March 04, 2011

Jimmy

Jimmy, age 11
Randle, Washington (1993)

Growing up in a small town the size of a highway was never easy. Boys definitely played boy roles, and girls played girl roles. And I was caught in the middle, and always felt closer with girls my whole life. I also felt I had to be a girl in order to be with a boy, and I didn't know what "gay" was. I had that feeling until age 11, and then my mindset changed, and I finally stopped asking God why.

I figured out that I liked who I was, and I could be with a boy and stay a boy. I never felt like I was a girl, so why change that?

I was always teased because I was much more feminine than anyone else in my school.

I always tried to act tougher, but it was never me, nor did it fool anybody. And when I tried to change who I was, it only made things worse.

But along with the teasing, threats ruled my life. I came home from school many times crying, running into my mother's arms. And, asking her what a "f*g" was.

I'm lucky that my mom and dad were always there for me. Maybe it's because they saw what I went through daily, or that I had a bit more skip to my step.

Now every step I take is with my head held high, instead of looking towards the ground and hoping nobody screams anymore names at me. 

All the good and the bad from my childhood made me the man who I am today, and I love that person. I left that small town and now live in San Francisco, where I can walk down any street holding my partner's hand without fear.

In the near future we hope to adopt and expand our family, and we've been chatting about it on our blog, DaddiesJourney. In the end, it was all worth it.

Jimmy's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Mario Lopez (on "Saved By The Bell")
I remember growing up and dreaming about Slater
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MARIO LOPEZ 8x10 Photo Signed In-Person Gay Fatherhood: Narratives of Family and Citizenship in America Loving Ourselves: The Gay and Lesbian Guide to Self-EsteemSmall Town Gay Bar


5 comments:

Jessica Coulter said...

...and we all love you, Jimmy

S Kay Murphy said...

Hope you do get to adopt!! I love my 3 store-bought babies as much as my homemade one!

Jose said...

This is such a great story; you can read more about Jimmy's journey on: http://DaddiesJourney.com

AAllen said...

There's a gay summer camp near Randle every Labor Day weekend. It's always strange having to drive by the Rowdy Rebel redneck gift shop to reach the camp; I've wondered what the people there are really like.

Greeley Man said...

Jimmy- one of the great loves of my life was born and raised in Randle- you were not alone!