Jimmy

Jimmy, age 11

Randle, Washington (1993)

Growing up in a small town the size of a highway was never easy. Boys definitely played boy roles, and girls played girl roles. And I was caught in the middle, and always felt closer with girls my whole life. I also felt I had to be a girl in order to be with a boy, and I didn't know what "gay" was. I had that feeling until age 11, and then my mindset changed, and I finally stopped asking God why.

I figured out that I liked who I was, and I could be with a boy and stay a boy. I never felt like I was a girl, so why change that?

I was always teased because I was much more feminine than anyone else in my school.

I always tried to act tougher, but it was never me, nor did it fool anybody. And when I tried to change who I was, it only made things worse.

But along with the teasing, threats ruled my life. I came home from school many times crying, running into my mother's arms. And, asking her what a "f*g" was.

I'm lucky that my mom and dad were always there for me. Maybe it's because they saw what I went through daily, or that I had a bit more skip to my step.

Now every step I take is with my head held high, instead of looking towards the ground and hoping nobody screams anymore names at me. 

All the good and the bad from my childhood made me the man who I am today, and I love that person. I left that small town and now live in San Francisco, where I can walk down any street holding my partner's hand without fear.

In the near future we hope to adopt and expand our family, and we've been chatting about it on our blog, DaddiesJourney. In the end, it was all worth it.

Jimmy's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mario Lopez (on "Saved By The Bell")

I remember growing up and dreaming about Slater
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Jimmy

Jimmy, age 5
New Haven, CT (1972)

This picture was taken at the beach house where my family spent our summers. The picture makes me happy and sad: I’m happy because I look happy in the picture. But I’m sad because I systematically destroyed that little boy in an effort to conform to what society expected and demanded of me.

"Jazz hands before I ever encountered the concept"

From my earliest memories, I ALWAYS knew there was something different about me. Everyone else knew, should have known, or denied knowing it.

I remember being very young and staying with my “Auntie Mame” and listening to Judy Garland albums. I got very mad when my sister went with my aunt to see Funny Girl and I didn’t get to go. I remember sitting at our kitchen table, looking up dance schools in the Yellow Pages and hoping someday I’d get to go. Instead, I endured playing Little League baseball.

I was the kid with very few friends, all mostly female. I was picked on by virtually everyone, but fortunately I was scrappy and freakishly strong when cornered.

Some TV obsessions as a kid included Wonder Woman, The Six Million Dollar Man, and The Bionic Woman. I also knew tons of "M*A*S*H" trivia and even won a radio contest. And I loved the KISS Alive II album. I mean, men wearing makeup? What’s not to like?

My message to gay kids and parents of different or potentially gay kids is:
Let them be different. You never know what you may be destroying when you suppress those differences.

Jimmy's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Gregory Harrison (in a TV Guide and on "Trapper John, MD")
Michael Ontkean & Harry Hamlin (in "Making Love")
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Jimmy

Jimmy, age 5
Salem, Oregon (1977)

This is a photo of me (on the right) and my brother, Charlie - proudly displaying the treasures from an Easter egg hunt in the back yard. Our parents had just divorced, which I remember as a painful time, but clearly we were enjoying an annual childhood ritual here.

 "Dressed up in my Easter Sunday best."

As a toddler, I had a mop of curly hair and long eyelashes, and people often would mistake me for a girl. Perhaps that's why, as a youngster, I felt free to embrace interests that were considered "girlie":

Wonder Woman, Ms. Pac-Man, soap operas.

It wasn't until I was 13 years old, desperately trying to blend in with my peers, that I started to feel ashamed of being different. Salem was a close-minded place where few dared to challenge the mainstream. I kept most of my quirks hidden and didn't come out of the closet until the age of 27.

Jimmy's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Sean Astin ("The Goonies") & Ricky Schroeder ("Silver Spoons")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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