March 16, 2011


Silas, age 3
Reedley, CA (1992)

Religious holidays were particularly huge gatherings for us. Easter was all about getting dressed up for my Southern Baptist family. This Easter, I was fashionable as always in a full body jumpsuit and cherry lip balm - because those smackers aren't naturally that red. And my sisters, Lacey and Michelle, wear ensembles sewn by our Aunt Julie. I love the food, bonding, and hugs that surround holidays, as they remind me of all the love there is on this planet and in Heaven.

As a kid, I had a billion Beanie Babies and watched "Family Matters" every day after school. On Saturday mornings, I'd sing along with the "Pokemon Song" ("Gotta catch ‘em all!")

I first felt different in kindergarten. My best friend and I were early "boyfriends." We would hold hands and kiss on the bus everyday after school.

When he told his parents that he loved me, they gave him the sex talk.

They told him being gay was a sin. That message was repeated to me.

As a result, for years I thought that women had "china" - not "vaginas" - up their skirts, and I refused to eat off porcelain.

Growing up gay in a Christian household can be rough. I have struggled to reconcile my faith and sexual orientation, and coming out was hard. But my family still loves me, and I know that if I meet a guy worthy of bringing home someday, we will rough through that together too.

Struggles are something everyone has; Christ, my friends, and my family help me deal with mine. I am a Gay Christian, and I was made this way.

Silas' first, famous-person same sex crush:
Prince Eric (from "The Little Mermaid")
Honestly, he was the sexiest cartoon character I'd ever seen.
Disney Little Mermaid Ariel Prince Eric, 4" Figure Doll Toy, Cake Topper  Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians  Growing Up Gay & Lesbian [VHS]  The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World


Penny Lane said...

Great story and the china comment had me laughing out loud! Thank you so much for sharing. I am not gay myself but my favourite uncle was. And to this day I can't remember he and my grandfather having a single conversation while they were both still alive. It makes me sad because they were both such important people in my life. Anyway, just wanted to say I really enjoyed your story.

Greg said...

YES Prince Eric!

The first time I remember having those feelings!

fagtastic said...

Thanks Penny, the "china" story is a very good little anecdote from my childhood, I am glad the humor was appreciated. Almost as glad about that as I am that Greg likes Prince Eric too.