Tatiana

Tatiana, age 12 
Moscow Region, Russia (2000)

I’ve always known I was different. My first flashes of strange feelings started to appear when I was 4 years old and continued to grow inside of me each year.

At school I realized I wasn't discussing boys like the other girls.

I tried to convince myself I liked men or boys (at least in movies and music bands), but it was all false.

Then I saw "her" for the first time when I was around age 8.

She was a teacher who came to take my classmate from school. And I was standing there, shocked and speechless for about 30 minutes.

Her beauty captured me.

Next year, she came in the classroom to say she would be our math teacher for the next 7 years!

I was terribly in love with her for that entire time, but I didn’t know there was something wrong feeling that way. She saw what was happening to me, but obviously she couldn’t do anything to help me get over it.

Many years have passed since then. Like the majority of people in our country, she hates me and thinks I’m a weird lesbian who was trying to seduce her.

But I wasn’t.
At that time, I didn’t even know it was actually possible to love another woman.

Today I’m 26, and I have a girlfriend and we have two children.
Hopefully, one day, we’ll have a chance to marry. I believe in it.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Karina

Karina, age 8
New York, New York (1997)

Growing up in an immigrant family from Russia, I was everything that nice immigrant children weren't supposed to be: outgoing, chatty and not interested in becoming a doctor. I can't recall sensing I might be gay, but I definitely recall having crushes or "falling in love" with different women in my life: the third grade teacher  whose class I wanted to be in, the friend I always wanted to stand next to in ballet class, and the blonde camp counselor who always left me speechless.

And also the girl on my school bus in 8th grade. I would instigate silly drama with her just to get her attention.

I even told her that a guy friend liked her, just so she would call me to talk about it.

As I got older, I definitely knew that girls interested me in a way that guys never did.

Despite the feelings that I developed for girls, I never truly thought I was gay.

Because that just didn't happen in Russian families, and I knew there was no way that could happen in my family, or in my culture.

When I finally entered my first relationship with a girl at age 20, I couldn't even acknowledge that same-sex attractions were normal for me. But I soon had an epiphany and I just knew. And it felt so wonderful to understand myself in a way that I never had before: I am gay.

And I felt so light, as if I could fly. My life made sense for the first time. I told my closest friends and we just laughed about it. My friends treated me the way my parents should have.

My parents will never be happy that their daughter is gay, but they have come a long way in a few years. I know they love me, and our relationship has grown significantly since I first told them. I'm learning to forgive them for their initial reactions, which were less than kind.

I recently came out to my two male cousins and my grandmother, who is my biggest ally. They were both super supportive. One cousin, a health freak, said,
"As long as you don't eat dairy or gluten, I don't care."

I've always known that I was extremely lucky to have been brought to America at a young age, but that feeling has never been stronger than it is now. I'm thankful that I am thousands of miles away from Russia's virulent, violent homophobia.

And my heart breaks for the Russian LGBT community today that suffers at the hands of its government and their intolerant citizens every day.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Ivan

Ivan, age 5
Saint-Petersburg, Russia (1988)

My photo shows me doing my first drag performance, as my silly 'Auntie Valya' who lost her reading glasses, while they were always on her forehead.

I was a truly gay kid while growing up, and I was a champion of arts and theater through my early school years.

But then puberty hit and my classmates no longer thought I was that fun to hang around with anymore.

In fact, the bullies tortured me for years on a daily basis. But I survived, and that still amazes me at times.

I eventually ran away from my home country of Russia to find freedom and safety in the USA.

At age 15, I died my hair red. Then green, blue, and pink.

I came out to my mom when I was only 16. Twelve years later, she is still struggling to accept my "life choices." We speak to each other now, but not often.

My father has never been around, and he left for good when I was 12. We never shared any bonds, and he always treated me as if I was some kind of some foreign exchange student living in his house.

I've struggled all these years to overcome anxiety and depression which stems directly from the years of bullying and living in a viciously homophobic Russia.

I have lived in the United States for 8 years now. I will become a citizen this year, provided everything gets done on time. Being gay is still a work in progress for me.

But I am doing better - and feeling better - than I have ever felt before.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Sandro

Sandro, age 5

Tbilisi, Georgia (1988)

I think a was about 8 or 9 when I have realized I had feelings for men. I did not know at that time those feelings were of a sexual nature. But now that I recall my childhood fantasies, they couldn't have been gayer.

I have a sister, and we used to play Barbie dolls together, where we were best girl friends. I've always associated myself as a female character.

But I didn't connect that to my sexual orientation, or being gay.

Later in life I discovered I fell for boys instead of girls.

I dreamed about Brad Pitt and the Backstreet Boys, and listened to Barbra Streisand and Paula Abdul.

I was suffering from the feeling that I was the only "weirdo" who had these feelings for the same sex.


I was about 13 when I first saw a program about gay men on Russian television. I exhaled with joy to learn that I was not the only one.

I haven't found my love yet, despite having many boyfriends and endless blind dates and encounters. But, I know that I am not the weirdo I thought I was.

I am still very feminine and love to do girlie things.
I love cooking, cross dressing, make-up, gossip, and cute boys :)

Be who you are, because you were born this way, too.

Sandro's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Brad Pitt
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