Kerry

Kerry, age 5
Buffalo, New York (1954)

I loved getting dressed up as a kid, and meeting the Easter Bunny was the perfect opportunity. My older brother always squirmed when our mom dressed us like this, but I really looked forward to it.

I always felt different from the other boys.

While they seemed to get all excited about baseball or football (and anything having to do with balls), I would rather sing and dance and play with the girls. This was strongly discouraged by my parents, but I knew what I liked.

I was about age 10 when I realized I was attracted to boys. My first crush was a boy on my football team. To get his attention I would offer to carry his jacket, helmet, or anything of his to show my interest.

He thought I was strange, as did my brother. And that made me feel really sad.

As time went on with more crushes, it became difficult to feel good about myself.

Playing sports became an exercise in hiding my affections. It wasn't much fun, but my dad insisted I play all the time. He was the first bully in my life.

Being a good Catholic boy and going to religious schools only reinforced the feeling that I was unacceptable. Not only in my family's eyes, but even in God's eyes. I never came out until I was age 47, and married with one child. I regret that I waited so long to come out, but today I'm happy I can be myself now.

I now know that I was born this way, and I celebrate this whenever I can.

I'm concerned about today's gay youth and the bullying they may endure.
It does get better, but we need to give them much support along the way.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
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Guy

Guy, age 8

Seattle, Washington (1970)

Here I am, ready to spring into action to deliver Easter treats! I was really channeling the Easter Bunny: note the way I'm holding my hands to simulate paws. Of course, I hopped around as much as possible when in this costume. Walking was so banal and just not the Easter Bunny way.

I was also probably inspired by Bobby Van, and his hopping number from the film "Small Town Girl." Stereotypically, I have enjoyed musicals from an early age.

It's a family trait.

Proto-gay that I was, I loved the crafty and decorative aspects of Easter.

One year, I made little Easter baskets for my family. I filled them with candy and placed them outside my siblings' bedrooms very early on Easter morning. As if the Easter Bunny was some kind of springtime surrogate for Santa Claus.

I think costumes and masks have been important to a lot of gay kids, long before they knew they were gay. They provided the opportunity to take on other personalities.

Paradoxically, we were more ourselves in costumes and masks.


Dressing up, it's as though we could take on our true personalities using the pretense of those costumes, and the creative freedom they provided.

While I didn't know I was gay at this tender age, I knew I wasn't like most of my contemporaries. Despite that, I didn't have a particularly difficult childhood. I was fortunate to have 7 older siblings who came of age during the various social revolutions of the 60's and 70's.

They weren't wildly non-conformist, but they weren't conformist either. And they suggested the possibility of independent thought and becoming whoever I wanted to be. I was also lucky to grow up in a home where education was highly valued.

We were raised Catholic, but were encouraged to read and to explore a broader world of ideas. This provided so many options.

I can't remember any same sex crushes from that era. I'm sure I had them, but
I was fickle too - moving on from one to the next like, well, the Easter Bunny.
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André

André, age 4

Baton Rouge, Louisiana (1972)

I recently came across this photo as I was scanning old slides for my parents.
I remember it was Easter of 1972. I'm holding a tiny purse my grandma made from an old margarine container, combined with delicate crocheting.

When I shared this photo with mom, she remarked at how cute my little sister was. When I pointed out that the photo was not of her daughter,
but rather, was of her proud, 4-year old son - she silently turned the page.

Growing up, my sexuality was the proverbial elephant in the room:

Always present, but never discussed.

I've heard we can only see the world with the light we've been given. When it came to my being gay, my parents never had the light they both needed to understand.

In my 12 years of Catholic schooling, just about every report card included the comment, "André is a sensitive boy." That was Catholic school code for "Gay as a daisy."

It was tough growing up "sensitive" and the journey was never easy. It was worth it, though. I can now say I love who I am, and I love the life I've built for myself.

I love that I've learned to honor and protect that sensitive, little boy with the pink Easter purse and black galoshes.

As an adult, I have a terrific job as a writer. I have a wonderful partner and a cozy home with 3 cats. It's exactly the kind of life that I was told would never be an option for me. A life filled with friends, family, and an occasional pink purse.

I live openly and proudly, and try to inspire others to do the same.
And I try to be that light for those who live in darkness.

That's how things get better.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Aaron

Aaron, age 8

Berne, Indiana (1982)

I think this picture is funny, because I'm so excited about my pink Easter basket. I think I'm more excited than Denise here, my younger, 6-year old sister.

Growing up in a small town in Indiana, I always knew I was different than other boys. I had a very high voice all through puberty, and I was very androgynous. So it was very hard for people to tell whether I was a boy or a girl.

But that androgyny has paid off now. At 37-years old, people still guess my age as late 20's or early 30's! I love it!

I remember being attracted to boys/men in the 1st grade, having a huge crush on my swimming instructor. All through grade school, I much preferred playing with the girls on the playground, instead of anything involving a ball.

Music and stage quickly became my vice. I was a boy soprano up until 8th grade, then an alto as a freshman. But that also led to many taunts of "f*g" and "sissy."

I remember playing superheroes with my cousins at family outings, and I always laid claim on being "Wonder Woman." I could never figure out why none of them ever argued with me about being her - not even my girl cousins!

But today - I am who I am. I have a wonderful family who accepts me and my partner. While they're fundamental Christians who will never approve of me being gay, they do accept and love me!

My advice to young people, or any people with a fear of coming out is:
Most of the people you're afraid to tell that you're gay - already know. They're just waiting for you to be comfortable enough with yourself to approach them with it.

It's generally not a surprise to anyone. And if they say it is, they're more than likely lying for one reason or another.

With that being said: It's OK to wait until you are comfortable to have a conversation about it. Move at your own pace!
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Jill

Jill, age 5
Chicago, Illinois (1979)

I look back on this picture and think, 'Really, how could they not have known?!' My family was always very religious, and Easter was considered one of the most important Sundays of the year. So I'm surprised that my mother, who was always very concerned with appearances, let her 5-year old daughter wear a suit to Easter Sunday. I especially loved these pants. My grandmother had sewn the horse patch on my knee, as I'd ripped them one day while climbing a tree.

I was always a little tomboy from the very beginning - climbing trees and playing football with the little boys in the neighborhood. When I was 7, I begged my dad to install a basketball hoop in the driveway for me, which he did, while my sister played with her multiple Barbie dolls.

Back then, I had crushes on a few cute girls. I used to run around on the playground with the boys, but I'd chase the other girls. And I always told my sister from a very young age that I would never let some "yucky" boy kiss me when I got older.

By the time I came out, the general response from my friends was, 'I already know'. So people who really know you, they sometimes know you better than you know yourself. If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing, it would be that everything works out as it's meant to be.

And, that true friends love you for who you are.

Jill's first, famous person same sex crushes:
Kristy McNichol & Nancy McKeon (Jo on "Facts Of Life")
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Arthur

Arthur, age 4

Auburn, Washington (1972)

Not long after this pic was snapped, I remember looking at an article in Mad Magazine about possible future nudity in cartoons. It had completely non-graphic nudity featuring characters from Pogo and Beetle Bailey, but I remember when looking at it, for the first time I got a funny feeling "down there." Only later did I realize that all the characters depicted were male.

"Hippity-hopity, Easter's on it's way"

In 1st grade, I would chase down and kiss Kevin on the playground. He didn't really like it, and the other kids would tease him when he got kissed, but I didn't see anything wrong with it. These days this would be called "not respecting boundaries."

It must have been on the long bus ride home from kindergarten when one day the kids on the school bus started chanting, 'Arthur wears panty hose! Arthur wears panty hose!' The driver got on the PA and said, 'Hey, Arthur does NOT wear panty hose!' Gee, thanks a lot.

Later in grade school, the kids started to develop more accurate vocabularies, and started to call me "fag."  'Hey, I'm not a fag, whatever that is.' Other contributors to this blog wish they had a name for what they were when they were growing up. I had a name, and I didn't like it. The name seemed so arbitrary that when I was teased, I started calling back, 'Oh yeah, well you're a fag too.'  Then everyone started started ignoring me completely. So at least I never got physically beat up much through my junior high and high school years.

When I was about 10, my father and his brothers gave my grandmother a Playgirl magazine as a gag gift for her 60th birthday.

"What's 'Playgirl?'"
"It's Playboy, but with pictures of naked men."
*GASP* "I wanna see!"
"NO!"

In 6th grade I had a crush on another boy when we went on a field trip with 6th graders from another school. He had dark tousled hair, and I couldn't stop being around him. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew I had to stop behaving that way, and I kept it hidden for 30 more years.

Then the depression got so bad I figured being honest with myself was better than keeping my parents happy by keeping them uninformed. Looking back, I wonder how I could not have known sooner.

Arthur's first, famous-person same sex crush:
"Dirty Dan" from Sha-Na-Na

Must be the tousled hair
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Jimmy

Jimmy, age 5
Salem, Oregon (1977)

This is a photo of me (on the right) and my brother, Charlie - proudly displaying the treasures from an Easter egg hunt in the back yard. Our parents had just divorced, which I remember as a painful time, but clearly we were enjoying an annual childhood ritual here.

 "Dressed up in my Easter Sunday best."

As a toddler, I had a mop of curly hair and long eyelashes, and people often would mistake me for a girl. Perhaps that's why, as a youngster, I felt free to embrace interests that were considered "girlie":

Wonder Woman, Ms. Pac-Man, soap operas.

It wasn't until I was 13 years old, desperately trying to blend in with my peers, that I started to feel ashamed of being different. Salem was a close-minded place where few dared to challenge the mainstream. I kept most of my quirks hidden and didn't come out of the closet until the age of 27.

Jimmy's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Sean Astin ("The Goonies") & Ricky Schroeder ("Silver Spoons")
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Joshua

Joshua, age 7

Bradenton, Florida (1987)

I was a child who was very much in my own world. Spending most of my time drawing mermaids and princesses, I had a hard time focusing at school. I got made fun of a lot for being a girl because most of my recesses were spent playing house, trying to cartwheel, or wishing I was brave enough climb and sit on top of the monkey bars. I coped by retreating into my head, which I was very happy in, but resulted in a lot of strange outward behavior. I guess I was an odd kid.

"Easter Sunday portraits were always a good opportunity to
dress up, eat peeps, go to church - and VOGUE!"

This photo was taken on Easter Sunday before my family went to church.
I remember my mom bought us all new outfits for the occasion and needless to say - I felt very chic. I remember wanting this picture to count - so I told my sister Bethany (the one closest to me) how to pose, and then I struck one myself. I don't think my parents had any idea what I was doing. They're still relatively unfazed by this picture, and I think they're just "used to me."

I didn't fully come out until I was in my mid 20's. I was brought up in a very conservative Christian home and it took a long time for me to fully separate myself from that. I don't remember not "feeling different" though. I was obviously a very flamboyant child and I never really fit in anywhere.

I am incredibly proud of this picture. Even though I was a little late to "come out" I was always pretty fearless about expressing myself and my interests.

Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

"Marky Mark" Wahlberg, Joel West, & Marcus Schenkenberg.

Obviously, I liked the 90's male models.
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Brett

Brett, age 7

Lima, Ohio (1970)

Here I am in my Easter finery sitting next to my beautiful Mother. Please note the scowl on my face. I am furious – FURIOUS!  I am adorned with that plain white carnation, the most blasé of the boutonnières, while Mother is wearing the most GORGEOUS violet corsage I have ever seen.

When we were all preparing to go to Mass and the flowers came out, I could not understand for the life of me why Mother got to wear that corsage and I was stuck with that plain carnation.

"Violets Stir the Green-Eyed Monster"

I really pitched a fit about it and I sulked through the Easter Sunday Mass and possibly even after we got home. 

I guess I learned early on that life is not always fair. 

I enjoyed playing Barbies with my sister, and the feel of their long hair. I would brush my best friend Molly’s hair every day after school.

And I loved being in nature.
I was not interested in sports or other “masculine” things.

I look at that picture fondly now. My mother was so beautiful and impeccably dressed, and I look dapper despite the pout. 

I came out so early for my generation; I was 15 when I announced I was gay
(in 1977 - at a Catholic high school!) and it was such a wonderfully freeing experience. To be able to match a name to all those feelings that signaled I was different from the other boys. 

I recall being particularly captivated by a swim team coach about the time this picture was taken. He was blond, had washboard abs, and was rocking a tiny Speedo - as we all did on swim teams at that time.

I am happy to say that I had a very positive experience during high school and my friends all took the news quite well.

Brett's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Dr. Race Bannon ("Johnny Quest" cartoon)
Sean Connery ("James Bond")

Jan-Michael Vincent ("The World's Greatest Athlete")
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