Matthew

Matthew, age 3
Virginia Beach, VA (1992)

As a kid, I fondly remember the memories I have of playing with my Barbies.
I loved girly things, and I was always carrying my dolls around with me in my big pink Barbie suitcase. And my first love was the Black Power Ranger.

I didnt realize I was different until 4th grade, when a boy called me gay. And he stole my innocence that day.

I didn't like myself from then on, well until I was around age 16.

If there is one thing I could tell myself back then, and other young gay kids now, it is this:

Love yourself, and be who ever you want to be. Because until you love yourself, how can you expect anyone to love you back? It's hard, but dry those tears - it does get better.

One day you to will find someone who loves you exactly as you are.

Looking back on this photo, I'm proud. I'm proud I wasn't afraid to express my love for beautiful things, just as I'm not afraid to express it now.

I am me, myself, and I - and I was born this way after all.

Now, I'm in my 20's and I'm engaged to marry my partner.
And he's my personal Power Ranger now! :)

Matthew's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Walter Jones (the first "Black Power Ranger")
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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Matthew

Matthew, age 4

Klamath Falls, OR (1986)

I first felt different around age 11 or 12. I started to develop crushes on boys in my class, and not the girls.

I remember being an incredibly happy and outgoing kid in my strict conservative military family.

Even within our military family,
I was able to express my wishes to play with both GI Joe and Barbie.

I think this dichotomy is evident here, where I'm posing in my grandmother's multi animal-print high heels and wearing Mr. T pajamas.

I remember loving those shoes, and a particular red dress of my Grandmother's.
I would idolize her as my own Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan).

That same dichotomy exists today in my life; I like to go camping and change my oil - and like to build things with my hands while lip-synching to Lady Gaga and Britney Spears.

I absolutely adore this picture, because it really illustrates for me how comfortable I have always been in my own skin. And, how supportive my family has been my entire life, in letting me express who I am.

Matthew's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Johnathan Taylor Thomas (on "Home Improvement")

I loved his hair! I was so jealous of how flat and straight it was.

Matthew

Matthew, age 5

London, England (1995)

"And people say I am camp now!"

This was taken on Christmas Day and I only ever wore it one other time. I went to the park with my family and I was wearing this outfit and some boys made fun of me.

I was so upset I never wore it again.

And this supposedly broke my mother's heart as she didn't like me feeling uncomfortable with who I was or what I wanted to do.

I had more fun playing with girls toys than I did with boys toys.

I remember I once had a swimming Cindy doll, several Disney princess dolls, and also wanted to be Ariel from "The Little Mermaid."

And I've known I am gay since I was about age 8.

I had a crushes on boys in school and also asked my parents what that meant.

Today, I think this photo is adorable.

I am very proud of my parents for being cool enough to buy it for me when I asked. I'm also very sad knowing that so many children can't get what they innocently want, because it doesn't fit the right roles.

Matthew's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Andrew Hayden Smith (actor, "Byker Grove")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book

Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Matthew

Matthew, age 14

Huntington Beach, California (1994)

This picture was taken in my bathroom at my mom's house. I was a little "gentler" than the other boys -  and the Ursula artwork is a dead give away.

My 19 year old boyfriend took the picture.
I knew I was gay at a very young age, like 9 or 10.

Looking at this pic now makes me smile 'cuz I grew up more butch than I started out, I suppose. But I adore me back then, too.

Matthew's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Atreyu (the Great Warrior in "The Neverending Story")

Aladdin (from Disney's "Aladdin")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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