Andrew

Andrew, age 3
Weston-Super-Mare, Somerset UK (1988)

The picture shows me a little disheveled looking. I don't think I look much different these days, though my little brother here has changed a lot! I suppose the earliest sign that I was gay was that out of the four sons she had, my mother always described me saying, "He was never any trouble at all." 

I was a very gentle, sensitive child. Unlike my little brother, who was an absolute nightmare who never stopped screaming and crying!

I knew I was gay from the get-go, and it sometimes caused me embarrassment. Like entering a flower arranging competition at school, simply because I wanted to arrange flowers. 

Why? Because I loved flowers!

And I didn't think anyone would notice I was the only boy to enter a flower arranging competition. 

Unfortunately, for me, I won! 

I had to accept a prize in front of the whole school. And because I was a boy, 
I think some bitter parents bypassed the early signs I was gay. I think they assumed my mother had created the arrangement, and I was simply cheating. 

Ironically, my dad had picked the flowers, but it was all arranged by myself. 

The obvious "gay" behaviors I exhibited were never discouraged by my family.
At my grade school, I was friends with everyone in my class, and we all loved each other. So I never felt that I should be deeply worried about being different. Although, I was definitely aware of it. 

It wasn't until Jr. High when things changed and I realized my gayness was something to not draw attention to, despite it targeting me for daily insults. 

Today I can say I know that things do get better as you get older. And now I hope sometimes to bump into old bullies from school and not be scared of being gay. 

It's such a liberation, not being embarrassed or ashamed anymore. 

And I still love flowers!

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Michelle

Michelle, age 4 

Flamborough, N. Yorkshire, England (1971)

I'm pictured on the right with my sister Louise. This photo was taken a few months after I'd chopped the left hand side of my hair off. It was really long and I wanted it short! My father said a big fat "No!" to that idea, as he preferred girls to have long hair.

So at the age of 4 I took matters into my own hands and cut it. I stood on a chair at the kitchen sink and proceeded to cut away, only to be discovered by my mum!

As she walked in I was trying to wash the evidence down the sink, as if it wasn't obvious! So my mum decided all she could do was to cut more to even it all up.


Then my father walked in. And oh my God, he went ballistic and thought mum was the one who'd initiated said chopping.

I hasten to add that I had to wait another 12 years before I got my way and had it cut lovely and short, and not looking like some strange bob cut.

Even at age 4 I preferred boys' toys, wanting short hair, climbing trees, and when I had the chance, wearing trousers. My parents never stopped me in those activities, and they even made me a fort with painted toy solders to go with it. 

I even remember fetching some dolls to bring to school so my friend Steve could play with them. And Steve would fetch his big red truck for me to play with. 

So I guess he was my first gay friend. Sadly, I changed schools and we lost touch. 
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Eve

Eve, age 13
London, United Kingdom (2004)

I've always been very dramatic. But my coming out wasn't as dramatic as I'd have liked it to be, as I kind of trickled out of the closet. It started with telling a couple of my close friends at 14 about being in love with the girl who played Sky Masterson in our school's production of "Guys & Dolls."

I went through the usual 'Do-I-want-her-or-want-to-be-her?' feelings. Or wondering if maybe I just liked girls because I didn't know any boys? Thank goodness for my all-girls schools though, because our drama department introduced me to the wonders of cross dressing (and ladies in suits).

I tried coming out to other gay girls I knew. But they told me I couldn't possibly know if I'd never been with a girl. After that I shut up about it.

I decided coming out at school was a bad, bad idea. I thought everyone would either hate me, or think I was doing it for attention.

So, I tried dating boys. By the time I got to University I thought, 'Why am I doing this when I could be with girls?' So I ditched the guy, cut off my hair, and bought about a million checked shirts. I was finally part of an accepting gay community!

My mum eventually found out when she found a postcard from my girlfriend signed with kisses. After all the months of her asking "Are you gay?" and me replying 'No. Why do I have to be gay to have a short haircut?' - I finally said 'Yeah, OK. I have a girlfriend'. So it was all a little anti-climatic.

My mum immediately phoned everyone she knew to tell them the news.
And that's how I came out. I'm still with the girlfriend who sent that postcard,
and I still wear men's clothing to this day.
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Justin

Justin, age 7

Kendal, Cumbria, UK (1989)

I had two obsessions as a child - clothes and dancing. My mum took my sister to ballet lessons, which I insisted on attending. And to my father's utter disbelief, she actually dressed me in a leotard with ballet slippers. I even had leg warmers.

This concerned my father so much, he insisted I take rugby lessons to man me up. And I hated them.

Not because I didn't like rugby or that I was terrible playing it. I just felt really out of place.

The other boys on the team took an instant dislike to me. Eventually, my dad and I compromised, which meant taking tennis and cricket lessons.

So, I was allowed to keep dancing and drop the traumatic rugby lessons.

I never realized I was gay until I was 14, and was not comfortable with it until much later.


And I can remember the moment I knew: a friend brought a porn magazine to school. We were all fascinated, as none of us had seen a naked woman before.

I remember saying "I don't get it," and someone said "Well, you must be gay." This placed the seed of doubt in my mind. Weeks later I knew for sure, when a friend found his mum's very graphic videotape called "A Guide to Sex." The woman in it didn't interest me, only the man. And, my two best friends.

I don't know why it took so long for me realize who I was, or why I found being gay so difficult to accept. In my mind, being gay was a weakness. And at the time, I already felt flawed.

I decided to repress everything I felt was gay about myself. I regret doing that,
as it made me so unhappy. It was not until I started art school that I started to accept who I was. The moment I did, my life changed for the better.

Today, I'm a menswear designer. And I still love to dance.

Cameron

Cameron, age 5

Milton Keynes, UK (1994)

I knew I was a homosexual long before this picture was taken, but I've always maintained that I wasn’t gay till my teens. For me, being a homosexual is a biological fact, and being gay is a culture you can dip into, if the waters are warm.

Aside from playing Truth Or Dare as a young boy, where of course Truth never reared its head, my childhood was pretty unremarkable.

A discerning eye might say that being an only child from a single parent family is worth a detailed mention.
But I never thought it was, and feel my family is complete.

I'd like to think as a child I wasn't effeminate. But lord, was I posh.

Coupled with the fact that while boys were attractive, girls made infinitely better company. So I guess I had my own yellow-brick road.

Thinking back though, I wish I'd dared to ask a boy in my class to the school dance.

When I "came out" at 14, I faced some bullying at school. And what hit me, literally, was the reaction from some other kids around where I lived as a teen.

Being punched the floor, kicked, and called "f*ggot" and "queer" is something I've never been able to put out of my mind. Looking back, I regret my own cowardice. Not for failing to stand up to them, but being too ashamed to tell my Mum the truth of what happened.

A huge turning point for me was when my Mum called me one day. She told me she'd found a Christmas card that said "To my Son and his Boyfriend" - and how nice she thought that was.

Today, I'm a student at the University of East London. I've worked hard to establish our LGBT Society, and we now have 70+ members. I hope to become an LGBT Officer one day and to help promote LGBT equality. The Society made a video in aid of this, and I'd like to share it with you here.

Thanks for reading, and be yourself.

Henry & Rocky

Henry, age 5

Rocky, age 4

Santa Ana, California (1973)

I'm Henry on the right, with my brother Rocky on the left. Growing up searching for a sense of self is hard to do. My parents, especially my mother, made it virtually impossible for me to be comfortable with coming out at 17.
Our household told us that being gay was a sickness, and that we were defective.

I suffered at the hands of shrinks, priests, and my mother's tactics trying to "change" me. The one person who made this truly bearable was my little brother, Rocky. He is also gay. And he always supported me with no judgments.

Growing up, I knew Rocky was gay before I knew I was. He once performed "I'm Every Woman" by Chaka Khan in my mother's platforms, to cheer me up once when I was really down. Our mom caught us, but I remember him really looking up to me, trying in earnest to seek my approval.

We were different as boys. Rocky liked perfume, make-up, and glamor, and I liked sweaty men, rock music, and leather. We still like the same things now.
He was a Goth and I was an awkward punk, just trying to fit in.

We once got into a fist fight as teenagers when I slept with Chris, a boy he had a major crush on. He was Rocky's sleepover guest, but he'd made his way into my bed. My brother screamed at me, "I hate you, you f*cking whore!" as he wept.

That very moment, my dad asked my mom just what we were talking about.
Of course, we couldn't tell them what was really going on. Rocky didn't speak to me for 2 weeks, and I felt like crap - but he eventually forgave me.

Rocky's support made me stronger to come out and accept myself. Doing so made him more comfortable with who he is, too. There's been love, laughter, and tears. But thankfully, I had my brother with me the whole time growing up.

So I need to say:
I love you, Rocky.

I know I don't say it a lot, but this is the best way for me to show it. You have been my rock in many ways. We bonded with a united front, and our parents eventually came to accept us as well.

I now live in London with Bren, my partner of 9 years, and our dog Jolene. We also run a successful tattoo shop in the city. Looking back at this photo, it's a reminder of how much my brother Rocky really means to me.

Henry's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Sean Connery (in "Time Bandits")

Oh, that red toga and his crotch! Poppa's got a brand new bag!

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Tony

Tony, age 3

Milton Keynes, UK (1994)

I grew up for 9 years of my life with mainly just my mum. She was always there for me, and supported me through everything. Thinking back, we supported each other. She then met my step-dad, whom she is now married to, and he's also a big supportive character for me.

I remember being picked up from school, and my mum used to ask me "Is something wrong, spud? You can tell me anything you want. I will always love you." And I used to think, "Yes, there is."

But I never knew quite how to say it, even with knowing how supportive she would be of me. But she always knew, as mum's always know!

I remember wearing a thin sheet, and walking down our stairs pretending it was a dress. Funnily enough, the sheet had rainbow stripes.

Around 13, I remember feeling uncomfortable being in the boys' changing rooms at school. And I found myself looking at other guys.

It was hard and confusing as to why I was doing this. It used to make me angry, as I didn't have anyone to tell.

My best friend Hayley was the first I told, and she was so so supportive, and helped me a lot. I needed that, as I was bullied every day of my schooling period.

I eventually came out to my mum and step-dad around age 14, and I couldn't have asked for more support. I expected it from my mum, but wasn't sure about my step dad. They both love me, and that is all that matters.

I can't give advice to people who are gay who need to tell parents, as it depends on the parent. However, I do believe if you have a close friend, they are the easiest to tell. And doing that takes a HUGE weight off your shoulders, in order to help deal with it yourself.

My first famous crush had to be -- any man with his shirt off, I think!
My musings and other memoirs of a gay guy can be found here.

Michelle

Michelle, age 5

Limerick, Ireland (1998)

Growing up in Ireland, I was always a little tomboy. I didn't mind getting dirty,  and I spent around 6 years in a pair of denim dungarees. This was shot at my grandmother's farm, and notice the rainbows on my t-shirt - very fitting!

I realized when I was very young that I felt different from other girls. My first crush was Ginger Spice from the Spice Girls. I think it was our common red-headedness that sealed the deal for me. I wanted to marry her.

I didn't realize till later that most girls my age wanted to marry the Backstreet Boys instead.


I never chose to be anything: I was just a carefree, little, gay Irish girl from day one. That's who I see when I look at this picture now.

I came out to my parents when I was 13, and they were fantastic about it. They loved me even more for the courage it took to do so. They even walked with me last year in the Gay Pride parade.

I may only be 18 now, but I feel like I have wisdom and experience beyond my years from coming out so early.

To anyone out there who feels like they need to hide I say this: Hiding who you are may be easier, but trust me, the freedom that comes with being honest, open and proud is truly a million times better. I wouldn't change myself for the world.

Love the gay child you once were, and love the gay adult you are now.

Michelle's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Geri Halliwell (Ginger Spice, The Spice Girls)
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Natasha

Natasha, age 6
London, UK (1998)

I didn't really wear dresses after the age of 5, unless I had to. I always loved dressing-up, usually as some kind of Victorian urchin. I was pretty obsessed with the musical "Oliver," and while my friends dressed up as Disney Princesses, I was dressing up as the Artful Dodger. This picture makes me smile, I look so pleased with myself.

I always knew I was different, but I wasn't really sure what it was that made me different.

For a while, I thought I wanted to be a boy, or might hate being girl. So I was branded a "tomboy" for quite a while.

In early adolescence I spent quite a lot of time desperately hoping that I would fancy a boy, but it never really happened.

I thought I was odd, and so I began to lie about who I was attracted to, hoping it would eventually come true.



It wasn't until I was around 15 that I started to realize that I liked girls, although on some level I guess I already knew. I came out when I was 17, and people were generally unsurprised.

My message for young LGBT people would be to always stay true to yourself; don't hide who you are because of other people's bigotry. Stay safe, and love yourself.

Natasha's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Pocahontas & Drew Barrymore (in "Charlie's Angels")

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Uli

Uli, age 4

London, UK (1983)

I think my Grandmother took this photo, as it’s her high-heels I'm wearing - although I have no real memory of it being taken, or who the girl in the cart is. It's interesting that I’m outside in a public park, parading around in heels so unselfconsciously. I do have memories of scampering around in the bottom of her wardrobe closet. I would find some high-heels and totter around her bedroom, and she'd let me do it. And I remember it was the best fun ever.

My mother showed me this photo when I was 8, and I recall feeling ashamed of it, and thinking how terrible it would be if anyone from school saw it. I wanted the picture buried and kept secret, even if I didn’t understand exactly what it all meant then. So it feels really good to share it here now.

I also played with Barbie dolls at this time, and I loved them. My Mum would take me to a big department store and allow me to pick one that I liked for a special treat. I think it's great that she did that. That kind of story is echoed in a really sweet children's book called "William's Doll" by Charlotte Zolotow.

Playing with these dolls was wonderful, and my first crush was a Ken doll, with his intriguing anatomical protrusion. But it was also a source of unease for me, because I felt on some level, that playing with dolls was wrong.

Also in the pic, check out the length of my hair. I had bright, almost white blond hair as a boy, and with aging hippie parents, they generally kept it long.
I remember women would comment to my Mother that I looked like a girl.

Eventually mum grew concerned with what other people were saying, and took me to the hairdresser to get all my golden locks cut off. Afterward, I remember sitting in front of the mirror at home and crying my heart out - and how she felt terrible. Then, in an effort to butch me up, she made me go to Karate lessons once a week, which I mostly hated. Except that it gave me the chance to hang out with all the class girls during breaks. Where there's a will, there's a way...

In hindsight, I think mum was just trying to prepare me for the real world, to ensure that I had the physical strength to bolster my emotional sensitivity.
And I know that impulse came from her love.

I now work as assistant manager at Gay's The Word – the UK's independent and comprehensive LGBT bookshop. Despite my job, I still think I’m somewhat of a hung-up homo. I've never dragged-up for example, and tend to act in a pretty masculine fashion. And honestly, I can be quite self-conscious about this.

So finding this photo again as a 31 year old has been really good for me.

I'm really proud of that little boy that I used to be, walking around the park in high-heels. And I think I’m going to take a page out of his book from now on, relax, and just be myself.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Ben

Ben, age 2

Bristol, England (1974)

I was barely able to dress myself when I came across this fairy dress in my godparents' daughter's dressing up box. I'd toddled off on my own while everyone else chatted over a lazy lunch, came back into the room wearing it, and refused to take it off. I remember just loving the colors and how lightweight it was, even though it was the biggest thing I’d ever worn.

Everyone thought it was hilarious, but I remember the laughter being warm and friendly. If only they knew! I love this picture, as it shows me able to go off and explore on my own, and come back to face the world as I really am. I'm still a rebel at heart, and still love fancy dress!

I knew I was gay from about 7 years old, although no one else ever knew until I was 16, and started to date girls. Instinct helped me to come out to those who would be kind and unchallenging towards me, and one by one I did that during High School.

Then, before University, I left to teach in a remote Pakistani village for one year. Selfishly and cowardly, I thought and hoped that my wider 'coming out' might happen that year without me, as if by some bizarre process of remote osmosis. But like many others, I had to do it the painful and brave way.

There followed the usual denial, tears, soul searching and heartache against a backdrop of the UK government's terrifying 'Don’t Die Of Ignorance' anti-AIDS campaign. Everyone seemed to think I’d be dead within a year!

I’m 36 now - healthy and happily married to a gorgeous, strong, and sensitive man. And I'm very grateful for the relative freedoms of the times we live in, especially in the UK. I also have a supportive and loving family.

But there is still so much injustice in the world, and I’m saddened to think that others suffer pain because of love. What a terrible paradox. But there’s no real compromise.

Love has to be worth fighting for, and that is my message for kids facing the turmoil of coming out and falling in love for the first time.

Ben's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Harrison Ford (in "Raiders Of The Lost Ark")

I tell people I was inspired to study Arabic because of "Lawrence of Arabia",
but Indiana Jones was the real reason!
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Andrew

Andrew, age 9

Portadown, Northern Ireland (1979)

I always loved the stage – singing, dancing, performing, and fancy costumes. Unable to go to the local Dance School (boys in Ireland didn't dance way back then), I joined my Primary School's "Glee Club." Yes, we had one in Northern Ireland, decades before it became a 21st century phenomenon.

"A 70's Billy Elliott story, except I never became a famous dancer!"

This pic is from out Hans Christian Anderson performance for the school, and I was chosen to play The King from The King's New Clothes  - 'Look at the king, look at the king, the king is in his altogether, now altogether'. Which meant wearing a white vest top, white underpants, and white tights. I couldn't believe my luck!!! I was being allowed to wear all this in front of about 400 children and 30 teachers. Talk about pure bliss and heaven, and being in my element.

Years later, I met up with a teacher who said he'd 'never forget me until the day he died.'  When I asked him why, he replied: 'Me and the staff members witnessed what was probably your first and last erection in public that day! You were so engrossed in your character, you didn't notice a tiny little bulge downstairs'.

Needless to say, I was mortified! But in retrospect, even that couldn't detract from that moment of glory.

Years before this, my grandfather came to my defense by warning my dad to not suppress my "inappropriate" behavior. Which back then included playing with irons and vacuum cleaners, wearing my mum's heels, and pretending to be a majorette. My grandfather assured him that I'd probably outgrow that little "phase".  If only I still wanted to play with real irons and vacuum cleaners now – I wish I hadn't grown out of that. As for the other part? I guess he was wrong!

Martin

Martin, age 12

Gloucester, UK (1961)

This was my official school photo from my first year at secondary school. As you can see, I was a fairly scruffy kid with no pretensions of diva - but the long eyelashes were probably a giveaway. I remember a classmate asking me if I dyed my hair, which probably sums up what I looked like back then: very dark hair and pale skin.

I suppose I knew from the age of about 3 that I was gay. I remember seeing a guy changing on the beach and I actually felt a rush of lust.

I'm the youngest of 4 kids, and learned early on that I was different and probably tried to hide my differences by becoming quiet and introverted.

I had very few friends, and those I did have were girls. Why didn't anyone put 2 + 2 together?!



Around the time of this photo, I discovered sex. I won't go into any lurid details, but needless to say at that age I was jailbait! I never got caught though. So, moving right along ...

My parents split up when I was 9, and I moved from Gloucester at 15 to live with my mother on the east coast of England. Then, I started pretending to be straight by having a girlfriend. We even got engaged to be married - but thank God I saw the light before that happened.

I moved to London at 21 and discovered a very healthy gay scene there.
I eventually moved to Madrid, Spain for love - which unfortunately didn't last, but living in Spain did. It was a good time to be in Spain: gay liberation was in the air, along with sexual liberation. I am now with my definitive version lover, and we are about to celebrate 10 happy years together.

My parents are both dead now and I never had the chance to tell my father who I am. But I did tell my mother, and she accepted it with her blessing. Me and my partner's familes all know about us, and we are just another couple within the family framework.

When you consider that in my youth homosexuality was illegal, it shows that self-acceptance and self-love is the key. Something inside me always told me that my feelings were natural and inborn. I really feel I have no regrets, and I'm now a well adjusted member of the human race.

And I'm as normal as the rest of us.

Martin's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

George Chakiris & Michael Callan

Jonathan

Jonathan, age 10
Cheshire, UK (1982)

This pic was shot at my prep school. The previous year, I had my first crush on Mr. Barton - a sexy, newly qualified teacher with a thick beard (and the first signs that I liked the bearish, masculine type of man). In this picture I was an innocent only child, whose life would change just 6 months later. My innocence was lost, but it has made me the person who I am today.

"Sugar wouldn't melt.
But 4 years later all hell broke loose."

Things were lovely and idyllic growing up, until my stepfather had a breakdown after the birth of my half brother. Mother didn't realize that he was relentlessly bullying me, both physically and emotionally.

However, things changed for me at 12, and I suddenly realized I could control my own life. My stepfather stopped the bullying when I stood up for myself, as a physically strong pre-teenager.

And my mother sensibly kicked him out shortly after.


I experimented at an early age with sexual encounters, with girls/women and boys/men. I lost my straight virginity at 13 and my gay virginity 6 months later with my then best friend. Very hedonistic days, and not at all like the teenage years shown in Disney films!

During university, I almost married a woman. But I knew I got more pleasure being with men, both emotionally and physically. I was outed at work by a security guard who showed a CCTV video of me making out with a fellow bank colleague - a very swarthy, butch, muscular hocky player - in a car in the parking lot! The security guard lost his job as a result of this.

I was surprised at the lack of shock at my outing, but it was then when I started to identify as a gay man - instead of a man that had occasional sex with men.

I am now 37, and married to my husband since August 2010. Our families attended and our life is amazing, fulfilling, and is made so by both of our life experiences.

Jonathan's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Brian Blessed (Prince Vultan in "Flash Gordon")

I found myself attracted to his hairy chest, big beard, and leather harness.
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Alan

Alan, age 7

London, UK (1957)

Here I am on Christmas day, front and centre next to my favourite aunt, with my parents looking rather glum at the rear. My first memorable activity was what my uncle termed 'Picking apples' - my ballet dance, with my  arms in the air. Then singing in a talent contest at age 4, which was a song about the Queen's Coronation. The first birthday present I remember wanting at age 4, was a tea set, and I recall making tea with it for mom.

I also enjoyed cooking with mom - much to dad's chagrin. Around 5, I wanted to see The King & I and Oklahoma. My favorite aunt had all the Rogers & Hammerstein LP's, which I knew by heart by the age of 10.

Crushes on boys began at 6, and although I wasn't aware what it was all about, I knew I wanted their closeness. I loved sharing a changing cubicle with a friend I swam with at elementary school. I was hopeless at team sports (still can't throw or catch), and was always picked last for any team. So I spent my time playing make-believe or chatting with the girls.

In the 60's in the Essex UK suburbs, I had no clue what being gay was. I just presumed (and yet somehow seriously doubted) that these crushes would eventually fade. And that all would fall into place, that I'd marry a girl and have kids etc. But I distinctly recall the moment a friend told me what "gay" was - and I was really worried.

Could this be my fate? I knew it was, but I spent the next decade trying to be like everyone else, hiding my real self and feeling totally alone.

My deliverance came with my move to Canada, ostensibly to study but really to make a complete break and find my true self. Thankfully, by 1972 Gay Liberation had already taken root there. I plucked up my courage and I went to one of the meetings on campus. Home at last!

I met my present partner in Montreal in 1973 and the rest is history.
We married in 2007 - after 34 years of living in sin!

Alan's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Cary Grant (in "An Affair To Remember") & Ty Hardin

Matthew

Matthew, age 5

London, England (1995)

"And people say I am camp now!"

This was taken on Christmas Day and I only ever wore it one other time. I went to the park with my family and I was wearing this outfit and some boys made fun of me.

I was so upset I never wore it again.

And this supposedly broke my mother's heart as she didn't like me feeling uncomfortable with who I was or what I wanted to do.

I had more fun playing with girls toys than I did with boys toys.

I remember I once had a swimming Cindy doll, several Disney princess dolls, and also wanted to be Ariel from "The Little Mermaid."

And I've known I am gay since I was about age 8.

I had a crushes on boys in school and also asked my parents what that meant.

Today, I think this photo is adorable.

I am very proud of my parents for being cool enough to buy it for me when I asked. I'm also very sad knowing that so many children can't get what they innocently want, because it doesn't fit the right roles.

Matthew's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Andrew Hayden Smith (actor, "Byker Grove")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book

Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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