've known that I was different from the time I was three or four years old. I had what I guess you'd call a crush on my youngest uncle. He was handsome and would spend time with me, so I thought he was the greatest guy in the world.  

I developed several crushes throughout my elementary school days. Even so, I would always tell people that I had a "girlfriend" (usually just a close female friend), because that was the normal thing to do.  

I was around seven years old when I first heard my parents and the members of my church talking about "those queers" and "them homosexuals." When I finally did understand what these words meant, I was extremely afraid and ashamed.  

My two biggest fears were: going to Hell and disappointing my parents. Yet, I couldn't help the way I felt. No matter how hard I tried or how much I prayed, my feelings for guys remained the same.  

When was ten, I made the mistake of telling my mother that I wanted to be a girl. I wasn't transgender, but I thought the only way I could have a boyfriend was to become a girl. My mother had a fit and told me that God would send me straight to Hell if I kept thinking that way. I think that was when I first began keeping my feelings to myself.  

All through my high school years, I had devastating crushes on guys and hid behind my religion. The reason I didn't have a girlfriend wasn't because I was gay. In my mind, I was just saving myself for the right girl. Then the day came (after college) when I couldn't lie to myself anymore.  

Today, I'm out to some close friends. My family is intensely homophobic, so I keep my personal life to myself. I did attempt to come out to my mother, but she threatened to out me to everyone and ban me from her life. That was, by far, the hardest thing I've been through to date. And I even considered suicide. 

I couldn't imagine a world in which I could truly be happy in my own way. 

But I persevered and I am thriving the more I learn to love and accept myself.

I still have a long way to go, but I have amazing friends who love me and a partner who makes me feel like I'm the only man in the world.

For today's LGBTQ kids, I would say this: Hold on!

And think for yourself. Don't allow the ignorance or religious fervor of others keep you from being truly happy. Our world is changing and our time is coming.

I may not know you, but I send my love to you.  

Just keep holding on to your truth and I promise it does get better. 

______________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Tweet

Adam

Adam, age 8

Brockport, NY (1992)

I found this pic in a collage my mom created. It's my sister, brother and me feeding ducks by a pond. I'm obviously the fabulous one with my knee popped, wrist broken backwards, and hand on my hips! All very "You go girl!" right?

I figured out I was gay around the age of 15.

I discovered when watching late night Skinomax, I was more interested in looking at the guys instead of the girls.

I've since looked back, pondering why I had such a strong interest in Shredder from the "Ninja Turtles." Mask + leather + gear = HOT!

I came out to my parents at 16, and remember the night in great detail. I decided early during the day that tonight was the night.


I was all nervous and couldn't sit still as we were watching the great TV lineup of "Everybody Loves Raymond" and "Antiques Road Show."

My dad was like, "What's up with you tonight?" I couldn't find the courage to say the words "I'm gay" and just said "I have to tell you something but I can't say it."

Without skipping a beat, my father says "You're gay?" I said "Yep." He then said, "We've known for a while, but wondered when you would figure it out."

So when I saw this picture again, I understood their reaction when I came out.
Today, I still have this fabulous flair - and I'm glad I was born this way!

Adam

Adam, age 4

San Jose, CA (1995)

This is me at age 4 - looking FABULOUS! I always remember wanting to look glamorous! I was always dressing up in my mom's tops, and wearing them as dresses. Or putting on her bright red lipstick, and rocking her hot pink heels.

"What do you mean 'came out' - he was never 'in'!"
- My Mom's caption for this picture on her Facebook

I recently watched a home video of me at age 2. I had a Fischer Price toy truck, with mom's high heels in the back.

Then my Dad said to me,
'Adam, put on Mama's shoes' - and I didn't have to think twice.

I plopped down, took off my Barney slippers, and proceeded to put on those neon pink heels.

My mom tells me they always commented on how well I was able to walk in her heels.

My whole life I always felt a little different then the rest of the boys.


I never knew exactly that I was gay until elementary school. But even before
I knew I was gay, I would have crushes on celebrity boys.

When I look at this picture now, it fills me with joy. I know how fortunate I am, to have parents that didn't scold me for dressing up as a woman. They loved/love me for me. And to this day, they're so proud of the man that I have become.

Adam's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Skeet Ulrich (in "Scream")
I thought he was so dreamy - before I found out he was the murderer ; )

Adam

Adam, age 4

Sunbury, Victoria, Australia (1985)

"Smiling assassin"

As a kid I was always up for trying to get a laugh out of people. Although I could be quite shy at times around new people, amongst family and friends - I was the joker!

My sister Justine (pictured here) and I would often play together, be it Barbies on a Saturday morning (Ken who?) or as you can see from this picture - dress ups!

I was never aware of being "gay" but perhaps felt different soon after starting Primary School. I was much more thoughtful and caring than any of the others boys in the class, and was immediately drawn to making friends with the girls.

When I was only 8, I wrote in my journal to the teacher 'I love your blue dress today. That color really suits you'. Mum would pick me up from school when it was sports day and we'd go out for lunch.

I never really thought anything about that until recently, but I much rather enjoyed a nice lunch out with Mum than competing for a little ribbon with the other boys!

I just love this picture! My sister's smirk says it all! No doubt everyone was having a laugh, so that's why I have a smile on my face, too!

Adam's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jonathan Taylor Thomas ("Home Improvement")

I think it was a mix of the tan and the hair!

Adam

Adam, age 6
Palm Desert, CA (1990)

"Pretty in Pink!"

This pic was from my brother's birthday, so I informed my mother that I was going to wear my favorite pink outfit since it was his day - and I was going to be his 'lady in waiting.' Oh, boy.

I was obsessed with my model horse collection, Olympic divers, and practicing the piano. I think that sums it up.
 
I first knew I was gay around age 4, when my family went bowling and I was very taken with the man in the lane next to ours and his crisp, white shorts.

Looking back at this pic, the only crime here is a shirt tucked into elastic-waist shorts.

Otherwise, rock on!

Adam's first, famous-person same sex crush:
George Michael

Adam

Adam, age 3
Minneapolis, Minnesota (1987) 

I was obviously very young here, but I remember being a total clown and goof when I was little.

I still am.

But I clearly had a penchant for pulling together a look.

The layers, the shades of blue, the textures and pattern. With a little bit of undershirt coming through, just like Dad.

This picture makes me realize I'm basically the same person today that I was back then. I still smile uncontrollably, and I'm still a cornball who makes a fool of himself to get a laugh.

And at 6' 2" and a bean-pole, I probably weigh the same as I did in this picture: Chubs!

Adam's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Bill Murray (in "Ghostbusters")
___________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Click to follow my blog with Bloglovin' Tweet