March 06, 2011


Scottie, age 8
Matthews, NC (1995)

So, I'll begin by stating that I was born female, and I still identify as one; Scottie is my legally given name. This photo was taken by a friend of my mother's who had taken my brother, sister (whose arm you see), and me out for lunch. I'm the youngest of 4 in our family. I chose this photo, because of what it represents:
a child's interpretation of misunderstood emotions, feelings, and desires.

I remember being asked by my brother just before it was taken: "Why do you need to dress like a boy?" I became so flustered at being called out, not really understanding the situation, and why he'd ask me a question like that.

But I defiantly responded: "Because I am one!" Thus, the nervous childish smirk on my face, and trying to figure out why I was embarrassed.

Over the years, that important memory has stayed with me, mostly because I feel like it explains the beginning of my understanding of how and why
I felt so different.

I've realized that as a child, I believed it was acceptable for me to be attracted to women - and steal my older sister's fashion magazines to gawk at the models -
as long as I acted like a boy.

And I remained the tomboy well through middle school, struggling with my femininity throughout high school & college.

It's only over the past few years I've come to terms with being a femme lesbian. Which I must say, is much more comfortable than trying to hide behind the mask of a boy.


Cristina Kok said...

Hi Scottie, I loved the solution you've gave to your sexuality. Just as me. I'm a woman who love other women. No pity, no shame, no pain. Just simple as that.

c.a.y.l.a. said...

Well said on all fronts. I remember thinking that maybe I wanted to be a boy when I was in grade school. It wasn't until later that I realized that I didn't want to be a boy, I wanted to do what boys did, which was hold hands with girls. Thanks for your story.

Ashley said...

Hi Scottie -- I find it funny that I pulled up this website for the first time (after seeing it on CNN) and saw that you live in the same town as me =)

Your story is awesome and I'm so glad that you were finally able to find *you*.