Cameron, age 16
Concord, Massachusetts (2011)
My name is Cameron. I am an FTM (female to male) transsexual.
So I wore girls' clothing and kept my hair long.
But I have distinct memories of walking around the house saying 'I'm dressing like a boy' - which meant my shirt off, and only wearing shorts and a cross necklace.
In 3rd grade, I began to tell people to abbreviate my name from Camilla to Cam, which would become the basis for choosing my male name, Cameron.
I wore girly clothes until about 5th grade, when I found myself at home in a baggy tee shirt, jeans, and a baseball cap. When I was in about 8th grade, my sister asked me one day if I would rather be a boy or a girl. I thought to myself, 'BOY' but said 'girl' because, to the best of my knowledge, I couldn't do anything about it - so why answer boy?
I remember being extremely uncomfortable when I developed breasts. One of my biggest regrets is not embracing my flat chest as a kid, because now it's gone and I have tumors instead. They're like alien objects on my body.
In 9th grade, I cut my hair short. At a school dance, girls asked me to dance, 'mistaking me' for a boy. And I realized that I didn't mind their confusion.
In fact, I liked it.
That was my first realization that I might be transgender. Coming out to my parents was tricky, though. They still don't accept me for being the man that I SHOULD have been born as. They don't understand, that every day, I wake up wishing that I was just born with the body that boys take for granted. You never know how much you have, and how much other people value what you were born with. If I had one wish, it would be to be born with the right body.
I'm still struggling with my transition to manhood, and it's a slow process. I'm starting to tell people at school, and from what I have seen, they are all getting on board with it. Although I still go by female pronouns almost everywhere, I'm looking forward to the day that I will be known as a man everywhere.
I'm so much happier now, then when I was as a girl in middle school: wondering why I hated my body, and wearing boy clothes to cover up my awkward, out of place shell.
And I know I'm only going to get happier.
I always think things will get better, for those who want it to. :)
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