James

James, age 3
Madison, Wisconsin (1993)

Five years after this photo, when I was age 8, Joss Whedon ruined my life.

You see, I wasn't always a drag queen. Okay maybe I was. But there's still a possibility that I might have ended up a lawyer or a UFC fighter.

You see, I was once a young, well behaved Catholic school boy. But then I watched "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" - the movie, not the TV series - but that also proved to be quite influential. The film starred Kristy Swanson and Luke Perry (the world's oldest high schooler, but boy was he dreamy). I watched it constantly, wearing out the VHS tape my parents ripped off HBO.

I remember Kristy gets harassed by David Arquette, who takes a hot dog off of Kristy’s plate and holds it to her crotch and asks: “Buffy are you hungry?”

And she slices it clean off with a butter knife!

Well, I decided wouldn't it be hilarious to do the same thing to my friend Connor at lunch one day. I took the offending frankfurter out of its bun and presented it to him aside my crotch and quoted David Arquette word for word, a performance I think even he would of been proud of.

Needless to say this, didn't win me any People’s Choice Awards.

Nope, I got thrown into the principal's office, and got a weekly visit to the school psychologist - for making a joke? Sure it was crass and bluer than my usual material, but I was just an up and coming comedian. Right?

But this incident led to the first crack in the foundation of my childhood innocence. See, I was always a tad odd, but in my own way, I felt I was charming. Sure, nobody played with me at recess - but that's because I didn't play sports. Sure, nobody came to my birthday parties - but that's because every February 19th a plague hit my class.

And suddenly, I was now "Weird James" at school.

I was James the weird kid for years, up until the weird started to bleed over into the queer. It starts with the tingly feeling you get when you see Jerry O'Connell as the hotter brother in "Sliders" then as the dreamy boyfriend in "Scream 2" and by the time I got to Jerry O'Connell in "Tomcats" — I was GAY!

I've been beaten up, chased home, and had things thrown at me. Taking the school bus filled me with dread. I was late to school for 6 months because I was afraid to stand at the school bus stop. It's impossible for me to write a coming out story since I've kinda always been out. I just didn't know it.

By the time high school rolled around, I decided it was time to drop the facade and I came out at age 16. Like all of us, I was gayer, more louder, and draped in as much attention grabbing rainbow as I could find at your local Spencer's gifts. I was proud, and for the first time in my life, I felt unsinkable.

But it took me a long time to learn what "finding my tribe" means. I went through a long period of finding friendship with other outcasts who needed companionship. And I also found the true power of being different.

My message to queer kids today is: being gay is a beautiful thing, and it's a gift.

It's a free pass to be the most interesting person in a group - unless of course someone in that group is a pro wrestler or a trapeze artist, then they are the most interesting person. But I'm sure they couldn't sing a Donna Summer medley worth a shit.

In closing, I'd like to contact anyone with even the closest six degree of separation from Joss Whedon, to let them know the damage has been done!

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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James

James, age 7
Bear Valley, WI (1957)

When I look back at this picture now, it brings back the great memories of staying with my grandparents.

I always knew I liked boys from the age of 5. My cousin and I would have sleepovers, and we would hug and kiss each other all the time. What great times they were.

My grandparents always told me it was OK to like boys, or even love them, as long as I was happy. My parents were a different story.

While my mom was very supportive, my dad hauled me off to a priest to confess my "sin" for loving boys.

I sat there and told the priest I loved boys, and that's how it was. And, that I didn't care what he or my old man said.

I can remember the priest saying, "That's alright, but you can't come to church anymore." I just laughed and said, "Good."

As far as the rest of the family went, they never cared one way or the other.

During school, I never had a real problem with me liking boys. And some of the older boys protected me if anyone started anything, like calling me names.

My advice to kids now is:
Just be yourself and don't hide your feelings. If someone yells names at you,
just walk away. Believe me, it does get better as you grow older.

And one more thing:
Leave the drugs and booze alone. They don't get you anywhere.

James' first, famous-person same sex crush:
Donnie Osmond
He was so cute, I dreamed about him. I also had a crush on Michael Jackson
- Check out My First Gay Crush Blog -
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Isaac

Isaac, age 4

Lodi, Wisconsin (1994)

This is a picture of me dressing up in the pre-school that I attended. It was actually published in the local paper, for a feature story about the pre-school.

I loved to put on that tutu and dance around the play area, and pretend to be a princess. I loved making the other students play princess with me, especially the boys.

I used to crank up some Amy Grant, Madonna, or Whitney Houston and dance into my own little world.

Looking back at this picture as an adult, I regret how long I tried to pretend to be a "normal" heterosexual male. When it was so obvious to me, that I wasn't.

I know it can be hard when you are raised in a conservative family and town, like I was.



But being out and proud is one of the greatest feelings I have ever felt.
It far out-weighs all the prejudice and hate that was directed at me.

So, my dearies: Be you a child, adolescent, or adult who is dealing with your identity, here is my advice: Don't doubt the feelings you are experiencing.

Embrace that you are different. And don't let your parents, community members, or friends make you into something you aren't - just because they might be uncomfortable with it.
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Kari

Kari, age 8

Franklin, WI (1989)

I hear it all the time: There's no such thing as being born gay. It's all in our environment, and can be controlled and suppressed.

And to that, I say: That's total BS.

I've known I was gay since I was age 5. I grew up a tomboy, loving rough and tumble play, getting dirty, catching various snakes and bugs, and bringing them home to show mom.

I also owned as many Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures, clothes, and accessories as possible. I hated being dressed up girlie and often put up a huge fuss whenever my parents made me do so.

I didn’t even know what 'gay' was then though, and I convinced myself that I was supposed to be a boy - as only boys liked girls. It took many years for me to learn what a homosexual was. And when I did, I was terrified that I was going to have a long and horrible life.

Thankfully, my coming out process was fairly stress free - but my parents used to make negative comments about gay people. However, when the time came for me to tell them in my early 20's, they were nothing but supportive.

My friends are all so pro-gay and loving, and it feels great to have so much support and acceptance from them. I can count on them to always have my back with any gay rights' issues we face today. They definitely made my own coming out a very smooth one, and to this day I can be fully out and proud with no worries of what others think.

For people that I know who have to suppress who they truly are, simply to please others around them, I just say that you need live life to your own expectations and not someone else's.

It is your life and you need to do what's best for you. Be honest with yourself and you'll be happier in the long run.

It will be difficult to start, but believe me - it does get better.

Scott

Scott, age 3
Oshkosh, Wisconsin (1965)

My mother sent me this photo about a year ago, and I still don't know why she chose this to send me. That's me on the left squatting, next to my brother Brad.

"Born a bottom? Well, duh!"

I knew I was gay in kindergarten.
I remember being out for recess, and playing jump-rope with the little girls. I distinctly remember watching the high school boys play basketball with their shirts off.

I felt like an outsider because of my femininity, and I disappeared into a fantasy world that I watched on TV. I wanted to be Keith Partridge and live in Hollywood.

Today I'm 48 and I live in Hollywood, and I AM kind of like Keith Partridge.

Many dark years were in between today and those times of daydreaming & watching the TV.


But I never lost sight of my dream and have never been happier in my life!

Scott's first, famous-person same sex crush:
David Cassidy (on "The Partridge Family")

He had such a swagger with those hip-hugger jeans and that long hair.
I still love guys with long hair!
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Chuck

Chuck Willman, age 5

Milwaukee, WI (1966)

This photo of me was meant to be a "gift" for my father, who was training in another city for a new job for much of that summer. I was pissed during this entire 'studio' session at some mall; the photographer trying everything to get me to behave.

My mother tells me I 'cried and carried on like a little girl' the entire time, embarrassing her to no end. This picture was the last one taken by the photographer after spending nearly an hour trying to get the perfect "little boy" shot for my father to have.

"Early signs of a sissy"

I knew I was gay as a young kid, maybe around age 7. That's when I began 'playing' with other boys, as in show-me-yours-I'll-show-you-mine-like games with little boys. I was fascinated and couldn't get enough. 

The feelings intensified as I got older, eventually developing into that horrible ache most of us felt as teenagers when what we wanted was right next to us, but so far out of reach. But I still 'played' with boys.


 
In fact, my first love was a 15 year old junior-varsity football star with whom I enjoyed a very sexual relationship. He was the first person - outside of family - who told me he loved me. And I was hopelessly in love with him.

My first crush was on Chad Everett, who I wrote a fan letter to and received a small photo of, which I treasured for a couple years. I also LOVED David Cassidy & Shirley Jones. I wrote a fan letter to them, and received a large photo back of the two of them. 

In the 80's I was a television make-up artist working primarily at CBS & NBC studios. One day I found myself working with Shirley Jones (long story), and I told her about my crush on her step-son. She was so gracious, and loved the story.

So that's ME. Little Chuckie, who turned out to be a great big fruit, but who doesn't regret it at all. I have this photograph on my desk at home where I write poetry and erotic stories. It makes me laugh. 

This picture has become my favorite photograph of myself because I see in my eyes a truth that no other photograph of me has ever captured. I was a prissy little boy who hated doing boy things, and I matured into a gay man who - eventually, and after some therapy - grew to love himself for being gay.

And when I feel lost sometimes, I look into the honest, innocent eyes of myself as a five year old pansy! 

Chuck's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Chad Everett (on "Medical Center") & David Cassidy

Sabra

Sabra, age 2

Milwaukee, WI (1968)

"Bad 1960's fashion? You're doin' it right"

I was too young to remember this shot being taken.

But by 2nd grade, I knew I was gay! I used to have a "girlfriend" that I protected at school.

All the boys chased her around, and it was my job to keep the boys away from her. And I was rewarded with hugs and kisses. 

Looking at this pic now, I have to ask: 'WTF was my mother thinking?'

Horizontal stripes on a fat girl?
And what's with that stupid tam?

Sabra's first, famous-person same-sex crush:

Farrah Fawcett

Doug

Doug, age 8

Port Washington, Wisconsin (1976)

I think I'm about 8 in this family picture, circa 1976. As you can see, I'm holding my beloved Jamie Sommers ("The Bionic Woman") doll. My younger brother got the more macho Six Million Dollar Man, of course.

"A Very (Gay) Bionic Christmas"

Growing up in Port Washington, I adored action figures and dolls of all types. But damn if I didn't love playing with my aunt's Barbie collection.
They had such great clothes!

In all fairness, my parents never made a big deal about buying me the Bionic Woman stuff. I remember asking for Charlie's Angels dolls as well, and got a couple of those.

Around the same time, I had a Miss Piggy puppet. I even took her out to restaurants with the family.  When the host asked, 'Table for four?'
I'd reply (in my best Piggy voice), 'No, FIVE!'  (God, was I a ham!)

I used to sing showtunes at family gatherings - although I eschewed traditional diva-esque numbers for songs like "76 Trombones."

My Grandma used to have a basket of Avon sample-sized lipsticks in her bathroom - and she once caught me applying a nice shade of rose to my lips.

All she said was, 'Isn't it fun to try on lipstick?'

Perhaps my family should have known my orientation, when at about age 4,
I confronted a man at the mall, asking: 'Mister, do you have a penis?'

I'm still curious about those to this day, I suppose...

Doug's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Billy Mumy (Will Robinson on "Lost In Space")
Ike Eisenmann ("Witch Mountain")
Gil Gerard ("Buck Rogers In The 25th Centurty") *

* This is weird, since I am so NOT into that type of man in my adulthood...
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Colby

Colby Brumit, age 9

Door County, WI (1988)

Here I am on vacation with my family feigning a round of golf.

After teeing off and hitting the ball all of three feet, we would just pick it up and drive to the next hole.
I had no interest in it - besides being able to drive the cart.

While I am hamming it up for this photograph, having a hand placed sassily somewhere near my hip was a pose that had been well-practiced at this point in my life.

All that summer we listened to George Michael's Faith album on cassette endlessly, and I was mesmerized by how cool it was.

Looking at it now, I feel so, so lucky that my parents let me fruit out as much as I wanted to.

Colby's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Joey McIntyre (New Kids On The Block)

Bradley

Bradley, age 5

Wisconsin (1977)

"No one was betting on me growing up to be a lumberjack!"

Even at this age, I know I was listening to a lot of Blondie.

And I wanted to be Debbie Harry.

At the time, my best pal was a girl named Rhonda who used to play cars with me.

She later came out, too.

It wasn't long after this that I had a crush on a boy, probably around the 4th grade.

This is one of my favorite pics of me as a kid.
And it's actually one of my mom's favorites, too.

Bradley's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Rick Springfield

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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